Day's End (22 page)

“I have a place for you. I’m going to bring Lorne. Will you come?” I asked the woman, Jarvis. Lorne’s wife.

“Hell, yes,” she said, and I nodded.

I focused, and, a moment later, we were standing in the foyer of a mansion in Grosse Pointe. I hadn’t been here in well over a year, not since I’d stopped stealing for a living.

Damian’s mansion. No…
my
mansion, now.

Was that even right?

I batted it around in my head. I guessed it was mine. I’d have to find out for sure later.

“Where are they holding my husband?” Jarvis asked, her once-polished appearance haggard and disheveled.

“In Scotland. I will go get him. But I need to bring him to Command.”

“He didn’t do it on purpose!” Jarvis cried. “He had no choice!”

“I know. I know,” I said gently. “But I need him to fix what he did to me.”

Jarvis swallowed, then nodded slowly.

“Will you wait here? Stay here?” I asked her.

“You’re going to save my husband?”

“Yes.”

“Then I’m not going anywhere,” she said.

“There might be clothes and stuff around. Help yourself,” I said. I knew I couldn’t make another jump like that.

It was time to fly again.

I rose into the air and flew, the miles, the land and ocean zipping below me so quickly everything blurred together. I was in Scotland before I knew it, and once I made my way into Killjoy’s base, I didn’t spare anyone. I knocked them all out as they came at me: the three Scots, the random idiots who’d joined up. Only Eve and Chance were missing, and I promised myself I’d track them down later.

If I even remembered.

I made my way to Lorne’s lab, and he ran out, eyes wide. There was a syringe in his hand, and I wanted it more than I’ve ever wanted anything. This knowing, this remembering thing, hurt too much.

I knocked the syringe out of his hand before I could be tempted. “Your wife and kids are safe. Let’s go.”

I started flying, aware that Lorne was crying. I couldn’t focus on that. All I could think about was that syringe, the numb beauty that was inside.

One thing at a time.

Get Lorne to StrikeForce, and then go from there.

I flew. The night sky started turning a light purplish blue, then soft gray. It was still before dawn when I landed in front of StrikeForce Command, setting Lorne down on the ground beside me.

The guards at the front doors both reached for their guns the second we appeared, and I heard one of them calling for backup. Calling for Portia and anyone else.

I got on my knees, put my hands behind my head, and Lorne did the same thing. It was chaos around us, floodlights from the building shining harsh light down onto us. I kept my hands behind my head, my face down.

“Jolene!” I heard Jenson call, and then she was pulling me up. I pulled away, shaking my head, keeping my hands where they were. “Jolene, we know he had you under control,” she urged. A tall, dark-haired man was standing behind her, a look of concern on his face as he watched her. A name fluttered, somewhere from my memory: James. Jenson’s ex. And as quickly as it came, it seemed to leave. I was starting to lose it already.

I made myself focus on Jenson again. “Take the doctor in. He’s important. Then secure me. Lock my ass up and throw away the key,” I told her. Portia, Dani, and Amy were there now, all of them urging me to get up, trying to pull me up.

“He had me under his control. He was in my fucking head, and I don’t know what else he did while he was in there. Do you understand? I don’t know what I might do, what could happen that could make me lose control again, but I don’t trust myself and you definitely shouldn’t either. Lock me up. In a chair. Dampened. Please.”

I watched Portia and Jenson exchange a glance, and then Jenson heaved a sigh. “Okay. You’re right. We don’t know what exactly he did to you. You’re being smarter than the rest of us.”

“There’s a first time for everything, huh?” I asked, and I glanced up to see tears streaming from Jenson’s eyes.

“I’m just so happy you’re back, Jo. I’m sorry you went through that.”

“I’m the least of my worries. I did shit, Jenson… ”

“He did shit and used you. There’s a goddamn difference,” Portia said, and I was surprised to see that she was crying too. “Christ, I can’t see you this broken,” she said. “I can’t do this.”

“Get me in there. Okay? Dampen my ass. Now.”

Jenson nodded and dug a dampener out of one of the pouches on her belt, put it around my neck, and activated it, then Portia did the same thing.

“Caine will want to see you. He and David went out looking for you the second Killjoy was dumped here, figuring you had to be around somewhere. He’s on his way back now,” Jenson said, and I shook my head.

“Don’t let him.”

“What? Why?”

They pulled me up and we started walking into the building. Four guards had Lorne, now dampened and cuffed, as they walked into the building in front of us. “Put me in the max security room. Is that still empty?”

“It will be. We have Raider in there now, but I think you’re probably more of a concern than she is,” Portia said.

“Yeah.”

“We’ll have people work with you, okay? We’ll figure out what he did to you. You’re not going to have to worry about this forever. You broke his control.”

“You’re probably free of him now, as it is,” Jenson added.

“I don’t want to risk it,” I said. “I’m dampened and contained until we know for sure. I’m not risking anyone else. Lorne was the one who brainwashed me. Work with him. He can be trusted. But keep an eye on him,” I added. “I have his family. If he pisses me off, I’m not going to let him see them. He needs to fucking fix me.”

“Okay,” I heard Jenson say. I didn’t relax at all until they had me stashed in a prison cell, shackled in, dampened, and alone. It wasn’t until Jenson, Portia, and the prison guards left, leaving me shackled to the chair, surrounded by the smooth, cold metal walls of my cell, that I let myself relax at all.

I couldn’t hurt anyone here. Now, it felt like I could breathe again.

Chapter Fourteen

I could smell him long before I ever saw him. Same cologne, same clean, soapy scent. I could hear his heart beating a heavy staccato, slightly faster than the footsteps that brought him closer to my cell.

I turned my head toward the wall. Sam and the rest of the guards knew my wishes on this. I couldn’t face him in with me, not yet. I heard him talking to Sam, his voice getting louder, angrier. I could hear the sadness in it, the frustration, and it tore at me. For her part, Sam stayed strong.

“She’s been through a nightmare, Caine,” she finally said in exasperation. “Okay? She turned herself in. She’s afraid of herself. She isn’t up to seeing you yet.”

“Why not?” he asked, and he sounded defeated.

“Think about it, man. You two obviously care about one another. If you did something you were ashamed of, who would you feel most afraid of facing? Someone who hates you, or someone who loves you? Who would you be more worried about letting down?” Sam explained softly, gently, and I felt tears come to my eyes and spill down the side of my face.

“Can I just stay out here? I just need… ” he trailed off.

“Out here,” she said. “The door has been reset. You can’t get in, even if you tried.”

There was silence, and then I heard soft footsteps as Sam stepped a few feet away, I guess giving Ryan some privacy.

I kept looking at the wall.

“My grandparents called,” I heard him say in a low, hoarse voice. “They told me what you did, Jolene. You saved their lives. He tried to make you kill them, and you fought through whatever he did to you, and you didn’t do it. And then you protected them from him. You’re the strongest, most amazing woman I’ve ever known. Thank you for doing that.”

I was crying outright now, my lips pressed together tightly, tears streaming freely down my face. Sweet words, but wrong in nearly every way.

“I know it wasn’t you. We all know. You get that, right? There’s nothing you’ve done that will make me think less of you.”

I bit back a sob, and I heard his head thump against the door.

“I’m not trying to make this worse or harder for you. I get it. You’re going through shit. I wanted you to know.”

He was silent for a while. He was still there. I could hear his breath, his heart beating.

“I murdered people. Too many,” I finally whispered.

“Under his control, Jolene. He murdered people. You were just the weapon.”

“I hate myself so much right now,” I said. “Whatever he did, it kind of muddied the memories of me killing them. And when I got control back, at your grandparents’ house, it all came back. I was ruthless and cold. I didn’t care who I was killing or why. I just took him at his word and did what he said to do.”

“Jolene—”

“I should have fought it harder. Forty-two people. And they’re dead because of me.”

“They’re dead because of him, Jolene,” he groaned.

“He wouldn’t have killed them if he hadn’t been able to use me. His powers are all fucked up, at least a good part of the time. So many times, he wanted to hurt me, he wanted… ” I shook my head. “And he couldn’t. He tried, but he couldn’t. He needed me to do it.”

“He seemed plenty strong from what my grandma said.”

“His powers come and go. Sometimes, he’s ridiculously powerful, and often, he’s weak as a baby. There’s no telling how he’ll be at any given moment. So, yeah, some of those people, at least, would still be alive if it hadn’t been for me.”

“He would have used somebody else.”

“Somebody else with a freakish, dangerous amount of power?” I let out a bitter laugh. “Somebody so mentally weak that him and his freak squad got control with hardly having to work at all?”

I turned toward the door to see him looking in at me. His eyes widened, and a look of absolute rage crossed his face.

“What the fuck? Did he do that?”

It took me a second, and then I remembered Killjoy hitting me.

“It doesn’t matter.”

“The fuck it doesn’t.” He started walking away and I called him back. A second later, he was there.

“It’s not worth it. They won’t let you in to kick his ass anyway.”

“Why didn’t you kill him, Jolene?” he asked, uncertainty in his voice.

“I wanted to,” I said softly. “I thought I had, at first. I hit him so hard. I almost did just go ahead and finish him, when I realized he wasn’t actually dead. One more death at this point, and his, especially, doesn’t make a whole lot of a difference. But I need my mind back to being my own, and I don’t know exactly what he did to me. I know there were injections, and I think that was part of what maybe kept my memories suppressed. But there was brainwashing in there, too, and I think they implanted something. But I don’t know if I’m imagining that or not. Dr. Ali is going to run some tests. I figured if we had him, along with Lorne, we could find out exactly what was done to me. I can’t go out there not knowing. I’d rather be locked up here forever than risk losing control someday. Because if I do, who the hell is going to stop me?”

He rested his forehead against the glass pane in my cell door.

“That makes sense. All I can think of is how badly I want to hurt him,” he said, eyes glued to me.

“Part of me is worried I didn’t kill him because he still has control, at least a little bit,” I said quietly. “There were times… there were times I knew I hated him, and I wanted to kill him, but I just… couldn’t. I can’t explain it. Like my body wouldn’t cooperate with my mind, and the second I had the thought most of the time, it just kind of drifted away.”

He didn’t answer, and we each stayed as we were, in silence, for a long time.

“I missed you.”

I blinked back tears. “I think I missed you. Your name brought me back,” I whispered.

I chanced a glance at him. He was watching me. “My grandma said she thought it seemed like that.”

“She said your name, and it was like the floodgates opened. I… “ I trailed off, unable to say the words. One more reason to hate Killjoy a little more. Those three little words, words I’d wanted to say to him so badly once upon a time, were poison now. “You are everything to me. You have to know that. That hasn’t changed. But I can’t… ”

“You can’t do this with me now, because you have to get yourself back before you can even think about being anything to anyone else,” he finished.

I gave him a weak smile. “You know me too well.”

He took a deep breath. “Tell me something I can do for you, Jolene. Something in addition to giving you time and space, because I’ll do that. I’ll do what you need me to do. What else do you need?”

“Tell your grandparents I’m sorry about their house. I’ll pay for the damages.”

“StrikeForce already is. Well, you are, kind of, via the money you stole from Alpha.”

“Good.”

I glanced up and he was looking at me. “Christ, I want to kill him. I’ve never wanted to kill anybody in my life, but fuck, do I want him dead,” he muttered. “He hurt you.”

I swallowed and glanced away.

“I wish I could have done more,” he said quietly.

“Did you believe in me? Did you ever doubt me, wonder if maybe I was who I seemed to be?”