Crazy About Love: An All About Love Novel (16 page)

“Hmm?”

“Zipper down, Alec up?” I tease, holding back a laugh. He rolls his eyes to meet mine, and shakes his head.

“You were
very
friendly, Theresa.” He pauses to shut off the water and dry off the now-clean mug. “I’m also not the only one cursed with a desirable body.”

I snort and toss a spoonful of sugar at him, which he immediately wipes up with a rag. I don’t know how he tolerates my messy habits; he’s the only one who doesn’t badger or tease me about the unorganized disaster of my apartment.

He gets my coffee ready, and I take soothing sips while he talks about the party and how Liz was crazy to ask Jace to watch over me when he was well on his way to passing out. I tell him that I may have offered myself to Jace in a state of absolute stupidity, and he laughs, but it doesn’t sound very genuine. I usually risk hurt feelings in the name of honesty, though. From what I’ve learned with Eli, I never ever want to tiptoe around things to avoid the truth, as painful as it may be to hear.

After my cup is drained, Alec heads to the living room and folds up his other towel. I watch his practiced hands make perfect creases in the fluffy fabric, imagine those hands on me, and wish I could remember how they felt. Last night couldn’t have been easy; it’s only been a week since he expressed his feelings for me, said he wanted to kiss me. I’m pretty sure that happened last night, and what’s worse isn’t the fact that I don’t remember it, but the fact that
he
does.

He flumps the towel on top of the other one and searches his pocket for his keys. I don’t know his plans for the day; I haven’t known his plans
at all
. I used to know every detail of his life; now I’m so unsure of where he’s going, and it hurts my heart.

“Heading out?” I ask, setting the mug into the very full sink. Cleaning is on my to-do list today, unfortunately.

“Yep. Errands to run, laundry to fold, girls to get over.” He winks, but it doesn’t help the guilt I’ve been feeling. I rush to block the door, holding my arms out to make myself wider. His eyebrows rise in amusement.

“Did I hurt you?” I ask, staring him dead in the eyes, knowing he’ll hold my gaze for much longer than is socially acceptable.

The playful smile returns to his lips. “You were aggressive.”

“No,” I say, forcing my voice to stay serious. “Alec…did I hurt you?”

The small pauses have been killing me, but this pause is so long that I think I die and then reincarnate, all within its time frame. I watch the greens of his eyes; the small amount of sun peeking through the slats in my blinds create tiny sparkles in his irises, making them look watery. He slowly opens his mouth, the playfulness gone.

“No. You didn’t hurt me.”

He’s lying. I know it, he knows I know it, but neither of us refutes it. Unlike me, he lies to protect me from the truth. He doesn’t know why I find that more painful, and he deserves to know everything, including the conversation I had yesterday.

“Eli called me,” I blurt out.

His body tenses, but he doesn’t look like he’s leaving anymore.

“When?”

“Yesterday.” I drop my arms to my sides. “That’s why…”

“Why you kissed me?”

I shake my head. “Why I drank so much.”

He studies me, and I study him, unsure of what he’s thinking. At first I think he’s upset, but then his expression changes so quickly that I think he’s dejected. He rubs at his hair, then gestures to the couch. We both sit, knees angled toward each other, and I tell him everything. How the open relationship was supposed to end up exclusive again, how I never allowed my heart to beat for anyone else, how I feel completely betrayed by promises that were never intended to be kept.

Somehow I don’t cry.

I can tell he doesn’t know how to react. It’s not surprising, given the information I’m throwing at him. I cautiously reach for his hand, needing to hold on to my friend.

“Do you think less of me?” I ask.

He shakes his head, dried paint flicking onto our joined fingers.

“Say something, then.”

“You might not like it,” he admits, his voice crackly from keeping silent for so long.

“Okay.”

“It might hurt you.”

“Say it anyway.”

His eyes meet mine. “Things are going to change. Between us. I know I promised they wouldn’t, but they will. They have.”

I nod. “I know.”

“But that doesn’t mean we can’t get it back. It’s just going to take time. My heart’s still…like yours. It’s not ready.”

He makes perfect sense, and his understanding and honesty don’t hurt the way I thought they would. It makes things better, like there is an answer to this, that down the road there
will
be a someday, not just an empty promise of “we’ll see.” Alec and I will get back to where we were; I can feel it.

I push up, my butt leaving the couch cushion so I can wrap my arms around his neck. His hands slide around my waist, creating warmth and comfort in places that have long been dank and dark.

P
RESENT DAY

I’m biting back every urge to tell Liz
I told you so
as we aimlessly wander around New York City and wait for a response that won’t ever come. I remember that when I asked Alec why he never pulled out his phone when we were together, he said, “Technological addiction is a thing. It’ll destroy relationships, one day, I promise you that.” I laughed at him, but over the course of our friendship I noticed that the amount of people on their phones increased dramatically, even those who were deep in conversation with their dinner date. Alec always kept his resting in his pocket. He was engaged and never dropped eye contact, and when I was with him, I never felt the need to check my notifications or missed calls. Those could wait, just like in the days of yore.

Liz growls, shaking Landon’s phone. Her fingers are blue from the cold; since she’s been typing messages for the last half hour, I’ve been keeping her gloves warm for her.

“He really needs to rethink his no-phone policy. What if someone’s dead?”

“Or stuck in the middle of nowhere with no money,” I say, chuckling at the visual of Jace stranded at a Burger King in nowheresville, Nevada, just last year. He spent all week trying to get hold of one of us; Landon finally checked his Facebook, and we all banded together to get Jace on a flight and poked fun at Alec for not ever answering his phone. Alec keeps telling us, though, that if he’d answered right away, Jace wouldn’t currently be fathering a child with the woman he fell in love with on that road trip from hell. Now that the romantic side in me has been reawakened, I can see his point.

“Sweet mother,” Liz gasps. I lift an eyebrow at the relieved smile developing on her face. “Fate is on your side today, my friend,” she says, pointing a chilled finger at a restaurant on the corner, where there are currently only two occupants on the outside patio.

An echoing gasp catches in my throat.

“That’s them, right?” Liz practically squeals. I shush her, pulling on her arm until we’re hidden behind a light post. I poke my face out, watching Rian swig her beer. Beer again, damn it. Alec
really
has a thing for beer drinkers. I personally don’t understand the appeal. Wine is
so
much better.

“Oh God, she made him eat outside…in February.” I laugh, trying to find fault in this date to make myself feel better. Alec despises eating outside in any season.

And Liz, being the supportive friend I need, shakes her head. “Amateur.”

The waiter comes over, and Rian leans in close to tell him her order. My jaw unhinges; what kind of person could flirt with someone else when Alec is sitting across from them? Then again, what kind of person turns down Alec when he professes his love? A flashing neon arrow glows over my head.

The waiter leaves, and Rian playfully shrugs, swirls the straw in her water, and licks her lips. I can’t hear a word, so I inch closer, hoping to catch at least some of their conversation. Her body language suggests that this date is going well, and the knots in my stomach get more and more tangled the longer I stand here and watch. Is he falling for this? Is he enjoying himself? Or is he rolling his eyes and counting down the minutes to midnight?

Gah…I wish I could see more than the back of his head.

“Theresa,” Liz whispers. “You do realize you’re talking out loud, right?”

I drop my voice to a whisper. “Can we get closer without being seen?”

Her brows pull together. “Don’t you want to—oh, I don’t know—interrupt and tell him how you feel? Grand gesture?”

My teeth tug on my bottom lip as I study Rian’s flirtatious eye flutters. My younger self wants to do exactly what Liz suggested, but the older, wiser part of me knows that I need to consider all the possible outcomes of that scenario. Alec’s too sweet and nice a guy to ditch the girl who paid four thousand just for a date with him, so all that would be left for us would be an awkward exchange, and a possible argument when the night is over.

Or maybe he’d be as thrilled as I am, and there’d be no argument at all.

The hesitation in my feet is all because I’m not sure why he left me to wake up alone those three weeks ago, and why he’s been so platonic when I thought we’d finally gotten past the platonic stage.

“I want to know how he feels about her first,” I tell Liz. She purses her shivering lips and nods once. Then she points to the thick shrubs surrounding the restaurant’s patio. Acceptable coverage, even considering the mass of Liz’s pink coat.

I try to look nonchalant as we inch closer. Rian seems like the kind of person who would point me out and make a scene if she spotted me. That might play in my favor, but since I can also see her grabbing Alec and kissing him just to spite me, I’d rather not draw any attention to myself.

I grab Liz’s arm and pull her down to a crouched position. She may have to crawl across the sidewalk in order to avoid being seen, and thank heavens I don’t have to actually tell her that out loud. She falls to her stomach and army-crawls, but she goes a bit closer than I intended. She waves me forward; feeling completely ridiculous and insane, I follow her lead and rest against the shrubbery.

“Is steak really your favorite or were you just trying to see if I eat meat?” Rian asks, her voice much sweeter and lighter than I recall it being. Also, steak is his favorite.

“Steak is the best-tasting thing at this place,” Alec replies, and my heart breaks and sews itself back together all in the same beat. He sounds like he’s amused, like he’s having a good time, but he also sounds like he’s
trying
to be that way. It’s not an effortless amusement.

Liz smacks me in the arm and mouths, “You’re…breathing…so…
loud
.” I push my hands over my mouth and try to hold my breath.

“You’re good at this,” Alec says, and I force myself to pay more attention because I am lost in the conversation. “What’s your secret?”

“I’ve been told I’m good at reading people.” Her voice is sultry and makes my gag reflex put in an extra shift.

“Bullshit.” He laughs, and before I can celebrate about Alec calling her out so boldly, Rian starts laughing too.

“Hey, you got one right.” She pauses. “Truth is, you’re extremely transparent, Alex with a
c
.”

Damn it, they must be playing some kind of truth-or-dare type of game. And he already has a nickname. I turn my head to try to get a visual on the situation, but I only get a mouthful of bush.

I slap at Liz, holding back the urge to cough. A loose, vindictive leaf has tickled the back of my throat so much that I know I’m about to go into a coughing fit. My eyes fill with water and my hands push against my mouth so hard my fingers are putting imprints into my cheeks. Liz wildly waves me away, gesturing for me to hide around the corner and she’ll continue eavesdropping while I gain composure. I nod, but before I can get two inches away, a traitorous cough escapes.

“You hear that?” Alec asks, and Liz reaches up and shoves my ass. I crawl as fast as I can around the corner, stuff my face into the crook of my elbow, and get the coughing fit out. My eyes are so watery now that tears have started to stream down my face. So much for a career in stealth.

Once I gain composure, I lean back against the building and stare at the clear night sky. If attacking shrubbery wasn’t enough of a sign to back out from this very impromptu plan, I’m not sure what will be.

Instead of crawling back to Liz, I wait for her. I’ve decided I’m going to put my foot down and tell her that it’s a
Supernatural
binge kind of night whether she likes it or not. I won’t think about how Alec will be kissing Rian at midnight. Or how he might even kiss her before. Or how she might take him to her place and it’ll be all punk or retro or artistic, but whatever it is, it’ll be interesting and clean and they’ll have plenty to talk about until they don’t want to talk anymore and they take advantage of the seven-minute pause….

I slam my hands over my face, pressing my fingers into my temples as if they’ll bore the images out of my mind. It’s no use, though; if anything I just make them more intense.

In a moment of complete insanity, I crawl back around the corner, just in time to see one of the images come to life. Rian’s leaning over the table, the neckline of her shirt gaping just enough to show off her cleavage, her lips full and puckered, and I can’t see Alec, but he’s not stopping her. No one’s stopping. Oh God, it’s happening and I can’t let it happen, no no no. My widened eyes meet Liz’s; she’s still crouched by that bush and can’t see what’s happening, lucky duck. And all I can think is that if they kiss this soon before midnight, what else is going to happen that quickly?

There are moments in life when you know that you’re not going to listen to logic and instinct seems so much more appealing. It’s the first stage in insanity, I think. And the insane voices in my head repeat Liz’s words from earlier. For all the nights I did nothing, it’s time I do
something
.

I break the record in crawling, jam my hand into the bush, and don’t stop until my fingers hit the soft fabric of the tablecloth. I yank so hard that along with the crash of plates and glassware, I hear the cloth rip. Then I grab Liz and pull her around the corner. My heart crashes in my chest, pumping a rush of adrenaline through my veins.

“Sweet Georgia pie,” Liz says, looking at me in some sort of shocked awe. “I can’t believe you just did that.”

I allow myself a small bit of laughter, trying to calm the beating of my heart. I’ve never interfered with fate before. I’ve always let things happen around me and go with the flow. I never realized how boring that is. Taking action to get what I want feels so much better.

Liz lets out one last surprised, hushed laugh, and a large smile forms on my lips. I chance a peek at Rian and Alec standing away from each other, wiping off their clothes. The mood has officially been killed, and I should feel bad about it, but I don’t.

In fact, I can’t wait to do it again.