Darkness Reborn (Order of the Blade #5) (14 page)

"Hell if I know." He bent his head and brushed his lips over her knuckles, his gaze never leaving her face. "All I know is that I've been inside this fucking shell for the last five hundred years. I feel nothing. I just exist. And yet when you touch me..." He lifted his head, his mouth almost touching hers... "Or when you kiss me..." He brushed his mouth over the corner of hers, and she went still, her heart hammering in her chest. "Or when I touch you..." He slipped his hand beneath her shirt, spanning his palm across her lower back. "My world literally changes, and I come to life."

Sarah's breath was tight in her chest, and she felt like she couldn't get air. The current was electric between them, and Kane's emotions were rolling over her. Desire, passion, and something else. Something she couldn't read. Something so human, so vulnerable, so endearing that she wanted to cry that this powerful, rugged warrior who lived a life of such violence could be so broken inside. "Don't do it," she whispered.

"Do what? Kiss you?" He caught her chin and kissed her, his lips so tender and gentle that tears filled her eyes.
I have to kiss you, Sarah. You're like my oxygen. I don't know how to make my heart beat unless you're inside my soul.
It didn't beat before. Not until I met you.

"Kane," she gasped, pulling away. She gripped his hair, desperate to hold onto this man who was breaking through the shields she'd kept around herself for so long. "Don't do the blood bond with one of the Calydons from our woods. They're evil. You shouldn't have their blood in you."

His eyes glittered, and she felt a pulsing heat from him. A burst of raw, sensual desire. "You're worried about me?"

"Well, yes..." She glanced at the talismans on his body and felt a ripple of fear at the thought of what their purpose was. "I mean, we don't know exactly what we're dealing with here and—"

"Shit, woman. No one worries about me. It's an insult." Then he locked his arm around her waist and kissed her again. Hard this time. Like he wanted to possess every inch of her soul and own it forever.
But I fucking love that you said that anyway.

She almost laughed at his reply, even as heat tore through her body at his kiss.
You big strong guys are just liars. You want to be coddled, don't you?

"No." He pulled back, his gaze so intense it seemed to bore right through her. "I want to make love to you until you can't move. I want to be inside you, on top of you, wrapped around you on every level of our being until our spirits are so intertwined that everywhere I go, for every second of every day, I feel your spirit inside me, keeping me alive."

"Oh." She could barely manage to squeak a response, she was so overwhelmed by the mixture of emotions flooding her. His. Hers. Passion. Lust. Protectiveness. Darkness. Desperation. She didn't even know whose emotions were whose, but it was an unbelievable feeling. Suddenly, she knew what he meant when he'd claimed that she made him come alive, because he was doing the same thing to her.

She'd shut down her own emotions the day her daughter had died in her arms. She had closed herself off to any emotions, including the hope and faith that was so necessary for her to live. "I was dying, too," she said quietly. "But you're giving me hope again. You're not letting me shut you out."

He grinned. "Good. I hate being ignored."

"No. It's not good." She groaned and closed her eyes, resting her cheek against the cold stone of the cave floor as she realized the implications of what she was feeling. "I can't go through it again. If I hadn't trusted Mason so completely, it wouldn't have devastated me so badly. I can't do that again." She sighed. "I know, you're this big, tough badass who's at least five hundred years old, and Mason was only twenty-two, so you should be able to resist what he couldn't and not go insane, but it's not that easy, Kane."

Kane was silent for a moment, his hand rubbing small circles on her lower back. "Sarah. There's something I need to tell you about Mason."

"What?" Sarah inched closer to him, checking her flask of water from the river. She couldn't afford to think about Kane or how he made her feel. She couldn't afford to let down her guard. She had one job, and that was to find out what was poisoning the village and stop it before it destroyed her.

The water was a reminder of what she was about to face, of the need to recover if she had to strike offensively with her powers. She had two flasks on her hip, and several more on the ground beside her. Kane had forced her to bring them, ordering her to be prepared to use her powers to save herself if she had to. With the water at her side to help her recover, Kane was determined that she would be able to protect herself and not die from it.

She had other plans, and they involved not hurting anyone. She'd had enough of that. Tonight, it would be different. Kane and his team could fight the battle. She was going to find the source of the taint and end it. Now.

Kane had told her to stay close, that he would teleport her to safety if she needed it, and she knew he meant it. He would take her out of the battle, even if she wanted to stay. Heat went through Sarah at the memory of how he'd saved her before. The intensity of their lovemaking, the power of their connection. She missed that. She wanted it again. She wanted to fall into what he offered her and forget about everything else. She wanted to believe his words and his touch and stop trying to stand on her own, but she'd done that before, and how wrong she'd been.

She couldn't lose sight of what mattered. She couldn't make herself so vulnerable that she lost the ability to do what she was supposed to do. The darkness that was encroaching on the village had to be stopped, and falling into ecstasy with Kane wasn't going to do it.

"Mason's eyes were clear," Kane said quietly. "He knew what he was doing when he attacked you and Abigail. He wasn't rogue." He glanced over at her. "Is it always that way? Do they always know?"

His words plunged straight through her shields, and suddenly Sarah was back in that moment, staring into the face of the man she'd known her whole life. Into his eyes. Glowing. Red. And aware. Shock rippled through her, icy cold shock, as she realized Kane was telling the truth, and that she had known it all along.

Betrayal bit deep, even deeper than ever before, and she bowed her head, fighting against the swell of despair trying to take her. It was one thing for someone she loved to go insane and try to kill her. It was worse, so much worse, for him to turn on her and know what he was doing. Like Jacob. They both had known, and she knew it. She took a deep breath, fighting to steel herself to the emotions that would never serve her. "Yes."

Kane swore and shifted position, moving closer to her until his hip was against hers. "Then they're not rogue. They're something else."

"Evil." God, it hurt just to say the word, to acknowledge that two men she'd loved dearly for her whole life were evil, but it was true. She knew it was. There was no other word for someone who would kill those they loved in ruthless, cold blood.

Kane looked at her in surprise. "That's a strong word."

"I know." She looked out into the dusk, at the yellows and oranges lighting up the sky, beginning to sink the woods into darkness. "But can't you feel it? The woods change at night. The air becomes stagnant. It smells like sulfur and rot. It hurts to breathe. It's as if there is a layer of death on the earth, and each night it gets stronger, encroaching upon the village." She looked down at the old fountain, at the river that Kane had opened earlier today. "It will be closed up in the morning," she said. "We won't be able to get to the water. We'll have to hunt for it again. Each time it gets harder."

Kane touched her shoulder. "We'll find it."

"Someday we won't." She stretched out next to him on her belly, resting her shoulder against his. For some reason she couldn't understand, touching him seemed to ward off the fear haunting her. If anyone should scare her, it was Kane, with his scars, his darkness and the fact she carried his mark on her arm. But right now, as she looked into his eyes and felt his strength, she knew he was not going to hurt her. He would protect her, and that was a gift.

Kane made her feel safe, and it was incredible. She couldn't remember ever feeling safe. Even as a child, her parents had told her stories about the forest at night, trying to terrify her into never daring to sneak out. It had worked. She hadn't. Ever.

Until tonight. Until Kane and his team had given her the freedom to stand outside while the sun went down and look directly into the demon's mouth. "That's why we have to find out what happens at night." It was thrilling being out here, not being afraid. She knew that as long as she stayed close to Kane, he would teleport her out of danger and kill everyone who needed to be stopped.

Kane gave her the power to be the person she wanted to be.

They fell silent for a moment, watching the woods. Sarah felt content. Safe. In control. Kane gave her that luxury. It was heady and amazing. Brilliant. A gift. As long as she didn't think about Mason or Jacob, or the scars on her belly, she was good.

"I talked to the guys at the mansion," Kane said. "Jacob's still out, but they're going to try waking him up at dawn, since that's when he's most likely to be somewhat sane."

Sarah clenched her fists against the sudden fear in her belly, an emotion that shouldn't be associated with her brother. What kind of man would he be when he woke up? Would he have a moment of being her brother, or would the evil consume him right way? Would he vanish from their hold even in the light of day and track Sarah right to their home? She couldn't lie to herself anymore. The time for false hope was over. She had to accept that Jacob would come after her instantly. "So, tonight is our last chance," she said. "Once Jacob's out, he'll be hunting me ruthlessly."

"Yeah." There was an undercurrent of blackness in Kane's voice, and she looked sharply at him. There was a black stain across his shoulders, spreading slowly through his scars, like a river of taint oozing through the maze of ridges on his back.

She sat up quickly and put her hand on his back. Kane jumped and sucked in his breath, his whole body rippling. "What?" she asked. "Did that hurt?"

"No." He spun toward her suddenly, his eyes dark with passion.

"Oh..." She sat up, startled by his sudden reaction. "Kane, we're about to engage in battle."

"No." He grabbed her by her ankle and hauled her over to him, his eyes blazing with lust, and something else. Something dark. Something that made chills of fear ripple over her skin.

"Kane—"

"Sarah," he growled, as he grabbed her around the hips and yanked her against him. "You're mine." And then he kissed her, a voracious kiss that seemed to consume her and suck her very spirit right out of her.

Fear arced through her, and a sense of belonging so powerful she couldn't stop it. Kane felt so right, even at the same time that she was so terrified of what lay beneath the surface—

He growled, a deep-throated growl that sounded nothing like him, and fear ran more thickly through her as he upped his assault on her senses. His kisses were a torrent of desire and aggression, flooding her defenses, arousing her to levels beyond her ability to resist.

Then suddenly, he was in her mind, rushing her with all his emotions. Fear, lust, darkness, passion and something else...something in the very depths of his being...a light? Warmth? His real soul? She hadn't felt it before, and it slithered out of her grasp before she could access it.

Panic assaulted her as it disappeared, as if it was her job to find it and hold onto it, keeping it from disappearing. She gripped his shoulders, kissing him back frantically, desperate to reach inside him, to find what she'd lost. She felt like she could help him, that she was supposed to help him, that she was supposed to find that light inside him.
Kane. Let me in. Let me find it.

Pain suddenly rocked Kane, shooting through his body like a violent stab. She felt his body shudder, but he didn't break the kiss. His hands went to her throat, her chest, over her breasts, as if he could lose himself in her and spare himself the pain.
What is this, Sarah? Why does it hurt like fucking hell to kiss you?

I don't know
, she gasped, reeling from the pain that was hitting him.
I—

Suddenly, there was an unholy scream of terror, and Kane threw her off him, whirling to his feet as several Calydons rushed into the cave, howling a blood-thirsty cry of assault.

Eyes red.

Claws out.

The night had begun.

Kane leapt to his feet and immediately engaged, aggression howling through him as he shoved Sarah behind a rock, out of the way. Behind the intruders, he saw Ryland and Thano, acting fast as well. The three of them worked as a team, taking down the local boys, but not killing them, not this time. Within moments all four of their targets were incapacitated, but not dead.

"I'll blood bond with the big one," Kane said, immediately targeting the largest, oldest one. That was the one he wanted. The male was practically bleeding poison, and his taint was so thick that the air around him was churning with black and purple and a thick yellow. If Kane blood bonded with him, there was no doubt he'd get a good inside look at the source of the taint destroying these men.

Thano swung hard and took the big guy out, and the warrior dropped. Kane sprinted to his side, and immediately jammed his flail into the downed Calydon's arm. The blood poured forth as Kane sliced his own arm open. Then, while Ryland and Thano hauled the other Calydons out of the way, Kane pressed his wound against the other male's and chanted the words of the warrior blood bond, Thano and Ryland's voices raised to accompany his.

The moment the words were complete, bonding the two warriors, Kane's entire body began to vibrate. Searing pain rushed through him, dropping him to the floor of the cave as the warrior's blood cut through his veins like razor blades. "Jesus," Kane gasped, as his body began to shake, and his muscles began to convulse.

"Shit, man!" Ryland was beside him immediately. "This isn't supposed to happen!"

Pain tore through Kane, along with darkness, and visions of demons with claws and dripping fangs. Skin stretched across his body like parchment over hell itself. His insides felt like they were being clawed to pieces, his muscles ripped from his bones, his lungs torn from his chest, his bones crushed by a force so great it bowed his spine.

"Jesus, man!" Thano grabbed his shoulders, trying to hold him down. "If you want more attention, just ask for it!"

Images flashed through Kane's mind. Bodies. A boy. A young boy looking up at him, with dark brown eyes, trusting him. Then the child was bloodied, sprawled across the floor, slashes ripped through his small frame. "No!" Kane screamed, the anguish tearing through him. He tried to get to his knees, to crawl away from the nightmare, to escape from the hell—

"Kane!" Suddenly Sarah was in front of him, holding his shoulders. "Come back to me!"

He screamed again, and suddenly her face changed. Her hair seemed to turn a glossy white, drifting in floating tendrils around her head. Her eyes were pale blue, her pupils pitch black. He touched her face, and his fingers seemed to drift right through her skin, skin that was so pale and fragile it was like silk threads dangling in the breeze. She was wearing a pale blue dress, the color of a full moon on a clear night, shimmering as if a thousand stars had been woven into it. Her lips were pale, a pink so fair he could barely even register it. Her cheek bones were high and flawless, and she was wearing a thin silver chain around her neck with a single diamond hanging from it. "My angel." He touched her hair, and the shimmering tendrils wove around his fingers as if they were alive.

She smiled, her face glowing with love and hope, and Kane felt his own heart come to life, beating with a vibrant light of triumph and salvation.

"What's he doing?" Ryland asked, but his voice was distant, a faint rumble.

"His eyes are white," Thano said, his voice drifting through Kane's mind. "I have no clue. Kane. Kane!"

He didn't even need to acknowledge them. They just floated out of his mind, until all that was left was Sarah. There was a white glow behind her head, growing brighter and brighter. "Kane," she said again, only this time, her voice was raspy...harsh...

He stiffened, and suddenly streaks of black tainted her hair. Her lips turned black. Her skin turned to ash, crumbling in gray flakes from her body. Her mouth opened and a violent scream tore out of her. She raised her palm, and he saw a flail in it. His own weapon. To be used against him. "No!" He lunged for her, his hands going for her throat, knowing there was only one answer, one choice, one way to live.

She had to die.

* * *

Sarah screamed as Kane lunged for her, his fingers locking around her throat. "Kane!" She clawed at his hands as Ryland and Thano leapt on him, trying to pull him off. But his muscles were rigid, locked down, and they couldn't stop him.

Thano called out his halberd, but Kane flung him across the cave. He hooked Ryland in the neck and tossed the other male aside, as if he were nothing but a rag doll. Then he was back on her, lunging for her. Just like before. Just like Mason. Just like Jacob.

Sarah gasped, fighting for air as Kane loomed above her, his hands around her neck. His eyes were black. Not red.
Black!
He wasn't rogue! He was like her brother and Mason. Sane, and trying to kill her. "Kane!" She scrabbled at his arms, clawing at his fingers, and still he pressed tighter.

Dear God, he was going to kill her!

Use your white light to stop him.
The voice burst through her mind. A male voice, hard and lethal...not Kane. Someone else was trying to force them to destroy each other.

No!
She screamed the thought and then the world started to spin as she began to lose consciousness.
Kane, don't do this. Please, God, Kane. Don't!
Tears poured down her cheeks as she fought for air. This couldn't be happening again. It couldn't. She thrust her mind into Kane's, and then almost screamed from the darkness that consumed her the moment she connected with him. It was a miasma of poison and death, of evil, of
hell.
It sucked her in instantly, flooding her with despair and hopelessness. She saw her mother, her father, her daughter, all dead. She saw herself, lying on the floor, her hand on her belly as Mason crashed to the ground beside her, his skin blackened and destroyed from her attack. Death and murder between people who loved each other. No one alive. Everyone dead.

There was nothing left. No hope. Just failure. Just love that wasn't strong enough.

Sarah.
Kane's voice distant in her mind, so faint, but she heard his desperation.
We have to break through it.

Her heart ached at the sound of his voice, and she tried to find him, but there was too much chaos and darkness. So much death. So much loss.
I can't.

You can.
Suddenly, she felt a thrust of power from Kane, a rush of electricity so fierce she screamed from the pain. He forced his strength into her, and suddenly there was a flash of black light and a crack so loud it sounded like the cave itself had shattered. Then Kane's flail appeared in her hand, the twin spiked balls spinning wildly. He'd made her call his weapon into her hand!

She had no time to think, no time to react, as Kane forced his will through her, until she could almost feel his hands closing around hers, his intentions so powerful that she had no chance to resist them, no chance to second guess. She simply grasped the weapon and swung it as hard as she could.

It slammed into his chest, flinging him off her. She had a split second to see relief in his dark eyes, and then he landed in a slumped pile against the wall of the cave. Horror reeled through her, and she flung the flail aside as she stumbled to her feet, nausea churning in her belly as the blood streamed down his chest. "Kane?" Dear God. Her hands started to shake, and her legs gave out. The rocky floor dug into her knees as she fell to the ground, staring in agony at him. Her neck was burning from the pain of his attack, and it hurt to swallow, the truth of his attack undeniable.

Tears burned in her eyes. Kane had failed. He'd succumbed like the others. There was no way to trust him. To trust anyone. And now she'd killed him.

"You're his
sheva?
" Ryland was on his feet now, staring at her, his face aghast with horror. "That's impossible. You're an angel. It would destroy you to be linked with one of us."

Sarah couldn't even look at him. She just couldn't take her eyes off Kane.
Breathe, please, breathe.

"Damn, woman, that was a slick move." Thano was on his feet now, striding across the cave to check on Kane. "Youactivated the transference stage of the
sheva
bond to use the weapon against your own mate. That's a good one. I gotta admit, I like the irony of that."

"I didn't call it," she whispered. "He made me." She suddenly realized the significance of that statement. Kane
had
forced her to call his weapon. He'd been clear enough in his mind not to let the evil take him. He'd stopped himself by making her strike first.

He
had
been strong enough.

"Kane!" She scrambled to her feet and stumbled across the floor. She fell into him, grabbing his shoulders.

To her disbelief, Kane groaned and grabbed her, shifting her to the side. "Not on the broken ribs, sweetheart. Give me at least a minute to heal."

"You're okay?" She couldn't believe it. "You're serious?"

His eyes flickered open, and she saw the pain in them, but also the smug triumph. "Of course I'm okay. I'm immortal, remember?" He raised his brows. "Are you still going to doubt my ability to resist the bogeyman?" Then his gaze went to her throat, and his amusement vanished. "Jesus, Sarah." His voice was raw with fury and pain. "I did that?" He set his hand on her neck, and she couldn't help but flinch.

"Fuck!" He lurched to his feet, his hands clasped on his head, his face almost ashen. "I hurt you. Son of a bitch.
I hurt you.
"

"Kane, no, it wasn't like that." She leapt up and grabbed his arm. "You stopped it. Don't you understand? I felt the poison inside you, all that violence and despair, and it took me, too. I had no defenses against it, and I'm an angel! But somehow, you were able to summon the strength to make me call your weapon. Don't you get it? You
are
strong enough."

"No." He pulled free, backing away from her, self-loathing and disgust still etched on his features. "Look at your throat. You're bruised. Because of me."

"Dude," Thano's hand came down hard on his shoulder. "Give yourself a break. You were seriously fucked up there for a minute, but all you did was give her a few red marks on her skin? Shit, that's practically a love bite." The humor left his voice, and he turned Kane toward him. "Do you realize how easily you could have snapped her neck? And yet you didn't. In the five seconds it took for Sarah to call your weapon, you could have killed her a thousand times, but you didn't." Thano held out his hand, revealing a blackened palm. "That's what I got from touching you, big guy. That's how much shit was going through you, and yet you didn't hurt her."

Kane pressed his hands to his forehead and paced away from them. His shoulders were trembling, and Sarah felt the waves of fear rippling over him. True fear. The kind of fear that could tear a person's soul to pieces and destroy the very nature of who they were. "Kane." She hurried over to him and pressed her hands to his chest. "Look at me."

He dragged his gaze off the far wall and looked down at her. There was so much anguish in his face that her own heart ached.
What if I'm Los Muerte, Sarah? What if I really am here to destroy you? What if that was just the start?
He slid his hand through her hair, his touch so soft and gentle, as if he were afraid to even touch her.
What if I am the monster?
He looked down at his chest, at the smooth expanse of skin that now stretched halfway across his chest.
What if when these scars disappear, Los Muerte comes back to life?

"No!" She shook her head, clasping his face between her hands.
You stopped yourself, Kane. You don't understand how significant that is. No one has ever done that.
Tears filled her eyes.
No one has ever done that for me.

Hell, Sarah.
He fisted her hair, but didn't pull it.
You deserve more than to be grateful that all you got were a few bruises. That's so fucked up. You should be kicking my ass.

Life is so much more complicated than that, Kane.
She pressed her lips to the wound in his chest that had already stopped bleeding and was beginning to heal.
For the first time since Mason's attack, you give me hope that maybe there's a way to be stronger than the evil trying to take us.
She took his hand and set it over her heart.
Can you feel that? My heart is beating again, truly beating. I have hope, and you gave it to me.

Kane closed his eyes, spreading his hand across her chest, and she felt him reach out for her with his mind. She let him in, and merged her spirit with his, allowing him to feel the hope in her heart, the gift he had given her. He let out his breath, and then opened his eyes, his gaze meeting hers. "I have no idea who the hell I am," he said.

"According to Nonny, that's actually a lie. You know exactly who you are," Thano chimed in.

Kane glared at him. "Shut up, Thano. You have no idea what it's like—"

"I do." Ryland was lurking in the shadows, his machete clenched in his hand. He was leaning against the wall, but his body was rigid, and Sarah felt a ripple of menace flowing from him. "I know what it's like to spend every minute of every day wondering if this is the moment when I finally snap. To walk behind my teammate and know exactly what it would feel like to sink my machete between his shoulder blades, and to wonder when the day will come that I'm going to do it."

"Shit, Ryland." Thano let out a low whistle. "You serious? I knew you were cranky, but—"

"You live like that?" Kane was staring at him, a hooded look on his face.

"Yeah." Ryland shifted, and he seemed to almost disappear into the shadows, as if he'd turned into a specter himself. "I know that there's a fucking monster inside me that will come out some day. I know what it's like to sit in my room every night with my machete in my hand, debating whether the only right choice would be for me to cut myself down before I can destroy the world." His eyes glittered. "I know what it's like to have a monster inside you, Santiago, and if you want, we can kill each other right now, and then it's over."