Crossroads (15 page)

I watch the train leave the station and wonder what is going on.  Em should have been on that train.  Did she sneak past me?  She couldn’t possibly be avoiding me again.  Not after last night.  I thought everything was fine.  I told her I wanted to be with her and we made love for hours.  But she should’ve been on that train.  When there is a gap between customers I text her.

Everything alright?

I stand staring at my phone for a moment waiting for a response.  Nothing.  I go back to serving customers. There is suddenly an influx of them and I am unable to call her, but I continually check my phone and still nothing.

When I next l
ook at the clock I realise thirty minutes have passed with no response from her.  And then I’m getting really worried.  Last night, everything was perfect. 
She can’t be pulling away again!
  I’m not going to allow it.

I call her but she doesn’t answer
, so I send her another text.

What’s going on Em?

Another thirty minutes and still nothing.  So I try again to call.  This time it goes to voicemail.

“Call me,” is all I say before I hang up. 
Now I’m getting really pissed!

Another hour passes,
and then Frank enters the booth signalling it is eleven o’clock.  There are always two people in the booth from eleven until twelve, it’s shift changeover and it always seems to be busy.  We exchange pleasantries and even though I still have another hour before my shift ends I am tempted to leave the booth.  I’m about to ask Frank to cover for me when I hear a knock on the door.  I swing it open and I’m shocked to see Em standing there.  She smiles at me sweetly and takes my breath away.  I am instantly relieved but still concerned as hell.  I pull her into the booth.  She stumbles up the step and into my arms.  When I look down on her beautiful face she looks up at me with eyes full of concern.

“Are you okay Nick?”

“No.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Why didn’t you return my calls?  Or my texts?” I ask her in an accusatory tone.  She’s taken aback and looks peeved at me. 
At me?  I’m not the one in the wrong here!

“Because I wanted to-”

“
No!
  Not this time.  This time I’m going to tell you what I want.  I never wanted to be your friend and I never wanted this
arrangement,
I have always wanted more than that,” I say angrily.

“That’s what-”

“I’m not finished.  It’s my turn to tell you what I want.” She tries to speak again and I shake my head.  “You see, I’ve always let you steer this thing between us.  You wanted to be friends, so I agreed. 
When you said you didn’t want to see me anymore, I left you alone.  You asked for this stupid fucking arrangement, I said yes to protect you.  Now I’m done!  I’m done letting you decide.  It’s my turn to tell you what I want.”  I grab her face in my hands.  Her green eyes are wide with shock.  I try to reign in my temper by softening my voice.  “And what I want is you.  I want to be your boyfriend… partner, lover, whatever the fuck you want to call it… I don’t care, as long as you’re mine.”

I stare at her, silently awaiting her reaction, our faces inches apart.  My heart is pounding with adrenalin and fear at the words about to spill from her mouth
.  But when her mouth opens nothing comes out.  A long second later it widens into a breathtaking smile.

“Can I talk now?”
she asks in a cheeky tone, putting her arms around my waist, drawing our bodies closer.

Her touch and her smile make me feel calmer than I have since I left her bed this morning.  I give her a nod.

“First of all, I’m sorry I worried you,” she says through a smile she cannot shake.  “I didn’t return your calls because I went out and I forgot to take my phone.”  She stops speaking as her eyes search mine.

“Second of all?”
I prompt her to continue.  She takes a deep breath.

“Secondly, yes.  Yes to everything you just said.”

“Yes?”  Nick’s eyes light up and his smile
widens.  “That’s it?”

“I’m kind of
at a loss for words right now.”

“You mean I left you speechless?” he says with a glint in his
eyes.

I nod
, then step on the tips of my feet so I can kiss him on the lips.  It’s a quick, short kiss because he pulls back to look down on me.

“So this means…?”

“It means… yes.” 
How else am I meant to say it?

“Yes,” he repeats and then pulls me in for a deep, earth-shattering, hot and delicious kiss.  My hands hold him tight and close
, as he pushes me back against the door to the booth.  My body heats with desire and my insides clench when he puts his knee between my legs.  His large, warm hands cup my cheeks and my neck making me feel so secure and cared for and as he kisses me harder, wanted and desired too.

“
Ahem.”  A sudden loud throat clearing startles me.  I virtually have to fight Nick off to see where the sound came from.  Over Nick’s shoulder I see there is a man in the booth with us.  The bald guy that I have seen here before gives me a smile.

“Oh
, I’m so sorry,” I apologise, my face burning.  “I didn’t know anyone else was in here.”  I turn back to Nick, “I should go.  You finish at twelve, yes?”

Nick chuckles and pulls me
to his side when I try to move towards the door.

“Frank, this is
my girlfriend
Em.”  The way that he stresses those words has me tingling all over.  “Em meet Frank.”

“Hi Frank,” I say
, shyly giving him a small wave.

“Nice to meet you,” the guy with a friendly face says.  He tur
ns to Nick, “Why don’t you knock off early Nick?  I’ll hold the fort.”

“Are you sure?”

“Not a problem.”

“Thanks Frank,”
Nick says before hurriedly reaching behind me to open the door.  I shuffle out of his way and he grabs my hand to pull me from the booth, slamming the door behind us.

“You t
wo have fun now!” Frank chuckles as we pass the front of the booth.

“Oh we will,” Nick whispers making my eyes bulge.

“Bye Frank,” I say, hoping like hell he didn’t hear Nick’s comment.

Nick squeezes my hand causing me to look up to him.  His smile is so bright
and contagious, not that I wasn’t already beaming myself.  Today has been a day of revelations.  Before coming to the station I had decided I was going to lay it all on the line for Nick.  I was going to tell him how I felt.  That the arrangement we had needed to end because I felt too much for him already.  I was going to tell him that I was done hiding my feelings, I was done pulling away from him.  And then he’d shocked the hell out of me by his admissions, effectively beating me to it.

“So why aren’t you at work anyway?”

“I called in sick.”

Nick stops walking and turns to me, concern etched on his face.

“What’s wrong?” he asks, his palm holding my chin.

“Nothing.
  I’m not
actually
sick, dumb-arse!” I laugh.

“You chucked a sickie?”
he asks with his eyebrows raised.

“Yep, pretty shocking huh?”

“Why?”

“I would have thought that was obvious.”  Nick continues to stare at me
as if he’s trying to figure it out.  “Not obvious then?  I wanted to spend the day with you of course.”  I tap him on the nose and then pull him forward so we are walking again.

“You called in sick to spend the day with me?” he asks incredulously
, shaking his head.

“It’s a beautiful day,” I shrug. 
And it is.  The sun is shining brightly, it’s not even lunch time yet and it’s already heating up.  There is hardly a cloud in the blue sky and the light breeze barely moves my hair.  “I thought we could go to Brighton Beach.”  Nick doesn’t respond right away and when I look back at him his eyes are trained on me with a depth of love that I can barely believe I am seeing.  “What?”

Instead of responding he tugs on my hand pulling me to him for a quick kiss.

“That sounds great,” he chokes out, staring at me with a look of wonderment.  We continue to walk towards my apartment.

“So why were you calling me before?”

“When you didn’t catch the train I was worried.  I thought… I thought you were pulling away from me again.”

“I won’t, not again.  I want this too Nick.”
I give his hand a reassuring squeeze.

“
Where did you go anyway?  You said you went out and left your phone behind.”

“Oh, I just had a little shopping to do,” Em replies with a mischievous look on her face.  She turns to walk up the path to her apartment, tugging me along beside her.

“Did you get me something?”

“Maybe,” she replies mysteriously.  “Actually it’s kind of for the both us.”

“Well now I’m intrigued.”

Once we get inside her apartment
Em pulls a couple of shopping bags from the fridge, placing them on the bench and I immediately go to snoop.  I pull out rolls and some lettuce, ham, tomato…

“So y
ou bought me stuff to make lunch?” I ask her.

“Yes, but that’s not all.  You just have to wait,” she teases.

“I can be patient.”

We set about making rolls for a picnic lunch to take to the beach.  It feels good to be working together in the kitchen.  I am so happy in this moment with her.  I finally have her where I want her, my girlfriend Em.

“Nick, did you really mean it?” she asks after we pack the last of the food away in a picnic basket.  She looks at me warily.  “Everything you said at the station?”

“Of course I did.  Em I want you, I want to be what you deserve.  I’m going to make this work.”  She smiles at me briefly before swallowing nervously.  “What is it?”  I move closer to her and put my arm around her waist.

“You’re leaving-”

“Forget about the trip.  Let’s be together as if that’s not happening, okay?”

She takes a moment before speaking again, “All or nothing?”

“I vote for all.”  I smile and tuck her hair behind her ear.

“Just us.  No one else?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean,” she sighs, “you’ve never been in a relationship before and one with me, means
only
me Nick.  You can’t be with anyone else.  I can’t do that.”

“I don’t want to be with anyone else.”  I can sense that she doesn’t believe me and why would she?  She’s
right, I have never been in a relationship before.  She had me pegged as a player from the start. 
Again, my past is biting me in the arse.
  “You’re worried that I don’t know how to be faithful?”  She doesn’t have to answer; I can see it in her eyes.  “Em I’ve been faithful to you and I didn’t even have you.  I haven’t slept with anyone since… well actually, I think since before pyjama day.”

She looks at me with a scowl, her brow crinkled in confusion.  Then she pushes me in the chest.

“Don’t lie!”

“I’m not lying,” I argue, surprised by her outburst.

“Bullshit!  I saw you with someone.  You’re a player Nick and you always have been.”

“Not anymore - I thought you trusted me?”

“So did I!”  She backs away from me, mistrust in her eyes.

“
When did you see me with someone?  What are you talking about?”

“At the club,” she says
, crossing her arms.

“What club?” I ask
, getting angrier by the second.

“I dunno what it was called, I forget, but I saw you and you were with a girl and
you were all over each other!”

She’s shouting now and I feel the blood drain from my face
.  The thought of her witnessing something like that sickens me.  I couldn’t bear it when I saw her with Seth and that was pretty tame.  But if I was drunk and getting it on at a club. 
Oh god!
  But how?  When could that have happened though?  I haven’t been with anybody.

“
When Emma?
”  I grab hold of her arm, fury racking me.

“It was
called… Club Vibe, about three weeks ago, it was a Saturday night.”

Relief fills me and I laugh.  Em looks at me in confusion which
quickly morphs back into anger.  When she goes to speak I put my hand over her mouth.

“I don’t know what you
think
you saw, but I can assure you, you are
so
wrong.  The girl you saw me with?  Her name’s Hailey.  She is a mate and that is all.  In fact, after we left the club that night we went back to her flat and got drunk.”  Her eyes widen and she tries to move away but I don’t let her.  “I spent the whole night talking about you.  You could say, I cried into my bourbon.”  I chuckle.  “I promise. I haven’t been with anyone in about two months.”
Fuck, talk about a dry spell.
  I’m even surprised to realise it’s been that long.

When I see
Em’s body relax and her eyes soften, I remove my hand from her mouth.

“But why?”
she asks, barely above a whisper.

“I couldn’t.  I know we weren’t together, but even looking at another girl kind of
felt like cheating.  I tried to be with other girls, but none of them compared to you.  None of them even came close…  Once I knew you existed, I didn’t want anybody else.  Does that sound ridiculous?”

“No
, it sounds romantic.”  Her eyes go glassy and my heart rate picks up.

I’ve really put it all out there today
, haven’t I?

“Why didn’t you just tell me how you felt?  I mean, if you wanted to be in a relationship with me, why didn’t you tell me?  Why did you agree to this arrangement idea of mine, if that’s how you really felt?”

“I tried to.  And just last week I told you.  That CD?  Did you even listen to the song I gave you?”

“Yes,
you know I did,” she blinks up at me.

“
No, I mean
really
listen.”  Her eyes search mine and I can see the cogs turning in her head.  Refreshing her memory I quote some of the lyrics, “I missed you and things weren’t the same… ‘cause everything inside it never comes out right, and when I see you cry it makes me wanna die… I love how you kiss…” I kiss her then.  “It’s never too late to make things right… you make my world go round.”

Em wipes a tear away then places her head on my chest, her arms tightening around me.

“I’m sorry I didn’t express myself the right way.  When you asked for sex no strings, how could I say no?  If you haven’t realised by now, I have a hard time saying that to you.  Anything you want, I want to give you.  Unless that’s for me to leave you alone.  I won’t do that.  Not anymore.  Not again.”