Damaged But Not Broken (New Adult Rockers) (16 page)

“Okay,” I take a seat and take a
deep breath and then start speaking before I chicken out. “So, I wanted you to
come over because I need to tell you that I’m tired of pretending that my
feelings for you are nothing. I’m not going to tell you to leave Savannah, I
can’t do that and I wouldn’t do that. But if you do end your relationship, I’m
willing for us to try things again eventually.”

I hope that doesn’t sound too
desperate. I tried to phrase it diplomatically.

Blake’s face is strangely frozen
and then he breaks out into the most amazing smile.

“Are you serious, Paige?” he asks,
smiling ear to ear.

“Yes,” I laugh.

He jumps off the couch, shaking his
head in amazement. “I really thought you were calling me here to tell me that
you just couldn’t consider us ever being together again. To tell me to stay
with Savannah and that we would just be friends forever.”

“No,” I say foolishly, feeling
lighter than I can remember. Blake rushes to me and tries to pull me into his
arms.

“No,” I say firmly, backing away.
“Nothing is happening between us until you and Savannah end things. And even
then, we’re going to take it slowly.” At least we would be on tour, away from
Savannah and Nashville.

Blake’s face falls but he nods.
“You’re right. I owe Savannah that.” He becomes quiet for a moment and sits
back down on the couch. “I need a few days to do this,” he starts to say and I
put my hand up to stop him.

“Blake, you and Savannah are
engaged. It’s none of my business or my place to demand anything. Take as much
time as you need. I’m not going anywhere. Do things the right way.” I pause.
“Well, at least as tactfully as possible. I’m not a Savannah fan but I don’t
want to be intentionally cruel. Maybe it’s best for us to wait for the tour to
take things to the next level.”

Blake nods in agreement. “You’re
amazing,” he murmurs, reaching out and squeezing my hand. I squeeze it back,
completely certain again of my love for him.

I stand up, not wanting us to
linger for too long. I have music to work on and I know Blake has his band
coming over.

“Right,” Blake says, standing too.
“I’ll be in touch.”

“I know.” I’m not sure what else to
say. “Good luck,” I offer, feeling silly, guilty and happy at the same time.

Blake grins his boyish grin again
and then he’s gone. For the first time, I don’t feel sad when he leaves.

FOURTEEN

Blake

Lucked Out

I leave Paige in her living room,
and I feel amazing as I walk out to my truck. I can’t believe that she actually
wants to be with me. I thought for sure that she was going to tell me to stay
with Savannah and that we could never be together.

As I drive back towards the house
to get ready for Ben and Ryan, my good mood slowly starts to darken. While my
future with Paige seems bright and hopeful, the immediate future of breaking up
with Savannah is dark and frightening.

Savannah is not going to make this
easy for me and she certainly isn’t going to take this well. I’m dreading
having to end things with her, and I do feel bad because Savannah has been a
huge part of my life these past few years. But I feel like a burden has been
lifted from my shoulders. I didn’t realize how much Savannah was actually
dragging me down.

I know we still have about two
weeks until our tour, but there’s no way I’m waiting until the last minute to
end things with Savannah. I imagine she is going to drag things out, and I
steel myself to tell her tonight. I imagine she will move back in with her parents,
since the house belongs to me.

I don’t have time to think anymore,
I’m at home and I have to get ready for our music session. We definitely need
to clean up some of our new songs and make them performance ready for the tour.
And we have a business meeting with Kenny coming up in the next few days.

I spend the afternoon with Ben and
Ryan, playing our music and writing new lyrics. It’s just the kind of
distraction I need. The guys sense something is up, but they don’t press the
issue. After we work for a few hours, we decide to crack open a few cold beers
and head out on the back patio. I lose track of time, and it isn’t until the
back door opens that I realize it’s nearly six.

“Hey,” Savannah drawls, taking in
the scene. Ben, Ryan and I are sprawled across three loungers, a number of empty
beer bottles on the tiny tables surrounding us.

“Hey babe,” I say, not making any
move to get up. I’m not drunk by any means, but I definitely have a bit of a
buzz.

“Hey Savannah,” Ryan says
appreciatively, not trying to cover up the fact that he’s checking her out.
She’s dressed borderline inappropriate again, wearing a tight red mini-skirt, a
nearly sheer white blouse and a pair of red stilettos.

Ben jumps up and gives Savannah a
peck on the cheek. “Sorry we’re still here. We’ll get out of your hair now,” he
says apologetically, picking up some of the empty beer bottles.

“Busy day?” she asks pointedly, but
I pick up on the slight edge to her voice.

“Actually, yes,” I say, sitting up.
“We spent about four hours on our music and ended the day out here with a few
beers.”

Ben heads inside with his bottles,
and Ryan, picking up on the tension, grabs his two empty bottles and follows
Ben inside. I pick up my two empty bottles and stand up to follow the guys.

Savannah is right on my heels as I
dump the bottles into the recycling bin. Ben and Ryan reappear with their
things from the office.

“We’ll get out of your way guys,”
Ben says, pulling out his keys.

“So, I guess Blake hasn’t said
anything to either of you?” Savannah asks, and I feel my body tense.

“This is not the time, Savannah. We
talked about this,” I warn in a low voice.

Savannah pretends to ignore me. “I
don’t think Blake is going to be able to do the tour,” she says sweetly.

“Huh?” Ryan stares at me blankly,
but I see Ben quickly make the connection in his head.

“Not true,” I say quickly,
“Savannah and I have some things to discuss,” and I hope my tone is final
enough that everyone shuts up.

“Catch ya later,” Ben says quickly,
grabbing Ryan’s arm and pulling him down the hallway. I nod at the guys, as if
trying to tell them that there’s no problem.

Once they’re gone, I turn around
and stare at Savannah.

“How dare you pull that kind of
shit in front of the guys?” My voice is tight and menacing.

She shrugs carelessly, tossing her
shiny hair over her shoulder. “If you’re not going to tell them, then I guess I
will.”

“I already told you, Savannah,
that’s not happening. I’m going on this tour.”

“Like hell you are!” she snaps.

I sigh. No time like the present.

“Have a seat,” I say quietly,
gesturing to the kitchen table.

“What?”

“Take a seat.”

She eyes me suspiciously and sits
down.

“I really don’t know how to say
this, Savannah,” I start, and then I see her confused face twist into one of
anger.

“Don’t you dare,” she whispers, her
eyes hard.

“This isn’t working, Savannah, you
know it’s not.”

“It’s because of
her,
”
Savannah says savagely. She's no fool.

And that’s partly true, but I don’t
dare admit to it. “Savannah, this is between you and I. You eventually want me
to give up music and work for your dad. In fact, you’re ready for me to do it
now, you’re just using Paige as an excuse.”

She bites her tongue. I know she
doesn’t like Paige, but I also know Savannah expects me to settle down and
start pulling in big money like her daddy.

“You’re going to be satisfied with
this forever?” I ask, gesturing to her house. “A little townhouse? Christ, the
money you spend now isn’t even ours, it’s your parents!”

“So what! I make money, too!” she
argues.

“Savannah, it’s not even worth
talking about. You and I are not meant to be.”

“You are not ending things with me,
Blake,” she hisses, “everything was fine until that little whore came along.”

“She’s not a whore!”

“You’re seriously going to defend
her while you’re trying to break up with me?” she cries, jumping up. “You are
not fucking doing this to me!”

“Savannah, you can’t force me to
stay with you,” I say patiently.

“Tell me this has nothing to do
with your
precious
Paige,” she jeers, baiting me.

“What does that matter?” I say
back, angrily. “The main thing is that I’ve realized that you and I aren’t
right together. I can’t marry you, Savannah, and it’s better I tell you now
than at the altar.”

Her face quickly betrays her hurt
and then she pulls herself back together.

“I’m not letting you do this. As
soon as you forget about that woman, you will realize that we are meant to be
together. You are not going to humiliate me like this!”

I soften my tone. “Savannah, I’m
sorry, truly I am. And I do love you. It’s just, I see now that we’re not meant
to be. This would have happened one way or another.”

“So it
is
about her?” she
demands, and I just don’t feel like lying.

“Some of it, yes. I didn’t think I
would ever see Paige again. A lot of my old feelings resurfaced, and it’s not
fair to you. I need to be alone so I can sort out my feelings.”

“Alone my ass! What a bunch of
crap! Do you know how many guys would love to be with me?” she yells, standing
up and kicking over a chair. “But I love
you
, Blake! I’ve loved you
since I first saw you sing. You mean more to me than any other man. I am
begging you not to do this.”

And then she runs to our bedroom,
slams the door and proceeds to sob uncontrollably.

“Well, fuck,” I breathe, sinking
back into a kitchen chair. I’m half tempted to run in there and tell her
everything is alright, because I can count on one hand how many times I’ve seen
Savannah cry. She
never
cries, and sitting here alone in my kitchen, I
wonder if I’ve made the right choice.

Am I really meant to be with Paige?
Or did I imagine everything between us? Am I still hung up on a girl I loved
when I was fifteen? Am I really in love with the new Paige, or just the idea of
the old one? What I would really like to do right now is go directly to Paige
and reconfirm all of my feelings for her, and all the things she said to me.

I’ve created a life with Savannah,
and now I’m throwing it away over a woman who has only been back in my life for
less than two months.

But it’s
Paige.

I jump up and stalk out to the
patio because I can no longer stand the sound of Savannah's sobbing.

Before I can contemplate whether
I’m making a terrible mistake, Savannah comes out on the patio looking more
humble than I’ve seen her. She’s wearing a tank top and shorts, a rather modest
outfit for her. Her eyes are red and ringed and I can see the smudged lines of
mascara where she’s wiped at her face.

“I can’t force you to stay with
me,” she whispers, “and I have more pride than that. If this is really what you
want, then I’ll get my stuff together and be out of here in a few days.”

She starts to pull her engagement
ring off, but I stop her. I feel awful. I’ve never seen her so defeated before.
It was easier when she was angry.

“No, I can’t take that back. It’s
yours Savannah. Keep it, sell it, either way it belongs to you.”

She nods and sniffles, walking back
towards the door. She stops and turns around. “I know I’m a bit overbearing,”
she admits, “but I can try harder.” She doesn’t wait for my answer and goes
back into the house.

Feeling like the world’s biggest
douche bag, I put my head down on the patio table and wonder what I’ve just
done.

~~~

I haven’t talked to Paige, or seen
her in three days. The last time we spoke was our quick and happy reunion at
her house when she confessed that she wanted to be with me and she was tired of
fighting it. I had joyfully left her house, ready to go home and break things
off with Savannah.

Except, once I did try to end
things with Savannah, she was more remorseful and sensitive than I had ever
seen her.

Needless to say it was a pretty
rotten day.

Savannah was home with a
stomachache, and I was heading over to the Clipper to see Paige perform. She
didn’t know I was coming and it was probably better that way.

I sneak into the back and watch
Paige rock the stage. Like always, she blows me away and I feel sick over everything
that has happened the past few days. After she finishes, I wait for her to make
her way out into the club and then I wave at her to catch her attention.

Her face breaks into a grin, and
she hurries over to me. I admire her lacy tank top and tight jeans. She looks
happier than I’ve seen her in a long time.

“Hey,” she says breathlessly,
sitting next to me. “I wasn’t expecting to see you here tonight!”

“I know it’s unexpected. Sorry
about that.”

“You don’t ever have to apologize
for showing up,” she says, gently resting her hand on top of mine.

I carefully pull my hand out from
under her hand, and Paige’s face instantly becomes confused. She stares at me
for a few seconds, then her face falls and she sits back in her chair to survey
me.

“Tell me what’s going on,” she says
flatly.

“Christ, Paige,” my voice is ragged
with emotion. “I tried to end things with Savannah, I did, but it just was so
different from what I expected.”

Paige blinks rapidly and I realize
she’s fighting back tears. I’m a total asshole.

“But she was sorry and she admitted
to being a total bitch and she promised she was going to change things. I just
feel like I have to give her a second chance. We have a history,” I add feebly.