Crash Into Me (21 page)

She glanced down the street, in case she’d just gotten the address wrong and he’d
dropped her further up the block. But nothing looked familiar—this was definitely
not the right street.

“This isn’t my hotel.”

“It’s okay,” the driver repeated.

“No. It’s not okay. I need to get to—”

“Here. You need to get here.” The driver nodded encouragingly, pointed to the door.
“You need to get out now.”

“No. I need to get to the Marriott. It’s on—”

She broke off as the cab door swung open to reveal Ryder standing there. “Come with
me,” he told her. “Please.”

For long seconds, she didn’t move. Didn’t breathe. A million questions clamored in
her head, but she couldn’t ask any of them. Her tongue was tied into too many knots.

He reached for her hand and like a moron, she gave it to him. How could she not when
the lyrics of that beautiful song were crashing through her brain over and over again?

She’d barely climbed out of the cab before Ryder was closing the door and it was speeding
away into the night. It didn’t even occur to her that she hadn’t paid the driver until
he was already gone.

Ryder moved her slowly down the sidewalk to a concrete and glass bench that was nestled
up against the side of a building. Above it were the letters of a Houston radio station.
The same radio station she had just been listening to.

“How?” It was the only question she could ask, the only syllable she could force from
her tight throat and trembling lips.

“After spending two hours looking for you, I decided to get crafty. I paid off every
dispatcher in every cab company in Houston so that when one of their cabbies picked
up a woman dressed in a pink blouse with long red hair, they would call me. Finally,
when I was on the brink of ripping out my own vocal chords—not to mention every hair
on my head—one of them did.”

Jamison nodded like she understood, but she didn’t. She knew he was speaking English,
but nothing he said made any sense. Nothing had made any sense since she’d heard that
song playing on the radio. Because if she listened to the lyrics, if she let herself
believe them—

“Why?” It seemed monosyllables were all she was capable of.

He stopped in front of her, his eyes searching every detail of her face. And she knew
no smile in the world was going to hide the fact that she’d been crying.

“Why?” Ryder asked, his voice even huskier than it had been while he was singing.
“Because I’m an asshole. I’m sorry, Jamison. So, so sorry.”

Hope swelled inside of her, but she forced it back down. Instead, she swallowed convulsively
before whispering, “For what?”

“For breaking your heart.”

That was what she’d been afraid of. He felt guilty. Ryder thought he was such a badass,
but when it came to people he cared about, he was notoriously softhearted. And she
knew he cared about her. Too bad it wasn’t in the way she needed him to. But still,
she couldn’t let him feel guilty. Shaking her head, she pressed a hand to her mouth
in an effort to stifle the sobs that were ripping at her throat. “I broke my own heart,
Ryder.”

“No. No, you didn’t.” His hands closed convulsively over her shoulders. “I fucked
up. I got scared and I fucked up and I hurt you. I’m so sorry that I hurt you.”

“It doesn’t matter—”

“Oh, it matters. It matters because you matter. More than anyone ever has.”

“Don’t do this. Don’t lie to me because you feel sorry for me.”

“Feel sorry for you? How could I feel sorry for you? You’re strong and smart and kind—”

“I’m not a damn dog!” The words burst from her before she knew she was going to say
them. But she was so sick of being described like less than a woman just because she
wasn’t sexy enough or beautiful enough.

He stared at her, obviously baffled. “What does that even mean?”

“I’m a woman, Ryder.”

“Believe me, I am well aware of that.” He lowered his head, brushed his beautiful
mouth over hers. And fool that she was, she let him. She hated herself for it, but
she was powerless to stop him. “I thought we covered this the other day. You’re beautiful
to me, Jamison. The most beautiful person on earth.”

“Then why did you dump me like that? In the middle of Wyatt’s hospital room? Why did
you let me feel like nothing?”

“No, baby, no. You’re not nothing. I am.” He pressed tender kisses on her forehead,
her eyes, her cheeks, her mouth. “I’m the asshole who let all the baggage I carry
around get twisted up in my head. I thought you’d be safe if I let you go. Thought
you’d be better off.”

Her heart thawed out despite her best intentions. How could it not when he was looking
at her like that, baring his soul to her in a way she knew he hated. “What about now?”

“Now, I’m just plain terrified that I fucked up what we could have. I love you, Jamison.
I love everything I know about you, even the way you organize your damn recipes alphabetically.
I want to spend the next fifty years learning everything there is to know about you,
so that I can love you more every day.”

“Ryder—”

“Please,” he told her. “I know I should step back, give you time to think, to make
an educated choice. But I can’t. Please, Jamison. Please say you’ll give me another
chance.”

Oh God. Her heart was breaking all over again. He was saying everything she needed
to hear, everything she’d wanted him to say for days, for years. But she didn’t know
if it was real. Didn’t know if she could trust him or his feelings for her. How could
she when he was Ryder Freaking Matthews and she was just the girl who’d loved him
most of her life?

“I love you and I know you love me.” He paused. “Please. Tell me you love me.”

“It doesn’t make any difference.”

“It makes every difference. I never knew I could feel about anyone the way I feel
about you. It’s so huge, so monumental, that it terrifies me. Because you see me.
You see all the way inside of me to places nobody else even knows exist. And I can’t
understand, can’t imagine, what someone like you could possibly see in someone like
me.”

“That’s because you always see yourself all wrong.” She started crying all over again.
“I wish, for one minute, you could see yourself the way that I see you. You’re like
a shooting star, brilliant and dazzling and completely unattainable. You streak across
the sky, traveling faster than the speed of light and then—”

“And then I burn myself out.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“No, but that’s what’s going to happen if you leave me. We both know it. You think
I’m so special—”

“You
are
special.”

“Not without you. Never without you.”

“Ryder. You’re asking me for everything.”

“I am.” He nodded. “Yes. But I’m offering you everything I have in return. Everything
I am. Everything I’ll ever be.” He pressed a kiss to her forehead. Pressed another
one to her cheek before sliding his lips down her cheek and across her jaw to her
own mouth. He dropped soft, sweet kisses on her lips until her head spun and her breath
caught in her throat. And then he did it again.

“Trust me,” he urged again. “I swear, I won’t let you down.”

She stared at him, dizzy and disturbed and terrified, so terrified of laying her heart
on the line one more time. But as she stared at him, at his dark and dazzling eyes,
at the soft and sexy smile that she knew he never showed to anyone else, she realized
he was right . Loving him was very easy to do.

Reaching for him, she clutched his hands tightly in her own. “I love you,” she told
him. “I’ve always loved you and I always will. I love the man you are, and the man
I know you can be. I trust you, Ryder, and I want to build a life with you. I won’t
lose sight of that again.”

“Thank God.” He dropped his head to hers, pulled in shuddering breath after shuddering
breath. “Thank God.”

Jamison reached up, tangled her fingers in the silky hair she loved so much. “Take
me back to the hotel,” she whispered as she pressed her lips to his. “We’ll kick Jared
and Quinn out of my room. Or, better yet, just get a new one.”

“That’s a great plan, baby,” he said between kisses. “One I can whole-heartedly get
behind. But we have a stop to make first.”

“A stop? Where?”

“I’ll explain on the way.” He dragged her around the corner to where a limousine was
waiting. He held the door open for her and as he did, he smiled and once again it
took her breath away. Because it wasn’t his stage smile, wasn’t the smile he gave
a million different people. No, this was Ryder at his most open, most vulnerable.
It weakened her knees and sped up her heart. This time it did more than that. It made
her believe in happily ever after, not just for other people, but for herself. For
Ryder. She couldn’t wait to see that smile every day for the rest of her life.

Because finally she believed. She wasn’t the perfect rocker’s wife—not by a long shot.
But that was just fine, because Ryder was a far cry from being the perfect rocker.
It was only together that they were perfect. And that was more than enough for her.