Dark Desire (13 page)

This time he laughed, startling both of them. The sound was husky, low, and foreign to his ears, as if he had forgotten what it was like. His black eyes leapt to her face almost in fear.

“Not bad, wild man. First a growl, and now a laugh. We're making progress.” Her eyes danced at him, reassured him.

Joy welled up in the midst of pain. Shea. She had created a world where his soul could somehow touch light.
Vampires feel nothing but the momentary high a kill brings. They are amoral, deviant creatures
.

Her chin lifted, eyebrows drawing together in concentration. “A kill?”

They always kill their prey when feeding. They do not place them in a trance. It feeds their high to experience
their victim's terror. They do not discriminate between man, woman, or child. The vampire has chosen to trade his soul for fleeting emotion
.

“Do you kill?” Her fingers twisted together, and her breath seemed caught in her lungs. Why had she asked him that? She already knew the answer; she had glimpsed the darkness in him on more than one occasion.

Quite easily when necessary, but never my human prey.
He answered matter-of-factly, without real thought. It was instinct, his predatory nature.

“
People,
Jacques,” she corrected. “We are
people.
”

You are Carpathian
.

“I don't even know what a Carpathian is. Do you? Do you honestly know? Maybe you do have a rare blood condition, and somehow it gives you extraordinary gifts.” Shea no longer seriously believed there was any hope of that. She was certain he knew the truth: he belonged to another species of people.

Exhaustion was winning the battle with Jacques. Mortal sleep was not rejuvenating, but until Shea became accustomed to her new life, he would not leave her unprotected. He closed his eyes.
I have existed for over eight hundred years. I existed before Leonardo Da Vinci
. The words were slurred in her mind.

She backed away from the bed until the wall brought her up short. Over eight hundred years? Shea pressed a hand to her head. What was he going to do next? Turn into a bat? A wolf? Nothing would surprise her now.
I prefer the wolf, given a choice
. There was a distinct smile in his voice, brushing in her mind. It softened the hard edges of his mouth, giving him that sensual, sexy look she could not resist.

You would
, she sent back to him, inexplicable feelings for him spilling into her mind and heart.

There was so much about Jacques she didn't know. Just
how powerful was he? If vampires actually existed, had they originated from Carpathians, as Jacques implied? Did that mean a cold, merciless killer nature lay buried in Jacques, waiting to surface? Seven years buried alive should do a great job of bringing any latent hostilities out. Nor could she put aside the possibility that he was completely insane. She felt the madness in him, his struggle to find his memories and the truth, to suppress the violence within him. She sighed softly, touched his hair with a fingertip, her heart melting at the sight of him, so vulnerable, like a little boy. What was it about him that tore her heart out every time she faced the fact that he would get well and she would have to move on?

I am very powerful
.

Startled, Shea looked at him. Jacques hadn't moved. His eyes remained closed. “I'm sure you are.” Did he need reassurance?

I have no intention of allowing you to leave me
.

She laughed softly. “I was just thinking what a vulnerable, boyish look you have in your sleep. Now I think you're a spoiled brat.”

I am more powerful than a vampire, little red hair. I hunt them down and destroy them. I will have no trouble keeping you at my side.

“I'll just have to make it my business to annoy you to the point that you'll be happy to get rid of me.” She poured the last unit of blood into a glass for him. “I can do that, you know. My patients always are glad to see the last of me.”

I may be insane, Shea. I have thought about it for a long while. I know my nature is that of a predator
. He sounded very thoughtful, giving each of her worries his strict attention.
But if I am truly insane, then I cannot be without you. I will need you every moment by my side to ensure the safety of all mankind
.

Shea started to laugh, but as his serious tone registered, her smile faded. He was not teasing her. He was being as honest as he could be. Jacques didn't know whether he was insane or not. “Sometimes, wild man, you break my heart,” she said softly.

You want to leave me, Shea. I feel the need in you to put distance between us
.

“I have spent more time with you than I have with anyone in my life. I've told you more about myself, talked, laughed, and…and…” She hesitated, blushing wildly.

Jacques opened his eyes, turned his head to look at her.

“Other things,” she went on decisively. “It isn't like I'm thinking of deserting you. I just need space now and then, don't you?”

He merged with her immediately. At once she felt stark emptiness. A black void that could never be filled. Her heart beat hard, pounding in near terror. The world was gray and black, dark and ugly. There was no relief, no hope, only the terrible emptiness of total despair.

Her breath caught in her throat. She touched his hair with gentle fingers, ran a fingertip along his jaw in a small caress. “You
really
dislike being alone.”

I think the word
dislike
is not nearly strong enough
, he answered dryly.
I cannot breathe unless you are close to me
.

“I didn't realize it was so terrible for you. I'm sorry I was so insensitive, Jacques. I wasn't meaning to be. I have a tendency to plan things out far in advance. What you're picking up in my mind is something altogether different. Our situation is becoming desperate. I have to drive into one of the villages and get us some supplies. Blood, clothes for you.” She held up a hand. Merged as she was with him, she felt his instant rejection of her plan. “We don't have a choice, Jacques. I'm going to have to leave immediately in order to get down to the village first thing in the morning.”

No! It is not safe. I will not allow such a thing. It is too risky
.

She ignored his protest. “It is the only way that I can get back here by nightfall. I don't want to leave you alone during the daylight hours, but we need blood, Jacques. You're not healing as fast as you expect because we don't have the amount of blood you need. And as much as I hate to think about it, I know you're supplying me with blood. I was so weak before, but now I'm stronger. You gave me your blood, didn't you?”

You cannot go
.

She understood the terrible dread, the empty void he would feel if she left him alone now. The dark, ugly hole that swallowed him when he was without her. Her heart ached for him. To be imprisoned underground all those years, with no memory, only pain and darkness and starvation, had to have left mental scars.

I cannot be without you
. His hand found hers, his fingers lacing with hers, a bond. To him it was simple. She was his balance, his sanity, or what little remained of it. She was light to his darkness. She could not leave him. He carried her fingertips to the warmth of his mouth.

She felt the jolt of sensual awareness right down to her toes. His mind was open to hers, the ultimate intimacy, so that she could feel his every emotion, read his every thought if she chose. Dark desires mingled turbulently with stark resolve to keep her close to his side. Isolation yawned like a black, empty hole. So alone. So much pain. Emptiness. Hunger. Always the terrible hunger consuming him. She found tears on her face. Her arms cradled his head, rocked him gently. “You're not alone anymore,” she whispered. “I'm right here with you, Jacques. I'm not leaving you alone like this.”

It is still in your mind to leave me. You cannot hide your intentions from me, Shea. I have explained countless times
to you. You are my true lifemate. There cannot be deceit between us
.

Shea laid her head gently over his. The dark emotions whirling within him were becoming alarming to both of them. Violence was mixed with terror. “I have never tried to deceive you. You know that. I don't lie to you, and I don't play games. We need the blood. You won't get better without it. There's no other way.”

You cannot leave me, Shea
. This time his voice was a demand. He lost the indulgence often present when he conversed with her. All at once he was a being of enormous power, arrogant and commanding.

Shea sighed, her fingers caressing the strong bones of his face. “Don't go getting all bossy with me, wild man. We need to stay focused on our problem. We need blood. And I don't have any clothes that would fit you. Do you have a better idea?”

Wait until I am stronger and can go with you to protect you
.

She shook her head. “You keep getting mixed up. I'm supposed to be protecting you. I'm your doctor.”

You are my lifemate. There is only one. You are mine. Only one
.

She lifted her head, green eyes searching his face. “You've never lived with a woman? You must have had sex.”

Carpathians do not live with any other than their lifemate. Sex is a simple sharing of the body, a pleasure that fades along with emotions after two hundred years if we do not find our lifemate
.

“I don't understand. Without a lifemate, Carpathians feel nothing?”

Nothing, Shea. Not affection or remorse, not right or wrong. Certainly not desire. After two hundred years Carpathian males cannot feel
.

Color flooded her face. “You feel desire when you're
with me. I may not be experienced, but I do have medical training.”

His fingers tightened around hers, his breath warm along her knuckles.
I want you with every cell in my body, with my mind and my heart. Your soul is the other half of mine. When you are with me, I feel. Joy, desire, anger, even laughter. You are my lifemate. I have waited over eight hundred years to find you. I could not see color until you came into my life
. His black eyes, worn with suffering, fastened on her green ones.
I cannot lose you. I can never be alone again. Mortals and immortals alike would be in danger should I lose you
.

She didn't want to touch that. She murmured his name softly, brushed a kiss against his temple almost without knowing it.

I cannot exist without you, little red hair. There is darkness in me. The beast is strong. I struggle every moment against loss of control. My lifemate is my anchor. Only you can save me, keep me from walking in complete madness
.

Shea brushed the hair from his face with gentle fingers. “How do you know this? You've admitted you can't remember much.”

I have opened my mind to you. You know it is true. You anchor me, and I can do no other than see to your happiness
.

Shea couldn't help but smile. “You have no idea how arrogant that sounds. You aren't responsible for my happiness. I'm responsible for my own happiness. And at this moment, whether your macho pride can deal with it or not, I am the one responsible for your health and safety. We don't have time to wait until you're better. I have to go now. Every day we wait gives Don Wallace time to find us. When you're able to travel, we'll leave this place.” Her hand caressed his thick mane of hair. “I have to go, Jacques. I'm not leaving you, I'm only going for supplies.”

He retreated from her for a moment and as always, it was impossible to read his expression. His black eyes flickered.
I will go with you
.

Shea sat up reluctantly, hating to have to prove her point but knowing she must thwart his resolve. “Then let's try going outside onto the porch. Let me do most of the work.”

You think I cannot do this
.

“I think your will is strong, Jacques, but your body is weak. Perhaps I'm wrong. I hope I am.” She was silent as she made the preparations. She knew he couldn't do it, not without terrible pain. The gurney was narrow and uncomfortable. Shea padded it with a blanket. As she helped him from the bed to the gurney, he broke out in a sweat, but he didn't make a sound. With a sinking heart she pushed him out into the night air. Of course he would tolerate movement silently. He had endured torture and hours of surgery without painkillers or anesthesia. If he made up his mind to do this, he would do so without complaint.

Jacques pushed the pain aside, staring up at the stars, inhaling the night. His world—open air, the rush of wings, the high chirp of bats, the call of insects. He closed his eyes, the better to absorb the smells, the stories. His body resisted the physical exertion, crawled with pain, a dull-edged knife sawing away at his chest.

“Jacques, please don't be stubborn. I feel what you feel.”

There is no need, Shea. Do not merge with me. I would not wish this on you.

“Please allow me to take you inside and get you into bed. Just this small amount of movement is hurting you. I won't take you to the village no matter what you say. If the circumstances were reversed, you wouldn't take me.”

A slight grin curved his mouth.
If the circumstances were reversed, there would be no need to go to the village. I would call every human in the vicinity to nourish you
. There was a threat in his voice, subtle but still there, and
she caught the echo of his censored thought.
No human would ever be safe from him if Shea were hurt
.

Shea touched his forehead gently. “I'm safe, Jacques, and for now, I'm in charge.”

He gave the mental equivalent of absolute derision.
This place is familiar to me
. He was surveying his surroundings now, a peculiar glow in his black eyes.
I know this place. Something happened here a long time ago that I should remember
. His hand went of its own volition to his throat, tracing the thin, almost nonexistent white line curving around his jugular.
Only a severe mortal wound can leave a scar.
He murmured it aloud under his breath, as if to himself.