Cross My Heart (18 page)

She jerked her arm out of his grasp. “Stop it, Michael,” she said sharply. “You’re acting like a baby. Go back to sleep and I’ll be back before you wake up.”

It was two days before she came home again.

He’d gambled, and lost. He would never gamble again.

He never cried again, either. From that point on he’d honed a quality of detachment as his best defense against his parents, until eventually it became a part of him. Instead of armor he could put on and take off at will, he’d crafted himself an exoskeleton that would be in place forever.

It was still in place. And behind it, a part of him had never grown up. On the outside he was an accomplished surgeon, and on the inside he was no better than the little boy he’d once been, planning to be a doctor so that people would need him and not the other way around.

But in spite of all his efforts, he did need someone. He needed Claire. Needed her just as much, if not more, than she needed him.

If he asked her to stay and she said no, it would hurt worse than anything he’d ever experienced. It would mean that he’d failed.

And it didn’t matter. For the first time in his life, the fear of failure meant nothing. Not when he compared it to what he might gain.

The song ended, and he turned off the radio.

“Claire.” He looked over at her, but she was staring out the passenger window again.

“What.”

There was an ache in his throat he wasn’t sure he could talk past. He took a deep breath, and then another, hoping she’d turn around. When she didn’t he spoke to her back.

“I want you to live here. With me.”

No response. Claire kept staring out the window and didn’t say a thing.

He was pretty sure that when she did speak it would be to say
no, thanks
—or more likely,
hell, no
. But the important thing was that he’d told her. He’d told his daughter he wanted her with him, that she was more important to him than anything in the world.

Because they weren’t back where they started. The gap between them didn’t seem so deep and wide any more. The last two weeks had changed things—had changed him. And he wanted Claire to know it.

After a long minute, she turned to look at him.

Tears were streaming down her face. “Do you really mean it?”

His heart spasmed in his chest, and he reached over to hug his daughter, harder than he’d ever hugged her before. “More than I’ve ever meant anything.”

“What are we going to tell Nana?”

He pulled back and stared at her. “You mean—you really want to move here? To Iowa?”

She nodded, tears still running down her cheeks. “But I don’t want to hurt Nana.”

He tried to focus, but his mind was a jumble of thoughts and emotions. “Claire, you should know...before you decide for sure...I don’t know how this is going to go. I don’t know if I’m going to be any good at this. At being your dad.”

She threw her arms around him. “I’m scared, too,” she said, her voice muffled against his chest. “I’m scared you’ll be disappointed in me all the time, because I’m not like you.”

“Thank God you’re not like me,” he said, his voice shaking. “Thank God you’re exactly the way you are. I’ve got so much to learn from you.”

Claire pulled back and knuckled the tears from her eyes. “What about Nana? She’s been so good to me. I don’t want her to think I don’t love her anymore.”

“She won’t think that.” He thought about it for a minute. “Okay. How about this. Why don’t you fly back to Florida today like we planned, since everyone’s expecting you. You can spend a couple of weeks there. That’ll give you a chance to see everybody, to say goodbye. And to pack, of course.” He took a breath. “I’ll talk to your Nana today, before your plane even lands. Okay? I’ll make everything all right. I promise.”

“Okay, Dad.” She gave him a watery smile. “I thought about asking to stay, like, a hundred times. But I couldn’t stand the idea that you might say no.”

“I know the feeling.”

“I’m so sorry for the things I said last night. I didn’t mean any of it. I was just so miserable—”

He shook his head. “Don’t worry about that. It’s all forgotten. The only thing that matters is that in two weeks, you’ll be back for good.” He hugged her again, tears stinging his eyes. “I love you so much, Claire.”

“I love you, too, Dad.”

***

Jenna watched the sleek BMW pull out of the driveway and felt a hand squeezing her heart. She’d been so sure Michael would ask Claire to stay—that he wouldn’t let her go back to Florida.

Or maybe he had asked her, and Claire had said no.

She sighed and went back into the dining room, where she was painting the window trim. Was that why Michael had come by last night? Had he needed someone to talk to?

It had been good to spend some time with Derek, to see that she really had forgiven him...and that he really was trying to change his life for the better. Both were good things to know, but not at the cost of letting Michael down, if he’d needed her last night.

He’d be back from the airport in a couple of hours. If he didn’t stop by, she’d go over to his house. One way or another she had to make sure he was okay.

She got lost in the rhythm of painting, a task she actually loved. She found the back and forth motion of the brush on the wooden trim soothing and hypnotic, especially with Miles Davis in the background.

She found herself riffing off the music in her head, putting the bones of a song together for the first time in years. She hadn’t written anything since the Mollies broke up.

Not bad, she thought after a while, smiling to herself as she finished the last window and started painting the chair rail that ran the length of the room. Now for lyrics...

She let herself free associate, plucking phrases out of the air, keeping some and discarding others. The song took shape gradually until she thought it might be worth writing down. Maybe she should grab her guitar and—

She heard the back door open. She turned and saw Michael coming towards her, crossing the room with long, determined strides.

When she saw his expression her heart began to pound. The paintbrush slid out of her hand and landed on the floor.

He was there in seconds, gripping her shoulders and pulling her flush against him.

“Did anything happen with Derek last night?”

She should have been outraged at the question, at the tone of his voice and the look in his eyes. But she wasn’t outraged. Her breasts were crushed against his chest, and she felt her nipples harden. “No. Of course not. I don’t feel that way about him.”

He eased back the slightest bit. “I hated seeing you with him. When he touched you I wanted to rip his throat out.” He closed his eyes briefly, and a muscle twitched at the corner of his jaw. “I’ve never felt like that in my life.”

She felt herself starting to quiver. “Nothing happened with Derek. Nothing ever will.”

He looked down at her for a long moment, his eyes burning into hers.

Then he kissed her.

His mouth was hot and hungry and she opened to him eagerly, the slide of his tongue so erotic she felt a jolt between her legs.

She needed him closer. She locked her arms around his neck and rose up on her toes, trying to press every inch of her body against every inch of his.

Suddenly he broke the kiss. “Wrap your legs around me,” he said as he lifted her off her feet.

She complied, and the feel of his hard length against her made her helpless with want. Her head fell back as he grazed his teeth along her neck.

He was carrying her somewhere, but she couldn’t focus on anything but his mouth and tongue, trailing wet heat across her skin. Then he was laying her down on something soft, the couch maybe, and her hands fisted in his hair as they kissed again.

“Get these off,” he said, and through the haze of desire she realized he was talking about her sweatpants. She shimmied out of them, and when she heard the slide of his zipper she shimmied out of her panties, too. She opened her legs for him and then, oh,
yes
, he thrust into her so deep she saw stars.

“Michael,” she gasped, and he went still.

“Say my name again.” His voice was raw, trembling.

“Michael...”

He thrust again, hitting her just right, and she knew she was about to come faster and harder than she ever had in her life. Every time she said his name he drove into her, pushing her towards the edge, and it wasn’t long before her orgasm hit like a tidal wave, sweeping her off her feet and into a maelstrom, a roar like thunder in her ears.

The aftershocks went on forever.

 “
Jenna.
” Michael had shuddered out his own release and now he breathed her name against her skin, his mouth on the place where her neck met her shoulder.

She couldn’t move. She lay limp and boneless, every cell in her body replete.

Her couch wasn’t wide enough for him to lie next to her. She loved his big body on hers, the weight of him pressing her into the cushions, but after a minute he slid off to kneel beside her, stroking her hair away from her face.

“I can’t believe how beautiful you are.”

She turned on her side to look at him. He was still fully dressed, only his zipper undone.

She ran a hand down his shirt front. “You didn’t even take your clothes off.”

“I couldn’t wait. I wanted you too much.”

She took a deep breath and let it out. “I wanted you too. I don’t think I’ve ever wanted anyone like that. But...we weren’t going to do this again.”

“I know.”

“So what happened?”

He traced the line of her lips with one finger. “Ask me what’s going to happen, instead.”

Her mouth tingled from his touch. “All right. What’s going to happen?”

“We’re going to do this again. For the next two weeks, we’re going to do this every chance we get.”

“Why two weeks? What happens in two weeks?”

He smiled. “That’s when Claire comes back.”

“Comes back?”

“Yes. She’s going to spend the next two weeks in Florida, and then she’s moving back here for good. She’s going to live with me.”

She stared at him. “Are you serious?”

“Yes.”

A minute before she thought she’d never move again. Now she launched herself off the couch and into him, throwing her arms around his neck.

“Michael! I can’t believe it. No, that’s not true—I can absolutely believe it. And I’m so glad.”

He pulled her to him for a quick, hard kiss. “I thought you would be.” He shifted so he was sitting with his back to the couch, Jenna straddling his lap. “So, here’s the deal.”

She was still dressed from the waist up, but now he grabbed the hem of her tee shirt and pulled it over her head. “I have two weeks left before I’m a full-time father, and you’re going to help me celebrate my last days of freedom.”

“I am?” she asked breathlessly. She was wearing a white cotton bra, completely unsexy, but the way Michael was gazing at her, she might have been in a lingerie catalogue.

“You are.”

She tried to remember why they shouldn’t do this, but it was hard to think about anything while he was sliding his hands around to unhook her bra. He tossed it aside and covered her breasts with his hands, and she arched into him.

He held her firmly, his thumbs moving softly over her skin. “Do you want me to tell you why this is a good idea?”

“Yes,” she said, the word turning into a gasp as he bent his head and circled her left nipple with his tongue.

He lifted his head to look at her. “Every time I look at you, I feel like I’m on fire. Like I’m going to combust if I don’t throw you down on the nearest flat surface and bury myself inside you. And I’m willing to bet you’re on fire for me, too.”

She closed her eyes as he bent to tease her other nipple, swirling his tongue around the hard nub until she squirmed. “I think about you all the time,” she whispered. “I lie awake at night thinking about you.”

He lifted his head again. “So let’s get it out of our systems. Let the fire burn itself out. Two weeks ought to be enough for that, don’t you think? After that Claire will be living with me, and you’ll be moving away. We can have a friendship then. A lasting friendship, I hope. But the truth is…and please don’t take this the wrong way…I think I’ll have an easier time being friends with you from a distance.” He looked at her, and his brown eyes were dark with desire. “I can’t resist you, Jenna. Please don’t ask me to. There’s no reason we can’t have two weeks together.”

He made it sound so simple. So logical.

If she trusted herself to be equally logical, she’d agree without a second’s hesitation.

But looking into those brown eyes, Jenna felt a pull on her heart that had nothing to do with logic or with lust, and everything to do with the fact that it would be so, so easy to fall in love with this man. So easy to give things up for him, to change her own life so she could be part of his.

And even if she didn’t, even if she walked away as planned, she might not come out unscathed. After she’d left Derek and the Mollies, it had taken her a long time to feel whole again. She didn’t want to leave a part of herself behind when she moved away from Iowa...and Michael.

But it was impossible not to give into the magnetic pull between them, especially when Michael was running his hand over her skin, trailing his fingers slowly down her torso, stopping for a tug at her belly ring before he laid his warm palm across her stomach.

There was something deliciously possessive in the feel of his hand on her. Her body tightened and loosened in dizzying waves, and she knew she couldn’t say no to him.

He was right. They needed to get this out of their systems.

“Okay.”

He breathed in sharply. “Really?”

She nodded, and then gasped as his hands slid around to her backside, fitting her securely against his hardening body.

“I should warn you, I’m going to be sneaking into your bedroom at all hours of the night. My vacation officially ends today. As of six a.m. tomorrow I’ll be on call for emergencies, and on Monday I’m back at the hospital. I’m going to cut my schedule back so I can spend more time with Claire, but there’s no way that can happen in the next two weeks. So I won’t be around much to bother you.” His hands tightened on her hips. “But whenever I’m home, I won’t be able to stay away from you. You should probably give me a key to your house, because otherwise I’ll break the door down to get to you.”