Cruel Summer (10 page)
Have a good day!
Love,
Colby
July 15
To: NatalieZee
From: ColbyCat
Re: You’re moving
Thank you for trying to get rid of that stupid for sale sign.
I really do appreciate it.
Though I have no idea why they’ve already replaced it with another.
But still, thanks for trying.
Colby
Colby’s Journal for Desperate Times When She Just Can’t Understand Anything About Her Life
July 16
This is how desperate I am—I actually flipped through one of Tally’s New Age, self-empowerment, or whatever you call them books, searching for answers to my current predicament, and even
THEY
couldn’t help.
Though that’s probably because I wasn’t exactly sure what to look for. I mean, it’s not like there’s a chapter titled:
WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE HAS GONE TO HELL AND IT’S OBVIOUSLY ALL YOUR FAULT.
Though maybe there should be.
It’s like, when my parents first decided to send me here they tried to convince me that it was
MOSTLY
so I could experience life in a foreign country and enjoy a relaxing summer, and only
PARTLY
so they could shield me from what is turning out to be the world’s ugliest legal grudge match.
And while I obviously did not for one second believe the
MOSTLY
part of their story, and knew it was actually more about the
PARTLY
part, the weird thing is, that for a place that’s supposed to be so simple and laid-back and relaxing, how is it possible that my life has become way more complicated here than it ever was before?
For example:
1) If I thought I was stressed about holding on to my position as Amanda’s good friend when I was back home, well, that’s nothing compared to how freaked I am now. Because, not only has she not read my blog after that first time (which I now recognize as either an accident or fluke or an accidental fluke), but the few times she’s even bothered to respond to my e-mails, she’s attached photos that, to be honest, kind of hurt my feelings. Like the one of Levi and Penelope at that party. I so did
NOT
need to see that! I mean, granted, I haven’t exactly confided in her about what happened between me and Levi (mostly because I know better than to trust her),
BUT STILL,
it’s just common courtesy, heck, it’s common sense! And then when she sent me that pic of her and Jenna and Penelope all loaded down with Bloomingdale’s bags at Fashion Island, all of them happily indulging in all of the summer fun and frolic I’m totally missing—I mean, that was completely rude and inconsiderate. Not to mention that the last I heard she was no longer even talking to Jenna. Just like I was no longer talking to Nat. It’s like we’d both traded them in so we could hang with each other. That was our deal. But from the looks of their little Saturday excursion, they’re now just one big happy family again, and I’m the orphan who got left in the cold. Not to mention how I can’t believe she’s back with Jenna after all of the
TRULY AWFUL
things she told me about her. And I cannot believe she’s hanging with Jenna’s cousin, Penelope (a.k.a. Levi’s summer fling). Not to mention how if she can take the time to do all of those things then she can also take a few minutes out of her precious day to send me an e-mail and tell me once and for all just what the
HECK
is going on with Levi and his supposed cruise. And why he hasn’t bothered to e-mail me. And just what, if anything, he’s said about me. Because I’m really starting to go into meltdown mode. But has she bothered to do any of those things? Um, that would be
NO!2) When I first found out that I was coming here, my worst fear was that my parents might try to kill each other while I was gone. Seriously, they were fighting so bad and so often it actually seemed like they were well on their way to dividing the house right down the center and barbequing the family pets (luckily we don’t have any family pets). But still, it was really starting to mimic this old movie I once saw where the couple ended up doing exactly that, only to end up all tangled up and dead on top of their chandelier (I forget how they wound up on the chandelier, but then again that’s not really the point). The point is, that now, even though none of that happened, it’s somehow managed to get even worse! Because apparently my dad just got a new bachelor pad and a new girlfriend to go with it. And my mom is acting so insanely jealous that she’s started calling me and confiding in me and telling me all kinds of creepy things I never wanted to know about my dad. Like she thinks she’s my friend instead of my mom. And even though it’s true that I’m currently experiencing a shortage of friends, it’s not exactly a crisis, and I’m not exactly looking to her to fill the void.
3) And then there’s the little matter of the for sale sign, which my supposed good friend Amanda just couldn’t be bothered to remove, but that my former friend Natalie handled right away. And all that does is make me feel that much worse for how our friendship ended, and how she accused me of dumping her and treating her like crap. Which is not even fair since it’s not like it’s
ENTIRELY
my fault in the first place. I mean, we were both growing apart and wanted different things anyway, which, when you stop and think about it, is really neither one of our faults, because people change and grow and move on and things like that just happen. It’s just the way life is. (Okay, I just reread that last part and now I feel totally creeped out since it’s pretty much the exact same speech my dad gave me about the divorce.) Anyway, all of these things just lead to the next item on my list:4) Most of the time I feel like I don’t even know who I am anymore. I’m not kidding. I feel like I’m just wandering around, trying to hang on to a home I’ll probably never see again, hang on to a dad who’s more interested in his new life than his old one, hang on to a friend who was probably never much of a friend to begin with, and hang on to a guy who probably doesn’t even remember my name, much less the fact that he spent almost four hours kissing me and trying to take off my dress, before using our last minute and a half together to take my virginity. And no, I really don’t think he’s ANONYMOUS anymore, because that kind of thinking is not only completely delusional and stark-raving mad, but also requires a certain amount of
OPTIMISM
and
HOPE
that I just can’t muster. And to be honest, I haven’t the slightest idea who ANONYMOUS is. But with the way things are going, I’m sure it’ll turn out to be some creepy online stalker, someone who’s wanted in all fifty states, including the northern and southern territories.5) Oh yeah, and to top it all off, it’s not like I’ve made much of an impact here. Because I really would’ve thought that Yannis would’ve stopped by and/or called by now, but, big surprise, he hasn’t.
UPDATE!
Believe it or not, it just went from worse to
EVEN WORSE!
Apparently, I’ve now become so pathetic that even my own rescued kitty doesn’t want to be with me. Seriously, just as I finished writing the above, Holly took one look at me, sniffed my shorts and T-shirt, jumped right off my bed, and scrammed out of my room as fast as he could.
Like he has a sixth sense or something.
Like he
KNOWS
what I am, and doesn’t want to be beholden to a loser.
Obviously, this is probably a good time to stop writing for the night.
Circle in the Sand
Blog Comments:
Anonymous said:
I’m confused. From your pictures it looks like you are in paradise.
Sun, sand, sea, and a kitten…What more do you need?
Please explain at your earliest convenience.
ColbyCat said:
I don’t really know how to explain, because the truth is, you’re right, it is really pretty here. The beaches are nice (except for the rocky ones) and my kitten is adorable (as you can see). I guess, it’s a little more barren and rugged than I usually like, but hey, you can’t have everything, right?
Maybe it’s just that paradise is more a state of mind than an actual place?
Anonymous said:
Interesting…I never thought of it like that.
Thanks for explaining.
July 18
To: AmandaStar
From: ColbyCat
Re: !!!!!!!!
OMG—R U serious? Levi’s actually really coming here & U gave him my e-mail???
U-R-The-BEST!
!!!!!!!!!!
Thank U Thank U Thank U!
(U sure this is 4 real & UR not messing w/me, right?)
Colby
July 18
To: NatalieZee
From: ColbyCat
Re: You’re moving?
Hey Nat,
Sorry, but I really can’t explain why there was an open house at my home yesterday. Though I do thank you for taking the opportunity to put all the books and CDs you borrowed back on my shelves.
And to answer your question, yes, I’m having a total blast here. And just in case you’re bored, or curious, or even if you just want to know all the juicy details, you can read all about it in my blog. It’s called “Circle in the Sand.” And NO, I didn’t name it that because of you or your mom or any of those songs she always used to sing. I just needed a summer blog name and it’s the only thing I could think of on such short notice.
Well, actually, it’s the second name, but whatever, just check it out if you want.
K—L8R (sorry, I know how you hate that, but I couldn’t resist!)
Colby
P.S. Levi will be here soon!!!!! I can’t wait!
July 18
Dear Mom,
For your information I know all about the
OPEN HOUSE,
which means we seriously need to talk, because
NO WAY
am I moving.
I thought we’d been through this already?
This cannot continue.
You must stop.
Please contact me at your earliest convenience.
Love,
Colby
July 18
Dear Dad,
Mom had an
OPEN HOUSE
and I’m holding you responsible. You have to do something to stop her because
NO WAY
am I moving!
I thought we’d been through this already?
This cannot continue. This must stop.
Please contact me at your earliest convenience.
Love,
Colby
Colby’s Journal for Desperate Times That Require Desperate Measures
July 20
I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Seriously, you’d think I’d be happy, partly because—
LEVI’S COMING.
That’s according to Amanda, who’s still hooked up with Casey who happens to be best friends with Levi who said something about not being able to go to someone’s surprise party because he’s going on a Mediterranean cruise instead.
And also,
YANNIS IS COMING.
Here. Tonight. For a BBQ. But those two friends of his, Maria (black hair) and Christina (orange hair), who just happen to be related to one of Tassos’s best friends (Christina is his friend’s daughter, Maria is her cousin), are NOT invited (I made sure of that). Anyway, apparently the only reason he didn’t call or come by sooner is because he had to go to Athens for a few days, and
NOT
because he suddenly decided he didn’t like me, or anything remotely like that.
Please note the lack of exclamation points even though I really am excited about both of these things.
Though I must admit, the neutral punctuation is probably due to the fact that all of my excitement is currently being overshadowed by my mom and dad’s last phone call, where they both informed me, under no uncertain terms, that they retain the right to divorce, date, throw open houses, and basically make a string of not just bad, but extremely reckless decisions that will surely result in the complete unraveling of my life, and quite possibly my future.
Also, I was reminded, that as a minor, there’s absolutely nothing I can do about any of this, since they are the
ADULTS,
while I am merely their
CHILD.
At which point they went on to assure me that I shouldn’t take everything so
PERSONALLY
as none of it is meant that way.
They are simply dedicating themselves to doing “What is in the best interest of everyone.”
And all I can say to
THAT,
is:
If that’s so true, and they’re so
DEDICATED,
then how come they’ve yet to stop and consider what might be in the best interest of
ME
?
How come they can’t just grow up, stay put, and:
JUST LET ME GET THROUGH MY LAST YEAR OF HIGH SCHOOL MORE OR LESS UNSCATHED?
Seriously.
I mean, just one more year, that’s all I ask. And after that, after I graduate high school and head off to college, they’re free to self-destruct or do whatever the heck they want.
Just let me complete my childhood first.
I wonder if I can divorce them?
Colby’s Journal for Desperate Times When She’s So Happy She Can Hardly Breathe!
July 27
Haven’t been blogging. Haven’t been e-mailing. Haven’t been letter writing or postcard sending. Haven’t been to the Internet café. Haven’t even turned on my computer in what seems like forever but is probably just over a week. And all of this is happening because:
I’M CURRENTLY IMMERSED IN A VERY SERIOUS CASE OF WHAT APPEARS TO BE—MUTUAL LIKE!
Ever since the night of the BBQ, when Yannis rode up on his bike and smiled at me, my stomach started doing a series of somersaults and backflips, which, to be honest, haven’t really slowed down since.
But it’s not the same kind of nervous and anxious feeling I had with Levi. It’s more like a tingly,
CAN’T BELIEVE THIS IS ACTUALLY HAPPENING TO ME
kind of feeling. And even though I kind of felt like that back when Levi first kissed me, for some reason it’s even better with Yannis.
I guess because being with Yannis feels more real, less borrowed.
Anyway, he pretty much just parked his bike, sat down beside me, and didn’t really go anywhere else for the rest of the night. And the whole time we were talking and laughing and getting to know each other better, it felt like only half my brain was actually focused on what we were saying and doing, because the other half couldn’t stop thinking:
I wish he’d stop talking and kiss me!
But since Tally, Tassos, and all of their friends really weren’t allowing for much in the way of privacy, I pretty much resigned myself to yet another fun, yet passion-free night.
But then, after we ate and it started to get dark, Yannis leaned toward me and whispered, “Wanna go for a ride?”
And of course I said yes.
And even though I was fully expecting to end up at that club again, this time, after riding around for a while, we ended up at his favorite beach instead. Then we parked on the road, and ran down to the sand, where he laid out a towel for us to sit on as we gazed at the moon and the stars, trying to spot the different constellations, until he finally worked up the nerve to kiss me.
That’s right—
HE
had to work up the nerve to kiss
ME!
Which means, I was making him feel just as nervous and giddy as he makes me!
Which is also the exact opposite of Levi, who pretty much assumes that every girl in any given room is totally willing to make out with him on a moment’s notice. (Though to be fair, that’s probably only because it’s so true.)
But even though it’s probably true for Yannis too, he just doesn’t have that same kind ofconfidencearrogance as Levi. He’s just way more polite, more respectful, and would never try to push someone to do stuff they may not be ready for.
Anyway, one minute we were talking about the Big and Little Dippers, and the next thing I knew he was kissing me. And let me just say that it was
TOTALLY AMAZING!
Not awkward at all. Not even in the very beginning of the kiss, which is normally a pretty tense moment since both parties are striving to choreograph a duet that neither of them has ever rehearsed (at least not together).
But with Yannis, it was like both our lips just knew
EXACTLY
what to do and
EXACTLY
where to go, and it felt like magic.
In fact, it was so amazing and magical that we stayed there for hours, just kissing and talking, but mostly just kissing. Until it eventually got too cold for the shorts and T-shirts we were both wearing and he decided to take me home.
And this time when he dropped me off, he kissed me again, and said, “See you tomorrow?”
To which I just nodded and smiled and ran inside the house, thinking I would write it all down in this journal.
But in the end I chose to just lie on my bed, close my eyes, and relive it over and over again in my head, until I eventually fell asleep, where I dreamt about him too!
And sure enough, the very next day he came by again. And he’s pretty much been coming by every day since!
So after just skimming through all of my previous journal entries I can hardly believe what a big whiny baby I’ve been. And it’s so embarrassing to read all of that, I’m thinking about ripping out all of those pages and burning them at Tally and Tassos’s next BBQ.
I mean, what could I possibly have been thinking? This place is
BEAUTIFUL!
It really is like
PARADISE,
only I was too blind to see it.
Granted, it may not be all that exciting or hip and trendy and jet-set and glittery like Mykonos, but when you’re in the right company you really don’t need all that flash.
It’s like I wrote in my blog—Paradise is a state of mind!
And Yannis is just so incredibly sweet and cute and awesome, and he’s even teaching me Greek! These are some of the words I’ve learned so far:
Koukla Mou
—(Obviously I’m not using the Greek alphabet since our lessons haven’t quite progressed that far.) Which literally means something like “my darling.” Which actually sounds kind of old fashioned and weird, which is also why it’s better to avoid the temptation to directly translate everything, and just take the overall gist of the word or phrase instead. Which in this case would make it more like:
honey,
or maybe even,
babe.
(Okay, still kind of weird, but I know for a fact that he means it in the nicest way!)
Omorphos
—means pretty! (He said this about my hair on a day when I really didn’t think it was looking all that
omorphos!
)
Apothe
—means tonight! (As in, we go out just about every
apothe!
Which also happens to be true!)
Efcharisto
—means thank you. But when I could barely get the hang of pronouncing it, Yannis told me to think of it as a person named F. Harry Stowe. Which I have to admit is so much easier!
And
Yannis
—means John. (But I still call him Yannis because it sounds way more exotic.)
Though
Colby
doesn’t mean anything, it’s just plain Colby. Which is what he calls me when he’s not calling me
Koukla Mou.
And, oh yah,
S’agapo
means I love you. Not that he said it or anything. Though I did ask Tassos how to say it just in case Yannis does decide to say it, then I’ll know what it means. But I really hope he doesn’t decide to say it because that’ll just wreck everything. I mean, it’s way better to keep things casual and not get all serious and over involved—just try to stay focused on having fun, and not make a bunch of false declarations and promises we’ll never be able to keep.
Anyway, we actually see each other so often we’ve worked out a little schedule. Like, in the mornings he almost always goes to work, helping with the construction of the hotel his family is building, but in the afternoons he usually meets me and Tally and Tassos at the beach for siesta, or sometimes we just go on our own, and he always thinks it’s so funny how I refuse to take off my top. But since I’ve yet to take it off when we’re alone, I’m certainly not going to do it for the first time in front of a whole crowd of people. I mean, I actually managed to lose my virginity without once taking off my top, so why start now?
Anyway, at night we usually go into town and hang at that club he first took me to, or we ride around on his Vespa, looking for some quiet place where we can be alone and make out.
And I have to admit that even though it’s fun to hang out with all of his friends and cousins and stuff, my favorite times are always when it’s just the two of us, all alone, gazing at the stars, kissing, or sometimes even just talking. And it’s weird how I feel so relaxed around him, since I’m usually pretty nervous around guys (especially really cute ones like Yannis!) since it’s not like I’ve had lots of experience with boyfriends or anything. But with Yannis, everything feels so natural and easy and comfortable.