Crossroad To Love (Fab Five Series) (14 page)

“I wasn’t thinking straight back then. Like I said, I was
totally numb. I thought I was doing it for you, Michael. I was grieving so much
and I loved you so much. I wanted you to be happy and I felt that you could no
longer be happy with me if you knew we would never have a family. I was afraid
you would grow to resent that over the years. I gave you your freedom so that
you could have the family you wanted with someone who could give you that.”

“Angie, I love you, Baby. But I have got to have time to
process this. I have to grieve for that child, too. You have had fifteen years
to deal with this. But it’s like it just happened for me.” He rose from the
couch and extended his hand to help her up. “Let me walk you to your suite.” 

“No, I will see myself out, if that’s what you want.” She
watched in disbelief as he walked into the bathroom and closed the door. So
just like that, he had walked out on her. This was how it was going to be, just
as Angie had feared. She knew he was hurt. She hurriedly grabbed her purse and
let herself out of the room. As she stood outside the door, she could not
believe that just a short time before, she was in his arms, reunited. Just a
few short hours ago, they were planning their future, planning to remarry. 

Now, Angie did not know if they even had a future together.
She had known that she was taking a chance by telling him after all these
years, but it had to be done. If they were getting back together, she wanted
there to be no secrets between them. He had to be told the real reason she had
left him. She could only hope that in time, he would understand and be able to
forgive her for what she had done all those years ago. She made her way back to
the fifth floor. She hesitated before entering the room. She so needed to be
alone for a while.
What I really
need is for Katy to come back from
her date
. Katy was her rock. But Angie had never told any of the girls
about the baby, not even Katy. Would they hate her for it?

As Angie finally unlocked the door and walked into the
suite, Lizzie saw the distress in her face. “Angie, what happened? You look
terrible.”

“Michael and I probably won’t be getting back together,
after all.” She walked into the bedroom, stripping off her new pink outfit,
remembering how only a short time ago she had been in this very room, dressing
for her date. She slipped into a nightgown and slid between the cool sheets.
She felt cold and alone, the same way she had felt for fifteen years.
Maybe
I got what I deserved
.  The tears started to flow, all the tears she had
held in check for all these years. Tears for all she had lost and for all she
had given up.  Tears for the baby she had lost, tears for all the babies she
would never have. And most of all, she shed tears for Michael, the one true
love of her life.
Will I ever feel his arms around me again?
Will we
ever be lovers again?
Would they ever be man and wife again? She lay in bed
for quite some time, crying her heart out.

The other two girls sensed that Angie needed some time to
herself. They waited a respectable amount of time before Lizzie finally knocked
softly on the door and asked, “Do you need anything, Angie?”

Angie knew that the ‘Fab Four’ had to be told her secret
too. She only hoped they would not hate her as Michael did. She could not lose
Michael and her friends all in the same night.

“I’ll be out in a few. There’s something you all need to know.
I might as well wait for Katy so I only have to tell it once.” Angie went into
the bathroom, splashed her face with icy cold water and ran a brush through her
thick hair. She put it into a pony tail, threw on her robe and looked around.
Just a few hours ago, she was in this very bathroom, getting ready for her
evening with such high hopes. And she’d almost gotten what she’d always wanted,
a chance to make things right with her true love.
How things
can
change so much in such a short time
. she thought sadly. She walked out of
the room to face her friends.

Angie entered the sitting room of the suite to find her
three friends deep in conversation. Katy had returned to the suite, apparently,
while Angie had been in the bedroom.
Thank God
, Angie thought.
I
couldn’t get through this without her
. Somehow, through the years, Katy had
been the one in the group they all had turned to in times of trouble. Even when
she’d had her own troubles, she had remained stoic and strong, doing what
needed to be done.

“Oh, Katy, I’m so sorry. Who would have ever thought?”
Lizzie consoled her as Marianne noticed Angie standing in the doorway.

Katy was also looking at Angie, a worried look on her face.
She asked quietly, “Angie, honey, are you all right?”

The other two looked up. Angie’s face was splotchy and her
eyes were red-rimmed and swollen. It was very apparent that the evening had not
gone well for their friend.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Katy asked. “It would appear
that we have both had a very eventful evening.”

Lizzie and Marianne nodded. They had had such high hopes
earlier that the evening would go well for both Angie and Katy. After hearing
Katy’s sad story and seeing Angie so upset, it seemed like so long ago that the
two were excitedly preparing for their dates.

Angie looked at them sadly and said, “There is something I
need to tell the three of you. It’s something that happened a long time ago and
until tonight no one knew except my mother. I told Michael and now the time has
come to tell the three of you.” Angie was already dreading having to tell the
story for a second time that night after remaining silent for so many years.

“Sit down, and take your time.” Lizzie made room for Angie
on the couch as Katy handed her a glass of water.

“Whatever could it be, Angie, that has you so upset?”
Marianne asked warily.

Angie sat down next to Katy. Katy took her hand as she began
telling her friends about her nightmare of fifteen years ago. She slowly told
them everything, stopping a few times to wipe her eyes. She could no more
control her tears than she could control Michael’s hurt.
I’ve lost him for
good this time
.
Will I lose my three best friends, as well
?
I
can’t bear that. They are all I have left.

Her friends waited for her to continue.

“And now, I have lost Michael forever. All because I thought
I was doing the best thing for him all those years ago by setting him free to
meet someone who could give him the family that he wanted so badly. I told him
it was all because of my career. I had nothing left but my career, so it seemed
like a good enough reason at the time.” She finished her story and looked at
her friends. “I realize now that I was not in my right mind at the time. I
should have received grief counseling, but it never entered my mind to seek out
something like that. I guess I took the easy way out. Although, looking back,
it hasn’t been easy at all.”

“I can’t believe you have held all of this inside for so
long.” Lizzie was the first to break the silence that had followed Angie’s
story.

“Angie, I am so sorry. Why didn’t you feel you could tell us,
of all people?”  Marianne asked.

“You gave up the love of your life because you were afraid
to tell him this. Oh, Angie, you should have trusted Michael more. You should
have let him grieve with you. You should have given him a choice. He might
have, no, I feel sure that he would have chosen to stay with you. He loves you
with all his heart. He always has.” Katy was confused that her friend could
have been so blind.
But the mind can play strange tricks on
us
,
she thought as she took Angie in her arms to comfort her.

“Do you all hate me too? I’m sure Michael hates me now. He
was so cold to me after I told him. He told me to leave.”

“He was in shock, Ang,” Katy answered with a sigh. She of
all people could understand that.

“We could never hate you, Angie. It’s just hard for us to
understand why you felt that you had to keep this to yourself,” Lizzie replied.

“We need to forget about that and help Angie through this,
now. She has kept all of this bottled up inside for so long. She needs to let
it all out. She needs to grieve. She has never let herself do that. She needs
us to comfort and support her. She does
not
need us to judge her,”
Marianne said in her sternest nurse’s voice.         

“You’re right, of course, Marianne. We, like Michael, are
still in shock,” Lizzie replied.

“Angie, I really don’t believe that Michael hates you. I do
believe, though, that he needs time. He needs to grieve. You never gave him the
chance to do that. He has just learned that fifteen years ago he lost a baby
that he didn’t even know existed. He just learned that there was a much deeper
reason that you divorced him. And he doesn’t understand why you thought you had
to do that,” Katy offered, knowing all too well what grief can do to a person’s
thoughts.

“And he is hurt that you didn’t trust him enough to tell him
the truth, I am sure,”  Lizzie added.

“Give him the space he needs. Next week, when you get back
to work, you will just have to take it slow, feel him out, and see how he
responds to you. Then, ask him to talk with you about it again, after some time
has passed. The two of you need to grieve for your baby together. That is
something you never did. That’s the only way that the two of you stand a
chance,” Marianne advised wisely.
If only I possessed this much wisdom when
it comes to my own problem
, she thought wryly.

“I really think that if the love is still there, which it so
obviously is, then the two of you will find your way back to each other. It
just may take a little longer now.” Katy gave her friend a reassuring hug.

“I agree. Don’t count Michael out yet. I know he loves you.
The two of you were brought back into each other’s lives for a reason. Now that
he knows the whole truth, maybe it will be even better the second time around,”
Marianne offered.

“I feel better now that it’s all out in the open. I am so
sorry that I didn’t tell you all sooner. I just couldn’t face it. I thought
that if no one knew, then I could get over it. That didn’t work, though. I have
spent many years agonizing over it all.” Angie smiled at her three oldest and
dearest friends in the world.

“Don’t give up, sweetie,” Lizzie said as the other two
nodded in agreement.

“What were you all talking so seriously about when I came
into the room? I heard you telling Katy you were sorry. Did your date not go
well, either, Kate?” Angie was relieved to get the subject off her for a few
minutes.

Katy took a deep breath and told her friend what she had
already told the other two. She related the whole saga of what had happened
with Ryan earlier in the evening. “I really felt a connection to him. I really
thought that he was a man I could build a future with. Now I guess I know why I
felt so close to him. He mentioned love at first sight. I think it may have
been more than that drawing us to each other.”

“How do you feel about it now that you know who he is?”
Angie asked.

“I was shocked, of course, when he told me. But I tried not
to let him see that. I just don’t know how he’d have reacted if I had told him
that I was the Kathryn that he had tried to contact ten years ago to apologize
to. It’s not his fault that his wife and her boss were in the car that killed
Bill and Bree. I realize that. I also realize that he lost as much as I did
that night. But I don’t think he realizes that,” answered Katy.

“So do you still think that you could have a future with
him?” asked Marianne.

“I wish I could say yes. But I’ll eventually have to tell
him the truth and I just don’t know how he’ll react. He has spent all these
years being bitter and feeling guilty. I’ve dealt with my feelings. I spent ten
years dealing with them. I will never get over losing two of the most precious
people in my life, but it’s time to finally move on. I think that Ryan was
feeling that too. But if I tell him the truth, I am afraid it will throw him
right back into the dark place which he has so apparently been in all these
years. I really think that given the chance, our feelings would grow into
something wonderful for both of us. I just don’t know if we will get that
chance, now. Our life together is probably over before it gets a chance to
begin. Maybe we met just so he could finally apologize to me. Maybe there was
never meant to be anything more. Not the great love I was hoping for,” she
answered sadly.

“Well, Katy, my friend, there’s only one way to find out.
You’ll have to tell him. You will never be able to move on with him if you
don’t. It would eventually come out anyway,” Lizzie advised her good friend.

“I know. I’ll just have to find the right time, before
things go any further between us. And I’ll have to be prepared to deal with the
fallout. I may lose my chance with him, or it could set us both free from the
past. I will never know until I tell him. I could break it off with him and
never tell him, but I don’t want to do that. I really need to call Alex in the
morning, though, and tell him what’s going on. It will be a shock for him to
hear that the man I told him about is the husband of the woman in the other
car.” Katy worried that her son might be opposed to her having a relationship
with Ryan now.     

“Alex is a level-headed young man. I don’t think he would
blame Ryan for what happened. Like you said, it’s not Ryan’s fault,” Angie
said.

“I am not going to tell him until the end of the week,
though. I want to enjoy the rest of our week and spend a little more time with
Ryan before it ends. I at least can have that, can’t I?” Katy mused.

“What about working with the restaurant now? You would have
to see him when you come back out to Dallas,” Mari ventured.