Dangerous Pride (29 page)

When he quietly opened the door to his room, he was pleased to see Catriona was resting comfortably in his bed.  Sorcha sat in a chair at her side, patiently watching her mistress as she rested.  Catriona’s hair was still damp from her bath, and lay spread out on the pillow beside her.  The smile that graced her features was shy and wan, but Lachlan was pleased to see some color was gradually easing back into her cheeks.  As he dismissed Sorcha, he took her place.

Catriona pushed herself up in the bed, reaching back to plump the pillows behind her.  Dressed in a soft linen nightdress, she looked very young and vulnerable. Lachlan felt a surge of anger that anyone could have dared harm her.  The bruise on the side of her face had already begun to darken, and he knew that for some time he would have to endure it as a reminder of how badly he had failed in his duty to protect her.

“I canna thank you enough,” she offered shyly, before he had a chance to speak, “though in truth, I wonder if I deserved yer aid.”  Lachlan raised his eyebrows questioningly.  Catriona cleared her throat, anxiously twisting the bedclothes in her slender fingers. “I realize now that what I did was very foolish.  Not only did I put myself in danger, but you and yer men, as well.”  He could see the sheen of tears forming in her emerald eyes, threatening to spill down her white cheeks.  “I ken what happened is my fault, and I can accept that, but I could no’ have lived with myself if aught had happened to you.  If yer verra angry with me, I would no’ blame you for a minute.”

It was Lachlan’s turn to smile, this time at her shy apology.  “We need no’ think of that now,” he said, though his mind whirled with a thousand possibilities for why she’d left the keep.  “You need to concentrate on getting better.”  Lachlan struggled not to push her too hard, regardless of how anxious he was to learn the truth of what had happened.

“When you feel better, we can discuss why you felt you had to leave Tolquhon.  As much as this alliance means to us all, I will no’ sacrifice yer happiness for it.  If you need to return to Boyne Castle to be happy, I will no’ stand in yer way.  But I will insist that we do this safely, and with some thought.”

A look of surprise crossed Catriona’s face, and for a moment he regretted broaching the topic with her.  As the awkward silence hung in the air between them, he cursed himself for the absence of a glib tongue.  He’d been too long the warrior, and his tone had no doubt wounded her.

“I was no’ trying to leave Tolquhon, really, just trying to escape you for a wee bit,” she said finally, her tone gentle and sincere.  Lachlan’s eyebrows arched as he waited for her to continue. “It’s just that I was…embarrassed…uncomfortable…after the time we spent at the burn…”  Finally she turned to meet his gaze, and her look of self-consciousness tore at his heart.  “Every time I see you, I feel awkward and silly and twelve years old again.  I could no’ bear to face you, since I ken what you must think of me.”

Lachlan pulled his chair closer to the bed, and reached out to take her hand in his.  It was cool and clammy, but she didn’t flinch from his touch.  “I did no’ think you were awkward, lass, just…innocent.  Inexperienced.  Untouched.”

Again, the quiet stillness stretched between them, but Lachlan dared not speak a word, afraid he would once again say the wrong thing.  Finally, Catriona broke the silence. “I canna help but be ashamed of the mistakes I have made.  So many things I have said and done only because of my pride…because I was ashamed, and afraid of being rejected again.”  She gently released his hand, as she turned to face him directly.  “When I was on my ride, I realized how foolish I have been to let my pride and my fear stand between us.  I was returning to Tolquhon to speak with you about this when Calum’s men found me.”

Lachlan felt an overwhelming sense of relief as he considered her words.  Catriona had not been attempting to flee him – she had been coming home to him, to set things right.  He was shocked to realize how much her intentions mattered, how much it meant that she had not deliberately fled him.

“When Calum tried to…attack me, I realized I’ve been such a fool,” she admitted softly, her voice taut with strain.  Lachlan reached forward to comfort her, but she held up her hand to stop him.  “I need to finish, or I may ne’er be able to tell you what happened.  He did no’ really hurt me, not badly anyway.  If you’d arrived any later…I fear it would have been different.  But other than some bruises, he caused me no real damage.”

Relief shone in Lachlan’s piercing dark eyes – relief and compassion for all she had been through.  She was a strong woman, his wife, and he admired her courage.  “You canna imagine how happy I am to hear that,” he replied.  “It would break my heart to see you suffer any more at the hands of that man.”

“He did teach me something.  When he held that blade to my throat, and I did no’ ken if I would live or die, he made me see what a fool I‘ve been,” she said, her voice breaking with emotion as tears fell from her eyes.  She looked at him with such sadness he thought his own heart would break.  “I will no’ make the same willful, proud mistakes again.  I promise you.”

“I only want yer happiness, Catriona,” Lachlan replied, bending over her to place a light kiss on the top of her head.  “Regardless of what has happened between us in the past, you ken I have always been fond of you.  Nothing can change that.”  He nervously clenched his hand as he collected his thoughts, praying she would not accept the offer he was about to make.  After a long pause, his eyes met hers.  ”Should you wish to end the marriage, I’ll honor yer wishes.”

With a look of determination, Catriona shook her head in response.  “I have no desire to end the marriage, unless you should wish to do so,” she replied with greater conviction than he’d expected.  “I only wish I could feel more…comfortable…more like myself with you.”  She gazed deeply into his eyes, silently pleading for his understanding.  “I have felt unworthy of you so many times.  I have locked my heart safely away from you, trying to protect it from harm.  I know you do not desire me – not as a wife, nor as a woman.  I hope I can accept that in time.  But now, when I look at you, when I am with you, I am reminded of all that I am not, but that I should be.”

Lachlan sank back into his chair, furious his carelessness had hurt her so deeply.  He was stunned by what she’d said, and awed by the courage she’d shown in trusting him with the truth.  “I’m no’ sure where you got the idea I did no’ desire you, lass, or that I was no’ pleased with having you as my bride, but yer wrong on both counts.”  He ran his hand through his hair as he fought for the words to explain himself.  “Aye, I do admit I did not come to this marriage willingly, but that was no’ because of you.  For years my mother has been after me to marry, and for a long time I wished to be free of these responsibilities.  But not anymore,” he said, reaching over again to take her hand in his as he caressed her palm with gentle, swirling circles.  “I like the woman you have grown into, Catriona – more, in fact, as every day passes.  Our marriage may not have been one we chose for ourselves, but I think we can make it a good, strong one.”

Catriona could only stare mutely.  Her hand felt hot where he absently caressed it with his callused thumb.  “There is one other thing,” she said, her lashes lowered, no longer able to meet his open gaze.  He was looking at her with affection, and it was his strength and acceptance that gave her the determination to go on.  “I learned something more about myself tonight, when I was alone with Calum.  For a time – a short time, I know, but to me it seemed like forever – I was sure he was going to rape me.”  Lachlan’s face hardened in anger, his body tense and alert while Catriona struggled to rein in her emotions.  Finally, she raised her gaze to meet his, her emerald eyes pleading for understanding.  “I canna stand the thought that had you come but a few minutes later, he would have been the first man I had ever been with…in that way.”

As she spoke, she seemed to draw strength from her words.  “I’ve held myself distant from you.  I’ve been afraid of being hurt.  But tonight, I realized I have to let go of my fears.”

Lachlan searched her pretty features for any sign of deception or confusion, but instead her face was open and honest, trusting even.  “What are you asking of me?” he said finally, his voice husky with emotion.

Her gaze was direct and sure, emboldened by the warmth she saw reflected in his hooded grey eyes.  “I want you to make me your wife in truth tonight.  Please.”  Though he had been successful keeping the emotions from his face up to that point, Catriona was now witness to the shock, confusion and hope that played across his handsome features.  “Do no’ leave me with the memory of Calum Leslie.  I want you to make me forget he ever existed.”

She could see Lachlan was wrestling with his conscience, struggling to make a decision.  “Consider it a favor, then,” she said brightly, a playful smile lightening her features.

“Do you ken what yer asking, Catriona?” he replied softly.  “And before you say aught, it is no’ that I don’t want to be with you – naught could be further from the truth.  I just do no’ want you to do something you’ll regret tomorrow.”

“It’s already tomorrow, Lachlan,” Catriona said, pointing to the first beams of light that had begun to stream in through the windows.

His heart racing with a combination of hope and desire, Lachlan scanned her face for any sign of uncertainty.  He could see nothing, save strength, grace and courage.  Slowly, he pushed himself to his feet, and with quick, sure strides, walked to the door.  Securing the bolt, he turned and came back to the bed, sitting on the edge of the mattress beside her.  “Yer sure this is what you want, then?” he said, waiting for her to nod her agreement before he continued.  “If you change yer mind at any time, you can tell me to stop, lass, and I will.  But I would like naught more than to be with you this evening.  Or morning, for that matter,” he said with a smile.

Catriona nodded, reaching out to touch his shoulder.  He smiled to himself, noting the slight tremor of her hand as she slowly pulled him toward her.  “If it’s any help, I am probably as nervous as you,” he whispered as he placed his hand at the back of her neck, drawing her closer.  “Mayhap even more so.” The moment his lips covered hers, he was lost.

Though she was still tense in his arms, he knew this was the result of inexperience, not fear.  He turned his head, deepening the kiss, grasping her chin in his hand.  Gently, he reached out to touch the seam of her lips with his tongue, groaning his approval when she opened her mouth to him.  The warm, sweet recesses of her mouth beckoned him, and when her tongue tentatively touched his, he knew he would have difficulty maintaining control.  He silently reminded himself she was a virgin, not a lass well-schooled in the ways of love.  He owed it to her to take his time – to make her first experience as special as it could be.

Pushing back the bedclothes, Lachlan slipped his arm under her knees, pulling her into his lap.  She pulled back, looking deeply into his eyes, until she smiled shyly, and bent over to kiss him.

Catriona was amazed at the flurry of sensations coursing through her, all of them pleasant.  It was as if the horrible events of the past day had never happened.  When she felt Lachlan’s hands caressing her, she forgot everything by his touch, his mouth, his passion.

She had expected to feel nervous in his arms, and though she was still uncertain, she luxuriated in the feelings he awakened within her  She felt strangely alive, in a way she had never imagined. It also felt right, like she was where she belonged for perhaps the first time in her life.

Lacing his fingers in her thick mahogany hair, Lachlan pulled her head back, leaving her lips to place a trail of  kisses along her throat and jaw.  His conscious mind found it hard to believe that after all this time, Catriona was in his arms, offering herself to him.  Until that moment, he hadn’t realized how much he desired her; how much he wanted her acceptance, and her trust.  Her innocent offer had stirred him in a way no woman had ever affected him before.

His trail of kisses reached the edge of her nightgown.  Gently, he pushed the garment off her shoulder, quickly covering the exposed flesh with more kisses.  Her eyes were closed, and he could feel her body relaxing as she gave herself over to his touch.  He smiled to himself as he heard her soft, delicate moans – sounds he doubted she even realized she was making.

Lachlan reached up to cup her breast as he continued to kiss her throat.  Gently, he toyed with her nipple until it was straining under the coarse material of her gown.  Before she could react, he bent down, capturing the nipple in his mouth.  He felt her tense briefly, her fingers kneading his shoulder as she bent forward to kiss his gleaming locks, pulling him closer.

This was all the encouragement Lachlan needed.  He reached up, pushing the nightgown off her other shoulder, letting the garment fall to her waist.  Her breasts were now fully exposed, and his manhood immediately responded to the display of flawless flesh.  Catriona shifted in his lap, and he had to stifle a groan of desire.  “Be careful, lass, or that will be the end of me,” he replied hoarsely.

Gently, he shifted her weight to the mattress, stepping back for a moment to remove his shirt. Catriona watched him as he pulled the garment over his head, exposing his broad, muscular chest.  From a distance she examined the dusting of coarse, dark hair at the center of his torso.  It trailed down to his waist, where it disappeared beneath the edge of his kilt.  Resting her weight on her arms, she craned her neck as she watched him disrobe, unable to deny her curiosity.

Lachlan slipped his boots and stockings from his feet, and unbuckled the belt and sporran at his waist.  He felt his manhood leap as he saw her watching his every move, her frank interest propelling his desire to a new level. Her lips, swollen from his kisses, silently beckoned him to hurry, though he found himself fumbling with his clothes in his haste.  He walked swiftly to the side of the bed, pulling the bedclothes over them both as he dropped his plaid to the floor.  “I would see all of you, lass,” he said huskily as he pulled the nightrail free of her body.  Though her expression was shy and uncertain, she made no attempt to cover herself from his appreciative stare.