David's Inferno (45 page)

Thank you …

Ambrose Bierce called love, “a temporary insanity curable by marriage.” Wendy and my marriage has been more like a long-term insanity curable by love. Of all our 35 years together, this book describes two of the hardest. And yet here we are. Still together. Something for which we are both very grateful, and maybe a little amazed. (By the way, the prophetic dedication is from Bruce Springsteen's song “Born to Run” which was released just a few months before we met in January, 1976.)

I'm similarly thankful to and for our daughter Emily who, while deeply troubled by what I was going through, always managed to say or write the right words at the right time. Thanks also to her husband Drew and the boys: Owen, Lucas, and little Julian—whose smile, from Day 1, has been an inspiration to us all.

I'm also eternally indebted to my late parents Elmer and Sophie Blistein who taught me to think, feel, read, and write; and believe it or not, had a set of Dante and Beatrice bookends in their ample library.

Keeping it in the family a bit longer, I want to thank my brother Adam, in particular for our annual Thanksgiving walks and talks, as well as his family—Maralin, Jonathan, and Lenna—for, among other things, helping to keep holidays relatively sane and mom relatively relieved. Also, my late cousin Rob Cutler who showed us all how to keep laughing in the face of adversity, as well as the whole extended family of Cutlers, Kerns, and Schaffers, particularly Dora Schaffer, Ronni Kern (on the West Coast) and David and Robin Kern (on the East Coast), who helped me understand—and be amused by—the curiosities of our particular gene pool.

There are so many others:

Ken Burns, for the Foreword, the Depressive's Mantra (“It will pass. Be kind to yourself. Ask for help …”), 40 years of friendship, and “24/7.”

Joe Marks & Maggie Cahoon whose support, friendship, and ability to lift my spirits never wavered, day after heartbreaking day.

All my “special correspondents:” particularly Deb Delisi, Gigi Kast, and Camilla Rockwell. Our back-and-forth emails are the basis for some of the more insightful parts of this book; as are the words of Betsy Alden, Brenda Biddle, Caroline Carr, John Cadley, Noah Elbers, Norman Lerchen, Mark Semon, and Deb Shumlin.

Then there are all the people who did their professional best to help me stay within screaming range of sanity. From traditional psychiatrists to untraditional psychics, I'm indebted to them all in equal measure: Ray Abney, Ann Acheson, Laurie Crosby, Marcus Daniels, Lucinda Dee, Bruce Dow, Deb Feiner, Richard Fletcher, Jacqueline Jimoi, Julian Jonas, Spero Latchis, Carl McNeely, Marilyn Morgan, Janet Isabel Murphy, Kassie Nelson, and Susan Taylor.

A special thanks to Joe Kohout who stopped by to share his unique insights into strange states on many a Tuesday evening; Nancy Guzik who so generously let me share her space on many a Wednesday; Ann Fielder who—I think it was a Thursday—did her own no-nonsense intervention; and the late Al and Martha Morgan who let me wander into their house down the road any day of the week, pour myself a drink, share stories, watch baseball, and forget about everything else for a while.

While some of the following people may not even know why I include them, rest assured that, in some way, you helped me make it from breakdown to book—for reasons that range from well-timed bike rides and squash games to one-time conversations and long-term friendships: Charlie Conquest, Wendy Conquest, Leo Dunn, Phil Feidelseit, Sam Gearhart, Rebecca Jones, Arnie Katz, Suzanne Kingsbury, Ruth Klein, Anna Kuo, Mark Lachman, Eric Leo, Kathy Leo, Lynn Levine, Jill Lillie, Sally Mattson, Nanci McCrackin, the Miller Family, Joey Morgan, Stephan Morse, Cynthia Nims, John Nopper, Julie Peterson, Kathy Pontz, Jeff Potter, Cynthia Reeves,
Andy Rome, John Scherer, Richard Senft, Michele Slatnik, Larry Spitz, Amy Stechler, Susanna Steisel, John Stephans, Robert Stone, Jack Wesley, Tim Wick, Keith Wilson, and Tom Yahn. If I've left you out, please let me know!

I'm grateful to Hotel Pharmacy in Brattleboro, VT for understanding the intricacies of co-pays even better than the insurance companies. Thanks to Brooks Memorial Library in Brattleboro, for having the books I needed when I needed them—including three copies of the DSM-IV! And let's not forget the Windham Wheelmen (and women) and all my friends at Some Like It Hot in Putney, VT and Brattleboro Racquetsports, who kept my core strong and endorphins pumping when I needed it most.

Then there's the creation of the book itself. I have to start by thanking Eve Alintuck who believed in the book when it was only a blog and my agent Deborah Warren who believes there are many more to come.

I'm very grateful to the folks at Hatherleigh Press for helping this book survive the slings and arrows of modern-day publishing: Ryan Tumambing who figured out the practicalities, editor Anna Krusinski and her assistant Ryan Kennedy for their great sense of narrative flow (as well as firm grasp of details and deadlines), and publisher Andrew Flach who had the curiosity and confidence to take on this project.

There are two other special friends who made this book what it is:

Catherine Adams, development editor extraordinaire, who appeared as if by magic a few months before the manuscript was due, immediately embraced the vision, and proceeded to do her very best to make sure my words rose up to meet it.

Last but not least (actually first and foremost) I'm deeply and happily indebted to the incomparable Dede Cummings, whirling dervish of things book-ish—from finding publishers to designing books to getting the word out. Her ability to connect people in unexpectedly timely ways is truly remarkable.

Finally, I'd like to thank VF & Sons and all my friends out west. They know who they are … and a whole lot more.