Dating Dr Notorious (20 page)

Jim walked along beside Lauren, his heart beating loudly enough for him to count the beats as she continued further and further into the darkness. Despite an innate self-confidence validated by years of being a successful businessman, Jim was still wary about being alone with Lauren. He wasn’t sure what to think about it, much less how to handle the situation. There was also the problem about how long he’d fantasized about being alone with her to contend with. He didn’t really trust himself.

“I don’t get it, Lauren. You’ve been avoiding private conversations with me for almost two years. Why are you so suddenly okay with being alone with me?” Jim asked, deciding he had little to lose by speaking his true thoughts aloud.

Lauren paused in her walking and considered how to best answer Jim’s question.

“I’m not sure of all the reasons,” she said honestly. “I think it was mostly the fact you instinctively protected Ben and Regina earlier. It made me think my initial impressions of you might not be as accurate as I thought.”

Jim shrugged and laughed the compliment away. “Well, don’t make a hero out of me for that small action. I owe Regina Logan a lot, and she’s been a good friend. Her life has been challenging enough for ten people. There’s nothing I would like more than seeing her truly happy.”

“Did you ever try to date Regina?” Lauren asked. It was a friendly question and she already knew the answer. She just wanted to hear Jim’s version of it.

“No,” Jim answered quickly. “I never asked Regina out, but she wouldn’t have dated me even if I had. I was her client before I became her friend. She helped me deal with some difficult situations in my life. Dr. Logan draws an ethical professional line very carefully between the client and herself.”

Lauren’s heart leapt when Jim chose to tell her the truth. “Yes, I know all about her ethics. I was once Regina’s client too.”

“Really? I hadn’t heard,” Jim said quietly, wondering why she had told him. “I knew Alexa was her client once. She and I had a couple friendly dinners several years ago. Alexa told me about her relationship to Regina. I guess Regina has turned several clients into friends.”

“Only the three of us, as far as I know,” Lauren said. “Do you mind if I ask you a personal question? I confess it was my motive for suggesting the walk.”

Jim nodded and bit his lip to keep from laughing. Lauren McCarthy was about as nice a woman as he’d ever met. It was almost laughable for her to have an ulterior motive about anything.

Lauren took a deep breath and told herself to channel Regina’s bravery.

“I just wondered—I mean—well, are you still interested in going out with me?” she asked finally, her question ending on a squeak.

“Are you kidding? No, I can see you’re not.” Jim’s surprise was total, and he was unable to keep the shock from his reaction. “What’s changed, Lauren? I’m sure you’ve heard I’m a married man. While my marriage is not the standard kind of relationship, I still have no intention of divorcing my wife. Going out with me would be hell on your reputation. I know you don’t want that.”

“I’m not sure what I want anymore,” Lauren told him. “Of course I heard you were married, but where’s your wife? No one I know has ever seen her—but I guess it doesn’t matter anyway. Look, Jim, I don’t want to really date you—not in the more traditional sense—I just want to get to know you better. I’d like for us to be friends.”

Lauren smiled confidently at Jim, pleased with her matter-of-fact tone and her approach to establishing a safe relationship with someone both Alexa and Regina thought was good guy. Jim would be a pleasant companion, someone she might call now and again for dinner or a movie.

Jim stopped walking, looking at Lauren with hands fisted tightly in his pockets.

“Friends?” Jim said bitterly, his self-deprecating laughter echoing off the trees as the night absorbed his frustration. “Being friends with you would be very hard to do. No, scratch that. It would be impossible for me to be your friend, Lauren.”

Lauren almost laughed at his emphatic tone and frustrated stance. It was a miracle the man didn’t just snap like a twig with the stress of holding his muscles so taut. Wanting to laugh, but afraid she would hurt his feelings, she put her hands on her hips, an action she’d seen both Alexa and Regina do when they were frustrated, but never had the urge to do herself until tonight. Jim was being way too melodramatic. He was acting more like Jenna and Seth than a grown man.

“What do you mean we can’t be friends? I’m friends with a lot of people,” Lauren demanded. “I’m a good friend. I walk people’s dogs, take food when they’re sick, and do a lot of other things. People like being friends with me.”

“That’s not what I meant. Let’s just say there are things about me that might make you not want to be my friend,” Jim told her, coming very close, and then bending even closer to whisper the rest in her ear. “Not only would we not be friends, once you knew these things about me, you and I could never go back to being just polite acquaintances again. It would be wise for us to leave things just as they are between us.”

“Oh, please. Why so much drama? What could I possibly learn about you that could be so life altering?” Lauren joked, laughing up into Jim’s serious face.

Jim pulled his hands from his pockets. She didn’t back up, he noticed, didn’t know she needed to run like hell. Jim gave her credit for standing her ground, though it was probably naïveté more than bravery.

While Jim wasn’t the sinner everyone thought he was, he also for damn sure wasn’t the saint Lauren imagined him to be on the basis of one kind act.

Lauren was laughing at him now only because she had no idea what he felt, especially about her. Jim was suddenly driven to correct her lack of understanding. He suddenly and very badly wanted Lauren McCarthy to know exactly how he felt.

“Just remember Lauren, the reason I’m giving in to my urge to do this is because you laughed at me.” He put his hands on Lauren’s waist and pulled her surprised body flush against his as he held her gaze. They lined up better than any dream he’d ever had about it.

Lauren started to protest what Jim was doing, but fell silent when he put his lips to her neck to kiss her there. She heard herself make some little sound of surprise, which turned into a whimper, against the heat of his mouth.

“What are you doing?” she asked, her voice unsteady. Should she push him away, she wondered? She didn’t want to push him away.

Jim groaned low in his throat at her innocent protest, biting her gently in his frustrated state, then set about sucking the place he’d bitten while he grew iron hard against her. He tightened his grip a little more, his hands deliriously happy to be on Lauren McCarthy at last. The woman’s body was amazingly hard and sleek beneath his hands.

“Jim—,” Lauren began, only to be stopped by his voice.

“Sssh—no talking,” Jim said, his voice raspy and abrupt. “I’m pretending I’m not going to hate myself for this later.”

Little pleasure dots danced inside Lauren’s eyelids. She called his name again because she didn’t know what else to say. When she tilted her head to give him more access to her neck, her mouth instinctively seeking his, he pulled away.

Jim groaned again, pressing his hips to hers, loathe to sever the connection between them. Her mouth was there, just there if he wanted. But he couldn’t—shouldn’t.

Lauren felt her nipples grow hard and wondered if Jim even knew how much he was turning her on. He seemed almost oblivious to her presence.

“Jim,” she whispered, “I don’t understand this.”

When Jim finally released her neck, he dipped his head to her the top of her pink dress and inhaled the scent rising from her straining breasts.

“Me neither. Do you know you smell like heaven?” Jim asked.

Her breasts tingled in anticipation of his mouth hovering above them. She could feel his lungs expanding as he drew her scent in.

“I make it myself,” Lauren whispered, suddenly dizzy with longing. “I make my own perfume. This one is called
Desire
.”

Jim laughed harshly against Lauren’s chest, tightening his grip even more, resting his forehead against her breasts for just a moment, then he lifted his face to hers.

“You should have just called it
Lauren
,” he told her.

When she moaned deep in her throat, it broke something in him, and Jim finally let himself kiss her mouth. She tasted every bit as good as she looked. When her legs gave out and she fell against him in surrender, Jim just kept on kissing her.

He held Lauren McCarthy like she was a life raft and he was a drowning man. Maybe he was, he thought. His breathing was ragged and his arms shaking when Jim finally managed to let her go.

“I can never just be your friend,” Jim said to Lauren, staring at her mouth, wanting to kiss her again. “I’ve wanted you this much for a couple of years. I know I can’t have you, but even that doesn’t stop me from thinking about us together. Now it will be worse because I’ve had a taste. Don’t ask me to do platonic. I don’t have it in me.”

Lauren stood in the dark of the garden with her body humming for the first time in years. Her sexuality, her sense of herself as a desirable woman, had started to die from the first moment she’d learned about her former husband’s indiscretions.

In less than five minutes, Jim had given her all that back.

Despite Regina’s and Alexa’s teasing, Lauren wasn’t really a saint. She wasn’t even naïve—though she frequently let people assume it about her. It was just easier than fighting about her standards.

And certainly she wasn’t the best judge of men, but she had learned many things from her constantly unfaithful ex-husband. She knew what guilt tasted like on man’s lips and there wasn’t an ounce of guilt in Jim’s kiss, only a loneliness matching her own. It made her want to know his secrets—all his secrets. Whatever the true story for Jim Gallagher, Lauren would bet her trust fund the man didn’t have a wife—or at least not in the biblical sense.

“I’m free for lunch on Tuesday,” Lauren told him. “I want to get to know you.”

“Lauren,” Jim said roughly, his voice breaking. “You don’t know what you’re asking.” And he couldn’t let himself believe what he was hearing.

“I’m saying I want to get to know you,” Lauren said, “and then I’m probably going to want you to kiss me again.”

In Jim’s eyes, Lauren saw the same intense longing Ben had for Regina, the same inexplicable, unexplainable urge to connect. She decided she wanted that connection with Jim—returned his interest more than he was expecting, and she wanted—really wanted to have what his look promised. Her interest suddenly explained her resistance to Jim, her utter disappointment to hear he belonged to someone else. Now that she’d had a taste of him, she simply refused to believe he belonged to anyone—unless it was to her.

It was the most selfish, unreasonable thought she had ever allowed herself.

“Lauren, we can’t—I can’t.” Jim took her hand and raised it to his lips, but his eyes fell to her neck. A flush covered his face. “I didn’t mean to—mark you,” he stammered, “I’m sorry. I wanted you for so long—I got carried away.”

“Good. Do it again,” she demanded, not minding how needy or bold the words sounded. Regina would be proud of her. “Let’s see what else there is between us.”

Jim stared into Lauren’s eyes and saw her desire for him. She should have looked untouchable in her perfect dress with her glossy hair and French manicure. Jim used to think Lauren was untouchable. Now she looked eager and willing, and if he kissed Lauren’s mouth again, Jim knew he’d drag her to the ground right where they stood and bury himself in her.

So instead, he brought his lips to the other side of her neck up near her ear, kissing and sucking a place just out of sight.

“You’re not what people think you are,” he whispered, his tongue laving a trail for his lips.

“Neither are you,” she argued.

Her breasts pushed restlessly against him the whole time, and Jim sighed in pleasure. It had been so very long since anyone had truly wanted him, and he couldn’t stop himself from being a selfish bastard for a few more moments.

“I’m afraid of your mouth,” Jim whispered the truth against her neck. “I don’t know how much I can stand without taking this farther than either of us can handle tonight. It’s been a really, really long time since I felt like this.”

“Me too,” Lauren whispered back.

When Jim removed his lips from her neck this time, he held her for comfort only, stroking her back and kissing her hair. When he was mostly under control, Jim took Lauren’s arm and started walking back with her.

By the time they got back to the dance floor, Jim needed to leave and said so.

“What about Tuesday?” Lauren asked, reluctantly turning loose of his hand.

“We’ll see,” Jim said quietly. He had no intention of contacting her at all. He planned to tuck tonight away, remembering only the promise it held.

It would have to be enough.

There were promises you could break, and those you had to keep. No one knew that better than he did. He was keeping one he had no choice about and he had no intention of breaking it.

Lauren deserved more out of life than Jim could ever offer her.

*** *** ***

Alexa and Regina walked over to Lauren as she stood in the doorway watching Jim leave.

Alexa slipped an arm around her shoulders. “Nice to see you enjoying yourself for once,” she said, all teasing gone.

Regina slipped an arm around Lauren’s waist stretching up to whisper in her ear. “Don’t look now, but you have a love bite on your neck.”

Lauren nodded. “I know,” she said, sighing.

Both women laughed and hugged her.

“Actually, I have two,” Lauren told them. “Jim put the other one in a place it wouldn’t show.”

“Naturally, we’ll expect a full accounting next Thursday,” Alexa told her.

“Absolutely,” Lauren agreed, having no intention of sharing anything about it. “I think I’m having lunch with him on Tuesday.”

“I don’t know if that’s going to happen. Looked like Jim was running pretty fast when he left,” Regina told Lauren. “You may have to chase that golden goose if you truly want it.”