Daring Devotion (15 page)

She threw back her head and cried out in both pleasure and pain.

When Andrea opened her eyes some time later, she found herself still cocooned in a blanket of warmth and peace. She yawned and attempted to stretch but was restricted by Cal's tight hold. She had no great desire to get free of his hold, so instead she snuggled closer to his chest.

What a fool I am,
she thought as she lay there with her head pressed against the sprinkle of curly hair that covered his broad chest, listening to the steady heartbeat of the man who completed her. In her stubbornness, she'd almost lost him. A lifetime without ever feeling this way again.

She felt him shift, and a soft kiss pressed against the top of her head. “Cal? Are you awake?” she whispered.

“Yes.”

She frowned and tried to turn her body to see his face. There was something strange about the toneless one-word answer. “Are you okay?” Because of the way he held her, all she could see was his stubbled chin.

He sighed with grim determination. As if he'd made a difficult decision. His next words let her know that's exactly what he'd done.

“They're about you.”

He spoke so softly, Andrea wasn't certain she'd heard him correctly. “What did you say?”

“The nightmares I've been having for the past several months, they were about you. I'm in the Hadley building and I'm running into the room where I found Marco. I come to this big, gaping hole in the middle of the floor and there you are, just…hanging there by your fingertips.” He sighed again, as if reliving the images were exhausting. “I reach out for you…you reach for me, but your fingers slip through mine and then you are falling. I can hear you screaming, I can see the fire below you, and there is not a damn thing I can do about it. That's usually when I wake up.”

Andrea broke free of his loose hold and sat up beside him. She stared at his stoic profile in the dark room. He was as still as a statue, and she knew he was awaiting judgment. So, this was the demon that stood between them. Suddenly everything made sense. She should've known it wasn't fear for his own life that was terrorizing Cal. After all, he risked sacrificing himself—
everything
on the job. It was fear for her, or rather, fear of failing her that haunted him.

She reached out and stroked his cheek. “Why didn't you tell me this before?”

He slanted her a glance that made her catch her breath. This confession had cost him more than she realized. There was a look of both hurt and anger in his eyes, and some other unidentifiable emotion, a strange combination she'd never seen before.

“Why? So you would know just how weak I am?”

Andrea rose up on her knees and quickly straddled his lap, taking his face between her hands. “Don't say that. You're not weak!”

Cal simply watched her with hooded eyes, and Andrea knew she had to move carefully: A man's pride was at stake. She braced her small hands on his wide shoulders. “If you're weak because you're afraid of seeing me die in your dreams, then that means that loving me
makes
you weak. Is that what you are saying?”

He turned his head away, pulling free of her hands. “You know that's not it. The problem is not you, it's me. What kind of man cannot control his own mind?”

Her lips twisted thoughtfully. “Cal, considering what you see on a daily basis, charred bodies and destroyed lives, it's amazing you haven't had trouble before now.”

“Don't make excuses for me, Andrea. I don't see any more or any less than any other firefighter.”

“Oh, really? How many of them do you think watch their fiancée fall to her death on a nightly basis?”

He took her around the waist and lifted her up off of him before standing. “That's not the point.”

“Then what is?”

He flopped down on the side of the bed and buried his head in his hands. “This is why I didn't want to tell you about it. Look at me!” He held out his shaking hands. “Just thinking about it does this to me. This is not me! I'm not a—” He just shook his head.

“Not a what? Not a human being?” Andrea put her arms over his shoulders, feeling the need to touch him, to make herself some part of him. He was hurting so badly, and she didn't have the right words to ease his pain. Nobody did.

Cal pulled her arm forward over his shoulder and kissed the palm of her hand. “I have a confession. I talked Marianne into not canceling the wedding. No cancellation notifications went out.”

A stunned silence fell over the room. Andrea felt his muscle tense beneath her arms. She knew he expected her to be angry, he was waiting for her to lash out. But in truth, all she felt was relief that he'd kept her from making the biggest mistake of her life.

“Oh?” She finally managed the one-word answer, while trying to suppress the thrill of excitement that raced up her spine.

“But now I'm wondering if that was such a great idea.”

Her heart stopped. “What do you mean?”

“You deserve better than this, Andrea. I don't know exactly what is going on with me, but whatever it is, it won't be solved in a few days' time. And I can't ask you to put your life on hold indefinitely.”

“Cal, I only asked one thing of you.” She leaned forward and kissed his cheek. “I asked you to share what's going on inside your heart with me, and you just did that. The rest we can work out together.”

He stood effectively removing her from him and turned to face her. Andrea sensed that the distance was necessary for whatever he was about to say. “I don't think so, Andrea.” There was a coldness to his words that Andrea had never heard before. She was almost certain it was more for his benefit than hers. “You should call Marianne tomorrow. We still have four days, hopefully that will be enough time to cancel everything. I promise not to interfere this time.”

Staring at his stiff back, Andrea knew he didn't believe his own words. He didn't want this, he was trying to do what he felt was right. But his right was so wrong. He was about to make the same mistake she'd made out of some sense of noble obligation.

But Cal was stubborn, and when he believed he was right, there was no changing his mind. Watching his rigid stance, Andrea knew nothing she said would change his mind. The time for words had passed. It was time for a leap of faith.

She stood and dressed quickly in the quiet room, trying to ignore the deafening silence between them. When his disregard became unbearable, she spoke to fill the void of space between them. “I'm not calling Marianne,” she said softly. “But I will be at the church this Saturday afternoon.” She smiled to hide the tears forming in her eyes. Remembering the beautiful wedding she'd planned. “I don't mean to brag, but I look fabulous in my dress. All our family and friends will be there to celebrate with us and wish us well.”

Realizing he planned to continue ignoring her, she turned and headed toward the bedroom door. “I will be there, Cal. Waiting for you. The question is…where will you be?”

Cal waited until he heard the front door close before he fell to his knees. He pressed his hands to his face—he could still smell her essence on his fingers. He could still feel her soft, welcoming body beneath him. Taste her sweet kisses.

It wasn't supposed to be this hard! He loved her, she loved him, nothing else should've mattered. But it did matter. The fact that he could not be the man she deserved
mattered!

It just seemed so damn unfair! After all these years, to finally find the woman God made just for him and
still
be denied and lose his mind in the process. When he pulled his hands away from his face he was surprised to find water on his palms.

He hadn't cried since he was nine years old. He quickly wiped at his face and climbed to his feet.
Oh, yeah, I'm definitely losing my mind.

C
al sat waiting while Mack read the report he'd written up regarding the incident with Jeff Collins. The report was based on everything Cal had seen, and everything that Marco had told him. It all made sense, and now Jeff was home on bail awaiting trial. But still, there was something about the whole incident nagging Cal, but he couldn't put his finger on it. Some part of him hoped Mack might recognize it.

He anxiously glanced at the clock on the wall again. It was 9:38 a.m. on Saturday morning. Andrea was probably awake and getting a shower. He tried not to think about her going to the church for him. He glanced up at his boss standing against his desk, reading the report he'd written up. He glanced at the clock again.

“Looks great, Cal,” Mack said when he finally closed the file.

Cal felt slightly disappointed, but hid it. “So, it all makes sense to you?”

Mack smiled. “Yep, everything is neat and in order. Good job, and welcome back.”

Cal nodded, unable to shake the sense of foreboding that had haunted him over the past forty-eight hours.

Mack had not been oblivious to Cal's odd behavior, or the fact that Cal was at the firehouse only hours before his wedding. Being one of the invited guests, he knew the ceremony was scheduled to begin in a matter of hours. “Kind of surprised to see you here.” He nodded toward the clock on the wall. “Cutting it kind of close, wouldn't you say?”

Cal glanced at his boss. “Yeah.” It was all he could manage in his confused state.

Mack stood and prepared to leave. “Well, thanks for getting this report to me so soon.”

Cal stood, as well, wondering if he should say something to Mack about his misgivings, but finally decided against it. “No problem.”

Mack was almost out the door when he paused. “I have to say, I'm more than a little shocked by all this. I mean, Jeff was a seasoned veteran, with a hell of a record. Why would he risk it all to frame you?”

Cal shook his head. “I don't know how much of it was to frame me, and how much of it was just being a pyromaniac. Pyros can't help themselves. It's an addiction.”

“I know, but still…” Mack huffed. “You'd think a fireman would be better at it. I mean, those first couple of blazes were almost amateurish.”

With that statement, Mack disappeared through the door, and missed watching the light come on in Cal's head. That was what had bothered him about this whole thing. It was so damn unprofessional. For someone who knew so much about fire, it seemed almost ridiculous. It was ridiculous.

He grabbed his keys off the desk and headed out the door.

Cal stood in the middle of the burnt-out building, not sure exactly what he was looking for. He heard footsteps, and he swung around to find Noel moving quietly across the room, headed straight for him.

“What's up, man?” Cal said, trying to sound nonchalant as he mentally worked on an acceptable excuse to explain his presence.

Noel came to a stop right in front of him, looking his friend in the eye. “So…you're having doubts too, huh?”

Cal's eyes widened in surprise. “You, too?”

Noel nodded. “Sorry, man. But it was just too damn tidy for me. I mean anyone who knows as much about fire as Jeff could've come up with a thousand different ways to set blazes, and what happened here was just a little to amateurish for my taste.”

Cal was listening intently. “Exactly! I couldn't put my finger on it, but something just didn't seem right, and that's it.” He popped his finger. “This was done by someone who is just learning about fire. A beginner.”

Noel nodded in agreement. “Problem is, Jeff has already been charged with the crime, so before we can get him released we need to be able to explain what really happened here.”

Cal threw up his hands. “Hey, man, you're the expert.”

Noel took out his half-empty box of cigarettes and popped one into his hand while his sharp eyes took in their surroundings.

“What happened to the gum?” Cal asked, not at all surprised to see his friend had failed in his latest attempt to quit.

Noel gave a fake shiver. “Just too nasty.” He pointed to a far corner of the room. “We know the fire started there, and we have some idea of what kind of accelerant was used.”

“Right, right.” Cal nodded in agreement and looked in every direction. “I wonder why the arsonist started the fire over there, so far away from the entrance.”

Noel crossed the room to where the flames had started in a small huddled corner. “Don't know, does seem odd, though, huh?”

Cal followed, but his eyes were drawn to the window high up on the wall. His mind began to calculate the possibilities. He knew the window was street level, so presumably someone could've come through the window. But Cal knew Noel had originally discounted the possibility because of the size of the opening.

It was in no way large enough for a grown man or even a woman to fit through. But a child…

“What you got?” Noel asked, noticing the thoughtful expression on Cal's face. He followed Cal's eyes to the window. “No way, man. Nobody could get through there.”

Cal's eyes slid to his friend, and he decided to keep his suspicions to himself for now. After all, one man was already sitting in prison because of his rush to judgement.

Cal glanced at his watch, and feigned surprise. “Look man, I got to go. But let me know what you find out, okay?” He was already moving in the direction of the door.

“Cal! What you know, Cal?” Noel called after him, knowing he was being left out of something. But Cal was already gone. He glanced back up at the window, trying to figure out what had caught his attention.

He walked closer to the wall, and ran his fingers just above the soot covered counter. That's when he noticed it, and he briefly wondered how he had missed it the first time. But somehow he had, because right there in the soot was a footprint where someone had obviously climbed up on the counter. His fingers floated up went out the window…which was apparently how the arsonist had come in. He looked back at the footprint in the soot once more as his brows crinkled in understanding.

“I'll be damned,” he whispered around the still unlit cigarette that dangled precariously from his bottom lip.

 

Cal stood outside the small Sanchez apartment with his fist half-raised preparing to knock on the door. What he'd come to realize seemed almost impossible but it was the only plausible explanation.

A small part of him wanted to walk away and act like he did not know what he knew, but that would be unfair to the man who'd sat in a jail cell for almost a week for a crime he did not commit.

He shook off his self-doubt and tapped on the door.

Cal could hear Maria answer from inside and he waited patiently for her to come to the door, only then realizing that he'd secretly hoped no one would be home, and he could put off this unpleasant task.

Maria Sanchez swung open the door and stood looking at the large man blocking her doorway. “Cal.” She smiled with surprise. “What brings you by?”

“Hi, Maria. Is Marco around?”

She nodded. “Sure, come on in.” She stepped aside to let him by. “Marco!” She called in the direction of the bedrooms at the back of the apartment. “Cal is here.”

Within seconds, Marco came shooting around the corner, with a full grin wreathing his face. “Cal! What's up, man?” he said as he threw himself into the arms of the giant, and Cal caught him with ease. He hugged him close, again doubting his purpose and mission. What was he doing?

“Hey, little man.” He ran a rough hand over Marco's curly head.

“What are you doing here?”

“I need to talk to you.” Cal looked down into a small, brown face filled with love and admiration, and he felt like a monster. But he'd chosen his course when he knocked on the door, and there was nothing to do but see it through.

He gently guided the boy over to the couch. “Umm, you remember what you told me about the fire and the man you saw?”

Instantly, Marco's joyful expression faded into a completely blank stare. “Yeah.”

Cal gave a nervous glance at Maria, who'd been standing off to the side the whole while. “Yeah, well, I thought it was Jeff from the firehouse. You remember Jeff, don't you?”

Marco nodded, and frowned. “Yeah, that guy is a real jerk.”

“I know.” Cal bent forward slightly to be on eye level with Marco. “But he didn't start the fires.”

Marco's eyes darted away. “I didn't say a name! I never said Jeff did it.” He shook his head defensively.

“I know, I know.” Cal laid a calming hand on his small shoulder. “That was my mistake—not yours. It's just when you told me that, all the pieces seem to fall into place, but now I realize I was missing something.”

“Cal, just what exactly is this about?” Maria asked, and despite his attempts at delicacy, Cal knew she could sense something was wrong.

As if realizing the truth had been discovered, Marco's head fell, and his whole, thin, little body slumped in defeat.

Cal rubbed the boy's trembling back in an attempt to comfort him, but he spoke to Maria. “I've recently discovered who the real arsonist is, but Marco knew all along.” He looked back at his young friend. “Isn't that right, Marco?”

He shook his head rapidly, but never looked up.

Maria moved closer to the pair on the couch. Cal could see she was beginning to understand. Cal knew that this could possibly crush her, but he was obligated to the truth whether he liked it or not.

“And who is the arsonist?” she asked hoarsely.

Before Cal could answer, Marco shot up off the couch like a bullet and pressed his head against her chest as the tears begin to flow. “I'm so sorry, Mama. I'm so sorry.”

Maria closed her eyes tightly, and Cal knew instinctively she was trying to close out the truth. She wrapped her arms around her son, and held him close.

Cal just sat on the couch watching a mother and son try to come to grips with a future that was now out of their control. He felt he should say something, but had no words. He couldn't say it would be okay, because he really didn't know if it would be. He couldn't say he understood, because he didn't. So, he just sat silently and waited.

Finally, Maria stepped back from her son, and both faces were streaked with tearstains. She took a deep breath. “So, what now?”

“Honestly, I don't know. I haven't told anyone of my suspicions. I wanted to talk to Marco first.”

Maria's brown eyes lit with hope. “Is there any chance…”

Cal shook his head painfully. “I'm sorry, Maria. But I can't
not
report this. An innocent man almost went to jail.”

She nodded, and wiped at her face. “I understand.” She hugged her son close. “We'll get through this, one way or the other.”

Marco wrapped both his arms around his mother's waist, holding on to her like the rock of strength she'd been his whole life.

It gave Cal some comfort in knowing that she would not desert him now. Cal stood and looked down at Marco and felt something in his heart tug. Despite what he'd just done, there was still that look of love and respect in the boy's eyes.

“Cal, I'm really sorry—it's like I couldn't help myself. I'm sorry I disappointed you.”

“We all make mistakes,” Cal said with a shrug. He knew the words were not what the boy needed to hear, but it was all he was capable of saying. He didn't understand pyros, and doubted that he ever would.

Before he left the small apartment, they all agreed that Marco should surrender himself to the authorities, instead of Cal reporting him.

Cal gave them Noel's phone number. It eased his conscience a little to put them into the hands of someone he knew and trusted. A few minutes later, as he unlocked his truck door and climbed in, he noticed the two lonely-looking figures standing in the window of the second-floor apartment. He gave a halfhearted wave, and Marco attempted to return it.

Cal considered the events of the past few months, and realized nothing had turned out the way he thought it would. He'd thought becoming chief would fulfill him in some way it had not. And although Jeff was a jerk, he was not an arsonist, and Cal had almost destroyed the man's career. And now, the twelve-year-old boy he thought he knew and understood turned out to be a firebug. And most disconcerting of all, he'd come to discover that he was not indestructible.

Just then, his cell phone rang and he pulled it from his jacket pocket. Seeing the name on the ID caller, he frowned and answered. “Hello?”

“Okay, okay…where are you?” Cal glanced at his watch. It was almost three o'clock, and their wedding was scheduled for four. He still needed to get showered and dressed. But the person on the other end of the phone needed him just as much, if not more. “All right, I'll be there in thirty minutes. Just stay out of sight, okay?”