Darkness Before Dawn (34 page)

Maybe I’m not too late. Maybe I can do something. God, please help me do something.
I can’t let this happen. I can’t be a murderer. I just can’t! I’ve got to stop the
“dark music.” It has played way too much in my life
.

Stuffing the note into her pocket, she turned and rushed back to car. Falling to the
ground, she cleared his air passage and began the process of mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.
As she worked her one-woman CPR, she prayed her first prayer in months. With her lips
to his, she kept working, praying, and hoping for a miracle.

“Breathe, come on, breathe,” she demanded.

Panic now began to come over her, and only her professional training kept her from
breaking down into a pitiful mass of jumbled nerves and sobs. From out of nowhere,
a light rain began to fall, the drops combining with sweat on Meg’s
forehead and the tears now running down her cheeks blended together and ran down over
the boy’s face. Still, even as the rain grew harder and the lightning began to flash
and the thunder roared, she worked on.

“Now, breathe. Come on, Jim, breathe! You can do it. You have your whole life in front
on you. Breathe for me, come on, breathe!”

As the rain began to strike her back with more fury, this time in big, cold drops,
she glanced back toward the ER doors. There was no one, not a doctor or another nurse
or even an orderly. It was up to her. As the lightning flashed again, she clearly
saw Thomas’s face. It was just like seeing the cold mask of death.

“No!” she whispered as she went back to work on reviving him. “Come on, don’t do this
to me. Don’t you go away! Not now, not here. Don’t leave me with this kind of guilt
trip. Breathe!”

She felt her baby kick her hard as she continued to administer CPR.

It is the right thing to do, Baby. I’ll explain why at another time
. Then turning her face into the rain, she screamed, “C’mon, God, I know I was wrong.
I’m sorry. Don’t do this to me. I can’t handle this. I thought I could, but I can’t!”

She put her mouth to the young man’s and silently pleaded, “C’mon, breathe!”

Inside her brain, Meg was aware of a clock ticking. It was a life clock, the kind
that couldn’t be wound or turned back. With every tick, it brought Jim Thomas closer
to the point of no return. For all she knew, he’d already passed that point. He might
have passed it as she read the note or even when she walked away. She had no way of
knowing and the ticking in her brain kept getting louder.

“Oh, God, Please!”

And still, the boy just lay there. She would breathe in, but he wouldn’t help her.
She would push on his heart, demanding that it beat, and she would get no response.
As the rain grew harder, Meg took one last deep breath and placed her mouth on his
one final time.

Suddenly, she felt a weak cough come from the boy’s throat. “That’s it!” she whispered
lowering her lips to his once again. “Now, keep it up,” she urged as she took another
deep breath.

Suddenly, she heard the doors behind her open and the sounds of heavy footsteps splashing
through the rain to her side. “Sorry it took me so long. Had a heart attack in ICU.
What’s the story here?”

Looking up at the doctor, Meg hurriedly explained, “Carbon monoxide. I’ve got him
breathing shallowly now. We’ve got to get him inside. I think we can save him!”

As they lifted the boy onto a gurney, the heavens cut loose with a torrential downfall.
Soaking wet by the time they got inside, they wheeled Thomas directly into room 3
and went to work.

“Get an IV in him, nurse. I’ll get the oxygen going.”

Meg went to work, all the while haunted by the thought that she had done this. She
had been the one who might have killed this boy.

A
N HOUR LATER, AN ORDERLY AND A NURSE WHEELED
T
HOMAS TO INTEN
sive care. As Meg rested on an empty stool, Dr. McCullen went directly into the other
room to treat the still-waiting Ed’s injured hand. Wiping her brow with a cloth, Meg
took a deep breath and walked out of the room into the lobby where she sat down beside
the teenager who had brought Thomas to the hospital.

“Is he going to die?” the girl asked again.

A tired smile coming to her lips, Meg looked at the frightened kid with warm, loving
eyes, and said, “I don’t think so. He’s not out of the woods yet, but he should make
it. At least, I believe he will.”

“You saved his life,” the small, sandy-haired teen said in amazement.

Meg just glanced away and shook her head. Turning back to the girl, she asked, “Want
some gum? I have some in my purse.”

The girl nodded.

Getting up, Meg went behind the counter, opened a drawer, and pulled out her handbag.

“What’s your name?”

“Katie . . . Katie Davis,” the girl answered.

“Well, Katie,” Meg explained, “you saved his life by getting him here in time. You
are a good friend.”

The girl just shook her head. “Not really, I only went by because he had something
I needed. He never sleeps much, so I figured he’d be up. Nobody really likes him anymore.
He’s gotten so weird. But I couldn’t let him die. Oh no, what time is it? I need to
call home and tell my folks where I am, and my cell is still in the car.”

“Use this phone.” Meg offered the one on the desk. As the girl called, Meg picked
up her purse to look for the gum. Opening it, she reached in and pulled out a small,
wrapped package. As soon as she saw it, tears filled her eyes.

“Is there anything wrong?” Katie asked.

“No,” Meg responded. “I just picked up the wrong purse when I left home. I haven’t
carried this one since . . .” It had been the day of the verdict. After trying unsuccessfully
to push a tear back into her eye with her finger, she continued, “Well, anyway for
a long time.” Searching in the purse, she pulled out a piece of gum and handed it
to the girl.

“Nurse.” Dr. McCullen’s voice caused her to look across the room. “You’ve done some
great work. I’ll cover here. Why don’t you take a break?”

Nodding, Meg picked up the wrapped package, slipped it back in her purse, and walked
out behind the counter and down the hall to the break room. After getting a soda,
she sat down and once again retrieved the package from her bag. Staring at it for
a few moments, she placed it in her lap.

What was in it? What had Nancy thought was so important that she wrapped it and left
it for her on the day she died?

Pulling away the string and tissue paper, Meg finally saw the gift she’d forgotten
she’d had.

“A Bible,” she whispered as the paper slipped off. The name “Nancy” was written in
gold on the bottom right side of the
cover. As Meg lifted the book from her lap, a piece of paper fell to the floor. Bending
over, she picked it up and saw it was a note meant for only her.

Meg, I know that you will find the satisfaction that you so badly want to find. But,
trust me, you will not find it in the place where you now believe it to be. I once
thought that true happiness and peace would only be found when they developed a cure
for cancer. Now, I know that answer would have only been a temporary one. I’ve found
that the answer does not come from the outside, but from within. So, what you need
has already been placed in your heart. And in your hand, you have the key to discovering
that answer
.

Meg studied the words while once again squeezing the small Bible that rested in her
left hand. Opening it, she placed Nancy’s note inside the pages and closed the book.
But as the pages shut, the note went flying out. Picking it up, she reopened the book
and reinserted the note. But once again when she closed it, the note fell to the floor.

Picking the note up for the third time, Meg reopened the Bible, and this time a passage
that Nancy had underlined in red ink jumped out at her.

Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly
to what is good. Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring
each other. Never be lazy, but work hard and serve the Lord enthusiastically. Rejoice
in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying. When God’s people
are in need, be ready to help them. Always be eager to practice hospitality
.

Bless those who persecute you. Don’t curse them; pray that God will bless them. Be
happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with
each other. Don’t be too
proud to enjoy the company of ordinary people. And don’t think you know it all!

Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see
you are honorable. Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone
.

Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the
Scriptures say
,

“I will take revenge;

I will pay them back,”

says the L
ORD
. Instead
,

“If your enemies are hungry, feed them
.

If they are thirsty, give them something to drink
.

In doing this, you will heap

burning coals of shame on their heads.”

Don’t let evil conquer you, but conquer evil by doing good
.

After reading the passage several times, Meg placed the note once again into the Bible,
and this time it stayed in place. Setting the book down on the table to her right,
Meg whispered, “You can’t leave me alone, can you, Nancy? When you said that you left
me a road map, you didn’t say it would show me where I’d already been. And I don’t
like that. The question I’ve got now, the same one I had that night I came to see
you and you had already gone, is where do I go from here?”

“Are you talking to me?” Katie asked as she popped into the room.

Meg shook her head. “No, just thinking about an old friend.”

“Well, I’m going home now. Thanks for saving Jim.”

“You take care,” Meg gently answered as the young woman left the room. Now once more
alone, Meg continued to silently speak to someone who had not been there for three
months.

“Where do I go from here? Nancy, I know what you would say. You’d say that all I have
to do to learn what I need to know
is ask the One who made me and then search my own heart. Well, this time, I’ll listen.
And this time, I will give it a try.”

Walking out of the break room, down the hall, up a flight of stairs and around a corner
brought her to the hospital’s small chapel. There was no one there. Stepping in, she
fell to her knees and began to pray. She did so unashamedly and out loud.

“Okay. Lord. It’s just You and me now. I guess You’ve been waiting for this moment
for a long time. I don’t really know how to say this, but I’m sorry, for not only
pushing You out of my life but for blaming You for all that has happened.

“It’s pretty clear to me now that You didn’t want Jim Thomas to get drunk and kill
Steve. If Jim had been listening to You, well, that wouldn’t have happened. What he
did may have resulted from his choice, but it’s obvious that his problem goes back
beyond that night. Someone didn’t care enough about him to reach out and love him.
He didn’t have a Steve, Nancy, or Heather, or anyone I guess. And if he did, he may
have been just as stubborn about listening as I was.

“Lord, if You will just help him get well, I’ll try to make up for what I’ve done.
Of course having that boy listen to me, after all the things I put him through, will
be a bigger miracle than You making him well. But if I can be used, I want to be used.

“Lord, I thought Jim Thomas was the enemy, but now I see that wasn’t true. The enemy
was what made him lose control . . . the booze. There are many ways that I can make
a difference through my witness on this subject. Help me to find a way.

“You know I haven’t thanked You for anything in a long time. But now I want to. Thank
You for a mother who told me about You, who has great faith in You, and who still
loves me after all I’ve done. Thank you for my friends, especially Nancy, someone
who loved me at my ugliest and whose kindness and understanding have done a great
deal in helping me see a bit more clearly now.

“Finally, Lord, I don’t know if she ever will be able to forgive me, but please give
me the strength to humble myself to Heather. I walked out on her, took advantage of
her nature, and then, when she looked to me for some kind of strength and guidance,
I let her down.

“Without You I’ve done a real good job of messing my life up. I’m ready to admit that
and I’m ready to not blame You for it.

“From this moment, I dedicate myself to being more of the person I need to be. Dear
Jesus, I’m sorry, but work with me on this, please.

“Amen.”

As Meg opened her eyes and raised her head, she saw a figure standing to her left.
As she turned, her eyes met Heather’s.

“I understand that you’re a hero,” Heather softly announced.

“No, I’m a jerk, who got lucky,” Meg responded as she pulled her pregnant form from
the pew. Pausing a moment, she continued, “Heather . . .”

“You don’t have to say a thing,” Heather responded. “I heard your prayer and I’m just
glad to have you back. Whatever problems we had, they aren’t important now. They happened
when you weren’t yourself.”

As Meg rose, Heather opened her arms, and the two of them shared both tears of pain
and thankfulness. After a long moment, Meg patted her friend on the back, wiped her
eyes, and then stepping back, inquired, “What are you doing here?”

“I was worried about you,” Heather replied. “Julie called me and told me what had
happened. I thought you might need someone.”

“I sure hope what I did was in time,” Meg stated.

“It was.”

“How do you know?” Meg demanded.

“I just know,” Heather assured her. “I just know.”

W
HEN
M
EG OPENED THE DOOR
, J
IM
T
HOMAS WAS WATCHING TELEVISION
. As she came in, he quickly turned the set off. The look on his face told her he
didn’t know what to expect.