Dark Rider (21 page)

“I beg your pardon?” He kissed the tip of her nose. “I don’t believe I know that word.”

“It’s not a word, it’s a place. It’s where—” She broke off as she came fully awake. This was not forever. This was no Ku’aihelani. What was she thinking? “Never mind.”

“But I do mind. I’m a very curious man.” He tugged at the lobe of her ear with his teeth, pressing just hard enough to send a tiny tingling through her. “I want to know about this Ku’aihelani. I want to know everything about you.”

So that he could possess her mind as he had her body. Panic shot through her as the memory of that joining surged back. Dear God, what had possessed her? She knew the answer.
He
had possessed her, and
dominated her and made her forget everything except what he had wanted her to feel.

She pushed him away with all her strength, catching him unawares. She jumped out of bed, looking around wildly for her sarong.

“Where the devil are you going?” Jared raised himself on one elbow. “Come back to bed.”

“Why?” She picked up the sarong from the floor and jerkily wrapped it around her hips. “It’s over. I’m going back to my cabin.”

“It’s not over. We’ve barely started.”

She whirled on him. “It’s
over
. I chose to come here. I choose to leave. You have nothing to do with it.”

His lips tightened. “I beg to disagree. I had considerable to do with it ten minutes ago. I’m reluctant to be cast aside so arbitrarily.”

“I told you that I’d walk away. I told you coupling with you would mean nothing to me.” She brushed her hair back from her face with a shaking hand. “Nothing at all.”

His gaze narrowed on her face. “Then why are you running away?”

“I’m not running away.”

“I think you are.” He held out his hand in invitation—naked, powerful, infinitely sexual. “Prove it,” he said softly. “Stay. I’ve only begun to show you the way of it. Pleasure has many faces.”

And his was the most alluring she had ever known. She took a half step forward before she realized what she was doing. She moistened her lips. “I’ll come again … when it pleases me.”

“Now.” There was steel beneath the velvet.

She glared at him. “Only when it pleases me. I set the pace.”

“The devil you will.” He swung his legs to the floor. “You forget where you are. I can do what I will with you.” He moved across the cabin. “Get back into that—” He broke off as he saw her face. “By God, I believe you’re afraid.”

“I’m not afraid.”

“Did I hurt you?” He touched her cheek with infinite gentleness. “I know I was rough, but I didn’t think I—”

“You didn’t hurt me.” His touch was causing her to tremble again. She wanted to lean forward against him, she wanted to reach out and—

She took a step back. “Why should I fear you?”

“I don’t know.” He studied her for a moment before adding roughly, “But, then, I never know what you’re thinking. I keep forgetting what a child you are. Christ, maybe this is how all virgins respond after—” He turned away from her. “Get the hell out of here.”

She stood unmoving, surprised by the sudden reversal.

“Leave,” he said harshly. “Before I change my mind. You may have had enough of me, but I’m not so easily satisfied.”

Neither was she, she realized in despair. She turned toward the door.

“Wait!” He snatched up his shirt from the floor and crossed back toward her. “Put this on.”

She shook her head. She needed to be completely removed from him. She wanted nothing of his to remind her of that feeling of possession.

“Damn heathen shamelessness,” he muttered. He forced her arms into the shirt. “There are seamen on duty out there.”

“I know. I saw them when I came to you.”

“And they saw you, no doubt.” He started to button the shirt. “I don’t want you to come to me like this again. At least wear a cloak.”

“It’s too warm for a cloak.” The shirt smelled of him, and the soft linen was like a caress against her breasts, his caress. “And I don’t want this. Take it off.”

“If I do, I won’t let you out of here until morning,” he said grimly. “By God, I’m not letting any other man see you naked. You’re so fond of being the one to choose. I warn you, make the right choice now.”

She opened her lips to argue and then changed her mind. She wanted only to get away from him. “It’s not worth discussing.” She opened the door. “Good night.”

“I doubt it,” he muttered. “I’ll see you tomorrow night.”

She tensed, not looking at him. “I’m not sure— I may not decide to come to you tomorrow night.”

“Then I’ll come to you.”

“No!
I
choose.”

“It doesn’t work that way. I’m willing to let you go tonight, but I’m no tame pup waiting for you to pick me up and play with me.” He shook his head. “Poor Cassie, things aren’t working out the way you expected, are they? Well, they aren’t working out the way I thought, either. I hoped I’d be able to take you and then forget you. But it seems it’s going to take more than one night.” His tone laden with determination, he repeated, “I’ll see you tomorrow night. I’ll give you until midnight to come to me.”

“I won’t be here.” The door slammed behind her.

Free. But she didn’t feel free. His scent was on the shirt, on her skin, and she felt as if his hands were still on her body. She moved quickly down the deck
toward her cabin. Once she was alone, she would scrub her skin until no hint of his touch remained.

But the memory would remain, the memory of the way he looked, the way he felt within her.… Sweet Mary, she was beginning to tremble again. Lani had never told her that she would feel like this afterward. If coupling meant nothing, why did she feel as if a tight chain bound her to Danemount even when she was no longer with him? She had the odd feeling that if either of them moved too far away from the other, the chain would tear them apart.

Imagination. She had lost her virginity this night, and perhaps she had paid more heed to Clara’s words than she had realized. Clara had said a woman must come chaste to her husband’s bed and cling only to him, or she would burn in hell. Well, Cassie had burned tonight. She had burned and trembled and cried out as he took and took and took.…

Don’t think about it. Tomorrow she would be fine. Tomorrow she would realize that nothing had happened to her that had not happened to generations of women before her. She would laugh at this panic. She opened the door of her cabin. Tomorrow she would be herself and know—

“Are you well?” Lani asked quietly. She was sitting on the bunk across the room. “He did not hurt you?”

Cassie stopped in the doorway. “No,” she whispered. “How did you know?”

“I came to see you when I returned from supper. You were not here.” She smiled and shook her head. “It took no great intellect to guess where you had gone.”

“But you didn’t come after me.”

“You know I never interfere with your decisions. It
would be an intrusion. But I wish you’d told me.” She held out her arms. “Come.”

Cassie flew across the room and dropped to her knees in front of Lani. Lani’s arms enfolded her—warmth, safety, love. She buried her face in Lani’s shoulder. “I had to do it,” she whispered.

Lani stroked her hair. “Why?”

“You were right. It made sense for one of us to be close to him, if it could help Papa. We have to know when he receives word from France. But why should you have to do it when it might hurt you if Papa found out?”

“I was willing to take the risk.”

“But you shouldn’t have to do it when I—” She nestled closer; her words were muffled. “I wanted him.”

“Shh, I know you did. Why are you so full of guilt? I told you that it was no betrayal if the passion was of the body alone.”

“But I didn’t think it would be like this.”

Lani stroked her hair. “And how was it?”

She couldn’t describe it, even to Lani. “It wasn’t as you said. I … didn’t want to walk away. It frightened me.”

“But you did walk away?”

“Yes.”

“Then it was no betrayal.” Lani sighed. “But I wish you had not done it. I was hoping your first man would be pure joy. Was he kind to you?”

Kind. Had there been kindness in that storm of passion? She wanted to deny it, but there had been gentleness in his surprising hesitation before he had taken her. “He didn’t hurt me.” She lifted her head. “He wants me to come to him again.”

“And are you going to do it?”

“It would be foolish of me not to, wouldn’t it? This night would be for nothing.” She paused. “But I don’t … Why am I afraid, Lani?”

“You’ll have to answer that yourself.” She smiled. “I will tell you what I think, if you like. You suspect that you’re not as strong as you’d thought. It’s not true. You’re stronger. You will see. You’ll do whatever is necessary.”

“Will I?” She felt a sudden surge of confidence. “Of course I will.” She sat back on her heels. “I was afraid only because the coupling was … different from what I’d expected.”

Lani leaned forward and kissed her on the forehead. “If you wish to refuse him, do it. We will make other plans.” She rose to her feet. “I’ll leave you to sleep. Rest well. I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Yes.” She watched the door close behind Lani. She had been foolish to be frightened. She had the strength to keep mind and body apart when with Jared. She rose to her feet, quickly unbuttoned the shirt, and stripped it off. She could take what she wanted of him and discard him just as she had his shirt. She untied the sarong and tossed it on top of the shirt, then padded naked across the floor to the wash-stand. It would be easier the next time. She would be more prepared.

She would learn to walk away without a second glance.

S
he was not in the least apprehensive, Cassie told herself as she walked into the dining cabin the next evening and saw Jared talking to Bradford. She’d had time to think over the events of last night and had come to the conclusion that her panic had been totally unreasonable. Lani had said there was no guilt, and Lani—

Jared turned to look at her, and she instinctively braced herself. His expression impassive, he said something to Bradford, then moved leisurely toward her. “I do believe that garment is even worse than the gray gown.” Jared grimaced as his glance raked the high-necked, long-sleeved puce gown. He lifted Cassie’s hand to his lips. “Didn’t that dragon believe in revealing even one inch of skin?”

“You don’t like it?”

“I abhor it.”

She smiled serenely. “Good.” She pulled her hand away. “But, then, you don’t really know what you like, do you? Last night you were upset with me for displaying too much skin.”

“That was different.” His gaze narrowed on her face. “You appear to be in good spirits.”

“Did you expect me to hide in my cabin? It’s true I was a little discomposed afterward, but it didn’t last long. After I talked it over with Lani, I felt much better.”

He frowned. “You talked me over with your friend?”

“Of course. We agreed that nothing of any importance had occurred.” She glanced around the dining hall. Bradford was now standing at the window across the cabin, but she did not see Lani. “Where is she?”

“I have no idea,” he said through his teeth. “And I don’t give a—” He broke off and suddenly threw back his head and laughed. “Christ, I just may heave you overboard before we get to England. My self-love is being stung at every turn.”

She wished he had not shown that glimpse of rueful humor. It was easier to keep the barriers in place with a man who refused to laugh at himself. “I was only telling the truth.”

“Truth is seldom kind. May I point out that it’s definitely not the thing to denigrate the man who strove to make your deflowering as ‘pleasant’ as possible?”

He knew that word was too tame to describe his stormy possession. She had been trying all day to forget the details of their joining. “I didn’t think there were social rules for behavior after a deflowering.” She changed the subject. “Are you going to escort me to the table or stand here talking nonsense?”

“By all means,” he murmured. “You clearly need sustenance to keep that tongue blade sharp.” He took her arm. “I’ve changed my mind. I believe I approve of your wearing that gown.”

She glanced at him in surprise. “You do?”

“I know it’s a disappointment, but I expect to enjoy looking at you across the table tonight. Do you know why?”

She shook her head.

He looked straight before him, his voice soft. “Because I’m going to think of what’s underneath that gown. I’m going to pretend you’re as naked beneath it as you were last night. I’m going to consider that gown as rather ugly wrapping around a delightful present. I’ve always enjoyed removing the wrapping from my gifts. You cheated me of that last night.”

She could feel heat sting her cheeks. So much for her confidence. Her heart was pounding wildly, and she suddenly felt unsure and shaken.

“I’m going to look at you across the table, and you’ll know that I’m remembering what I did to you last night.” His voice deepened. “Someday I’ll persuade you to wear nothing beneath that gown. We’ll dine alone, and you’ll let me slip the gown to your waist so that I can see those lovely breasts. Later, while we’re having coffee, you’ll come and sit on my lap. I’ll lift your skirt and look at you and press my palms on—”