Darkling (13 page)

“Hey, don't look a gift horse in the mouth!” We laughed, and group of three approached, involving Set in conversation.

He nodded apologetically at me and turned to them, leaving me to my drink again.

“Let’s dance,” a voice whispered behind me. Goosebumps flushed down my entire right side.

Not waiting for my answer, Belun took my hand and led the way. When I felt his skin, something jolted in me, like the first time we shook our hands. Startled, I moved like a robot, following him.
Come on, Nika, get a grip!
But the memory of his whisper in my ear made me even stiffer. My hand went awkwardly numb, but he squeezed it hard.

When he had found a spot on the dance floor, he let go of my hand and faced me. The green of his eyes was slowly removing some of my layers. The stiffness came first, then jitters, followed by insecurity. Seconds later, after it felt like his eyes had literally reached my very core, the music pulsed through me.

Carried away by the melody, I turned my back to him. I leaned my head back, slowly moving my upper body to the beat. There was a small space between us, but I could feel him, and he could feel me. Our hands brushed. His fingers made their way from the tip of my shoulder over my neck and down my spine. I rested my head back on his chest, completely intoxicated with the moment. The song flew through us.

I turned to face him, my hands on his chest. I looked up at him, and in that moment, both of us were lost in the look. I heard lines of the song—“Love is like a sin, my love, for the ones who feel it the most.” He lowered his head to mine. I could feel his breath, and my own breathing deepened as I got closer to him. His hand landed softly on my lower back, not pulling me closer, but not letting me move any farther away, either.

It was I who tensed up again.

He moved his hand, looking at me. Then he took a half step back, still gazing with concern. I started breathing heavily, thinking that I might faint. He stood quietly, but my condition worsened. I didn’t know whether I would first scream or lose my consciousness. He firmly took my hand and led me through the crowd to Doris.

Chapter 8

The Decision

“What did you drink, girl?!” Mia hovered above me in our hotel room.

“It’s not the drinks,” Doris said, sitting next to me on the bed. Her hand lightly touched my forehead. “You’re burning up.”

“I know.”

Bryn strode into the room.

“Oh. My. God,” she breathed, grinning like an idiot.

“Okay, what’s going on?” Mia was losing her patience.

“I simply could not believe it when I saw you two dancing!”

“Well it explains Simona’s swearing at the barman over the wrong cocktail,” Mia laughed.

“I couldn’t believe it either,” Doris added in a whisper, her worried eyes still on me.

“We were just dancing.”

“Yeah, right!” Bryn exclaimed. “I was totally jealous of the moment you two were sharing.”

“You dance so well,” Doris teased.

Embarrassed, I looked away. At this point, I felt better, or at least my breathing was normal again.

“If everything was so wonderful, then what are you doing here?” asked Mia.

“I felt sick,” I said.

All I wanted then was to sleep for as many hours as I could. I hoped it would bring some clarity, and ease the choking feeling inside of me.

I didn’t really feel like company, so I turned my face to the wall. There was something alarming about its whiteness. It was too white, as if inviting something to ruin it. I felt an icy moss creeping up the bright paint and devouring this little piece of my world. Instantly, I closed my eyes hoping for sanctuary in a dream.

The next day after breakfast, we prepared to leave. I felt more or less okay, however, the memories of the past night were hazy. I didn’t know why I was pushing them as far back as I could, but thinking about what happened made me feel really intense. I was afraid to face it, and I’d rather have stayed in my room as long as I could, skipping breakfast altogether.

I was acting an idiot. What was wrong with me? It was only a dance. Okay, I don’t dance with all guys like that, but he was much more intimate with Simona when they were dancing! Well, she was, at least. I was definitely making something out of nothing. He probably thought nothing of it and was downstairs talking and eating perfectly normally with his friends, while I was hiding and overanalyzing everything. Just like a girl. Drove me crazy!

Later, Aidan asked if Doris and I wanted to ride with him, but she shook her head and kissed him. I didn’t see Belun. Maybe he had already left or was riding with Aidan, which would explain her refusal. So we went home as we came, with Tyler and Mia.

During the ride, the two of them were bitching amongst themselves. No matter what it was about, music or anything else, they contradicted each other. Doris took my hand in hers and leaned her head on my shoulder.

“You know, he needed a lot of courage to do that,” she said.

I knew that she meant Belun. But—
he
needed it? What about me?!

“I’ve never seen him like that with a girl,” Doris added, and since I stayed quiet, she laced her fingers with mine.

The ride was fun. Doris asked me if I wanted to go to her place so the two of us could have a girls’ night—movies, popcorn, etc., but I wasn’t up for it. I thanked her for the trip and gave a lame excuse about some errands that I had to do. She knew that I was lying, but she understood and was cool about it. So when the SUV stopped in front of my building, she gave me a warm hug.

“Buzz if you change your mind,” she said.

Opening the heavy wooden door, I gave her an unconvincing smile, knowing that I wouldn’t change it. Not today, anyway.

Up in the suite, there was another little gathering. Well, it was movie day, after all. Tibor, Max, and Lyndon, along with Julia. They seemed to be having a good time.

“You’re back!” Julia exclaimed. “How was it?”

“It was a crazy snowmobile expedition.” I tried to match her enthusiasm.

“Well, that’s fun,” said Lyndon, a little too surprised, as if everything I did was usually boring.

“I’m exhausted; we partied all night. I’m off to bed.” I offered them a smile and closed my bedroom door behind me.

My smile disappeared with the click of the closing door.

A feeling of indifference consumed me, I wasn’t up for anything. Even reading a book didn’t seem appealing. I checked my email and found some new interesting jokes that had been circulating through the Berkeley campus. Except I wasn’t there anymore.

The thought of that made my stomach churn.

Did I want to be back there? The following day I was to sign the contract. But I didn’t have to sign it! I wasn’t obliged to stay in this place. Did I want my life back? Well, did I want back the life that I had so badly tried to escape—even though I wanted to escape only for a week or two? And since my memories of this place and these people would be wiped away, did I want to return to that spot in Iowa, to my crossroads?

I didn’t know the answer, but I knew I had only two days to think it through. I had to figure out what exactly I wanted from my life.

The group in the common room had left, there were no more voices coming through my door. I didn’t leave my room; I had had enough fun already, and when bedtime came, I fell asleep more out of boredom than tiredness.

The next day, I was completely uneasy as I made my way to the gym. It was time to face him. Damn. I had tried to avoid meeting Belun, but unfortunately, it was inevitable.

He was waiting, dressed in a dark tracksuit. When saw me coming, he gave a small smile, but I didn’t respond. And I wasn’t going to.

“Let’s go running,” he finally said. His tone was normal, just like the one from the night at the bar. However, it surprised me that I was expecting it to be harsh and stern.

I pulled on my sweatshirt and ran out in front of him. The cool air was bliss, and I ran faster and farther that day than on any other day. I wondered if I was running away from myself, him, or us. I decided that it was not from myself, and he seemed to realize the same, so he gave me some space.

I felt some anger emerging, so I pushed away from the ground even harder. The surrounding trees turned into one long shade of dark gray, and I could feel them closing in on me. They devoured the whiteness of the snow and the road I was running on. That mass of threatening darkness was on my heels.

I ran faster, feeling the ice in my lungs. My thoughts were after me. I felt something under my feet and, falling, I cried out in pain.

Belun was next to me in less than a second, trying to help me.

“My leg!” I cried, and he turned me over so I could sit. It hurt when he touched my knee; he tried to slowly bend it.

“Not broken.”

“My ankle,” I managed to say.

Belun lifted me into his arms and started to carry me back. I couldn’t believe it!

In his arms like that, I was confused, not knowing exactly what to feel. There was my painful leg, and his proximity . . . . In that moment, some of my anger reemerged, but it faded away as fast as it came.

His face was so close, which put the trees back into normal focus. No more smothering gray mass. His skin was like snow, tender and smooth. His face seemed serious now and his eyes were a bit nervous. He was looking straight ahead as he walked, and when I moved my arm behind his neck to a more comfortable position, I felt his eyes fall on me. I didn’t look up, but when he returned them to the road, I glanced at him, taking in his full lips, nose, and forehead. That sight awakened a strange sense of hunger. I thought of licking his cool smooth cheek. I was horrified at my bizarre emotions; I started breathing heavily again and my heart began to batter in my chest.

He felt me stiffen.

“You okay?”

I was silent, unsuccessfully trying to calm my breathing.

“You want me to put you down?”

“Yes,” I said, surprised at my firm tone.

The pain in my ankle started to ease and I could walk if I balanced my weight well. I felt him looking at me, but I didn’t look back. We walked on in a silence even more unpleasant than the one at the beginning of the session.

I hobbled through the gym without stopping or saying goodbye. I went back to the suite to shower and change clothes, but even after that, the unsettling feeling didn’t fade.

In class, I couldn’t pay attention. Mr. Matthews impressed upon me that the next day would be very important, should I choose to join them. I barely listened to his lecture and my mind was buzzing from the sudden emptiness.

At lunch, I took more food than usual; I felt exhausted. This time I was the first one there, and sat at our regular table. There were less people than usual, and I remembered Mr. Matthew’s telling me about the “alternate meal” that the vamps had. My stomach squeaked at the thought of the red liquid, and a certain revulsion against the bloodsuckers filled me.

“You look darker than the weather.” Blake drew up a chair, and I glanced at him with no reaction. For some time, we ate quietly.

“Gustavo gave us a go for the tests.”

“Well then, a green light. Soon you can ask Baldur for his consent.”

“Me? What about you?”

I didn’t answer. I hadn’t decided.

“Ah, so today’s the final day,” he said quietly, more to himself.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Julia once compared the last day of trial as pre-wedding jitters, or bridal nerves,” he grinned. I rolled my eyes and then immediately felt guilty: the way I felt wasn’t his fault.

“Sorry, it’s been a bad day.”

“It’s okay.”

“Matthews said there’s neither a book nor a collection on Vocati research. And as far as I figure, there’s not much at all out there on them, plus the things that are known are not very exact,” I said.

“Each of them turned out to be different.”

“Yeah, but we—people—are different too, and yet there are some valid statistics. I find it strange that there’s no sort of summery of this Project so far.”

“As far as I’ve been told, there’s not.” He watched me eat for a while. “You always so business-like when cranky?”

Normally that would’ve been funny, or at least sweet, but at that moment it wasn’t.

“Only when I’m indignant.”

“Anything specific?”

“All and nothing, and one big I don’t know.”

“Sounds very complicated.” He was teasing me, but I took it seriously.

“It is and it isn’t. Essentially, nothing is complicated; the problem only lies in my inability to understand some things.”

“It seems to me that you’re heading the right direction.”

“Not really.” I changed the subject. “Have you ever asked Baldur if there are any studies that could be available to us?”

“Not him. I’ve only spoken with guys like Matthews, and they had told me the same thing that he told you.”

“You could ask him.”

“I will.”

“Who’s the Priest at this compound?”

“They don’t share that info with us. You need a strong reason for them to uncover some things. Honestly, I don’t think any of the Inquirers know, though I’m not sure about Gustavo.”

“I saw a guy who’s a Priest.” I lowered my voice, even though there was no one near. “But I don’t think he’s on duty here. Maybe he came just for the reception.”

“What does he look like?” Blake’s eyes were wide.

“There’s something unusual about him, that’s for sure. As if he could change your first impression of him.”

“Interesting. I’ve never met a Priest.”

“Yeah, it was odd for me too. I thought that vamps hide those things.”

“They do, and I always assumed it was for the security reasons.”

“Could be. Which brings up the question: who would hurt them and why, and has it happened in the past?”

“Is there a way to find out?” he asked, not expecting an answer, but I already had an idea.

Back in the suit, I found Julia sitting on the couch, her hands on her knees. There was something disturbing in her posture.