Daughters of Rebecca (20 page)

Ah, so that was the problem. ‘I'm sorry, am I late?' Llinos allowed the man to draw out a chair for her. She glanced up as she peeled off her gloves. ‘Thank you, Wesley.' She took her seat and accepted the menu he held at a deferential distance from her face. ‘I think I'll just have a pot of tea and some lightly toasted bread. What will you have, Shanni?'

‘The same, if I may, Mrs Mainwaring.'

As the man walked away Llinos leaned forward. ‘I think the time has come when you could be less formal. Please call me Llinos. Being addressed as
Mrs Mainwaring makes me feel a hundred years old!'

‘Oh, I don't know if I could get used to that.' Shanni did not meet Llinos's gaze. ‘You are much older than me, even older than my mother was. It would seem disrespectful to call you by your Christian name.'

Llinos sat back in her chair feeling as though she had been slapped. She swallowed her anger and forced a light note into her voice. ‘Tell me, how did your visit to Madame go? Did you learn a great deal of music and shall I hear the results of your tuition when we go home?'

Shanni's mouth twisted into a grimace. ‘I'll never be really good at the pianoforte, not like Madame.'

The waiter brought the pot of tea along with a tiny milk jug and sugar bowl. He placed the silver tea strainer beside Shanni and smiled. ‘Would you like to pour the tea for your mother?' he said kindly.

Llinos was as shocked as if water had been thrown in her face. Only this morning she had lain in her lover's arms, listening to his compliments, and had felt reborn. Now this man was assuming she was Shanni's mother.

‘I am the young lady's aunt,' she said, forcing a smile. She leaned back in her chair, feeling all of her forty years. To most people she was a woman past her prime: she was the mother of a son a little older than Shanni – why was she trying to fool herself into believing she was young and beautiful? ‘Come along, Shanni.' Llinos tried to lighten the mood of the moment. ‘Did anything
unusual or exciting happen while you were with Madame?'

‘Well,' Shanni hesitated, ‘there was an incident.'

‘What sort of incident?' Llinos had heard what Dafydd had told her about the fracas at the gate but it would be interesting to discover what Shanni knew of the business.

‘Well, it was the servants gossiping.' Shanni seemed evasive. ‘One of the maids said someone got shot. I think Mr Ceri Buchan was injured, though I'm not sure.'

‘I see.' Llinos had the distinct feeling that Shanni knew more than she was telling. ‘Are his injuries serious?'

‘I don't really know, Mrs Mainwaring. Madame doesn't encourage gossip.'

‘But Isabelle is very friendly with the Buchan brothers, is she not? Surely she would be concerned about one of them being injured.'

‘If she was she wouldn't tell me. She is a very forceful lady. She has warned me about gossiping. She says it's dangerous at times like these.'

There was a note in Shanni's voice that troubled Llinos. ‘Let's have this tea, shall we?'

Even though her heart was not in it Llinos spent an hour in the emporium buying materials for day and evening gowns. As the seamstress measured Shanni it became apparent how much the girl had grown since she had lived at Pottery Row: her skin had a healthy glow and her figure was maturing rapidly. She was at least an inch taller than she had been even a few months ago. It was clear that she had matured in every
way. Somehow, Llinos found the thought disconcerting.

Llinos was relieved when at last Graves drove the carriage into the yard at the back of the house. As she stepped down to the ground, Llinos saw the groom was leading Joe's horse in the direction of the stable. Her heart sank. So he had come home, had he? Now she would have to make excuses to go out, and Joe would see right through her lies.

She gave herself a mental shake. He had been the first one to break their marriage vows so why should she feel guilty? She lifted her head defiantly. She had nothing to reproach herself with.

She became aware that Shanni was staring at her and when she turned to look at the girl there was a definite gleam of malice in her eyes. It was almost as though Shanni knew of her discomfort and revelled in it.

‘Come along, let's get indoors,' Llinos said briskly. ‘I can't spend all day on you, girl, I do have other things to do.'

She strode into the hall, feeling a mood of depression darkening the day. It had started badly and, by the look of it, was going to get worse.

‘
SO, BUCHAN IS
your lover, then?' Joe was standing near the fireplace in the drawing room, his elbow resting on the ornate marble mantelpiece. He looked every inch master of the house and tears welled in Llinos's eyes for all she had lost.

‘Shanni thought it her duty to tell me. The poor child is worried about your reputation while you, clearly, are not. Do you love him?'

For a moment Llinos was angry with Shanni. How dare the girl interfere? ‘I suppose Pedr Morgan told Shanni about us. Why couldn't he keep a still tongue in his head?'

‘Do you love him?' Joe repeated.

‘I don't know.' She sank into an armchair and wrapped her arms around herself. ‘I don't really know what I feel for Dafydd, but I do know I can't give him up.'

She glanced at Joe. He was as handsome as ever, his body lithe and slim as the day they first met. She ached for the time when they had shared a beautiful untarnished love. That innocent time before Joe broke his marriage vows.

‘You've come here to see Lloyd, not me, I
suppose?' she asked. ‘You know he'll be home some time today, don't you?'

Joe nodded, and Llinos looked away from him feeling a deep disappointment: Joe still had the power to hurt her.

‘Perhaps we should try to share the same room, for Lloyd's sake,' Llinos said, but as soon as she had spoken she regretted her words. She saw Joe smile ruefully.

‘That would be asking too much, Llinos,' he said. ‘How could I lie in the same bed as you and not touch you?' His voice hardened. ‘And how could I lie with you knowing you had come straight from the arms of another man?'

Llinos sat up straight, anger making her heart pound. ‘The same way I put up with you when you came from the arms of Sho Ka!' She stood up abruptly and walked to the door. ‘Joe, how do you think I felt when you went off to live with another woman? Do you think I was happy about it? No. I was furious, humiliated. I felt old and unwanted. You have a lot to answer for, Joe, believe me!'

She expected him to say that his affair had been different, that men were different, but he remained silent. Joe was a fair-minded and sensitive man, and he knew how much he had hurt her.

‘At least I am making a pretence of respecting our marriage.' There was an edge of bitterness in her voice. ‘I haven't moved in with my lover and shamed you before the world.'

‘Ah, so that is the crux of the matter.' Joe's voice was raised. ‘Your pride was damaged because I took another beautiful woman. Is that it?'

Llinos wanted to hit him. She took a deep breath. ‘I suppose that was part of it. Do you think I wanted other women pitying me, ridiculing me because I was a woman who could not keep her man?'

‘Most of the men of Swansea have mistresses.' Joe moderated his tone. ‘Their wives accept it – indeed, some are grateful for it.'

‘And I thought you were different,' Llinos said. ‘I thought our marriage was made in heaven. Like a fool I believed in you, believed you would be faithful, come hell or high water. I can't believe how stupid I was.'

She left him and went into the hall, not seeing the sunlight casting shadows on the mellow wood of the floor, not even glancing in the mirror as she passed, perhaps because she could not face herself. She walked slowly up the stairs. She felt old and tired.

What was she doing with a man so much younger than herself? Was she searching for her lost youth? But no, her feelings for Dafydd went far deeper than that. In any case she was not old. Women of forty often married and lived a long and healthy life.

And, in any case, Dafydd wanted her, needed her. The thought brought a flush to her cheeks. Dafydd was such a wonderful man, such an ardent lover that he made her feel desirable, even beautiful.

But her moment of happiness was transient. In her room she sank on to the bed and put her head in her hands. What would Lloyd think of her if Joe chose to tell him the truth? He would
doubtless take the stand that any man would take, even a young man, that men were entitled to their comforts but wives were expected to remain chaste.

Perhaps for everyone's sake she should stop seeing Dafydd. She rejected the idea even as it formed. She could not give him up. Dafydd had given her back her joy in life and, more, he had given her back her confidence.

Llinos heard the sound of carriage wheels outside and her spirits rose. Lloyd was home. She went to the window, looked down and saw her son. Graves retrieved the luggage then led the horses away to the stables.

Llinos hurried downstairs and met Lloyd in the hallway. ‘
Cariad!
' She hugged him, having to reach up to put her arms around his neck. ‘My darling, you've grown so tall I hardly know you.' She kissed his cheek and the scent of him reminded her of Joe. She had loved Joe so much . . . and perhaps she still loved him.

‘Hello, son.' Joe opened the door. ‘I've poured you a good measure of whisky. I expect you need it after your long journey.'

In the drawing room they sat and talked together. To any outsider they would have appeared to be an ordinary happy family. They talked about Lloyd's education, about his love of sport, about the time when he would leave college to make his way in the world.

‘And how are you, Mother?' Lloyd was staring at her. ‘You look a little pale. Aren't you well?'

Llinos forced a smile. ‘I am very well, Lloyd, but I'm getting to be an old lady, remember.'

‘Never! Not my mother!' Lloyd said loyally. ‘You look like a girl, without a hint of grey in your lovely hair.'

‘You are not the only one to think your mother beautiful, son,' Joe said. His eyes met hers and Llinos sent a message to him not to say anything about Dafydd – at least, not yet.

Shanni came into the room like a whirlwind, bringing with her the scent of the outdoors, of the early roses, and Llinos smiled at her in gratitude.

‘Lloyd!' Shanni hugged him then settled herself on the sofa beside him. ‘How was college, and have you found a lady-love yet?'

‘Oh, here we go.' Lloyd's expression spoke volumes. ‘You're just like a sister, teasing me about my love life before I've even unpacked my bags!' He tilted his head on one side. ‘Mind, you've grown up a bit. I might even take a fancy to you – what do you think of that?'

Shanni pushed his shoulder playfully. ‘Oh, yes? You're so handsome I expect all the girls fall into a faint when they see you, don't they?'

‘I don't really know.' Lloyd was smiling. ‘We college boys don't get many young ladies falling at our feet.'

Llinos glanced up at the clock. She had only an hour before she must leave to meet Dafydd. Should she send one of the maids to tell him she could not see him? No, Lloyd would have his own interests. He would not sit indoors, not on such a fine evening.

‘Any plans for tonight?' Joe had caught her glance and read her thoughts.

Llinos faced him defiantly. ‘I have as a matter
of fact,' she said. ‘I have arranged to visit a friend. Do you mind, Lloyd?'

‘Of course I don't mind. Do you think I want to sit around like a child tied to Mother's apron strings?'

Llinos swallowed her guilt. ‘I should hope not. Your father and I have brought you up to be a man, and so far you haven't disappointed us.'

‘Well, that's a relief! Do you hear that, Shanni? I'm not in danger of being cut off without a penny, not yet at least!'

He rubbed his hand through his hair in a gesture reminiscent of Joe, and Llinos wished the clock could be set back to when they were a happy family.

‘Well, parents, I'm going to wash the dust of the journey away and change into fresh clothes.'

He pulled Shanni's hair as he walked past her, and she smacked his hand playfully. ‘Stop that, Lloyd, I'm not a child any longer.'

He smiled. ‘Oh, sorry. For a moment I forgot you're all grown-up.' He winked at her as he left the room.

‘I'd better go upstairs and change, too,' Llinos said. ‘I didn't realize how late it was.'

She hurried from the room and lifted her skirts to climb the stairs. Her head was spinning. Part of her wanted to stay at home with her family yet she could not bear the thought of disappointing Dafydd. Once in the privacy of her room the tears flowed again. Llinos lay on the bed, wondering if she would ever be truly happy again.

Some time later she left the house and climbed into the carriage without a backward glance.
Lloyd was quite happy to sit and eat a light meal with his father and Shanni to keep him company.

Dafydd was waiting for her in the hotel bedroom. He opened the door and immediately took her in his arms. ‘I was so afraid you wouldn't come.' He kissed her passionately, his tongue probing, his hands warm on her back as he pressed her closer.

She closed her eyes. Whatever happened, she had to keep seeing Dafydd or she would fade away and die.

‘Let me make love to you.' Dafydd undressed her slowly and, when she was naked, loosened her hair. ‘Perfect,' he said. ‘You are a perfect woman. Do you know that, Llinos?'

He quickly stripped off his own clothes and stood before her, his arousal clear to see. His skin was not bronzed like Joe's but lightly tanned. His body was young and strong, his shoulders broad, his hips slim. He was not as tall as Joe but he gave an impression of strength that, if once unleashed, would move mountains.