Custard Tarts and Broken Hearts (12 page)

‘He doesn’t want you coming in.’

Ted’s face hardened, but he said nothing. Then, solemnly, he held up his arm and she took it. She gave him a sidelong look. She was right; he looked immaculate. He hadn’t just put on a clean collar, as many boys would have; he had on his best suit with a new cap, and proper shoes, not his work boots. His copper-gold hair had been brushed till it shone. Nellie thought she would burst with pride and she squeezed his arm just so that he would look down at her and she could begin to drown, as she knew she would.

However, as it was, walking out with Ted meant exactly that, walking. For in spite of his new cap and his good suit, Ted was as short of money as any other docker after the long strike.

‘Sorry, Nell, it’ll have to be just a trot round Southwark Park, but I promise I’ll make it up to you, soon as the next ship comes in.’ Ted was a casual at the docks and his wages would always depend on which ships were at Surrey Docks, or Butlers Wharf, and on whether or not the dock foreman favoured him on that particular day.

‘Oh, Ted, I’m not bothered about where we go! The park is lovely.’ Nellie meant it. For her, it was the perfect destination. She didn’t want the distraction of a show or a pub, and anyway she didn’t feel as though she were walking at all: she might as well have been floating. Her senses seemed to have narrowed. She was conscious of her hand on Ted’s arm, the feel of good cloth, and the hard muscle beneath it. She felt the heat of his body where it touched hers, and when he spoke he looked down and she felt his breath on her cheek. His breath was sweet, all mixed with the scent of roses, as they walked through the rose garden towards the pond.

They found a secluded bench by the pond and Ted put his arm round her, pulling her in close. ‘Now I’ve got you!’ he said mischievously. ‘I’ve had my eye on you for a long time, Nellie Clark!’

And I’ve had my eye on you!
thought Nellie, though she wasn’t going to admit it to Ted. Instead she feigned mock surprise.

He laughed. ‘Obvious, was it?’

‘I should say so.’

‘Well, I’m a lucky man, you’re as sweet as a peach!’

Nellie blushed, but Ted lifted her chin and kissed her. It was a more lingering kiss than their first, but his mouth felt harder. His kiss became more insistent, more probing, and a fluttering of panic rose in her as she looked into his eyes. It was like the sea closing over her head and she breathed into Ted’s mouth like a dying woman.

Nellie barely noticed dusk gradually turning to night, and it was Ted who suggested he should walk her home by ten. Nellie hoped this would make a good impression on her father. But he only grunted over his pipe when she stuck her head round the door to say goodnight. In bed as she drifted off to sleep, she felt rocked by a sea as green as the colour of Ted’s eyes and when she woke next morning she felt the previous evening must have been a dream. But as soon as she met up with Lily in Duff’s cloakroom before work, her friend brought her back down to earth.

Lily was full of questions and when Nellie told her they had walked round Southwark Park, she shook her head. ‘You’ve got to keep your head, Nellie, where my brother’s concerned. And if he can afford new shoes, then he can afford to take you to a show! Next time don’t let him get away with it!’

But all through the rest of that summer they walked. Arm in arm, they walked around Southwark Park and sometimes across Tower Bridge to look at the boats and listen to the barrel organ at Tower Hill. It was on their walks that Nellie learned of Ted’s hopes and dreams of a better future. One day, as they strolled in Southwark Park, Ted drew her towards the empty bandstand. As they sat together on the steps she seemed to see the swirling crowd of strikers, felt again the power of their numbers driving her towards the waiting soldiers. Perhaps he was remembering that day too, for suddenly he grabbed her hand.

‘I’m not staying a docker all me life,’ he said vehemently. ‘I tell you what, Nell, I think it’s high time working people had a bigger share of the cake.’

He had plans to become a union leader, like Eliza and Ernest James.

‘Might even be a politician!’

Nellie laughed and his face grew serious.

‘Why not? I can go to night school. I’ve been in negotiations with them bosses and I tell you, they’re no cleverer ’n us, they just got a better start!’

What he said had its appeal. She only had to remember the difference those extra six shillings a week made to her to see the value, and then when she imagined Bobby and Freddie living a different life from hers, perhaps not having to work till they dropped, it made her admire Ted and his big plans all the more. Her dreams, in comparison, felt small, unimportant even. When he asked her what she wanted out of life, she told him, ‘I want to bring up the boys and keep the family together. I’m their mum now, you see, Ted, and you know how Dad is…’

‘You don’t have to tell me about your old man, he’s a mean old sod to you and to them. But don’t you want nothing more, Nell?’ And his face seemed to quiver with the intensity of his question. She hesitated, but why should she be embarrassed to admit it?

‘Well, I should like a husband and family of me own one day, ’course I would.’

Ted went quiet. He seemed disappointed. Nellie stood up, hastily pulling Ted to his feet in an attempt to dispel the awkwardness she felt.

‘Let’s go over to the pond,’ she suggested quickly, knowing it would please him. ‘Their bench’, as they now referred to it, was tucked away in a little arbour near the water, where they were hardly ever disturbed. Linking arms, Ted grinned at her, but Nellie regretted sharing her true desires. Why hadn’t she bitten her tongue? Of course he wouldn’t be thinking of settling down with anyone like her. A couple of kiddies would soon put paid to his plans of changing the world!

Nellie’s romance was now counted as common property among the custard tarts, spicing up their breaks, and Nellie was no longer offended by their unsubtle questioning about first kisses and favourite rendezvous. Instead she felt pleased to be initiated into this new world of courting. It was the sort of talk she’d never been party to, but now she drank it all in as if her very life depended on it. The strike had won them the right to a ten-minute break in the morning and the afternoon, which they were allowed to take in the new cloakroom. In spite of the stifling heat, no one would turn down the chance of ten minutes off their feet and it had quickly become the place where all the gossip of the factory was exchanged. Even the hot pipes had their advantages, the bottles of cold tea the women brought with them could be warmed on the pipes, and some even brought pies to heat up on them. It was a warm cave that smelled oddly of gravy, vanilla from the custard, and coal from the furnace room.

During one morning break, as Nellie shared a bottle of tea with Lily, the talk turned to the custard tarts’ favourite topic.

‘How’s that Bosher treating you?’ Maggie nudged Nellie. ‘Any hanky-panky going on?’ Nellie blushed as the other girls leaned forward to hear the details.

‘Go on, gel,’ urged Ethel, ‘don’t be shy, even little timid mouse Annie here’s admitted her feller’s getting a bit handy, ain’t he, Annie?’ she said, turning to the shy girl who giggled, covering her face with her hands.

‘Come on, tell us, Nell, we ain’t got all day,’ Maggie persisted. ‘Albert’ll be sending a boy down after us in a minute.’

Eventually Nellie confessed that Ted might be getting a little impatient with a kiss and cuddle on their favourite bench. Maggie, true to her word, gave her the benefit of her unsophisticated but sound advice. ‘What you got to remember, Nellie, love, specially with ’andsome gits like Bosher, is that he can always get another once he’s got what he wants from you, so if you want to keep him, gel, just keep yer legs crossed!’ This had been followed by a chorus of approval from all the custard tarts.

One Sunday not long after this she and Ted walked all the way to Greenwich Park, where they strolled up to the observatory to view the sweeping Thames snaking away into a haze-filled London. They found a secluded ancient oak and lay under its shade. There Ted’s hands first wandered from her waist and she sat up abruptly.

‘Ted Bosher, you keep yer hands to yourself!’ she snapped. ‘I’m not yer fancy woman!’

He leaned back on his elbows and laughed at her. The sun was behind him, obscuring his expression in shadow, but she was surprised not to see the expected anger. Instead she saw something worse: the flash of his teeth and the tilt of his head spoke only of scorn.

‘All right, all right, little girl!’ he soothed infuriatingly.

She was tempted to prove him wrong, but instead she thumped him on the arm. It would be so easy to let him have whatever he wanted, but she wasn’t so much a fool as to go that way. She knew what happened to girls who got into trouble and, with Maggie Tyrell’s advice ringing in her ears, she pulled herself away from Ted, marching off down the steep hill towards the park gates.

‘Don’t be like that, Nellie!’ he called after her, but she began trotting, picking up speed till she reached the bottom of the hill, breathless and dishevelled. Determined not to look back, she heard rather than saw him careering down the hill after her, his feet slapping the hard-baked earth as he halted behind her. She paused to tuck her hair up, allowing him time to amble up to her.

‘I didn’t mean nothing by it, Nell,’ he said placatingly. Triumphant, she took his proffered arm, feeling far more of a woman than she’d ever done before.

The summer did not want to end. By September an oppressive heat still turned the factory into an oven and the Bermondsey streets into furnaces, so when Ted suggested a day out to Ramsgate, Nellie was overjoyed. She felt bad about leaving Alice and the boys at home, but Ted had been clear he didn’t want them along, so she promised them each a stick of rock, and she and Ted took the horse tram up to London Bridge, where they boarded the train to Ramsgate Sands. She wore her new summer dress of pale lilac and white stripes with a straw hat and little parasol. Alice had made her walk up and down in the kitchen so she could get the full effect and pronounced her ‘just like a proper lady!’.

Even her father had grunted, ‘I hope he knows he’s a lucky man!’, which she took as his seal of grudging approval.

London Bridge Station was a heaving bustle of excitement and movement, and the noise of the chugging steam trains entering and leaving was overwhelming. Nellie grabbed Ted’s hand as they dashed to catch the Ramsgate train, which was packed full of other Londoners hoping to escape the city’s heat. Families with huge amounts of luggage and day trippers like themselves filled every carriage. They were lucky to find two seats next to the window in a carriage already full of a family of five. Nellie could tell Ted would have preferred a carriage to themselves, but Nellie wasn’t bothered; she was used to the noise of children and nothing would spoil this perfect day. As the tightly packed roofs and smoky chimneys eventually gave way to fields, Nellie’s sense of excitement grew. Life, she felt, was moving forward finally, opening out for her with each engine whistle and spurt of steam; it made her feel expansive and generous and soon she had the little girl next to her sitting on her lap, craning to see the first cow or sheep. The boy wanted to sit on Ted’s lap too, but the pin-sharp crease in Ted’s trousers won out and the little boy had to make do with taking turns on Nellie’s knee.

When they arrived at the Ramsgate Sands Station, the hordes of people seemed to tip off the train straight on to the beach. There was hardly a patch of sand to be seen; all was covered by rows of deckchairs and little encampments of families, by children making sandcastles or enjoying donkey rides, and people queueing at ice-cream sellers. The water’s edge was a smudge of paddling children. Nellie clung tightly to Ted’s arm until they were safely on the promenade. They walked a leisurely length of it and then out on to the pier.

‘Oh, Ted, it’s beautiful, feel that breeze!’ Nellie tipped her head back and smelt the sea wind on her face. It was fresh and clean, billowing out her blouse and whipping her skirt around her ankles. She wished with all her heart she had the children with her.

‘It’s bloody crowded, though!’ said Ted, and, in fact, they were almost tripping up over the feet of the couple in front of them.

When they reached the end of the pier, Ted stopped to read an advertisement for trips to Goodwin Sands.

‘There won’t be any crowds out there, that’s for sure!’ he pronounced, and explained that the Goodwins were sandbanks a few miles offshore. They were treacherous to shipping and many wrecked boats mouldered there, but at low tide miles of the sands were uncovered and you could sail out and stroll about, while the sea completely encircled you.

‘Do you fancy a trip out there on a boat, Nellie?’

In fact, she didn’t. His tales of wrecks and tides had terrified her, and she wondered what would happen if the tide turned while they were out there. But he looked so excited that she agreed.

‘Oh, all right, then, but don’t you get me drowned, Ted Bosher!’ She didn’t want to seem like a child to him, and why should her fears dampen the joy of the day?

Grabbing her hand, he led her to the side where the boats were leaving for Goodwin Sands. They boarded the little flat-bottomed steamer and Ted paid the captain. There were others on the boat with them, but Nellie hardly noticed them. Ted seemed to fill her vision like the brightest of suns, obscuring everything else from her sight. The voyage out was not as frightening as she had expected, the sea calm as a silver disc, beaten down by the sun, and the blue sky unrelieved by any cloud. They stood at the front rail, watching the golden bar of sand slowly approaching. The breeze was delicious, but Nellie felt her face getting hotter and redder under the burning sun. When Ted looked down at her, all smiles and excitement, she could barely make out his features for the glare of sunlight. She squinted and suddenly he grabbed her parasol, put it up and, shielding both of them from the other passengers, kissed her passionately till she struggled for breath.

‘Ted!’ She pushed at his chest, mortified, excited and scared all at once.