Darkness Falls (5 page)

Feryn’s lips pressed together but he managed to bank his lust for the moment. Reaching up, he cupped her cheek, staring down at her with utter devotion, though a small, sinister part of her wondered if he truly loved her or if he only thought he did because she carried his child. Or maybe the mark he bore convinced him he loved her when it was just a mark. Or he was playing a game like he had with the virgin and she was nothing but a plaything to him. “Sweetheart, there has never been anyone else that looked like you.”

“But I
saw
her,” she protested, knowing how foolish she sounded since it had been a memory that was hundreds of years old. “It was at an opera house and Beethoven was playing….”

His expression changed and a slight smile tilted his lips as he remembered the moment she was talking about. “Ah, the Challenge. She had been very sweet but she didn’t look like you.”

“I saw her.” She hadn't realized how upsetting it was going to be to have Feryn’s memories in her head, how treacherous. They made her doubt him, made her doubt everything, because he had told the virgin everything she wanted to hear to get what he wanted. What if he was a bored Aradian and she was a momentary diversion while his baby grew inside of her?

“You saw her through the filter of your mind,” he explained. Reaching up, he twirled a strand of her brown  hair around his fingers and smiled, “The girl you are talking about had been blond with brown eyes.”

“What happened to her once you and your brother had your fill?” she asked, unable to keep the bitterness from her voice, still upset even if the girl hadn’t been her doppelganger. Was it all just a mind fuck?

Pursing his lips, he thought about it for a moment before he answered, “She became a woman of independent means.”

“She became a whore,” Malorie spat, the fear that it was all a game making her thoughts twist and turn until she wanted to flee.

“A highly valued courtesan, one who could choose her lovers,” he corrected. “She had the ear of kings and she lived very comfortably with more freedom than any of the women of her era and most of the men.”

“Is that what will happen to me?”

“Malorie.” Disappointment colored his voice as he looked at her with solemn green eyes and she felt guilty for even asking. But why shouldn’t she worry? Apparently she was going to be around for a long, long time and if she lost herself in Feryn there would be nothing left of her to make a new life for herself afterwards.

His hand skimmed over her stomach, the touch light and tenderly possessive. He pressed his other hand against his hard belly. “You bear my mark, love, and I bear yours. It’s eternal.”

He said the words and she wanted to believe them but that didn’t stop the pernicious doubts that were painfully logical. Despite her training, she had been fairly sheltered growing up and Feryn was… he was practically a god, an ancient and powerful being who could easily rip off her wings. He had years to perfect cunning and deceit and the mark could be a ruse to lure her into a false sense of security. Trying to tramp down her fears, she asked, “What about Taella? What about my father? He might not be aware of the true relationship between an Aradian and whatever the hell we are and he might do something stupid.”

“Don’t worry about Taella,” he said, dismissing her first concern without a thought, which only frustrated her because Taella
was
a threat, damn it. “And I doubt your father will do anything foolish.”

“But you can’t guarantee it,” she whispered, speaking her fears as they popped into her head. “What if the Aradian he escaped with wasn’t a willing accomplice? What if he kidnapped her to escape, the same way you kidnapped me?” At his frown, she swallowed her misgivings and when she spoke her voice was softer as she reminded him of their inauspicious beginnings. “I was a means to an end, Feryn. My father is very similar to you in that he will do whatever is necessary to ensure our freedom, even if it means resorting to kidnapping and coercion. I mean, as far as he knows, Aradians are just as evil as vampires and unless he has been shown otherwise I doubt he’d have reason to doubt hundreds of years of training.”

Feryn’s black brows pulled together in a fierce scowl as he absently continued to stroke Malorie’s cheek with his thumb. “How do you suggest we go about finding him?”

She looked at him as if he was brain dead, “Um, I’m assuming you put a tracking chip in him as well?”

He smiled at her sarcastic tone, “We did, my love, but when we traced it, he wasn’t there.”

This time her brows pulled together. Of course Gus would have figured out he was bugged and taken the necessary measures to make sure he was untraceable. But she knew he would leave a clue for her to follow since that was standard operating procedure whenever they became separated. “Where did you find his chip?”

“An abandoned warehouse in New York City,” he said with an indulgent smile. “The building looked like it had been neglected for decades. In fact, the only things in it, other than the chip, were rats and garbage.”

“Then that’s where I’ll start,” she said, nodding her head with satisfaction that she was finally doing something proactive. Gus left his tracking chip in the decoy bunker to let her know which city to start her search. If he wasn't in the real bunker then there might be a message for her to let her know whether or not it was safe to search for him. There were still people in New York that remained loyal to the cause and they would have an issue with Feryn. Even though he wasn’t a vampire, he wasn’t human. As plans formulated in her head, she looked up at Feryn, “If it’s where I think it is then it might be better if I go alone.”

His brilliant green eyes became stormy as all humor vanished from his face. “Absolutely not. There is no way I’m letting you go on some fool mission by yourself….”

She put her hand over his mouth to stop his tirade because she understood his concern. “I know these people, Feryn. They’re going to be suspicious enough if I show up without Gus but if you’re there…. Well, our only lead will vanish before we find it.”

“I don’t approve,” he grumbled.

“It’s not like you’ll be far away,” she told him with a slight smile. Sliding her hand up and pressing her palm against his bristled cheek, she murmured, “I know that if you sense the slightest bit of trouble you’ll be by my side in less than a heartbeat. Please, Feryn, you have to let me do this.”

Pressing his forehead against hers, he took a shuddering breath, “I don’t want to lose you.”

“You couldn’t if you tried,” she said lightly even as her heart pounded in her chest. Was it a game or did he love her? She needed time to think and a search for her father was the perfect opportunity to have some space. “But if I stay here I’ll go mad.”

“Then come back to the compound with me,” he murmured for the thousandth time and she had to fight the instinct to cringe. She knew that he needed to return sooner rather than later and she knew that eventually she would return with him but for now…. For now, it was the last place she wanted to be. If she returned, then she wouldn’t even care if he was playing a game because she would be with him for however long he played. Eventually, she may no longer care that her father was missing.

She knew it was an irrational fear, that she would always keep looking, but it weighed her soul down. No, it wasn’t her fear of never finding Gus that prevented her from returning. It was her fear of losing herself in Feryn, of ceasing to exist because Feryn consumed so much of her. He was so overwhelming that it would be easy to be devoured by him. Her smile faltered as she shook her head no, “I’m not ready to go back there either. I need to find my father before I can even think about returning.”

“Then we’ll stay here for a few weeks and make a plan for finding Gus….”

“I’m pregnant,” she gently reminded him, brushing her thumb over his lower lip, watching the way his flesh clung to her fingers. She needed this to prove to herself that she could survive without him. For fuck’s sake, she had lived twenty-five years without him! “My window of opportunity is not unlimited.”

A muscle ticked in his jaw as he searched her face, seeing what she was afraid of admitting out loud. Maybe she was creating drama out of nothing and she just wanted one last adventure as a hunter before she went soft.

A low growl came from the back of his throat as he asked, “What about Toby?”

“I’m bringing him with me,” she told him, as if there was any other option.

“Let me go with you,” he murmured. Taking her hands in his, he held her eyes, “Your friends will never know I’m there.”

“
I’ll
know,” she said, the words slipping from her lips before she could stop them. Her eyes flew to his and she saw the flash of pain in the brilliant green depths.

As he stepped away from her, a cool mask froze his expression, “Are you so determined to leave me?”

She looked at him, frustrated that he thought she actually wanted to leave him. Didn’t he understand she just needed some space, not a separation? Didn’t he realize how easy it would be to simply give him everything and lose herself completely, and how much that terrified her?

“It’s just that I’ve been taking care of myself since before I can remember,” she tried to explain, knowing how weak her words sounded. “I don’t need a babysitter.”

“A babysitter.” His lips pressed together in a thin line as he glared at her.

“Feryn.”

With a snort of disgust, he turned away from her, scrubbing his fingers through his hair as his mark glimmered in the moonlight. “Gods, do you have any idea how hard this is for me? I almost lost you a week ago and now you’re pushing me away.”

Wrapping her arms around her middle, she watched as he paced in agitation, his muscles flexing with each lithe movement, his expression becoming grimmer. “Is your faith in me so weak that you still doubt me?”

“No,” she breathed, the one word filled with conviction. Why was he being so stubborn and obtuse? “Feryn, you must know how much I love you.”

He spun around and stared at her with a look of such disbelief she felt as if she had slapped him. “Do you Malorie? Do you really love me?”

“Of course I do,” she said, her heart hammering in her chest as the conversation spun out of control. Had she honestly expected Feryn to let her go off on her own without a fight? Well, no, probably not, but he had to see that she wasn’t a fragile porcelain doll and she could take care of herself, no matter how tempting it was to let him take care of everything. “More than anything. But I’m not used to being… god, to being suffocated.”

His eyes widened and then narrowed to two dangerous slits, “You think I’m suffocating you.”

“Yes… no.” She wished she could figure out how to explain it to him in a way that he would understand but wouldn’t hurt him. “You’ve been in my memories, Feryn. You know what my childhood was like.”

His eyes filled with sympathy as he nodded his head and she hated that he pitied her. Glaring at him, she growled, “I wasn’t unhappy, not ever. But it doesn’t change the fact that I spent a lot of time alone and now I can barely think because you are always there.”

He stumbled backwards a few steps, the pity quickly turning to wounded pride as he stared at her and she wished she could take the words back, at least the angry tone she said them in. “Feryn, I’m sorry.”

“Just go,” he whispered, taking another step away from her. Grabbing his clothes and avoiding her eyes, he dressed quickly as he rasped, “I’ll have Jiro take you and your son to New York in the morning and I’ll give you your space.”

“It’s not forever,” she said weakly, her words barely above a whisper as she watched him distance himself from her. Her stomach was in knots as she realized how badly she had hurt him with her need to stand on her own in this new reality before she fully committed to him. “If I’m lucky it will only take a few days, a week at most.”

Straightening his spine, squaring his shoulders, he stood in her doorway and looked at her with sardonic grace, “I’ll be here when you’re ready to let me in.”

“Feryn,” she choked out but he was already gone, disappearing from her life as abruptly as he had entered it. She didn’t think she was being unreasonable but then she wasn’t an ancient Aradian used to having his own way.

She shivered, as if Feryn had taken all of the heat with him when he left but then she realized she was naked. Wrapping her arms around her stomach, she crossed the bedroom to her closet and grabbed a robe to put on, feeling exposed and vulnerable in her nudity. Sitting down on the bed, she stared at the doorway and tried to figure out the best course of action in finding her father. Unfortunately, her mind was blank except for the image of the virgin Feryn had seduced who looked like her in her memories but hadn’t looked like her in real life.

It was a cruel twist that she was finally able to breathe but she wasn’t able to think.

Scrubbing her fingers through her hair, she looked down at her thigh peeking out from beneath the hem of her robe and exhaled in relief. The mark was still there. For one irrational moment she thought he would have removed it or it would have vanished when he left. A low, desolate laugh pushed past her lips, the sound alien and harsh in the quiet room.

Lying down on the bed, she brought her knees up to her chest and tried to find a spark of warmth in her frozen body but she couldn’t. There was so much to do tomorrow and she could only hope that Toby would be up to the journey. In her selfishness, she had forgotten how much her son loved it here. The little boy had blossomed in this slightly out of synch world. Toby genuinely adored Jiro, a man who was far more laidback than her father had ever been and she inexplicably trusted him with her son. The two of them could spend hours fishing in the small pond that Malorie was fairly certain contained no fish.

Toby had laughed more in the months since coming to the Aradian island than he had in the first five and a half years of his life. Why couldn’t she find the balance that would allow her to live in peace amongst Feryn and the other Aradians? He loved her, or they were mated at least, he offered her the opportunity to finally live a normal,
peaceful
life, and she loved him.