Dangerous Confessions of the Heart (Dangerous Secrets of the Heart) (16 page)

              “But how does that help me? I’m not pregnant.” I said.

              “I’ll tell you something... it might make the decision harder or easier…if you’re interested…” She began.

              “Go on…” I said curiously.

              “Jesse searched franticly for you…he even went to Florida because he thought you were there. He would go to the ends of the earth to have you back… that’s why…when he found out about Austin…He tried to kill him.”

              “What?” I asked.

              “He had a fist fight with Austin on this very jet… over you.” She said. “Austin was, kind of boasting about sleeping with you the night before my wedding.” She said.

              “Wow…” I said in disbelief.

              “But…like I said… this could make or break your decision.” She said. “Do you have any idea who to choose?” she asked.

              “Honestly…I wish I did.” I said.

              “Well, good luck.” She said as she got up.

              “Hey Sarah?” I asked.

              “Yeah?” She said.

              “Why did you sell my mother’s sky blue dress?” I asked.

              “I’m sorry.” She admitted. “I did a lot of things I’m not proud of…I don’t expect you to forgive me.” She said. “I didn’t expect you to even talk to me but here we are…”

              “I’m not the type to hold a grudge.” I admitted.

              “Thank you…and I truly am sorry.” She said.

              “You’re forgiven Sarah.” I said.

              She walked away.

              I laid my head against the wall as she walked away. I began to drift into a coma like state. I wasn’t asleep, but I wasn’t awake. I stared out the window and watched the clouds as they passed in the dark sky. About 2 hours had past. Jesse crossed back towards me.

              “Hey.” I said.

              “Hmm” He said moving his head in acknowledgement.

              My heart broke as he walked right past me to the bathroom. I stared out the window while he was in there. Tears began to trail down my cheeks. After he exited I grabbed his arm.

              “Please, sit with me…talk to me.” I said.

              “Jamie…”

              “Please!”  I urged.

              “What do you want to say?” He said sitting down in front of me.

              “I didn’t know you wanted me…I put on his ring when I got home from being rejected from what I thought was you.” I admitted in a whisper. “I love you.”

              “What about him?” He said.

              “I…I…” I didn’t know what to say.

              “You love him…” He said.

              “…well…yes” I admitted.

              “Where do we go from here Jamie?” He asked. “I was expecting to find you and continue our life we planned…does none of that matter to you anymore?” He asked.

              “It matters….It matters a lot.” I admitted with tears falling.

              “You want that life…kids, husband, dog, beautiful house…but you don’t know who you want it with…” He said.

              “Jesse…I wasn’t planning on falling in love with him…It just happened.” I admitted.

              “I get it…don’t worry about it… Why did you come back with us?” He asked.

              “To see James…and give you support…” I said.

              “I love you Jamie…but I don’t think I can share your heart…I want all of you, not just half…you have to decide who you want…” He said as he got up and walked away.

              “Wait….” I said.

              He ignored me and continued to walk back to the front.

              I leaned my head against the window and began to cry harder. My heart burned. I wanted both of them but I knew I couldn’t do that. What was I going to do? I closed my eyes and began to think but before I knew it I had cried myself to sleep.

              Sarah had fallen asleep right after me. Jesse had come to the back of the plane and was sitting in front of Austin.

              Austin looked over at me as I was sleeping. Jesse noticed.

              “Don’t even think about it.” Jesse warned in a whisper so he didn’t wake us up.

              “Are you second guessing her feelings for you?” Austin asked.

“Honestly…” Jesse said. “No.” He lied.

              “And if she picks me…” Austin said.

              Jesse paused. “Then…” He took a deep breath. “I’d let her go…” Jesse admitted. “That’s why I’m trying to keep my distance…I’m letting her choose.”

              “She thinks your pushing her away because of me.” Austin said.

              “I…I just don’t want to think about her and anyone else…I love her.” Jesse said.

              “And you think I don’t” Austin said quickly in return.

              “I don’t know…” Jesse said.

              “I found out after I bought the ring that she wasn’t who she claimed to be…” Austin said. “Using a fake name…I learned her whole story after I planned to ask her to marry me.”

              “…Fake name?” Jesse asked.

              “Yes. The name she told me was Ami Anderson.” He said.

              Jesse smiled with a small laugh.

              “What?” Austin asked.

              “Anderson…that’s my last name...” He said with a smile and a little confidence.

              Austin rolled his eyes. “I was warned not to get involved with her…Mark told me “My daughter’s heart belongs to him…” But did I listen?” Austin said.

              “Well, we’ll just leave it up to her.” Jesse said. “…How about that?”

              “Sound’s good to me.” Austin said.

              “Or, you cut this deck, highest card wins.” Jesse said.

              “Sure.” Austin said.

Austin cut the deck.

              “Ready?” Jesse said.

              “Yeah.” Austin said.

              “1, 2, 3” they said in unison.

              They flipped the cards over. Both were Aces.

              “Let’s try again.” Austin said.

              “No…We’ll let her decide. Let’s play some poker instead.” Jesse said as he began to deal the cards.

Chapter 18

             
Jesse and Austin played cards until we finally landed in Niagara Falls.

              “I’ll give you a call if I need you again.” Jesse said to Johnny. “Thanks again.”

              We found where they had parked Sarah’s car and we got in. This time I decided to sit up front hoping that Jesse would drive. But sadly I was mistaken; Sarah climbed into the driver’s seat and the two guys got in back. I hung my head. I needed to make things right with Jesse. I needed him to know that my heart longed for him. But, I had spent so much time with Austin. I had disappointingly falling for two guys. Now I know what you might be thinking; it would be awesome having two guys fight over you. But trust me; it isn’t.

              I stared at the window as we all drove in silence to the hospital. I watched the familiar scenes and faces as we drove through. I missed Niagara Falls. I think I am ready to be back here; back home, where I belong. Hawaii is beautiful but my heart is here. But would Austin ever leave Hawaii? If that’s who I decide I want to be with. There was a lot to do. I still had many questions for both guys, but this time, I think I know the answers.

              We parked at the hospital and walked inside. Jesse and Sarah led the way to the room. We walked towards the room where he was but a nurse stopped us.

              “Hello, Mrs. Anderson?” she said.

              “Yes?” Sarah and I said in unison.

              I had been so use to being called that in Hawaii.

              “Oh…I mean this one.” She said pointing to Sarah.

              “Yes, how is my husband?” She asked.

              “Mrs. Anderson…I’m… I’m dreadfully sorry to tell you...” The nurse began.

              “No…no” she said with a whimper.

              “Yes…Your husband…he didn’t make it.” the nurse said.

              Sarah fell to her knees and began to cry. Austin reached down and put his arms around her. She pulled herself into his chest.

              “He did however… have time to write these.” The nurse said handing Jesse four envelopes.

“Thank you ma’am...” Jesse said.

About thirty minutes had past when we finally got Sarah off the floor. Austin carried her bridal style down the elevator towards the cafeteria. He placed her on a booth while Jesse and I got the food. He ordered four hamburgers and four fries. We brought them to the table along with drinks and begged Sarah to eat something.

              My heart broke when I looked into her eyes. They were red as blood from the crying. She had lost her husband only a day after their wedding. Austin held her tight.

              “Sarah…” Jesse said.

              “Yea…” Sarah weakly answered back.

              “James…left these with the nurse.” He said as he pulled out the envelopes. They each had a written name on them. Sarah reached for hers. The one underneath that was Austin, he grabbed his. The next one was Jesse, he picked up his. And the final one was Jamie. I slowly picked it up.

              “If…if you guys don’t mind, I’d like some privacy.” Sarah said.

              “Sure, yeah.” We said in unison as we all got up.

              “Actually, let’s all take some privacy.” Jesse said.

              We all went to separate parts of the cafeteria.             

              Austin gently opened his:

Dear Austin,

I didn’t know you very well but by the looks of it; you were great for Jamie. Thank you for all of the support you gave her. God knows she needed it. I feel terrible about the baby and Jesse. I hate myself for the role I had in it. But if it hadn’t happened then she wouldn’t have met you. If she chooses you, you will treat her with respect, honor and decency. If you don’t, I will haunt you from the grave until the day you die. HAHAHA just kidding. But please, take care of her, or any woman you will ever have. I took mine for granted; I hope she finds happiness again. I hope the best for all of you. In these last few hours I have grown to accept the road that lies ahead. Death is staring at me and I’m ready to accept it.

It’s been a pleasure,

James

Austin’s folded his letter and placed it in his pocket. He was happy that James thought about him in his final hours.

Next was Jesse:

He gently slid his opened and began to read it.

My dearest Brother,

Words cannot describe the pain I have in my heart as I think about what I have done to you. From the time we were little until now I have not been a brother to you. I have deceived you, dishonored you, tried to destroy you, and taken everything from you. It would be easy to place the blame on our father but I can’t do that. It was me; I had the choice to be like you. I had the choice to run from our father’s wickedness, but I chose greed, money, and power. I slept with Sarah when I knew she was with you, I conceived JJ and for that…I cannot say I’m sorry for. But I am sorry for the part I played in making you lose your baby; I shouldn’t have done what dad had said. I killed your baby. For that I am truly sorry. I don’t expect this to make up for anything but my dying wish was to apologize to you and Jamie. Because I realized I don’t have much time I wrote these letters. I wish I could’ve said this all in person. I love you brother. I couldn’t have asked for a better one. I don’t have to ask you to take care of Jamie because I know you will, but please dear brother; I ask you, if she chooses him…let go.

Brothers for life,

James.

Jesse eyes began to tear as he read his brothers letter. “I forgive you.” He whispered to the sky.

Sarah read hers next:

My beautiful Sarah,

It kills me that we couldn’t have a honeymoon. I was looking forward to our life together with JJ. I need you to be strong for him. I can’t be there. Please do me this favor. I need you to help Jamie and those two. They all deserve to be as happy as we were. Also, I want you to find happiness again. Fall in love, give JJ a father; the father I could never be. Also, I’m so sorry I sent you away. I knew in my heart that I wasn’t going to make it and I couldn’t let you stay and see me leave you. I couldn’t bear to see your hurt face as I took my last breath. The face I know you have as your reading this. Please dear, find love and know that I will always love you. From the day I die and all the time after. I will forever love you.