DARK SOULS (Dark Souls Series) (33 page)

She enunciated the last sentence, her face, so serious now, leaning close to mine. “You don’t strike me as one of those people,” she continued. “You strike me as a lost, tortured soul.” 

“Yes,” I replied softly, the darkness shimmering within me, rising and falling with every breath I took. Tears pooled in my eyes as I raised them to meet hers. “Yes.”

“I see it now,” she said, staring hard at my eyes. “I had an inkling a few weeks ago, but now I definitely see it.”

“See what?” I asked, feeling so vulnerable, so exposed underneath her gaze. This woman I cherished was showing a whole new side to herself, and I had no idea what to do about it.

She smiled, but it was quick, sad. “Oh honey, I'm so sorry this is happening to you.”

She raised her hand over the counter again and rested it on my forearm. “My poor, sweet girl. You were never supposed to know the truth. There are so few of you left. You were meant to stay hidden, to stay safe.”

I stared at her in confusion.

“Because he wants to destroy you.”

It was then that she lowered her hand, her eyes sad as she moved it from the sleeve of my arm and clasped my fingers gently.

The burn rose within me, sharp and strong. Fire slammed up and into my face, and I fought savagely to keep it under control.

She let go, deftly avoiding my golden gaze as she sat back on her stool.

“You’re a—you’re a demon,” I said, struggling to speak through the hot flames that licked under my skin. I began to shake, holding my hand to my chest and staring at her, my face tortured, my heart feeling like it was going to rip through my chest.

I remembered all the times she touched me, never grazing my skin, always making sure to reach for the fabric of my clothing. How she would always avoid looking at me whenever my emotions were running high, busying herself, always talking to me normally but never getting too close.

Oh my god.

Tears welled up in her eyes as she maintained her distance, her arms folded on her lap now. “I haven’t been called that in a very long time. I must admit, it feels good to tell someone again.” She paused. “Even in these circumstances. I’m not a danger to you, sweetie. I’m retired, you see.”

I breathed deeply, shutting the darkness down as much as I could. She thundered for release. “Demons r-retire?”

I couldn’t think of anything else to ask. In the midst of so many questions, under the weight of such a crushing revelation, it was hard to even form words.

“Not many of us, but we do.” She lifted her hand and motioned to her chest. “She and I came to an agreement, long ago. We live peacefully together now.” She stopped, catching the expression on my face before I could change it. “I see you’re a little bit appalled by that, but there’s so much you don’t know.”

I felt the anger mixing in with my darkness, both of them pushing to the surface. “This entire time, you
did
know. You watched me,” I stabbed the air, pointing at the door behind me, “You saw what was happening to me. And you did nothing
.
” My voice caught on the last word and it came out hoarse. I was breaking, and I couldn’t stop it. “You let me become this—you let me get to this point where I can barely…” I had to stop again, my breath hitching. But I was able to finish, the last word bursting out of me with such pain that tears coursed down my face along with it. “Live.”

“Sweetheart—”

“No.” I stood up, towering over her. “You don’t get to call me that anymore.”

She wiped a hand across her face, smearing her tears, but she didn’t cower. “You’re angry, I know. But you need to listen. Please.” Her hand trembled as she pointed to the stool I’d just vacated. “Please listen to me.”

I sobbed, my chest concaving as I bent over, bracing my body with my hands as I laid them on the cool steel. “Why, Ettie? Why did it have to be you?”

Not again. Please, not again. I’d already lost one mother. I couldn’t lose Ettie.

She knew what I meant. She made a move towards me, wanting to hug me, but her face fell and she stopped. “I love you, Emily.” She struggled, trying to say the right words. “I didn’t enjoy any of this—but I had to do it. I was trying to keep you safe. The less you knew, the less danger you were in. When I finally figured out what you were…oh god, Emily, I was so scared. I was so scared over what could happen to you. I hoped—” She stood now, stepping slightly closer to me even though I still leaned over the counter, breathing heavily, fighting against
her.
“I hoped it wouldn’t progress this far. That maybe I was wrong. I prayed I was wrong.”

She sounded closer now and I clenched my eyes shut as my heart broke with her words.

“I didn’t want to believe it was true. That you, of all people, could be one of them.”

I couldn’t stay silent any longer. I twisted my head to face her, my eyes glowing through the tears. “One of what, Ettie?”

“Sit. Please. Let me tell you everything. Let me at least do that much for you. I’m—” This time her voice broke, her words cracking in her throat. “I’m so sorry, Emily.”

I sagged into the stool, my hands never leaving the countertop, my head never rising. I was broken, defeated.

But I still needed to know.

“Did you have a strange childhood?” she asked, startling me with the question.

I hesitated before answering, speaking into my chest, “Yes.”  

“Tell me,” she said, and before I could protest or get defensive, she continued with, “I know I don’t deserve to know, but need to in order to help you understand. Please.”

I told her. I began with my home life, the only life I knew, with a mother who seemed to want to destroy me one second and then love me the next. I told her of the uncertainty of death that poisoned my young life and the isolated loneliness that consumed my every breath.

She nodded along, either unsurprised at my revelations or simply trying to process the information. She was the first person I had ever told, and I knew I should be so angry with her for her deceit, but with her gaze upon me, so soft and understanding, all I did was trust her.

“Yes, that makes complete sense,” she nodded, staring off into the distance. “That entirely explains how you survived for so long without so much as blipping on demonkinds’ radar. She isolated you, your mother, and rightfully so.”

“You agree with her tactics?” I asked, mortified and no longer thinking that I should trust her.

“Oh, honey no. I’m sorry. I’m getting ahead. Let’s start with something else. You probably want a name for yourself.”

I desperately wanted a name for what I was, for what was consuming me and torturing me. For what was changing me. “Yes. Yes, please tell me,” I breathed out, my voice latching onto those words with excruciating yearning.

“Sweetheart,” she said, her voice filled with such love that I wanted to buckle in pain underneath it. “My poor lost soul, you are a Cambion. One of the only ones left.”

CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

“Cambion,” I breathed, the foreign word rolling off of my tongue with surprising ease. “Not a Hunter.”

She looked perplexed at my last statement. “No, not the Hunter.”

I finally looked up at her, and her eyes widened at my expression. “That's what you wanted, isn’t it? You wanted all this to mean that you could…destroy demons.”

“No.” I pushed away from the counter. “I wanted it because it meant that even though I’m being destroyed inside, even though my world is filled with blood, and death, and darkness, there was a reason for it. A pure reason—a reason my soul was sacrificed. The only reason that could justify dying inside.” I stood, raising my eyes to the ceiling even as my face crumbled. “I wanted it to mean I was protecting souls.”

Her face softened.

“But I’m not, am I? I’m just killing them along with the demons. But—I don’t consume them. I don’t use human souls to sustain me. I just…waste them.”

I heard Ettie sigh at my words, and I knew her face mirrored mine when she said, “You don’t deserve this.”

She stood, moving so she was beside me, her presence strangely calming despite the demon that lurked within her.  “But you can’t pretend otherwise, either. I know it hurts you to be told you’re not part of the Trine, but you need to understand what you are, so you can stop it. You’re in extreme danger, Emily. You also
are
extreme danger,”

Ettie shook her head, eying me gravely. “In my entire life, I never thought I would come across your kind ever again.”

“Please,” I said. “Please just tell me everything. I’m so lost. I’m struggling so much. I just need to know.”

Ettie nodded, her hand moving towards mine intending to comfort me, but she seemed to think better of it and brought her hand back to her side. “They would come after your kind when you were young, when you had no power and therefore no way to defend yourselves. They would kill you instantly.”

“Who are ‘they’?” I asked, my voice surprisingly under control as I processed her information, leaning against the counter behind me.

“The Warriors. Damos’s Circle. They would search your kind out and swoop in, killing every other living thing around you. Including your parents, your siblings, everyone.”

I lowered my gaze to hers, my hands resting behind me and clenching the counter. “You demons are incredibly cryptic. I need you to slow down and explain. Everything.”

My voice became sharp, but I didn’t care anymore. I was beyond emotions. I was beyond anything.

“It’s a miracle you survived past childhood, it really is.”

She turned and sat back down, using my stool so she could still face me.

“Because you see, you were born dead.”

“I—what?” I asked, glancing up sharply.

“You heard me.” Ettie’s voice was just as sharp as mine, her words becoming blunt, her way of making me understand the dire circumstances of my situation. “When you were born, you had no pulse, no breath. And you continued to have no pulse and no breath, to essentially be the living dead, for years. You weren’t born human.” She cocked her head at me, watching for my reaction.

I struggled with her words, my body beginning to shake again.

“It was only when you turned seven. Yes, I believe that’s the age, when you started to display human tendencies. You began to breathe, your heart began beating. You began to resemble a human,” she continued, her words not missing a beat as she told me so matter-of-factly about the one thing that had been tormenting me for years on end.

“My mother...” I said, my voice trembling.

“Yes, your mother must have known you weren’t human. She stored you away, probably for your own protection, because if anybody saw you, if anybody else realized what you were, well, the humans would probably have taken you away and tested you, drained you.” She paused. “But the Warriors, they would have found you anyway. They would have killed you.”

“But how...?” I asked, shaking with so much emotion that I was unable to finish my question.

“Ah,” Ettie nodded, understanding where my question was going even though the tightness in my throat was preventing me from stating the rest of it.  “She’s your mother. She gave birth to you. You’re wondering how she gave birth to something not human? Well, you should be able to come to that conclusion without my help.” She waited for me to speak, and when I didn't, she finished with, “She had to have been intimate with a demon.”

Revulsion spiked through me.

“Oh, honey, don’t look like that,” she said, hurt, “Truly, there’s only one sect of demons that seduces humans instead of outright consuming them. Have you heard of a Succubus?”

I nodded, vaguely remembering Macy mentioning the topic after her mythology class. “I feel if I ever had to come back to this Earth as a mythical creature,” she had said, nursing her hot chocolate, “
that
would be the perfect little monster. I’d be hot. More importantly, I’d be satisfied by hot men all day. You might as well just call me Macubus.”

“They...seduce men,” I managed to say to Ettie.

“Right. They’re essentially female demons that take the form of an alluring female human—they don’t have to find human hosts—and lure men in. Sucking out pieces of their souls and leaving deterioration in their wake. After they have their way with them of course,” she said. “Their male counterpart is called an Incubus.”

“Are you saying my mother was intimate with an Incubus?” I asked incredulously.

“That’s exactly what I’m saying. She wouldn’t have been able to resist, love. These are incredibly powerful demons that I’m talking about, though they’ve been completely eradicated.” Her eyes leveled with mine. “Due to what they were creating.”

“Things like me,” I finished for her. “They were creating things like me.”

“Yes. Human lore describes an Incubus as an angel who fell from grace and became a demon with an insatiable lust for women. Humans love putting a romantic spin on things,” she shook her head before continuing, “But they’re not completely wrong. Human women are lured in by an Incubus, certainly, but it’s when they freely admit an Incubus into their lives, into their souls, that Cambions are created.”

“My mother was in love with him,” I said, my voice surprisingly strong despite this sickening revelation.

“Very much so. And that’s what ultimately led to her demise. An Incubus deserts a human female once he is loses interest in her. The woman is never the same. She deteriorates, mentally dissolves right before your eyes.” She trailed off, staring at me, her expression knowing.

Her face made me want to change the topic and stop talking about my mother. My haunted, tormented mother.

“Tell me about Cambions,” I said.  “I understand this part. I understand about the Incubus. I need to understand about me.”

“That much is true,” Ettie said. “You are your own worst enemy, after all.”

I frowned but nodded in agreement. As if to remind me of my conflicted soul, the darkness stirred restlessly.

“You probably understand by now that you’re half-human, half-demon.”

I nodded.

“You’re the offspring of an Incubus,” she continued, “and a human woman. As a young child, you were clearly not human. It was only on your seventh birthday that you began to resemble a human child, and therefore, you were increasingly difficult to pick out by the Warriors. When you turned seven, you could safely enter the world.”