Cry Wolf (7 page)

“Ready to make your way back?” Kelly asked. “If we walk, we’ll probably get there in time for breakfast. I’ve trained Ki to make extra meat by now.”

“I can’t be around them,” Malcolm said, although Malcolm’s stomach let them both know that it thought that was a fine idea indeed.

Kelly stood up. “You can.”

“I outran my anger last night, but it’s not gone,” Malcolm said. “Doesn’t matter how deeply I try to bury it, it always surfaces again. And part of it is from being around them. It’s even worse at the house, because I see Renee, and…”

Malcolm covered his eyes with his hand, as though he were afraid that if she could see them, she would know his sins. Somehow she had to make him understand she knew all his sins already and that hers were worse.

She crouched down, not even teetering to keep her balance.

“Malcolm, listen to me. Right now, you have two good choices. You have a number of other not so good ones, of course, but let’s set those aside for right now. Your first choice is that you can leave the sanctuary and find a pack. I can’t go with you unless you want to go far away, because I’ve been banished from every pack in this state and a few beyond. If my reputation spreads, it’s possible I wouldn’t be able to join another pack at all without begging amnesty from our brothers and sisters outside the States.

“Your other choice is to stay here and immerse yourself among the shapeshifters. You can’t be a part of their pack as a dog anymore, but the more you isolate yourself from them, the more you’ll see them as something to sink your teeth into.”

Malcolm winced.

“If you stay,” she continued, “you’ll grow accustomed to their scent. It’s why some werewolves can still live relatively human lives. The only way to do that, though, is to spend time with them but also give your wolf a little rope.”

She guided his face back when he tried to look away.

“Ignoring it isn’t going to make the curse disappear,” Kelly said. “Believe me. The best way to control it is to give in to it. The more you resist, the less control you’ll have. That seems to be the rule of magic.”

“And the others call you quiet,” Malcolm said.

“It’s just a matter of having something to say.” She kissed his forehead gently. “That was a bit of a lecture, wasn’t it?”

“Just a little.”

“I told the others to stop tiptoeing around you,” Kelly said. “So if you still smell pity on them, only you can clean that scent away by showing them a Malcolm that doesn’t need to be pitied.”

“It might be a lecture, but you have a way of making it very inspiring. Maybe it’s the sun rising behind you,” Malcolm said. “But when I’m among them, I won’t be as inspired.”

He glanced down, contemplating. She could practically see the gears in his brain turning as he mulled over everything—both his quicksand thoughts and the potential paths that Kelly presented to him.

“You’ll be there?” Malcolm asked, his eyes meeting hers.

“Yes.”

“And if you think I’m going to do something, you’ll stop me.”

“I’ll kill you myself if I have to,” Kelly promised. “But I doubt it will come to that.”

Malcolm raised his eyebrows but replied, “Actually, I find that comforting. All right.”

* * * *

Malcolm went into the shapeshifter barn first and headed for the clothes bins. He had been wearing just the one pair of jeans ever since he’d been turned. On full moons he’d removed them, but last night Kelly had caught him by surprise, and the transformation had ruined the pair. Nudity wasn’t out of the ordinary in the sanctuary—after all, they were just bodies, and no one tried to clothe the dogs in spite of the fact that they walked around naked as well. But it was less common in the winter months, and Malcolm preferred clothes, at least a pair of pants.

Kelly followed him in wearing her robe that she’d grabbed from her trailer on the way back. She nodded to Ki. It hurt Kelly that Ki was hurt watching her follow Malcolm in. But Kelly couldn’t help her with that—she only hoped that Ki would refocus her attention not on what Kelly might have done with Malcolm, but on what he had just accomplished. He hadn’t been in the shapeshifter barn for what seemed like ages.

“I’d add some sausage to the mix,” Kelly said to Ki. “A lot of it.

Ki visibly tried not to ask, but she couldn’t help it. “What did you do last night?”

“We ran,” Kelly replied.

“Malcolm used to like running the dogs,” Ki said, masking her relief well, which made Kelly feel worse about what she hadn’t said.

“Malcolm can hear you,” he said, coming up behind Ki a little stiffly. “No need to talk about him as though he’s dead.”

Ki almost started to apologise, but Kelly nudged her. Ki took a deep breath and squared her shoulders.

“No, he’s not, but he can be a bit of an asshole,” Ki said. “Go sit down. It was going to be an eggy morning, but sausage shouldn’t put me out.”

Malcolm’s nostrils flared and his lips thinned. Ki flinched, interpreting it as anger, but Kelly knew it was just Malcolm reacting both to Ki’s scent and to the promise of sausage.

“Thanks,” he said.

Kelly touched his arm and said, “Breathe normally. It’ll start getting bearable if you face it. It’s not like you can hold your breath through the entire breakfast, you know.”

Malcolm nodded. He gritted his teeth and took a deep breath, then another and another, before he sat down at the table.

“It’s going to take some time,” Kelly said to Ki, patting her shoulder. “He’s not mad at you. He’s hungry.”

Ki took out a pot for the sausage. “Thank you,” she said quietly. “It’ll be ready in a little while. Think I can eat with him?”

Kelly smiled. “In fact, I encourage it.”

* * * *

Meals had been the first step. Malcolm still wasn’t comfortable being around the dogs. His scent was different than it used to be, but there were aspects similar enough to his old scent that made the dogs act confused and wary—just as they were with Kelly—rather than frightened or aggressive.

However, now that he hung around the shapeshifter barn during meals, Ki had been taking Kelly’s advice to heart and sitting next to him, compelling him into conversations. They had mostly avoided talking about his lycanthropy and instead discussed the dogs, all the dogs he had taken care of and now couldn’t even go near. Although Kelly knew it ached his heart, Kelly encouraged Ki to continue talking about them. Her instinct was spot on that he would eventually warm to the subject, genuinely wanting to know about their well-being and getting an update on each of their lives—their antics, their pains, their colds, their coughs and making sure that they were all being taken care of.

Kelly found Malcolm every evening after the sun had set. He joined her for her night runs now. Once he changed, any remaining reluctance would dissipate.

They did hunt on one of the nights, and Malcolm didn’t speak to her at all the next day, even though it was only small game. The dogs themselves sometimes hunted as well, but the sanctuary staff usually made efforts to kerb that behaviour. Prior to his change, there had been no need for him to experience the hunt and all the parts about it that the wolf loved but a human could find distasteful—the spurting blood, the taste of it, bones crunching and soft flesh yielding.

She knew he hated it because it was a rush that he thought he shouldn’t have.

Kelly allowed him to avoid her during the day. She had accomplished her first task. She had helped him get into his wolf skin on a regular basis. Stretching his legs every night showed its moderating influence by the way he was able to at least interact with Ki again without snapping her head off.

The real test came when Ki invited him to the cabin for Leslie’s birthday party.

“No,” Malcolm said immediately.

Ki had set out sandwich fixings for lunch, and Malcolm had put at least four thick slices of meat in his sandwich. That was all. Kelly, at least, had added some cheese in hers. She had also told herself to put some tomato on, just for variety, but she only tolerated that.

“Enough of this sneaking around, Malcolm,” Ki said. “Leslie’s been really worried about you. He doesn’t let on, but the fact you haven’t talked to him, haven’t joked with him, it makes him more withdrawn than usual. I know he’s already pretty solitary, but wasn’t that what you two had in common?”

“I stay away because I care,” Malcolm replied in frustration. “I don’t want to hurt any of them.”

“And we’re expendable?” Ki asked, gesturing to the other shifters in the barn.

“No, I just…”

“You’re just scared. Well, get over it. We’re scared, too. Renee is afraid of everything all the time, and
she
manages to get out of the sanctuary now and then.”

Malcolm clenched his teeth, making the tendons near his eyes twitch.

“Yeah, I know you’re a bit raw where Renee is concerned, but she lets you stay here, she let Kelly stay to help and she shot Grant dead. I don’t know what you expect her to do to make you okay with her,” Ki said. She pointed a plastic fork to punctuate her lecture, which took away from the gravity of it a little bit.

“Except when
she
leaves the sanctuary, I’m pretty sure lives aren’t on the line,” Malcolm said.

“She didn’t used to know that. Remember after her father died? She was a mess,” Ki said, raising her voice. “She knows better now. Mostly. But the point is, she worked damn hard to get over being terrified. You’re just sulking. She wants you here, Leslie wants you here and Kelly’s helping you stay. But if you’re just going to brood alone in the woods and moan and groan about your situation, then why the hell are you staying in the first place?”

Ki threw the fork on the table and started clearing up. She laughed with Lotus, but it seemed forced. Lotus didn’t seem to take it the wrong way. He knew what was up. Everyone could hear everyone else’s conversation at the lunch table.

“I suppose you’ve got an opinion on it,” Malcolm said to Kelly where she sat on the edge of a cot, eating her sandwich.

“Of course I do,” Kelly said. “I’m your sponsor.”

Malcolm snorted. “Why don’t they see that I’m trying to keep them safe by not putting everyone in a confined space with me? I
want
to be there, I do. I
want
to be able to be around them. But they’re asking too much too quickly. God, I’ve only been coming here for, what, a week?
Such
a big step, I’m sure, enduring about an hour a day without killing anyone.”

“If it would make you feel better, I could be there with you,” Kelly said. “I don’t have to get in the way or interfere with any of your time together, but I can be there as moral support. And to beat you down if you get too wolfish.”

“You do have a way of putting things,” Malcolm muttered.

“Oh, I’m not joking,” Kelly said. “If you need a fight, I’ll give you one. You know I will.”

When he met her eyes, the storm grey grew paler. She didn’t look away. He still had a lot to learn, but Kelly had already learned all these lessons. She would not return to the shame that he desperately wanted her to allow him, not with all the good things that being a werewolf gave her. Such as the tentative warmth in those light eyes.

“So you’ll go,” Kelly said, her voice low and a little rough. She swallowed that back, cognizant of Ki approaching.

“Yes,” Malcolm said.

When she blinked, he shook his head slightly, as though waking up from a daydream.

“Did you just do that to me? Make me say yes?”

“No,” she replied. “I don’t do that.”

“Could you?” he asked, his bewilderment shifting to curiosity.

“In theory,” Kelly said. She took a sip from her hot chocolate.

“Have you ever made someone do something like that?” he asked.

“You mean compel them to do my bidding?” Kelly asked. She shuddered. “God, no. I’ve used a bit of what they call psychokinesis to make people move before, but that’s not the same thing. That’s altering the physical. But I don’t do that other thing. I don’t make people want to do things.”

“But you could?”

“I’ve never done it before,” Kelly said, almost whispering. What she didn’t say was that she sometimes felt she could.

Most of her magic was intuitive. A lot of the witches she had met since her transformation and introduction into the world of magic were by the book, the covens using Books of Shadows with written-down spells passed down through generations. Other witches led magic where they wanted it, but for most of her life, Kelly had stumbled blindly over magic’s path. It swept over her, sometimes threatening to take her over if she didn’t understand whatever it wanted her to do or know.

“So if I was going to attack someone, you could stop me?” Malcolm asked.

“Hmmm?” Kelly returned back to herself. “I wouldn’t even have to use magic, if that’s what you’re asking. Come on, Malcolm, go to the party. Surely you’ve noticed how much better you are during the days now that you let the wolf free at nights.”

He stared at his hands, loose and relaxed in his lap. “It has been better,” he said.

“What better way to celebrate that than with your friends?” Kelly said. “Isn’t that what you wanted, to control the wolf so you could be with your dogs? That’s why you stay. You should probably do it now that you can.”

“I don’t
know
if I can,” Malcolm replied.

“I’ll make sure you can,” Kelly said.

“Leslie could really use a boost and so could you,” Ki said, finally returning to their side of the table. “And Renee would really like to know you’re okay. She’s the one who asked me to ask you.”

“Why doesn’t she ask me herself?” Malcolm asked. “Oh, right, she’s afraid.”

Ki poked him in his abdomen. Malcolm jumped and clutched his stomach.

“If she’s afraid, it’s only because you’ve literally snapped at her every time she tried begging for forgiveness,” Ki said.

For such a little woman, she could make a big werewolf cower.

“She wasn’t the one who bit you, Malcolm,” Ki continued. “Grant did, and Grant did it because you were a good man and tried to kill him to protect her.”

“So I should blame myself for going out there?” Malcolm asked. A flush surfaced on his cheeks, and the white silver in his eyes returned, but with a different kind of heat.