Damned if I Do (8 page)

Jude

Of course Edie doesn’t like the idea of waiting outside of the bar while I go in.

“Wait here,” I tell her again.

Her cheeks flush red, which makes her look cute. “What? I’m going in there. I’ve been in there plenty of times before.”

“To be a badass vampire hunter. Not for this. You shouldn’t be seen asking questions about the Progenitor or Anthony. It’s too dangerous.”

“Yeah, which means it’s just as dangerous for you.”

I can pretend like it’s concern for my own wellbeing because she feels the same way about me, but I’m not kidding myself. She only wants to be hands on with everything. I don’t want her to get herself killed. Not if I can help it.

She can take care of herself, but I still see the dark bags under her eyes and I know that she’s running on empty.

“Fifteen minutes,” I promise her.

“Then what?”

“We figure something else to do. It’s a bad idea if you go in there.”

She chews on her bottom lip and fuck if that isn’t doing something to my insides. She only does that when she’s primed and ready to stake a few vampires.

Finally, she relents.

“Fine,” she says grudgingly. “But if you’re not out in fifteen minutes, I’m coming in after you. And if you don’t get the information I want—”

“It’s obviously not the place to start.”

I leave her there, against my better judgment, but it’s better than taking her into a nest of vipers when everything is at such a fever pitch. A block away, she should be safe. A block away is far enough that no one can sense her.

The big bouncer at the door of Twin Fangs looks me up and down. “Jude?” he rumbles.

“Fred?” I ask in the same tone.

Fred’s a newish vampire who has unfortunately fallen into the dull eternal employment of being a bouncer for Twin Fangs. He looks brutish, but I instinctively know that he’s a pussy in a fight. He’s mainly there to keep unwitting humans from entering into a situation they know nothing about. He grumbles something and then steps aside, giving me access to the establishment within.

“Have a good night,” I say cheerily.

Fred glares at me.

No one notices me as I enter through the dimly lit bar, which is how I like it. Unlike the slick and modern Houston hive last night, the Twin Fangs is a laid back, hole-in-the-wall establishment and still very
Austin
despite the massive expansion in recent years and the different clientele. There are vampires holed up on beat-up couches with humans who are in their full faculties. That’s why I prefer this bar to the hives; there’s less skeevy shit going on here even though it’s far more rundown.

I stride up to the far end of the bar and take a seat. The bartender tonight is a heavily-tattooed, Danny Trejo-like human, which is surprising. His scowl shows that he isn’t one to be messed with. Vampires know better than to stiff him or give him shit. With so many others around here, we police ourselves.

“Jude,” he grunts in greeting.

I tilt my head. “Gabriel.”

“What’ll it be?”

“O Positive. Ninety-eight degrees.” I feel sick every time I order that. Like humans are livestock and I’m looking at the different cuts of meat. I wish there was the equivalent of vegetarians for vampires. I’d love to drink tomato juice or something else instead.

Gabriel waits. I stick a wad of bills on the counter. It ain’t cheap being a monster either. The bartender takes it and turns his back to me, going to the incubators to pull out a pint of warm, red blood.

I hate that my mouth is already watering.

“O Positive, body temp,” Gabriel says, thunking it down in front of me. “Enjoy.”

I sip it, feeling the coppery liquid coat my mouth and go down my throat. It’s not as fresh as what I had last night, but it’s better than taking it from a human. It’s more convenient, easy, and humane.

“You’ve always got the best shit, Gabriel.”

The bartender grunts in answer. “You’re wanting information again, aren’t you?” He leans into me. “The usual drill?”

“Yep,” I say, licking my mustache of red from my upper lip.

“I wish you’d try a different bar. You’re scaring off a lot of patrons with asking about this you-know-who stuff. It especially doesn’t help when those who talk or are associated with him either end up dead or missing.”

Edie’s doing. It’s not her fault if they refuse to help her. I’m sure they were dickwads anyways if they had anything to do with Anthony.

I realize that he suspects that I’m in cahoots with her. Again, I’m glad that she didn’t come in. I make a mental note to be a bit more secretive about everything before I get myself staked.

“I’m asking about someone else,” I say casually. “I’m looking for the Progenitor.”

To my surprise, Gabriel bursts out laughing.

“Looks like you’ve heard of him,” I say.

“You don’t own a vampire bar and not know about the Progenitor, Fang Boy,” the bartender tells me. “You’re getting really desperate if you’re asking about him.”

“So you don’t think he’s real.”

“I’m saying that no one’s heard of his whereabouts for years now.” Gabriel wipes the counter down near me. “You’re looking for a phantom.”

“A lonely phantom, apparently, if no one has talked to or heard from him. Mind if I ask around?”

Gabriel chuckles mirthlessly again and nods his head. I take one last chug of my drink before getting up.

I get much the same reaction from everyone I ask around the bar. It’s times like these that I appreciate not knowing everyone in the vampire world. If a random person comes up and asks what kind of shoes lobsters wear, you don’t think much of it, but you’re willing to guess or brush them off and forget about. If you know the person, you’re more likely to ask questions. And questions are a bad thing.

Fifteen minutes pass, which means that I need to leave or else Edie is going to come in here and get herself killed. I’m about to turn around to head out when I see a maroon-haired vampire waving me over to her table. Long, lithe, with everything proportionate, she’d stand about my height when she stood up. I’d have to give up my dick if I didn’t notice that she is stunning.

“Jude, is it?” she asks, flashing me a set of sharp white fangs. She plays with a straw in a water glass in front of her while her other hand holds a Bloody Mary.

“Yeah, but you have me at a disadvantage,” I say.

“I have you at a great many disadvantages,” she says enigmatically. “We’ve been watching you and a certain…
friend
…for a while now.”

I manage to keep my composure at that revelation. “Quite a few disadvantages, then.”

She laughs and pats the booth next to her. I need to go, but she has me thoroughly freaked out. I can’t leave, not without knowing what the fuck she’s talking about. I slide in next to her.

“Call me Maria,” she says, and takes a sip of her Bloody Mary.

“Well, Maria. Pleased to meet you, I think.”

“Keep thinking that. We’re on your side,” she says. “You’re looking for the Progenitor?”

“Yeah.”

“You’re really looking for a certain someone else though.”

My breath catches in my throat. “Yep.”

“My associate happens to know a friend of his. Who knows
why
you-know-who is looking for the Progenitor. And why he did what he did to
her
.”

It always surprises me when my heart starts racing. In literature, vampires have no heartbeat. In real life, we do, and mine is racing. “I’m listening.”

“It’s more like you need to see.” She takes a pen and scribbles on a napkin, then pushes it over towards me. “He’s expecting you, cowboy.”

Despite living in Austin for most of the last fifty years, I’ve never been called “cowboy”. I look down at address written on the napkin. It’s about an hour and a half south of us at a place called Tender Loving Cleaners.
What?

“Why do we need to go down to San Antonio? You can’t show up without any sort of proof and expect me to go wherever you want.”

She smiles. There’s a tattoo under her neck, some kind of Mandarin character. Like some sort of brand. “Because we know that you’ll visit us.”

“How do I know it’s not a trap?”

“Because we’re trying to save your fucking lives,” Maria says. “Both yours and…
hers
.” She looks down at her drink. “You should get going. And stop asking where the Progenitor is. We saw her post on the V-boards tonight. Which, by the way, is a bad idea to be a part of. She may think it’s untraceable, but…” She snickers.

“I’ve gotta go.”

“Figured as much. Be seeing you, Jude.”

I hate that she’s so confident that we’ll be going to San Antonio. Yet she totally has us pegged. I’d go down to Hell and back if it meant finding answers.

I look down at the napkin again, committing it to memory. “Likewise.” I crumple it and toss it in the water glass, walking away to the tinkle of Maria’s laughter.

As I head out, I check my phone. Damn, I’m five minutes over. I’m surprised that Edie hasn’t come in after me and that there’s no text message from her wondering where I am. Something’s wrong.

I rush out to the street, past Fred, who’s telling a group of clueless humans that they can’t come in. I left Edie a block east of us, in a place where vampires most likely won’t pass her nor be able to sense her.

I take off at a sprint, running faster than a normal human. I don’t care if I look out of place. The smell of her tainted blood hits me as I round the corner. It’s stronger now.

“Harker?” I shout, stopping short at the hidden alcove where she was supposed to be waiting.

At first, for a horrible moment, I think she’s dead. She’s slumped against the brick wall, her head on her chest. A still-smoldering cigarette is on the concrete next to her, forgotten. She’s bleeding from her head, which is why she smells stronger now, but it’s not just that. Something’s different, like the infection has spread. Then I notice that her entire body is seizing up. Her muscles are rigid, shaking violently.

I kneel next to her, panicked, and see that her eyes are rolled up to the back of her head. Her jaw is clenched so tight her teeth may crack.

“Harker!”

Was it a seizure? Some sort of attack? The virus?

My heart is ramming my ribcage like some sort of beast begging to be unleashed. I reach out her touch her shoulder gently. She seizes slightly, a strangled gasp escaping her lips. Thankfully, her eyes roll back to their normal positions and her gaze focuses on me, confused, fuzzy.

“Edie?” I say, using her first name, hoping that it will bring her fully back.

Her breathing heavy, she grimaces and tries to get up. “Fuck,” she whines.

“Stay there. You’ve hit your head.”

I gingerly move some of her hair aside to inspect the wound. It’s not bad.

“Must’ve…been when the attack happened,” she says softly. “Stupid…brick wall. Never hit my head before…”

“What attack?”

Her cheeks redden and she closes her eyes. Weakly, she holds up her hand, the one that has the scar on it. Curious, I take it, noticing that the red of the scar is deeper. I roll the sleeve of her hoodie up as high as it will go, and still, it spreads further.

“This attacked you?” I ask.

“I’ve shown everyone else today. Might as well show you too.” She winces from the wound on her head. “It’s never been this bad though.”

Never been this bad
. Meaning that it’s progressively getting worse.

“I need to take you to a hospital.”

“They won’t be able to do anything. Take me…” She falters.

Her reluctance to tell me where to take her stings. After all, I already know where she lives, where her cousin lives, everything. The past five months have been one long stakeout.

“You can trust me. Harker,” I add, switching back to her last name, putting the distance back between us.

She gives a slight nod, despite the wound. “Take me to Carl and Tessa’s,” she says. “It’s—”

“I know where it is.” I lift her up in my arms, and she protests, grimacing from pain. “Relax, Harker, I’ve got you.”

Here I am, holding her in my arms, only in an entirely different way than I’ve been fantasizing all this time. Her hair is all around me as I start walking back to her Lancer.

“Thanks,” she sighs, then her body goes slack again and she either passes out or falls asleep.

I hold her closer to me. “Of course.”

Edie

“Edie…Edie…”

The voice is Meghan's, as fuzzy and vague as the world around me. I’m somewhat in the Void, but not completely. My trance isn’t what it should be, not to bring me here.

I reach out blindly, trying to find who is speaking to me. In the white haze of my dream, I can't see anything.

“Don't trust them,” Meghan tells me.

“Who?” I demand. I get the feeling that Meghan can’t really hear me.

“They want you for your blood…Please…Get Graeme and Amelia out of there…”

Ghostly white fingers touch mine, cold and not quite corporeal. “Don't trust them…”

I jolt awake with a shriek. Carl is kneeling next to me, his expression pinched and concerned.

“You were moaning in your sleep,” he says. “You’re here now.”

“Here?”

Bewildered, I look around. I’m somehow in the guest bed back at Carl and Aunt Tessa’s house. How the hell did I get here? The last thing I remember was having an attack from my infection and then hitting my head.

I brush a hand through my hair. My healing abilities have already kicked in, and the scab on the back of my head is already knitting it back together. Everything is fuzzy in my memory.

“You’re at my house,” Carl affirms.

“I saw Meghan. In my dream. She warned me.”

“About what?”

The question didn’t come from Carl. The voice was deeper and it made the hairs on my arm stand up.

Shit
.

I turn my head to see Jude sitting in Carl’s computer chair, his elbows on his knees, looking at me, his face unreadable. I shiver.

Jude is here. In my aunt’s house. A vampire has breached the boundaries Tessa has set up.

Sensing my shock, he smiles. “Good thing vampires don’t need to be invited in, eh?”

“You need to get out here, Jude,” I said in panic. “Before…”
Before Aunt Tessa realizes what’s in her house.
With all of the protection wards she has surrounding the place, I’m surprised she hasn’t already banged down the door with a stake. Tessa hasn’t tried to disguise her disdain for vampires. They’ve killed too many members of our family.

Jude cuts me off before I can put these thoughts into words, his tone angry. “You weren’t going to tell anyone? That
this
happens to you?”

“Wha—?”

“I talked to Carl, and no one knows that you go into a catatonic state with your infection, Harker.” He runs a hand through his hair, a sign of his nerves. “You shouldn’t be hunting by yourself. Hell, you shouldn’t even fucking be driving. Not if that happens to you.” He shakes his head.

Yes, I remember now. I had an attack when I was waiting for Jude at Twin Fangs. Ugh, how embarrassing.

Carl moves in between us, meaning to placate the mood. “On the bright side, I finally got to meet Jude,” he says. “Should’ve happened a long time ago, I think.”

“No, it shouldn’t have.” I try to bring myself to a sitting position with some difficulty. My breathing is a bit ragged, which only serves to make me more determined to sit up.

Jude sighs in exasperation at my stubbornness. Well, he can deal with it; I’m not some invalid.

“Mom’s out of the house, by the way,” Carl adds, as if reading my thoughts.

“What time is it?”

“Sometime after two in the morning.”

“It’s two a.m.?” It’s not like Tessa to be out of the house at night.

“She has to prep some more spells,” Carl says with a shrug. “New moon and all. She won’t be back until morning. Lucky, huh?”

His eyes flick to Jude and I cringe. No, my cousin is not allowed to crush on him. Hell, I can’t let
myself
crush on him. Granted, I have no idea what Jude thinks of us either way, but it’s something I don’t want to address. It’s something I don’t even want to think about right now.

“Yeah, lucky,” I manage, biting back a retort.

An uncomfortable silence stretches among the three of us.

“What was Meghan warning you about?” Jude asked, his tone no longer angry.

I wonder if I should tell them. Jude doesn’t know that I can see ghosts yet. At the same time though, maybe he can help.

“She said that I can’t trust ‘them’.”

Jude rubs his chin thoughtfully. “Them?”

I shake my head and immediately regret it. “I don’t know.”

“You think that the Meghan in your dream is real?”

“I…”

“She just started seeing ghosts,” Carl chimes in, interrupting me.

“As of last night,” I add.

“No wonder you look like you saw a ghost then,” Jude says. “It wasn’t just a cliché, it was real for you.” He sits up straight in the chair. “What if Meghan was trying to warn you about Maria?”

“Maria?”

Jude appears deep in thought, and I stare at his face, his strong jaw, the curve of his profile, the intensity in his eyes. It’s not fair that such a good-looking guy is a vampire.

“She’s a vampire I met tonight,” he tells me. “She has an associate who knows why Anthony is trying to find the Progenitor. She also knows why Anthony infected you.”

Carl and I both look at him, speechless.

“Why?” I ask. “Why did Anthony do it?”

Our eyes connect, and my heart pounds harder, both from his gaze and anticipation of the answer to my question.

“We have to take a road trip for that,” he says finally. “She gave me an address in San Antonio that we need to visit for answers.”

“Well
that
doesn’t sound suspicious one bit,” Carl says sarcastically, rolling his eyes.

“I don’t think she was lying,” Jude comments.

“We should head to San Antonio now,” I tell them.

Jude shakes his head. “Absolutely not. You just had an attack and hit your head.”

“But—"

“It’s already two in the morning,” Jude continues, cutting me off. “We’ll do it tomorrow. Later today. Whatever. Besides you look like you’re about to pass out, Harker.”

Though I didn’t want to admit that, I
do
feel that way. Ugh. I hate being so transparent. I hope he isn’t able to read my other emotions. Emotions I shouldn’t be having about him.

“Fine. Tomorrow then.” I check my phone and there are a few messages from Graeme wondering where I am. I groan and set it aside. I’m really letting him and Amelia down. I shakily get to my feet.

“Wanna head back home?” Carl asks.

“Yeah.”

“I’ll drive you,” Jude says.

“I can drive,” I protest.

Jude spears me with a hard look. “No. You can’t. And you shouldn’t. Not if you’re having attacks. You’ll be a danger to everyone if you do that.”

Ouch. It’s amazing how that simple admission can bring tears to my eyes. I hate being at the mercy of this whole debacle. How am I supposed to avenge Meghan’s death if I can’t even drive myself?

Jude knows that he’s won, because the right side of his mouth, the one with the lip piercing in it, quirks up in a smug smile.

“Fine,” I say through clenched teeth.

Carl follows us to the door. “So I’ll meet you over there tomorrow then?” Carl asks. “Nightfall?”

His voice is so damned hopeful, yet I don’t want him to get hurt. I’m about to turn him down, when Jude steps in. “Yeah, nightfall.”

What were these two talking about while I was out? They apparently bonded. Not at all what I needed. Carl waggles his eyebrows at me, daring me to turn him down.

I relent. “Fine, nightfall. But if it gets too dangerous, Carl, I want you to get out of there. What’s the address?” I ask Jude

He laughs and shakes his head. “You’re not going without me.” He puts both of his hands on my shoulders and leans down to look at me, eye-to-eye. “Wait for me, Harker,” he says, his voice a deep rumble.

Our faces are so close together, for a moment I think he’s going to kiss me. In fact, I
hope
he will kiss me. For that moment, I wonder what his lips will feel like on mine, what his tongue in my mouth would do to my insides, what he tastes like.

I can’t help it. I’m dying, but I want to feel loved again. To feel love for someone else. Why is that so bad?

Carl clears his throat, breaking the moment between us, and Jude steps back like a bee just stung him.

“Good night, Carl,” I say, glad for the cover of darkness because my cheeks are burning. I get into my car on the passenger’s side and light up a cigarette.

Jude and Carl say a few things to each other that I can’t hear with the door closed. A minute later, Jude sits in the driver’s seat and fires up the car.

“What’d you guys talk about while I was out?” I ask.

“Embarrassing stuff, mostly. Did you really pee your pants when you watched the
Carebears
movie for the first time?”

“Oh my god.” I put my head in my hands.

He chuckles. “Take it easy, Harker. Get a sense of humor.”

I’m too tired to really fight back. I nestle into the corner between the door and the seat. It’s not comfortable, and it’s only about a twenty minute drive to Graeme’s house, but I’m so exhausted by everything that I fall asleep.

My last thought before I doze off is what would have happened if Carl hadn’t interrupted that moment between Jude and I.