Darcy and Elizabeth What If? Collection 1 (17 page)

‘I had not thought of it, but yes,’ said Elizabeth.

‘There was not always such a large gap. We had two sisters. Catherine, named after my aunt, Lady Catherine de Bourgh, and Anne, named after my mother, came in between us. They were both sent away to school, a very good establishment, from the age of eleven. But there was an epidemic at the school. My sisters were both there at the time. The school acted responsibly and called the best doctors but it made no difference. Catherine was one of the first to catch the fever and she died very quickly. Anne died a week later. It threw Pemberley into a terrible period of mourning. My mother never recovered from the shock. She had not been in good health since the birth of Georgiana, and she faded rapidly after the deaths of my sisters. Less than six months later, she followed them to the grave.’

Elizabeth felt tears gathering on her eyelashes and she felt a sob rising in her throat. She listened in silence to his speech because she knew what it cost him to make it but she longed to reach out and comfort him, and she would have done so, if it had been permissible. His tension, his horror, his fear and his distress were etched on his face as he relived the memories and Elizabeth’s heart turned over inside her chest. He had known so much loss and borne it so bravely . . . She felt humbled that he had chosen to share such intimate memories with her.

‘Mr Darcy, I am so sorry,’ she said.

There was a catch in her throat and she did not dare say more, for fear of crying.

‘I have upset you. That was not my intention,’ he said, turning towards her with eyes full of concern.

And what eyes they were. They were warm, soft and velvety, and they, too, swam with tears. She had never seen his eyes look like that before. They were usually hard and arrogant, but she saw now that his pride was a shield, something to protect him from further loss and suffering and to hold the pain at bay. Again, she wanted to reach out and touch him but such things were forbidden.

‘It is no matter,’ she said, taking her handkerchief out of her reticule. ‘It is nothing next to your suffering. I think that you, as well as your sister, have not had anyone to talk to for a very long time.’

He nodded in acknowledgement of the sympathy in her voice and she knew he was grateful for it. It had created a bond between them that would be hard to break.

‘I do not know what came over me,’ he said as he blinked the tears away. ‘I should not have mentioned it. An English gentlemen does not talk of such things. He does not reveal his feelings. Forgive me.’

‘There is nothing to forgive,’ she said, looking at him with bright eyes, her head held high. ‘I feel privileged that you have confided in me.’ She added, ‘I need hardly say that your confidence is safe with me.’

‘Yes. I know it is,’ he said softly.

He laid his hand on top of hers and Elizabeth felt a touching of their hearts and souls. It was the most powerful thing she had ever felt.

‘Miss Elizabeth —’ he began.

The moment was broken by Mrs Bennet’s loud voice calling, ‘We have come to join you. Such a beautiful day! Mr Bingley was wild to show Jane the garden.’

Elizabeth felt that her mother’s intrusion could not have been worse timed. Mr Darcy withdrew his hand and stood up. But something of their closeness lingered. It was in the air, even though they were no longer touching, and she still felt connected to him.

She took a few moments to gather her thoughts. She dabbed her eyes and returned her handkerchief to her reticule. Then she walked out of the folly and went towards her mother’s party, who were approaching down the gravel walk.

Mr Bingley was looking embarrassed, as well he might, for of course he had not been “wild to show Jane the garden”. Elizabeth doubted if Mr Bingley could ever be wild about anything! But he certainly looked pleased to be with Jane, and proud to be escorting her round his grounds.

Mr Darcy followed Elizabeth out of the folly at a discreet distance.

Caroline Bingley did not look pleased, in fact she looked as if she were angry, and only containing her anger with the greatest difficulty. The reason was not difficult to discover. She admired Mr Darcy greatly, and she wanted to be Mrs Darcy, and so the fact that he had chosen to escort Elizabeth around the gardens had seriously annoyed her.

Georgiana and Kitty picked up their rose petals and the whole party gathered together out in the autumn sunshine.

Elizabeth felt a sense of loss and growing exasperation. Not only had she lost the chance for any further intimate discussions with Mr Darcy, but her family was behaving in the most embarrassing way.

Lydia had claimed Georgiana’s arm and was laughing in an immoderate fashion. Mrs Bennet was talking very loudly about a young man who had written Jane a poem. Mary was saying that the poem had been badly written, and that the young man should have studied Milton in order to write something of worth. In fact, Elizabeth thought her family could not have embarrassed her more if they had set out with that express intention.

Miss Bingley, meanwhile, was delighted that Elizabeth’s family were behaving in such a ridiculous fashion. She looked more and more pleased with every shout from Lydia, and every ridiculous remark from Mrs Bennet. It was not hard to see why. With every shameful comment from Elizabeth’s family, Miss Bingley felt her own chances of securing Mr Darcy increasing, and she made several genteel comments, as if to point up the very great difference between the vulgar Bennets and her own refined behaviour.

Elizabeth was not worried, however, for she knew that Mr Darcy had no liking for Miss Bingley.

Even so, she wished her family was not quite so embarrassing.

She and Jane exchanged resigned glances. They were both of them being let down by their relations.

Elizabeth glanced at Mr Bingley. The poor man did not know how to reply to Mrs Bennet’s silly comments. If he was still eager to see Jane after this, he must be falling in love! thought Elizabeth.

And what of Mr Darcy? She glanced towards him. He held himself aloof, a little apart from the others, as if he were still recovering from the powerful memories he had just experienced. He had confided in her in a way she suspected he had never confided in anyone before and she was deeply touched.

He appeared cold and arrogant on the surface, and yet beneath that surface there beat the heart of a caring and loving man. She felt that such a combination was capable of shattering her calm existence and throwing her into all the turmoil of falling in love.

But did Mr Darcy really want to shatter her calm?

And was she ready to let him?

The ladies of Netherfield returned the call a few days later. Mr Bingley and Mr Darcy escorted them.

Mrs Bennet was nearly frantic as she saw them approaching the house.

‘Hill! Hill! We have visitors! Oh, the house is so untidy! Lydia, why must you leave your bonnets lying about in such a manner?’

‘Because I am trimming them,’ said Lydia.

‘And Kitty! Why must you cough so?’ demanded Mrs Bennet.

‘I am sure I don’t mean to cough,’ said Kitty, who was understandably put out.

‘Mary, stop that caterwauling and help me to tidy the room!’ said Mrs Bennet, bundling a pile of mending into Mary’s arms. ‘Now take that to the laundry room. And Jane! Jane, go and change your gown. Mr Bingley has seen you in that one. Put on your lemon muslin. Oh, Elizabeth! You had better change your gown, too. Mr Darcy seems to have taken a fancy to you and you should encourage him. He is very wealthy and he has a huge estate in Derbyshire. Only marry him, and we will all be settled for life!’

Elizabeth went upstairs and together she and Jane changed their gowns. By the time they returned to the drawing-room, the Netherfield party was at the front door. A minute later, they were shown into the drawing-room.

There was the usual bowing and curtseying as greetings were exchanged.

Elizabeth was pleased to see that Georgiana had more colour than she had done at their last meeting. She appeared more animated and was able to smile and answer politely when Mrs Bennet enquired after her health.

They talked of the weather, of the garden, of the Bingleys’ carriage and half a dozen other such topics before Mrs Bennet said, ‘Jane, I am sure Mr Bingley would like to see our wilderness garden.’ She turned to Mr Bingley. ‘It is not so grand as the Netherfield wilderness, but it is thought very pretty all the same.’

‘I should like to see it very much,’ said Mr Bingley, jumping up.

‘Would you care to see it, Miss Darcy?’ asked Elizabeth.

‘Oh, yes, thank you, I would,’ said Georgiana.

Mr Darcy did not offer to escort them and Elizabeth understood why. Miss Bingley did not like to let him out of her sight, and she would have demanded to go too if Mr Darcy had been one of the party. They had been lucky to escape her before but they could not count on having such luck again. And if Miss Bingley accompanied them, it would prevent Elizabeth having any private talk with Georgiana. So Mr Darcy had obviously decided to stay in the drawing-room and endure the silliness of Mrs Bennet, and the possessiveness of Caroline Bingley, so that his sister could unburden herself.

Elizabeth honoured him for it.

After donning their outdoor things, Mr Bingley offered Jane his arm and then, followed by Elizabeth and Georgiana, went outside.

Jane and Mr Bingley soon fell behind as Elizabeth and Georgiana bent their steps towards the wilderness garden. The orange and gold leaves swished beneath their feet as they did so.

‘What a change in the weather,’ said Georgiana. ‘When you came to Netherfield, the day was warm despite the wind, but now there is the nip of autumn in the air. There are falling leaves everywhere.’

She was right. Even now they were swirling down from the trees, like slow birds gliding down to the ground.

‘Yes, indeed,’ said Elizabeth, drawing her cloak around her. ‘We did not have a chance for truly private conversation at Netherfield, but I hope you know you can confide in me at any time,’ she continued. ‘Your brother is worried about you. He thinks you have not recovered from your shock.’

‘Dear Fitzwilliam, he is always so careful of me.’

Elizabeth thought about what he had told her, that he had lost two sisters in an epidemic, and her heart went out to him again. It also went out to Georgiana, who must barely be able to remember her sisters.

‘And have you recovered from your shock?’ asked Elizabeth kindly.

‘A week ago, I would have said no,’ said Georgiana. ‘But now I am starting to feel the shadow lifting. I could not talk to anyone about it, you see, and I felt I had to be watchful in case I let anything slip by mistake. But now I know I can talk about it whenever I wish – thanks to you, Elizabeth – I feel the burden has gone from me. It is true that Mr Wickham hurt me very much, and his behaviour shocked me, and I should like to talk about it, if you do not mind.’

‘I would welcome it, if it will put your mind at ease,’ said Elizabeth.

‘You see, I meet so few people, and I do not know how people in the wider world behave. I cannot help thinking that I must have been to blame. I keep asking myself if I was too friendly to Mr Wickham. Did I encourage him?’

‘You did not,’ said Elizabeth robustly.

‘But I was very friendly towards him. He was not to blame for thinking that I would welcome his advances.’

‘Of course he was. He knew very well that what you felt for him was friendship, occasioned by growing up on the same estate. He deliberately set out to ensnare you because he wanted your fortune, and he was entirely to blame for abducting you when you refused to go with him willingly. If he had had any proper interest in you, he would have asked your brother if he could court you, so you must not blame yourself for anything. Nothing was your fault.’

‘Oh, thank you! You set my mind at rest. I have had no one to ask, you see. I could not ask Mrs Annesley because she does not know what happened in Ramsgate and I could not possibly tell her. I have been very worried about it.’

‘That is a terrible burden to bear alone for so many months. No wonder your spirits were low. But now you do not have to worry about it any more.’

Georgiana took her hand impulsively and squeezed it.

Elizabeth returned the pressure.

‘You are lucky to have so many sisters,’ said Georgiana. ‘You always have someone to talk to. I think you are very close to Jane.’

‘Yes, I am,’ said Elizabeth. She went on gently, ‘Your brother told me that you, too, had sisters, but that they died. I am sorry.’

Georgiana was surprised.

‘My brother has never spoken of it to anyone outside the family before. He must like you very much.’

The artless sentence, so simply uttered, touched Elizabeth deeply. She found herself increasingly drawn to the proud man who seemed so harsh on the surface but who was quite otherwise underneath.

‘I think you like my sister, Kitty?’ asked Elizabeth, as they entered the wilderness garden.

‘Yes,’ said Georgiana. ‘We both like blue ribbons and dislike yellow. We prefer silk to satin, and we prefer muslin to sarsenet.’ She blushed. ‘I dare say such things seem trivial to you, but I have never had anyone to share such things with. My conversations at home revolve around art and music. They have to be educational, you see.’

Elizabeth laughed. ‘You need not worry about having an educational conversation with Kitty! She has no interest in anything educational. I think she is doing you good. I think you will do her good, too. She spends too much time with Lydia, and my youngest sister is inclined to be silly. Your influence will show her that it is possible to be more elegant and still have fun.’

‘I admire Lydia’s spirits,’ said Georgiana. ‘But she is just a little wild.’

‘You are too kind!’ said Elizabeth. ‘Lydia is
very
wild!’

They had by now walked through the wilderness and they set off back towards the house.

As they approached the door, they stopped and waited for Mr Bingley and Jane to join them.

‘Mr Bingley is very taken with your sister,’ said Georgiana.

‘Yes, he is.’

‘Does she like him, too? I cannot make her out. She is so serene that I have difficulty knowing what her feelings are.’

‘In confidence, she likes him very much,’ said Elizabeth.

‘I am glad. I think my brother would like me to marry Mr Bingley when I am older, but although I like him, I could not think of him as a husband.’

‘Then tell your brother so. He will listen to you now, I think.’

‘Oh, I could not say such a thing to him!’ said Georgiana in consternation.

‘My dear Georgiana, life will be so much easier for you and your brother if you learn to talk to each other, believe me.’

‘Perhaps you are right,’ said Georgiana. ‘I will try.’

Jane and Mr Bingley drew level with them and they all went into the house.

Once they had removed their outdoor clothes they returned to the drawing-room. Mr Darcy had a pained expression on his face and Elizabeth felt sorry for him. He had been trapped with Mrs Bennet for half an hour, and that was not a fate she would wish on anyone!

The Netherfield party soon took their leave, but not before inviting Jane, Kitty and Elizabeth to dine with them in a few days’ time.

‘The gentlemen will be dining with the officers,’ said Miss Bingley, ‘and we will be short of company.’

It was hardly the most polite way of phrasing the invitation, but Elizabeth did not much care. She knew that she, Jane and Kitty could raise Georgiana’s spirits still further, and she was glad of an opportunity of doing so.

She was also glad of an opportunity to see Mr Darcy again, as well, for although he would be dining with the officers, she would be likely to see him at some point.

She could not help wondering what he had been about to say to her at Netherfield Park, when they had been so rudely interrupted by Mrs Bennet.