Dark (Beautiful Ashes #1) (2 page)

Chapter
Two

His scent awakened her. God, how she loved the way he smelled, all sandalwood and Tar mixed into something warm and welcoming. She knew that was dangerous but, for the life of her, couldn’t resist at the moment. After all, he’d saved her. Relishing in his presence seemed appropriate. Although the annoying little voice reminded her,
You’re his death sentence
. Her, “Shut the hell up,” was audible as Tar leaned forward.

“I didn’t say anything, Viper,” he chuckled sadly.

Her eyes blinked open after several flutters. “Why do you call me that?”

His head cocked to one side, studying, before he replied, “You’re as quick as one and your bite goes deep.”

She could only nod to that. He was accurate. She brought death and destruction on everyone she cared for. Suffice it to say, her proverbial fangs were venomous.

As if he sensed where her thoughts had gone, he gently stroked her jaw and explained, “My heart belongs to you. You hold it prisoner.”

The man known for his strong silence just exposed a vulnerability she couldn’t reconcile. His size and training screamed to the onlooker, warrior. Yet here he was, baring his emotions in the tenderest of ways. Keeley squeezed the fingers along her face and spoke with authority. “You can’t love me.”

He shook his head. “The heart doesn’t control who it falls in love with.”

“Then you’re a fool. Force it.”

Again, there was sadness laced in his disbelieving, low laugh. “If only…”

Better to get this over with now then spend any more time with him. She attempted to rise until her lower regions protested with a vengeance. She cried out, “What the hell did you do?!”

“Shhh…lie back, Keeley. You’ll only do more damage to yourself.”

Her hands locked tight around his shirt as she yanked him forward. Nose to nose, she commanded, “Tell. Me.”

“Later,” he promised, but she didn’t miss the moisture in the corners of his eyes.

What would make Tar cry? “Now!”

They were interrupted by a burly man, short in stature but built like a Mack Truck. She instantly knew he, too, was a SEAL. “I’ve asked him not to upset you. So the info you’re seeking will wait.” He shot her a pointed look. “Doctor’s orders.”

What the ever-loving hell! It must be bad if no one wanted to tell her. Didn’t they understand? The not knowing was the worst part. She began to explain just that when horrific cramps brought an earsplitting scream from her. Tar and the doctor quickly moved into action as she felt the narcotics pulling her into a bliss her mind had never forgotten.

*****

“Mitch, man, we can’t keep this from her. She needs to know,” Tar implored with acknowledgement that keeping things from Keeley spelled disaster. She had some major issues with that, rightfully so. Most would after being duped by someone they felt trustworthy. Hell, a boyfriend—pastor’s son at that—should’ve protected her, not expose a teenager to sex, drugs, and alcohol. He still couldn’t fathom someone doing the unspeakable, deliberately hooking another onto a drug known for its addictive and mental aftereffects. All for the purpose of having sex and sharing that drug induced body with many.

Fucker should have his dick cut off and shoved down his throat for that
.

But monsters were monsters, or as his mother once said, “The devil’s tools.” How could anyone make such choices? Though a part of him knew better as his mind insisted on revisiting a chunk of his life he never wanted to transverse again.

“Listen, Tar. I’m not suggesting we should keep it from her for a long time. She needs to know so she can process, grieve, and, God willing, heal.” He placed a hand on his friend’s shoulder. “However, she just had surgery. Strong emotions will send her over the damn edge. As in mental break. We’re showing mercy.”

Even he had to agree it was merciful, but concern filled him that the longer they postponed the inevitable, the worse it would be for Keeley. That ripped him apart. She’d been through enough.

If anyone deserved happily-ever-after, it was her.

He ran his fingers through her hair before leaving the room. “I’m grabbing a shower while she’s out.”

Mitch called, “A nap wouldn’t kill you.”

“Whatever,” Tar grumbled as he walked down the hallway.

Mitch had to chuckle at that. The recollection of their last tour together reminding him just what Tar was really made of. He was a damn machine in his need to protect any and all under his watch. And Mitch was fully aware what happened when his protection wasn’t enough. The low groan brought his attention to the young woman Tar called Keeley. He crooned, “You’re fine. Rest. Tar will be back soon.” Attempting to calm her in the drug induced sleep, but those five words seemed to have an opposite effect.

What the hell was their story?

She began to thrash around as if someone was killing her, forcing him to restrain her. Damn, he hadn’t seen that since he was out in the desert. And yeah, Mitch had no inclination of inviting those ghosts—not now or ever. Even tied down like she was, his patient fought hard. Mitch could’ve sworn there was someone else in the room with them. Every battle instinct went to high alert. When blood began to seep from where she was bound, he released her.

Something was wrong, soooo wrong.

For reasons Mitch could not explain, he carefully picked Keeley up and removed her from that room. He raced into Tar’s bedroom where lo and behold his advice was taken. He laid the tiny beauty next to her protector, knowing that was where she was meant to be. A squawk on his radio told him he was needed elsewhere. As Mitch was about to wake Tar to let him know he had company, his arm instinctively went around Keeley. The sight was both amazing and eerie. Another loud, “Sir, you’re needed. Stat!” put Mitch into action.

Life sure as hell wasn’t boring after leaving that godforsaken war
.

*****

He was here! But she couldn’t locate him, just
felt
his presence. Somehow he was gaining strength. Before he’d only haunted her dreams—nightmares would be more accurate—but recently, he demanded more and more of her attention. Her mind. Her emotions. Everything that kept her sane, he was slowly draining from her drop by precious drop. Couldn’t they hear her screams? Didn’t they understand she wouldn’t survive this? Darkness tilted his head and grinned sinisterly. Keeley fought with all that she had. “
Please, no
,” she begged in vain as his cold hand cupped between her legs. He’d already taken so much from her.

What more could he possibly want?

The demon locked his steely gaze to hers. “All,” he hissed, yanking the ring through her clit.

The pain was delicious. Fuck! She shouldn’t want that. Though she knew it was a lie to say she didn’t yearn for it. And lying to herself was futile. The masochist demanded she continued such torment, devouring any source of agony possible.
Someone should put her down for good
, she thought, yet continued to fight.

Another familiar demon began to sweet talk her. “Yes, Keeley, you need me. Life cannot be lived without me flowing through your veins.”

Weeeell wasn’t this special, for all intents and purposes, she was queen of the damned.

Her old pal Morphine pumped his fist proudly.

Keeley knew what would happen if opiates hit her system again. God, she simply couldn’t win. Might as well just let the demons fuck her every which way possible and take what they sought after—her soul. She wouldn’t win this war.
Why fight it?
Yet there was the case in point, struggle, pain of any kind was becoming as necessary as the air she breathed. Her body demanded she only give it more to consume. Her fear kicked into overdrive. She couldn’t let this happen. Surely some part of her wasn’t locked into this inky embrace of torture for pleasure. There had to be a tiny spark of something else, anything else.

The arm that encased her, firmly but gently, was warm. She inhaled deeply…Tar was holding her, protecting her. Yes, maybe he offered some sort of hope. Perhaps if she let herself love him, her world would be gunmetal gray instead of obsidian.

Hell, she’d take whatever he was willing to give.

*****

The demons recoiled from the brightness that now surrounded her. They knew in order to have her that light had to go out, quickly and thoroughly. They studied their nemesis, scheming. For certain they could win him over, encompass Tar within the pit as well. After all, Keeley was his weakness and they knew just how to torment him. What nearly brought him to them once before, could be used again. Battle lines were being drawn as the beautiful, wounded couple slept. When all was said and done, they would have both. Light wouldn’t stand a chance.
An easy win,
they thought, cackling as they slithered away.

*****

She woke up with a start, surveying her surroundings. What had she heard that brought sheer terror racing through her veins? Her breathing was ragged, and a cold she couldn’t warm up from seeped into her muscles.

Tar sat up scrubbing the sleep from his face. “Keeley?” Her wide eyes met his, bringing him to red alert. “Talk to me. What is it?” His eyes roved over her, noting anything wrong before they darted across the room, scanning for danger. He felt odd but, otherwise, saw no threat.

Keeley trembled next to him. He placed his massive arm around her snuggly. Instead of a protest—like he braced himself for—she curled into his side, reminding him of a frightened little girl. Careful of her wounds and cautious of her tender lower regions, he pulled her onto his lap. His chest was wet as he lifted her chin to see the tears flowing.

“Hold me tighter, please.”

Her shaky voice gentled him while it struck terror deep inside him. “Always,” he declared, cradling the precious beauty against his torso. He loved this difficult, troubled woman but understood if he told her that, she’d run away again. So, he bit his tongue and let his body speak with reassuring strokes, along her back, and soft hugs. He rubbed his nose against the top of her head, breathing her in.

How could he save her?

Her tiny hand caressed his jaw, bringing his gaze to hers. She whispered, “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“Being you and caring about me.”

He heard the pain behind those words. Still, with a twin sister who adored her and a brother-in-law who would move heaven and earth for her, as well as a mother who welcomed her back with open arms, Keeley felt as if she were unworthy. Tar related to her more than she realized. He, too, had fought those demons, barely escaping. Now, she needed that strength. Would she accept his help? No. He knew she had to reach that point herself. Didn’t make it any easier, however, if she was to truly survive this, she’d have to
want
the help. He looked into those gorgeous, warm sable eyes and knew her soul was too troubled. All he could do was hope for her, for them. He had no intentions of living without her, so she better come to terms with that toot suite. She was
his
. And he would fight a legion of demons to protect her. Something told him that was exactly what he’d have to do. Damn good thing he was phenomenal in combat, for he acknowledged this was war.

A war for her soul.

A war for their future.

A war for true love.

Mentally Tar flipped off the darkness surrounding them with a silent, “Bring it, muthafuckers.”

Chapter
Three

“Keeley?” Tar shook her again. “KEELEY!” His frantic voice brought her out of the drug induced sleep.

“Huh?” She blinked rapidly forcing her eyes to his face. Several emotions played across his handsome features as she attempted to decipher at least one of them. Fear was present and accounted for in the depths of those emerald irises, his hammering heartbeat cluing her in even more. In rapid fire, everything came back to life from underneath the drug-fog: Her entire body was a ball of pain, especially her womb. Instinct took over as her hand traveled down between her legs. Her mind providing the information she sought. Blood. A lot of it she realized. Keeley’s gaze was locked on her hand as she lifted it away from her private parts. “Oh. My. God.”

Tar moved swifter than he should have been able to considering his size. He shoved a blanket between her legs before cradling her to him and rising from the bed. His steps were purposeful as he called out, “Mitch! Where the
fuck
are you?”

The stocky man from the night before peered around the corner. “Here,” he answered.

“We have a situation, man.”

“Affirmative. You remember the first room we were in?”

“On my way,” Tar replied as his long strides ate up the dank corridor.

“What happened to me?” Keeley inquired.

He locked eyes with her and answered with a question of his own, “What do you remember?”

She cringed at that, but never responded. When Tar laid her down on the gurney, he realized why she passed out. He was just about to yell for Mitch again when the man in question appeared.

“Oh shit!” Mitch exclaimed, gloving up. “Did you do anything to cause this?” No accusation in his voice, he was simply figuring out what might’ve caused the geyser coming from Keeley’s lady parts.

“Not a damn thing,” Tar replied, agitated.

For good reason
. Mitch examined Keeley, which put Tar on edge. Yeah, he wouldn’t appreciate another man seeing his woman’s pussy either. “Listen up, it’s a vagina. That’s how I’m choosing to approach this—strictly medical. Copy that?”

The tightness around Tar’s mouth was unmistakable. “Roger.”

Mitch understood and didn’t push it. As he finally reached the source of bleeding, he gasped, “Wait! You said you didn’t touch her, right?”

“Swear it.”

“Then how the hell did this happen?”

“What?” Mitch tugged Tar’s arm, pulling him around the bed until he, too, was staring between Keeley’s legs. “Are you fucking kidding me?”

Mitch shook his head as he carefully removed the ring from a severely lacerated clitoris. “I remember making sure this area hadn’t been damaged from her attacker, Tar. If you didn’t mess with it, then how did this happen?”

Tar ran both hands through his hair and pulled. “I-I don’t know.” He swallowed hard. “Will she…” God, he couldn’t get the question past his lips.

“Will she ever be able to orgasm again?” Mitch studied the area he was now stitching. “Hard to say. It will take a very patient man to find out.” He met Tar’s gaze pointedly. “She’s wounded in more than one way. You need to accept that.”

Tar began to pace. “Don’t I know it.”

Keeley gave a loud moan just as Mitch was finishing. He grabbed a syringe full of morphine to give her some much needed pain relief when Tar stilled his hand. “She’s a recovering addict.”

“Yes, the track marks between her toes gave away her dance with heroin. But I appreciate you telling me.”

“Won’t this set her back?”

Mitch heard the worry behind that question and he sure wasn’t going to lie. “Probably.”

“Some-something else,” a low groan drew both sets of eyes up to the small voice. Keeley’s tears were soaking the pillow her head was on. “Please don’t make me go through detox again,” her plea was faint as if a part of her was already craving the drug.

Tar acknowledged that was exactly what was happening. The demon already had a taste and demanded more. Not on his fucking watch. His held her gaze as he commanded, “Acetaminophen. Now.”

“Copy that.” Mitch filled another syringe full of the pain reliever most found over the counter. Granted, this was a much stronger dose, but he was reluctant to give her the one with codeine.

Keeley’s features relaxed a little but the pain was still etched in the crinkles around her eyes and the lines of her mouth. Though Tar saw something else there, and her ragged breath confirmed it, she was enjoying the agony. Fucking hell. He leaned into her ear, pressing his mouth along the shell. “I won’t let you do this to yourself. I
will
help you find balance.”

She jerked her head to the side and huffed, “And if I don’t want that?”

“Too damn bad, Viper. You’re stuck with me.”

Her lips pursed at that and he could do nothing to stop himself. Stroking her mouth with the tip of his tongue until she opened for him, then he pulled away. “Bastard,” she grumbled.

He actually winked at her. “I guarantee you will call me worse before this is over, darlin’.”

She lay there pouting as Mitch chuckled. “You’ve met your match, man.”

Tar tapped her bottom lip with his forefinger. “Indeed I have.” Keeley took advantage of his distraction with Mitch and bit down hard on said finger, refusing to let go when he hollered, “Fucking A!”

She wanted to draw blood but released him before she did. “That was a warning,” she cautioned.

He braced his hands over her shoulders, locking his gaze with hers. His warm breath skated along her mouth. “I’ma wear your ass out for that.”

Her pulse quickened. Hell, the thought of him working her over actually caused a delicious ache. Although Keeley quickly realized the ache was turning into honest-to-goodness cramps, and she cried out. Mitch began to examine her, shooting a leveled look at Tar. Her hand traveled down her stomach but never made it past her navel. Tar clutched it in his. “You’ll hurt yourself more,” he warned.

“I’ve had surgery on my uterus.” Her voice held a calm she didn’t feel inside. Something told her this wasn’t going to be good news. Far from it.

The statement made Mitch respect the hell out of Keeley. More and more he understood what Tar saw in her. He replied, “Yes. And you need to be careful. Rest is crucial.”

She didn’t want to know, but knew she had to ask. “Is it…” her bottom lip began to tremble as the damn tears betrayed her, and she stuttered, “g-g-gone?”

Mitch wouldn’t lie to her, though he’d rather wait, he answered, “Yes.”

Her sob broke his heart. Or so he thought, until he witnessed the most tender, raw moment of his life. Tar squeezed in beside her on that tiny gurney, tears pouring down his face as he spoke to her. “Shh, baby, it’s okay. I’ve got you. I’m not going anywhere,” he vowed.

She buried her head against his strong chest as he enveloped her in his muscled arms. Mitch left the distraught couple, not wanting to invade on such a private moment. He couldn’t help but acknowledge they had some huge mountains to overcome, and found himself doing something he hadn’t done in years—pray.

*****

Keeley knew this was what she deserved. Someone like her should never become a mother. God had ensured that. But even as the thought slipped through, a tiny part of her screamed,
Noooooo! You’re not being punished, Keeley
. Could’ve fooled her. Sure seemed as if for every step forward she took, something set her back ten. She wanted to disappear into oblivion. Morphine could do that. Hell, maybe just the right cocktail of drugs would finally remove her from this godforsaken world.

What about Tar?

He slept next to her, and she couldn’t help but snuggle in closer to him. It was wrong of her to use him like that, yet she couldn’t help it. She needed him. Tomorrow she would separate her feelings and make it damn clear to her heart that falling in love with this man was forbidden. He deserved a wife and children. He should have happily-ever-after, not completely-fucked-up. That was her. There was no redemption for what she’d done. She had helped murder a man. Okay, maybe she didn’t actually do the deed, but she sure as hell knew what Viv was going to do, and Keeley didn’t stop her. Never told a soul. So for that reason, and many others, love couldn’t be hers. However, tonight, just this once, she would bask in all he was willing to give her. Tar had become a lifeline, and she had to sever it. She leaned in and let the tears fall once more.

She cried for what would never be.

For a family she could never have.

For a man she had to let go.

His arms pulled her closer as she breathed against his heart, “I do love you, though you’ll never know. I’m sorry, Tarius. I’m so sorry.”