Dance With Me (22 page)

“People are looking for you,” Maggie said sharply.

Laurie shivered as Ed pushed into him again, just a little farther than before. He clutched at Ed's shoulders, burying his cries in Ed's jacket.

“Laurie?”

“Give us a minute,” Ed barked.

There was a heavy pause on the other side of the door. Laurie's hands tightened on Ed's sleeves, and he held his breath.

“Okay,” Maggie said at last, sounding dazed. Laurie heard her heels clicking as she went away.

He sagged against Ed. And then he laughed.

Ed did too, as he trailed his finger back up Laurie's cleft and rested his hand on Laurie's hip. Laurie nuzzled his way back up to Ed's mouth and kissed him again. He hadn't known how wound up he'd been feeling, not until now, when he felt like a limp noodle in sequins and glitter in Ed's arms. The dance this afternoon had been freeing, despite his terror; this was centering. It was probably blasphemous to feel centered by a blowjob given in a
Nutcracker
dressing room, but then, Laurie had never been much for religion. He just felt so good. He felt like the genie let out of the bottle, and he did not want to go back in.

“I should probably let you get changed. And you probably have stuff to do here that I'm keeping you from.” Ed was still stroking Laurie's backside. “Do you still want to come over?”

He nodded. “Wait for me out front. I won't be long.” Laurie shut his eyes at the pleasure of Ed's touch. “They just want...to see. Me. Maggie brags.”

“She should.” The hand just kept moving. “You're amazing, Laurie. I didn't know anybody could dance like that.”

I want to dance with you. Naked. In your bed
. Laurie swallowed hard. “I'm glad you liked it.” He lifted his head, but it felt so heavy, and when he saw Ed's lips, it just seemed easier to rest his there. And to slide back in, and to press his half-naked body against him.

And then he remembered himself again and tried to pull away, but it was so hard. When had this happened? What had happened to the walls he'd so carefully built? What was this with Ed?

His conflict must have shown on his face, because Ed smiled wryly. “Yeah. This is all a little...” He trailed off without finishing.

The words “this is all happening so fast” knotted on Laurie's tongue, because they'd actually been dancing around this for a month, and technically he'd dipped their toes in it once, but Ed couldn't remember. It was more that this had been creeping up on them like a shadow, and now suddenly they were drowning in it. At least Laurie was. Not unhappily, but it was—oh, he just couldn't think! And the trouble right now was that he couldn't seem to make himself move. He needed to get changed, to go see Maggie and probably smooth her ruffled feathers. He needed to figure out why he'd lost himself so badly and how he could keep from doing it again tomorrow. He needed to do a thousand things, but all he wanted to do was grab Ed and kiss him again. He was so full of feeling and had been, he realized now, for some time. Ever since Ed. Now that he'd tapped into that, he couldn't seem to stop.

Ed reached up and touched his cheek tenderly. And Laurie gave up.

“Hold on,” he said, his voice rough and breathless. He grabbed the hem of his tights and pushed them the rest of the way down, stepping out of them as carefully as he could while still hurrying. He tossed them onto the counter and fumbled with the fastenings of his costume top. But his fingers were shaking, and in the end he looked up at Ed in desperation. “Help me.”

Ed's fingers weren't a lot better. His eyes were dark and hooded. “Fucking hell, Laurie,” he whispered.

“Just get me out of this,” he pleaded, fighting the buttons from the top as Ed tackled the ones at the bottom. He kept faltering, though, because Ed was so close, and so...Ed. And fully clothed. In a suit. Ed in a suit. It looked good but strange.
I want to see him naked
. “Hurry,” he said, feeling his cock stirring again.

“You sure you want—here?” Ed murmured, but he didn't slow his work at the buttons.

The last of them fell away, and Laurie wrenched the costume off. “Yes.” Tossing the costume on the counter, he turned back to Ed, then in afterthought reached over and turned the lock on the door.

Then he pushed Ed into the nearest chair and straddled him.

It was all mouths and hands and thrusting hips and murmured endearments that were too bald and made no sense, but they were both past everything now but release. Laurie knew he had no hope in coming again so soon, but that wasn't what this was about just now. He wanted Ed to come. He wanted Ed to come as he slid over him, naked, while Ed was fully clothed. And that's exactly what happened. With Ed's mouth attached to Laurie's nipple and their naked cocks trapped together in Ed's hand, Laurie rode him, pressing on Ed's shoulders, dancing their own private dance together. When Ed came, Laurie cried out too, letting his heart release even though his balls were still trying to get themselves organized again.

I want him. I want him so much. I need him.

It was a beautiful, terrible desire, one he'd sworn he'd never let himself feel again. It was the door that led to heartache, and he had sealed himself off, yet somehow here he was again.

What frightened him most was that he didn't care.

Ed nuzzled the center of his chest, kissing his skin weakly as he tried to catch his breath. “I need to get out of here and let you get dressed. Because clearly it's not going to happen if I stay.”

Laurie nuzzled the top of his head, smiling as he shut his eyes. “I think you're right.”

They kissed again at the door, lingering now, little nibbling kisses that tasted of longing and nervousness. When Ed slipped out, Laurie stepped behind the door because he was still naked. He lingered there once Ed was gone, his cheek pressed against the wood as he shut his eyes, swimming in sensation. And then, finally, he washed his face and got dressed.

When he finally emerged from his dressing room, most of the parents had gone, and Maggie was upset. She didn't lecture him, because too many people were around, but her lips pressed together far too much for Laurie's liking, and she kept glaring at him.

It irritated him.

“I have to get going,” he said to her and squeezed her shoulder before smiling to the bigwigs she'd gathered to show him off to. “See you tomorrow.”

“Laurie—” she began, her voice sharp with disapproval, but he ignored her, hurrying down the aisle of the theater, searching for a tall man in a gray suit with untidy black hair. He finally found him in the lobby, leaning against the wall out of the way in a corner. But when he saw Laurie, he pushed upright, and he smiled.

Laurie wanted to run up to him and throw himself in his arms. Instead, he just walked quickly and stood before him, grinning foolishly, feeling dizzy.

Ed grinned back. “Ready to go?” He held out his arm.

Yes, Laurie thought but couldn't say. He just took Ed's elbow and let him lead them away.

On the way out the door, Laurie caught a glimpse of his mother and his father, but thankfully they were speaking to another couple and didn't see him. Oliver saw him, though, and he smiled and tried to wave Laurie over. But Ed was still moving, so Laurie just waved before he was pulled out of the building, out onto the street.

Laurie didn't look back.

[Back to Table of Contents]

Chapter Ten

pecho (chest): a close embrace tango with more of a chest-to-chest position than other tangos.

They dropped Laurie's car off at his apartment, and after that they headed to St. Paul. Laurie had to resist the urge to lean over the armrest between them and rest his head against Ed's shoulder. He was going back to Ed's apartment. He had a duffle in the backseat with a toothbrush and a change of clothes.

He was going to have sex. With Ed.

There was a bit of worry on that point, a distant cloud; it had been a long, long time since he'd let anyone fuck him, and he wasn't yet sure he was ready to go from zero to anal in one night, even with Ed.

Laurie turned so that he was looking at Ed as he drove, studying him. Ed glanced at him, then gave him a wry smile. “What are you thinking about there, beautiful?”

Laurie smiled back in kind. “You don't have to flatter me, Ed. I'm already going home with you.”

“You are beautiful, Laurie. So fucking beautiful you make me ache.” He kept his eyes on the road, but his right hand reached over and rested gently on Laurie's thigh. It was a light touch: sensual, eager, but also oddly respectful. “I love watching you dance. I'm going to be at every performance you give from now on, right in the fucking front row.”

Smiling, Laurie put his hand over Ed's and threaded their fingers together over his leg. “I don't perform that often anymore.”

Ed did look at him then, clearly crestfallen. “Why not?”

Because it hurts too much
. Laurie shrugged and averted his gaze to the dash, but his thumb stroked absently over Ed's. “I just don't.”

“Focusing on the teaching? Maybe that's more rewarding for you right now?” Ed suggested.

Laurie cringed a little. “No. Actually, I hate it. I mean—I love teaching, but it's not...anymore, it isn't...” He sighed and shrugged. “Ignore me. I think I've just turned into a crotchety old queen, and nothing makes me happy.”

There was a pause, and Ed's hand flexed beneath Laurie's before he said, carefully, “You seem okay when we're dancing together. Maybe...maybe you should teach more ballroom dancing?”

It's not the ballroom dancing making me okay. It's you
. But it was absolutely not the time to confess
that
. Laurie shifted in his seat instead. “I just wish my students cared about the dance more. Some years there are a few who seem glad to be there, but mostly... I don't know, but sometimes I think the eight-year-olds are more jaded than I am. Which is depressing.”

“You should work with kids at the center,” Ed suggested. “They really enjoyed watching tonight. I bet they'd love to learn.”

That made Laurie laugh. “I can't imagine they want to learn ballet.” But then he remembered his observer from earlier in the day, and he wondered. “Though maybe that's me being elitist.”

“Kids like attention. The kids at the center have had to buck up and put up with a lot in life, and they like to pretend they don't need it, but they're as hungry for it as anybody else. Your suburban kids are too, I bet. They're just caught in the same rat race that will kill their souls the same way it killed their parents'.” He withdrew his hand from Laurie's and shook his head. “Sorry. That was uncalled for.”

Laurie missed his hand and tightened his own against his thigh. “What was uncalled for?”

“The crack against suburban kids.” Ed grimaced. “I mean, you work there.”

Laurie snorted. “I grew up there. That wasn't a crack. That was an astute observation.” In fact, Ed's diagnosis of his childhood was so spot-on it was unnerving.

“I just meant that it's not that the kids at your school are bad. They're just...” He shook his head again. “I'm just going to shut up.”

“Don't, please,” Laurie said. “I know what you're trying to say, and I agree. The students at my studio
are
caught up in the game. I am too, I suppose. Or at least I was. Maybe that's what I'm seeing, my own failures reflected in them. Maybe I'm looking at them and seeing how I went so wrong.”

“Went wrong?” Ed echoed.

This wasn't at all where he'd wanted this conversation to go, but perhaps it was just best to get this out now. Laurie faced forward again, staring out the window when he spoke. “I had quite a career, before. I've performed all over the world: in ballets, in dancing companies, as an artist-in-residence. I danced with partners and alone. They were starting to bill me as the next Mikhail Baryshnikov, which was fine with me, since my goal was that in twenty years they'd be calling the next up-and-comer the next Laurie Parker.” He smiled sadly, still staring out the front window, seeing not the night and the street but his old life whiz by. “But that's over now. Now I just teach in a private studio in Eden Prairie and...and that's all.”

Silence spread out between them, but Ed didn't try to fill it, just waited, which Laurie was grateful for. Laurie let it wrap around him for a while, but eventually he continued, looking down at his hands as he spoke.

“Sometimes I think back then it was like there were two parts of me battling, and they took down the whole of me in a civil war. I loved Paul, and I wanted to be with him, but I feared him, feared my affection, feared what both would do to my career. Sometimes I wonder if I didn't subconsciously sabotage his.” His hands tightened in his lap. “But once he was gone, I didn't have him as an excuse anymore. I just wasn't happy, period. Everyone kept telling me I could go back. They've been telling me for years. But I can't figure out how to explain that I don't want it anymore. That maybe I never really did.” Laurie let out a shaky breath, feeling suddenly very exposed. “I hadn't quite meant to say all that.”

Ed reached over and caught his hand again, squeezing gently. He didn't say anything, just held his hand and kept driving.

Laurie was glad.

They were in St. Paul now, off the highway and on city streets, heading toward Dayton's Bluff. It was a neighborhood Laurie's mother would cringe at and call “colorful” in a way that made you want to paint the world beige. Ed parked on a side street so narrow and full of shadows it would have had Carolyn Parker's mouth puckering until the car was removed from it. Ed, though, just pulled the keys from the ignition, climbed out of the car, and reached back for Laurie's duffel before Laurie even had his door cracked. He kept hold of it too, even when they met on the sidewalk.

“I can carry my bag,” Laurie pointed out, but Ed just shifted it to the arm farthest away from Laurie and touched his elbow as he nodded toward a building half a block down.

“That's me,” he said. “Third floor. Do you mind if we take the stairs? There's an elevator, but you go gray waiting for it.”

“The stairs are fine,” Laurie assured him, and so soon he was following Ed up a very industrial set of stairs in a not very well lit hallway that wasn't even something his mother would consider outside of seeing it on film. Laurie was having a hard time with it himself.