Darkness Before Dawn (28 page)

“I would like to ask that when the judgment is read, those present refrain from any
outbursts of any kind. And I will enforce that request if it becomes necessary.”

Picking his glasses up from his bench, the judge looked at the defense table. “Will
the defendant please rise?”

Slipping his glasses on, the judge began. “Mr. James Thomas, it is the judgment of
this court after hearing the case presented against you that you are . . .”

Meg crossed her fingers as the judge paused, her vision focused on Thomas. As his
fate hung in the air, he swallowed hard. He must have never expected it to get this
far. He must have thought his father could have had the case tossed out. Now
the next words could ruin his entire life. At this, the most important moment of his
life, he looked incredibly pale, sweat lined his brow, and his hands tensed and relaxed
at regular intervals.

Meg’s eyes darted from Thomas to the other side of the room. Cheryl Bednarz projected
an air of cool professionalism. Yet she had to be churning on the inside. After all,
she had never wanted to win so badly.

The judge, reading from a piece of paper he held in his right hand, continued, “The
court finds the defendant guilty of one count of operating a motor vehicle while under
the influence of alcohol.”

Tidwell had already failed once. Meg sighed deeply as she waited for the judge to
go on.

“The court finds the defendant guilty of one count of endangerment and reckless driving.”

Meg clenched her fist as she waited for the judge to rule on the big one.

“And the court finds the defendant, James Thomas, guilty of one count of vehicular
homicide.”

Thomas’s jaw grew slack. He would have collapsed into his chair except for the support
of Jasper Tidwell’s arm. Thomas’s father and mother looked completely stunned as they
sat in the row directly behind their son. It was a slam dunk for Cheryl, yet her face
remained blank as a sheet of unused copy paper. Somehow, she was holding her emotions
in check.

“This court,” Judge Truett continued, “will meet for the sentencing phase of this
trial tomorrow at ten o’clock. The defendant will remain free on bail until that time.”
Glancing around the room once more, the judge struck his gavel and quickly disappeared
into his chambers.

Turning, Cheryl finally flashed a smile as she reached across the railing to embrace
Meg. “We did it, kid; we did it, kid; we did it, kid. You should sleep well tonight!”

A rush of different emotions hit Meg like a blast of winter wind. She didn’t know
quite how to react. She was more numb than happy and she suddenly felt very tired.
The one thing she didn’t feel was real joy or satisfaction. Even though she couldn’t
explain it, this victory seemed hollow. She now fully realized that winning in court
was not going to bring Steve back.

As Meg turned to leave the courtroom, another familiar face greeted her.

“Mrs. Richards, this is Robyn Chapman, Channel 10 News. We are live. Do you have any
comment on this verdict?”

“A-a-a,” Meg stuttered. Then, forgetting about sounding prepared or intellectual,
she simply stated what she felt. “He was guilty of killing my husband. He deserved
worse, far worse, but we’ll take what we can get. It won’t bring Steve back, but maybe
it will be the start of putting Thomas in hell.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Richards.” The reporter probably hadn’t expected those last words
or that kind of reaction. Still, she was a pro and didn’t let what she hadn’t expected
throw her. Glancing around the hall, Chapman found Cheryl and immediately signaled
the cameraman to follow her. Heading off the assistant district attorney, she inquired,
“Ms. Bednarz, what will you go after in the punishment phase?”

“The max!” Cheryl shouted over her shoulder as she walked off. “We’ll ask for as much
as we can get.” Grabbing Meg by the hand, she dragged her down the hall and away from
the media. “Well, Meg, why don’t we go get something to eat? I’ll buy.”

“No, Cheryl, I’ll buy,” Meg answered. “You deserve to be treated for the job you did.
After all, you got him for me.”

Cheryl nodded in agreement. “Not just for you. I got Jim Thomas to win a decadelong
war. I can finally close the door on the greatest loss of my life, too!

D
INNER WAS MUCH MORE THAN JUST A MEAL
. I
T WAS A VICTORY CELE
-bration. Those who joined them, Barbara Hankins and Kent Reynolds, the current man
in Cheryl’s life, and three more employees from the courthouse, were all pleased the
case had gone in the state’s favor. But none of these people knew or felt the real
triumph that Cheryl and Meg jointly embraced.

For Cheryl, it was an almost decadelong dream come true. She had beaten all the arguments
of the best defense attorney in the state and won an alcohol verdict outright and
in full measure. She felt as if her father was with her—smiling, laughing, and reliving
each moment of the case. While she knew she would continue to press for convictions
in cases like this for as long as she practiced, she had already exorcised a demon
that had been driving her for years. With this case, a certain phase of her life had
ended and she was ready to go on to the next knowing a certain kind of peace and with
a need to expand her life beyond her present work. And, as it was likely the Thomas
family would put pressure on Webb Jones to can her, her days in Springfield were surely
numbered.

Meg was experiencing a different kind of pleasure. For her, winning meant being able
to put aside her fantasies of gaining
a measure of revenge. The guilty Jim Thomas, with his pale face and slackened jaw,
was the picture she wanted to see. While she felt no sadness or remorse for what she
was sure the courts would do to him, his image no longer controlled her every thought
and action. With that demon exercised she could actually enjoy these moments with
friends. And for the first time in months she could laugh.

Still, even this great joy, realized by rehashing each detail of the case, was not
as sweet as Meg thought it would be. In victory, she was still a woman who was defined
almost entirely not by what she had but by what had been lost. And the hate that had
ruled her daily life for so long likely couldn’t be sustained much longer. But she
also couldn’t imagine a time when warmth and love would come back into her heart either.

After the party broke up, she left the restaurant and slipped into her car. When she
placed the key into the ignition, she noticed again the wedding ring she still wore
on her left hand. In the dim light of a street lamp, she studied it, touched it, and
then, for the first time in over five years, slipped it off.

The reason for the celebration was also the reason she was so alone. That solitary
thought hit her like nothing ever before had. It was like a lead weight had just fallen
onto her stomach. And all through her body the repercussions could still be felt,
especially when she thought about the child she was carrying—a fatherless child!

It wasn’t supposed to be this way. It was supposed to feel good, satisfying, not cold
and unemotional. So, in victory, the senselessness of what had happened was now a
bigger factor in her life than the actual ruling. Even though Jim Thomas had been
named officially responsible, this didn’t change the fact that Meg was still the one
suffering the greatest loss. So while she had what she wanted, she didn’t have what
she needed.

Meg hadn’t cried in a long time. She’d reined in most of those emotions just after
viewing Steve’s body. For weeks, rage and anger had controlled her to the point where
she wouldn’t or couldn’t feel anything else. Now, with the guilty verdict, she discovered
that the hate and rage couldn’t totally sustain her anymore. Meg, now maybe for the
first time, felt the real pangs of a person living without love.

So as she drove out of the parking lot she didn’t turn left toward home but rather
right toward the hospital. She couldn’t face an empty apartment. She had to have someone
to talk to—someone to tell just how much she missed and needed Steve. She needed to
be with a friend who could explain why she wasn’t as happy and why she felt more alone
than she ever had. There was only one person she knew who might be able to do that.

The mournful pain that had appeared as she left the victory party didn’t subside as
she got closer and closer to the hospital. If anything, it grew worse. The tears were
now coming in torrents and she was having problems seeing clearly enough to even find
the turn into the parking lot. Swinging into the first empty parking spot, she let
the car idle for a moment. She didn’t want anyone to see her this way. And because
of that pride, she couldn’t allow anyone to know how lost she was. Thus, she almost
backed out of her space, getting as far as putting the shifter into reverse. Yet,
when she couldn’t think of anywhere else to go, she pushed the transmission into park,
reached up, and switched the key to the off position. Then, finding a handkerchief,
she began to cry again. And for the next half hour, she cried months’ worth of tears.

When she finally was able to gain some control of her emotions, she flipped on the
interior light of the car and repositioned her rearview mirror to take stock of herself.
Grabbing a tissue, she wiped the makeup runs from her face and dabbed
a bit more in its place. Still, even after the makeup had been vigilantly applied
and the hair combed, she looked far from perfect. Her eyes were bloodshot and her
face noticeably swollen. Turning off the light, knowing that she had done her best,
she got out of the car and walked the fifty feet to the employee entrance.

The night air, the moonlight, and the stars, all so romantic in nature, only served
to make Meg feel that much more alone. And it was this sense of loneliness that pushed
her across the parking lot. A light breeze blew her hair around her face and her maternity
dress to hug her now slightly rounding midriff. Pausing just before she entered the
building, she took a deep breath, forced a smile, and then, satisfied she was fully
composed, shoved the door open.

“Meg!” There was genuine excitement in Jan’s voice. “Congratulations! Heather called
a few minutes ago and told us that you won.”

“Thanks,” Meg answered, wondering all the while if Jan noticed the shaking in her
voice. “We won. Of course, they still have to sentence him. It’ll be tomorrow before
we know just how much we won.”

“Listen,” Jan’s voice was now a decibel softer and more sympathetic, “I’m sorry if
I lost my patience with you during this whole thing. I understand why you’ve been
on edge. If I’ve been short with you or anything, well . . .”

Waving her hand, Meg forced a smile. “You haven’t said or done anything you shouldn’t
have done or said. Besides, I’ve been pretty weird.” Glancing around, she continued,
“Where’s Molli? I thought she had the shift tonight.”

“She did,” Jan replied, “but she got Karry to switch off with her. It seems that Paul
called . . .”

“Paul Mason?” Meg was a little confused.

“Yeah.”

“I thought that he was going out with Heather?”

“I guess he thought he would like to go out with Molli again, too,” Jan answered.
“It’s not like he and Heather were engaged. Anyway, he asked her out and she accepted.”

“I wonder if Heather knows,” Meg asked.

“I don’t know.” Jan shrugged. “But that’s the good doctor, one conquest right after
another. Heather had to be aware of his reputation. No one is going to tie him down
any time soon. Thankfully, Molli is just out for a good time. Don’t you think that’s
what Heather wanted?”

A stunned Meg shook her head. What about the advice she’d given Heather? This was
going to hurt her. Why had she said what she said?

“Anyway,” Jan’s voice brought Meg back into the moment, “I’m sure she didn’t take
him seriously.” Jan waited a second, as if searching for her train of thought, before
asking, “What kind of sentence are they going to give the kid?”

“I don’t really know,” Meg answered. “But Cheryl Bednarz believes the way the judge
sounded when he delivered the verdict, he would go for the maximum or at least close
to it.” Pausing a moment, Meg concluded, “He’d better!”

Changing the subject, Jan inquired, “What are you doing here, anyway?”

“Oh, I just stopped by to see a patient—Meg then glanced at the clock—“and I’d better
do it before it gets any later.”

Visiting hours ended at nine o’clock, so they had been officially over for forty-five
minutes when Meg began walking down the long hallway. Still, she was a nurse, even
if she was off duty, and the rules at this small hospital were generally lax for regular
folks, much less hospital personnel. She knew that no one would mind her stopping
by to see a sick friend. In fact, it might earn her some brownie points with Administrator
Willis.

She knew Nancy would want to know the outcome of the case and Meg figured she should
be the one to tell her. As a matter of fact, she’d expected Nancy had been calling
her house all evening just to find out what had happened. And for some reason, now
that Meg was so lonely and filled with so many different emotions, Nancy just seemed
to be the one person she could turn to who could make some sense out of her life—not
just what had just happened but also what the future held. So as much as she didn’t
want to admit it, she wasn’t really here to give Nancy the news, she was here to have
Nancy help her understand what this news really meant to Meg and her future. After
taking a moment to touch her hair, she knocked softly on the door to room 211.

When no one responded, Meg knocked a little more loudly. When Nancy still didn’t call
out, she turned to walk away. Disappointed, Meg figured she could catch Nancy before
the morning session. She had only walked a few steps from the door when something
stopped her. Deep down she knew that no matter how tired Nancy was, no matter how
sick she was feeling, even if she were asleep, she’d want to be awakened if someone
needed her. So, retracing her steps, Meg slowly pushed the door open.