Crossing the Ice (27 page)

“Hey,” she said with a slight tilt to her head and a concerned look in her eyes. “Are you okay?”

I stopped before I reached the iPod. “How did you…”

“I ran into your mom and dad on their way out.” She put down the box and hugged me. “I’m so sorry.”

I’d finally gotten rid of the ache in my throat, and I felt it creeping back in again. I forced myself to think of happy things like the pure joy of skating with Josh earlier.

“Do you want some tea?” she asked. “I’m trying to find the chamomile.”

“That sounds like exactly what I need.”

She shuffled through a few packets in the box and exclaimed, “Aha!” when she landed on the two she needed. While she heated matching mugs of water in the microwave, I sat at the farmhouse-style table in the breakfast nook. She joined me a minute later with the tea bags steeping in the mugs.

“I know you haven’t had much time to process everything yet, but if you want to stay here and reapply to BC next year, you’re more than welcome,” she said.

I hadn’t even thought of reapplying. I’d need to bring up my SAT score to have any hope of being accepted, and standardized tests had never been one of my strengths. I could be setting myself up for another round of rejection.

“That’s so incredibly nice of you, Em, but I couldn’t keep imposing on you. You need to have your privacy with your family back again.”

“You
are
family, and I’ve never thought of you being here as an invasion of our privacy. I’m going to miss you so much when you leave! And the twins don’t remember a time when you didn’t live here. They’re going to have major separation issues.”

I smiled a little and tugged on the string of my tea bag. “I’m gonna miss all of you, too.”

She reached across the table and patted my hand. “Keep it open as an option. We’d love to have you for as long as you want to stay.”

“Thanks. It’s good to know I have at least one option.”

“Are you going to apply to other schools for next year?”

“I’m not sure.” I blew lightly on the steam rising from my mug. “Most of their deadlines are probably January fifteenth, which doesn’t give me much time, plus there’s something else pretty important I need to focus on next month.”

“Maybe it would better to wait and apply for the spring semester next year. I don’t want you to have any extra stress now.”

I set down the mug and pressed my head between my hands. “I didn’t plan this very well, did I? What was I thinking, only applying to one school?”

“You were following your dream. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

“I could’ve followed it more sensibly.”

She put her mug down on the table, too, and gave me one of her determined coach looks. “It won’t do any good to second-guess yourself. All you can do is move forward and put all your energy these next few weeks into skating your best. That’s something that’s still totally in your control.”

I nodded, realizing how right she was. I’d already lost one of my two life-long dreams. I couldn’t lose the other one.

Chapter Twenty

“Last run-through of the decade!” Sergei exclaimed as he queued up our short program music.

Mark and I dodged Stephanie and Josh’s star lift and positioned ourselves at center ice. We would celebrate the end of the decade later at Chris and Aubrey’s wedding, but first we had to finish off our final practice of 2009.

I closed my eyes to get into tango mode, but they popped open when Stephanie shrieked, “Daddy!”

She raced across the ice and threw her arms around Mr. Tucker from behind the boards. Josh took a much slower route and exchanged a much less enthusiastic hug with his father. I hadn’t expected to see either of Josh’s parents at the rink even though they were in town for Stephanie’s twenty-first birthday. He’d said his dad would probably work all day, and his mom would be prepping for the birthday party that night. A bunch of Stephanie’s friends from L.A. had flown in for the event at the swanky Chatham Bars Inn.

Mr. Tucker looked about the same as he did in the photos online except for a touch more gray peppering his dark wavy hair. He stood the same height as Josh, which meant he was taller since Josh was wearing skates. His strong posture gave off an air of confidence.

“Court.” Mark pulled on my hand.

“Oh… sorry.” I turned away from the boards and got into tango hold with him.

The music kicked on, and we powered through the opening steps like we’d done five thousand times before. When we swept past Mr. Tucker, I felt his eyes following us, studying every move. We conquered the triple twist, but during the straight-line footwork I grew tighter with each step. As we set up for the side-by-side jumps, I peeked sideways and saw Stephanie yammering away to her dad, but all his attention was on me. My muscles tightened even more, and as soon as I went up into the air I knew I wasn’t coming down cleanly. I barely completed three rotations, and I hit the ice hard with my hip.

I scrambled to my feet and looked up right at Stephanie smugly smiling. I zoomed away from her and caught up to Mark for the throw triple flip, but everything felt rushed. My legs still hadn’t reconnected with my brain. I stumbled on the landing of the throw, pitching so far forward I had to brace my palm on the ice to stay upright.

Mark gripped my hand extra hard as we stroked into our side-by-side spins, and I thought I heard him mutter, “Come on.” Not in an encouraging way but in an aggravated way.

I pulled myself together for the rest of the program, but Mark still frowned at me as we set off around the rink to cool down.

“Could you be any more distracted?” he said.

“Sorry. There was a lot of commotion going on.”

“You wouldn’t have cared less what was going on if it didn’t involve Josh.”

Drops of sweat snaked down my hairline, and I swiped at my forehead with the back of my hand. I shouldn’t have let the presence of Josh’s dad throw me off, but both his parents seemed to have some mysterious power over me. One look was all it took to paralyze me.

While Mark and I circled the rink, Stephanie and Josh performed a perfect run-through of their short. I didn’t stick around to see Mr. Tucker’s reaction, but I heard his applause as I made my way to the locker room. It was packed with skaters discussing their New Year’s Eve plans. Once I’d switched my skates to sneakers, I escaped to the rink manager’s office to listen to a voicemail from Mom.

“Hey, Honey. We might be out at dinner when you get here. I talked Dad into going to the North End, but of course he wants to go early to beat the crowds. I should still be up when you get back from the wedding, though. Have fun, and try not to miss Josh too much.”

I disconnected the call and sat on the edge of the cluttered desk. Josh and I had disagreed on whether he should attend the wedding in Boston or Stephanie’s party on the Cape. With the long drive between the two, he couldn’t do both. He wanted to be my date at the wedding, but I’d insisted he go to the party. I didn’t want him snubbing his family because of me. Why add another reason for them to despise me?

I was about to leave the office when Josh and his dad entered the lobby outside. They didn’t see me, and neither of them looked happy, so I crept back inside the doorway. It didn’t seem like the best time to introduce myself.

“You’re not skipping the party tonight,” Mr. Tucker said.

“Steph will have all her friends there. She doesn’t need me,” Josh said.

What are you doing? I thought we’d agreed I’d go to the wedding
alone.

“Being with your family is important. Going with this girl to the wedding of people you barely know isn’t.”

“Courtney.” Josh’s voice was so soft I had to strain to hear. “Her name is Courtney.”

“I’m sure she’s a nice girl, but she’s not more important than your family.”

“She’s very important.”

I rested my head against the cinder block wall and shut my eyes. I could picture the confrontation between Josh and his dad from the shortness in their tones. I imagined Mr. Tucker’s imposing figure in his long black coat and Josh’s blue eyes flashing with irritation.

“It’ll be good for you to be away from her tonight. You need to start putting some distance between you. This relationship can’t continue once you’re in school. You won’t have time for it.”

“I’ll make time.”

“You need to be focused on school, not worrying about a girl on the other side of the country. The sooner you end this, the better.”

“I don’t want to end it.” Josh’s soft voice grew harder every time he spoke.

“Trust me on this. You’re going to be apart for
years
. I have a lot more life experience than you, and situations like yours have a slim chance of surviving.”

Josh was either quiet or speaking so low I couldn’t hear. He might’ve been thinking about the odds of us surviving. I’d been thinking about it so much lately that I’d even done an internet search for “percentage of long-distance relationships that fail.” The surveys hadn’t seemed very reliable.

I heard Josh talking, and I angled my ear closer to the doorway.

“…know what we’re doing.”

The swinging door from the lobby to the rink squeaked, so I guessed Josh had walked out on his dad. I waited in the office and didn’t go back into the rink until I was sure Mr. Tucker was no longer in the lobby.

Josh came out of the locker room, shrugging on his jacket, and he marched straight toward me. “What time should we leave for Boston?”

I cocked my head to one side. “We talked about this. You have to stay here.”

“I don’t want to stay here. I want to be with
you
.”

“I want to be with you, too, but you rarely see your parents.”

“I can see them when I move home. Tonight should be our night.” He took one of my hands between both of his. “I want to dance with you and laugh with you and celebrate what’s been the best year of my life. And I want to kiss you like a boss at midnight.”

I couldn’t help but smile. Arguing with him was nearly impossible with his sparkling eyes promising me so much, but I couldn’t forget what Mr. Tucker had said. He’d actually made a valid point. I had to start getting used to Josh not being at my side.

“Please just do this for me,” I said. “It’s the right thing—”

“Do I get an introduction?” Mr. Tucker asked behind me.

I slowly turned and slipped my hand from Josh’s. He hesitated and then said, “Court, this is my dad.”

“Hi, Mr. Tucker.” I stuck out my hand and he shook it, unlike his wife had done.

“It’s nice to meet you, Courtney.”

He examined me just as closely as Mrs. Tucker had, but I didn’t see the same repulsion in his eyes. Perhaps he didn’t hate
me
personally as Mrs. Tucker did. He just hated the idea of Josh dating
anyone
.

“I was um… I was getting ready to tell Josh that I’m going to miss him tonight, but I hope he has a great time at the party,” I said.

Josh shot me a look that said,
You’re selling me out?

“The Chatham Bars Inn is beautiful,” I rambled. “You picked the perfect place for the occasion.”

“I’m sorry you can’t join us,” Mr. Tucker said.

Right. Because you weren’t just telling Josh to dump me ASAP.
But I didn’t expect a Hollywood lawyer to be short on bullshit skills.

“I should get going.” I looked up at Josh. “I have to pick up my check at the restaurant.”

“I hear you’re a bartender there,” Mr. Tucker said.

“Yes. Did you know Josh plays the piano there?”

Mr. Tucker angled his chin slightly upward. “No, I didn’t. It’s good you’re staying sharp. You can always entertain clients at parties.”

Irritation itched my tongue. Of course Mr. Tucker would bring the focus back to Josh’s future as a lawyer. Did he even appreciate how gifted his son was?

“He has enough talent to
be
one of those clients,” I said.

Josh fidgeted next to me, and Mr. Tucker treated me to a half-annoyed, half-amused smirk. There I went again — jamming my foot firmly into my mouth.

“I’m sure he could be, but that’s never been his path,” Mr. Tucker said.

“Because you don’t want it to be,” I said.

My foot was all the way down my throat now.

“Josh understands the importance of our family business, his legacy. Perhaps he hasn’t explained it well enough.”

I took a deep inhale before I blurted out anything more inflammatory.

Josh slipped his arm around my waist. “Court needs to go, so I’m going to walk her out.”

He nudged me toward the locker room, and I threw a token “Happy New Year” to Mr. Tucker over my shoulder. I quickly grabbed my bag and my jacket, and neither Josh nor I said anything until we reached the snow-covered parking lot.

“You shouldn’t have brought all that up,” Josh said. “It’s between me and my dad.”

It was the first time he’d sounded annoyed with me, and it caught me a bit off guard. “I’m sorry. I just… I thought an outside voice might make him think.”

Josh leaned against my car and shoved his hands in his jacket pockets. He stayed quiet, toeing the slush on the pavement with his sneaker.

“Have you ever felt like you were at the bottom of a huge hole?” he finally said. “In so deep that there’s no way out?”

I touched his face with my gloved hands. “You’re not stuck. You can get out.”

“What if I’m not sure I want to? I’ve known all my life what my future is, and in many ways it’s frustrating, but it’s also… it’s also safe. I know exactly what to expect.”

“You have to decide if safe will make you happy.” My breath puffed in the air as I spoke.

He pulled me closer. “You make me happy.”

I locked my gaze on him and held it steady. “Then don’t leave me.”

We stood in silence, speaking only with our eyes. The conflict in his slowly softened, replaced by brightness.

“Come with me to L.A.,” he said “I can help you with the money—”

I broke away from him. “No way. I would never take your money.”

“It can be a loan. I have a trust fund and—”

“No. Absolutely not.”

“You let Mrs. Cassar pay for your dress.”