DAIR (12 page)

When had it changed, my type?
 
Was it the bitterness of the divorce that had soured my preference, or had it happened with my developing feelings for a wild, too young blonde?

I was pretty certain it was the latter.

It was late when I dropped Lourdes off, and we’d started early.
 
Of course, a four-hour sixteen-course meal would make any night run long.
 
Still, the stubborn part of me was hoping Iris had been worrying for every minute of my absence.
   

Lourdes actually invited me in for a drink, but I politely declined.
 

She kissed me, and I held very still and let her.
 

It had to have lasted a full two minutes before she reluctantly pulled away.
 

Now I really felt like a bastard.
 
Just awful.
 

I wanted to take it back, to wash my mouth out with soap.

I didn’t let it show, saying as polite of a goodbye as I could manage.
 

I felt horrible the entire way home.
 
Just gross, disgusted with myself for using a friend.
 

She’d seemed to enjoy herself, seemed to hope for another date, though I hadn’t mentioned so much as calling her again.
 

CHAPTER TWELVE

Iris was up and watching TV in the guest bedroom we’d been using when I got back to the house.
 
She was lying on top of the covers, wearing nothing but a sheer white tank top and panties.

“How did it go?
 
Did you hit it off?” she asked, tone casual, not even bothering to look at me.
 

I wanted to throttle her.
 
“You know we didn’t.
 
It’s impossible to have a real date with one woman while being in love with another.”
 

“Well, it was worth a shot.
 
You keep telling me that love is much less important than this age difference.
 
Maybe the next date will go better.”
 

“I am
not
fucking doing that again.”

“I wasn’t talking about you.
 
I’m going out with the meathead tomorrow.
 
We’re going clubbing.
 
It seems age appropriate.”
 

My heart stopped.
 
“You can’t be serious.
 
I only went out with that woman because you said—”

“I was referring to tonight only.
 
You won’t sway me on this.
 
Did you kiss her?”
 

I started inching towards the bathroom.
 
I honestly thought I might throw up.
 

Oh God,
that awkward kiss that I hadn’t even wanted.
 
What was it going to cost me?
 

“Will you kiss
him
if I say yes?”

She shot me a surprised look, the first time she’d looked remotely interested since I’d gotten home.
 
“Wow, how far did you guys go?
 
Should I be jealous?”
 

I cursed, and cursed, and got nothing back.
 
“We did not get far.
 
She invited me into her house for a drink, and I said
no
.
 
And I didn’t say I’d call her, or say we’d go out again.
 
If you’re keeping score, remember that tomorrow.”
 

“But you did kiss her.”

“She kissed me, and I didn’t stop her.
 
I was trying to be nice.”
 

She laughed, and it sounded almost bitter, for her.
 
I wanted to cover my ears.
 
She was always so sweet that it was near unbearable to listen to it turning sour.
 
“How nice you are.
 
Well, rest assured, I’ll be nice tomorrow, too.”
 

“Don’t, please,” I mouthed.
 

Why had I let Lourdes kiss me?
 
Had it been to get some small ounce of revenge on Iris for making me go through that?
 
Had I wanted her to be jealous?

Yes, that was it.
 

I felt like shit.
 

“How long of a kiss was it?”

“I don’t know.
 
I wasn’t timing it.”
 
Lies, lies, lies.
 

“Was there tongue?”

I shut my eyes tight, picturing the huge guy from the park getting to kiss her, to wrap his beefy arms around her.
 

It was so wrong.
 

I moved to her, ready to beg.
 
I crawled on the bed, burying my face in her belly.
 

She took pity on me and stroked my hair.
 

“It will be better if you just tell me.
 
I’d hate to err on the side of caution.”
 

“This is cruel.
 
You know that, right?
 
I didn’t want anything to do with this nonsense.”
 

“I didn’t tell you to let her kiss you.
 
There must have been something to it.
 
I wouldn’t have kissed anybody, if I’d gone out tonight.”
 

I wanted to pull my hair out in frustration.
 
“But you will now?”

“Yes, Dair, I will now.
 
Just like I take your words seriously, I take your actions to mean something.
 
You wanted us to try our own age.
 
I’m going to give mine at least as much effort as you did.”
 

I was shaking as I climbed on top of her.
 
“I love you,” I told her.
 

I didn’t undress either of us, just took my dick out of my pants and shoved her panties to the side.
 

I fucked her rough.
 
She wasn’t even ready, but I didn’t stop.
 
I was too upset and forgetting myself.
 
I was too big of a man to forget my strength.
 
I may well have bruised her, but she didn’t complain.

“I love you too,” she said softly, after I’d emptied myself inside of her.
 
She hadn’t gotten off.
 
I could tell by her calm tone that she hadn’t even come close.
 
“But you keep telling me that’s not enough.”
 

I moved off her, shutting myself in the bathroom.
 
My emotions were too raw to deal with her just then.
   

I took a bath, feeling wretched.
 

She joined me after a time, stripping down and climbing in to straddle me.
 
She washed my hair, and I shut my eyes, still hoping to find some way to stop her.
 

“You won’t do more than kiss him, will you?” I whispered.
 

“I’ll give him an honest try, Dair.
 
If he kisses me, and I want to do more, I will.
 
I’m going to let it run its course, see if there’s more to this age thing than I’d realized.”
 

I shoved her off me, getting out of the bath.
 
I didn’t trust myself to be in the same room with her just then.
 

I didn’t realize she was leaving until she walked out of the bathroom, fully dressed.
 

I shook my head.
 
“No,” I told her.
 

I couldn’t let her leave me like this.
 

“I think it’s best if I sleep somewhere else tonight.
 
Tomorrow, too, probably.”
 

I flinched.
 
“Why are you punishing me like this?”
 

She just shook her head and walked out.
 

I tried to follow, to stop her, but even when I pinned her to the front door and kissed her, she only turned her face away.
 

“Come back here after the date.
 
And be safe.
 
Please.”
 

She kissed my cheek and left without a word.
 

It was one of the worst nights of sleep of my life.
 

I worked out hard the next day, in Frankie’s extensive home gym, went swimming, and took the dogs for three walks.
 
I was trying to staunch the flow of awful anxiety inside of me with physical activity, and I couldn’t have said if any of it helped.
     

I didn’t know what to do that evening.
 
I couldn’t sleep, had no idea when I’d see her again, when I’d know just what she did on her date.
 
I knew I’d lose it if she did more than kiss that guy.
 
Just the kiss felt like more than I could handle.
 

I felt relief to the point of weakness, elation to the point of pain, when the doorbell rang around midnight.
 

I answered it shirtless, because who else could it be?
 

She met my eyes squarely as she walked past me, wearing a skimpy pink dress that showed off her spectacular body to perfection.

“You wore that for him?”
 

She sighed.
 

“Tell me,” I growled at her.
 

“Yes, I wore this for him.
 
It was a date.
 
You dressed quite nicely for your date.”
 

“How far did you . . . ?”

“Only a kiss.
 
A short kiss, though he did shove his tongue down my throat.
 
He was a
terrible
kisser.”
 

“Did you . . . hit if off, other than the terrible kiss?”
 

She began to walk towards the kitchen, her body swaying in red stilettos.
 
She toed them off between one room and the next, then lifted her dress over her head, dropping it on the floor.
 

I followed like a moth to a flame.
 
I was that deep under her spell.
 

She was fully nude by the time she made it to the kitchen.
 
She perched on the counter, parting her legs.
 
“Of course not, Dair.
 
I’m in love with you.
 
It was a doomed experiment from the start, but now you’ll know that I speak with authority when I tell you that your age theory is
garbage
.”

I moaned, not from my throat but from my chest, my heart.
 
“Never do that to me again.”
 

I moved between her legs.
 

She shoved my boxers down, gripping me.
 

I was throbbing, burning for her.
 
“Quit fighting against this, Dair, and start fighting
for
it.
 
That’s all I ask.
 
Actually, I insist.
 
Do you understand?”
 

I nodded, grabbing her tits with both hands, bending down and sucking at them until she shook and moaned.
 

I knelt down and ate her out, her hands clutched in my hair.
 
I didn’t stop when she came, my tongue on her clit, two fingers shoved deep inside of her.
 

I brought her over again.
 
And again.
 

“God, you’re amazing,” she moaned.
   

As far as sops to my bruised ego went, that was helpful.
 

“Fuck me, baby.
 
Come on.”
 

I straightened, moving close.
 
I sank into her slowly, leaning back to watch my cock disappear inside of her, watched her cunt suck in every slow inch.

“You want this to be all yours, baby?” she asked me as I started to move hard inside of her.
 

“Yes, yes, you’re all mine.”
 

“You need to start acting like it.
 
Don’t be a passive partner.
 
This relationship is not something that’s happening
to
you.
 
We are the drivers here.
 
You’re pretending that you just can’t resist me, so you’re letting it happen.
 
I need more from you.”
 

I didn’t know how she could stay so coherent when I was losing my mind.
 
I grunted an affirmative and fucked her senseless.

I took her upstairs and delved into every inch of her.
 
I was on her back, panting, buried in her, when she spoke again.
 

“Do you still think that our age difference is too much of an obstacle for us?”
 

“I don’t care,” I grunted over her.
 
“I want you, regardless.
 
I’ll fight for you, for this.
 
This is mine.
 
You’re mine.”
 
As though to prove a point, I took her hard, rutting into her from behind.
 

I felt her come and pulled out, still hard.
 

I hadn’t been like this since my twenties, needing relief so many times.
 
And even back then, I hadn’t had a partner who met my needs with any kind of enthusiasm, even when I ate her out for hours.
 
Iris was at least as insatiable as I was, perhaps more so, and my touch made her weak.
 

It was a heady feeling.
 

It was later when Iris suddenly left my arms, rose from the bed, and went into the bathroom.
 

Curious, I followed.

I came up behind her, watching her in the vanity mirror.
 
Her face was downcast, her always thick lashes brought up to pinup status with some heavy mascara, her lipstick wiped clean, but her mouth still swollen and red.