Cowboy Sandwich (11 page)

“Candy, if something’s bothering you, you can tell me anything you like. Or not.”

She blushed, lifted up a pot lid and poked whatever was inside.

Potatoes, likely.

“After forty-odd years as a country doctor there’s nothing you can say or do that will shock or alarm me.”

She still didn’t turn around.

“Before you fork that to death, I’d like that cup of tea, please.

Milk, no sugar.”

When she placed a “kiss the cook!” mug in front of him, he grasped her wrist. Her pulse raced. A sheen of perspiration covered her face, one that did not come from the oven.

“Candy, I know things that would curl the toes of a corpse, and most of them will stay inside me until I become one. You don’t know me well so I won’t give you platitudes. But you won’t shock me.” He patted her hand and let go. “And if you do, I won’t let on.”

He warmed his knobby hands on the mug.

“I’m the closest thing to a caring father Adam’s ever had. Bryan had a good dad but he died young. I love them almost as much as I do my own sons.”

He took a sip of tea. Earl Grey, his favorite. She hauled a bag of carrots out of the fridge and set them on the counter, her back to him.

“My dear, you’re the best thing that’s happened to Adam since his father died. His mother didn’t want him. Barely paid him any attention until she took off when he was five. His father turned mean after that, maybe blaming Adam for his mother’s failings. Let’s just say the boy has good reasons not to trust many people.”

He concentrated on the cat in his lap, letting Candy think things over. It took a few minutes of peeling but she finally spoke.

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“I can’t stay here.”

His hands stilled for a moment but he hid his reaction as promised. It took him a few minutes before he could calm his racing heart and speak calmly.

“You’ve only been here, what, six weeks? You haven’t even left the ranch since you arrived, so why do you think you have to leave?

Johnny told me the boys have never been happier. The hands think you’re better than Martha Stewart and boast about your baking whenever they’re in town. I hear you’ve sent care packages to some of the old bachelors. Made me jealous, they did.”

“They weren’t supposed to tell!” She turned to him, peeler raised like a wand.

“Didn’t have to say a word. Joe from the Double R leaves a box of goodies for a few old gaffers at the mercantile. The Double R signed up a new cook. Simple.”

She turned back to attack the defenseless carrots.

“Why can’t you stay, Candy? Got important things to do with your life?”

“Something like that,” she muttered.

“What? It’s the wrong time of the year to go back to art college?”

She whipped her head around, mouth open.

“You showed me that drawing of Johnny. Damn near made me cry, it was so good. Then he told me it made him feel like someone special and we both had to wipe our eyes. Figured you wanted to use it for your portfolio.”

“He said he wouldn’t tell anyone!”

“Didn’t have to. Think of me like a mix of Dr. Phil and a CSI detective. Got lots of time to listen to people and think things over.

Add up two and two.”

Candy turned back to her task, carrot peelings flying. Doc waited, sipping his tea. The sacrifice of a few more carrots would give her time to settle.

After a few minutes she turned back, face now red and blotchy.

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“I can imagine what everyone is saying about me. That’s why I can’t stay.” She wiped her eye with the back of the hand holding the peeler. “No one but you has visited so far, but when the weather clears, others will come. They know I do more than cook for Adam and Bryan. Nasty rumors will start. I’ll get threatening phone calls telling me to get out. Saying that I’m destroying the moral values of the county.”

Doc gently pushed the cat off his lap and stood. He pulled Candy tight, his head not much higher than hers.

“Sounds like you know about this sort of thing.”

“It’s the story of my life! My parents thought they could buy their way into the country club set and pretend they had a perfect life. The girls in that private school knew I didn’t fit in and they made sure I paid for it.” She laughed bitterly.

“I don’t fit in here, Doc. It’s been fun, but I can’t go through that again. ”

“Can’t go through what, my dear?” He ran his hand over her back, comforting her as he had her men twenty years earlier.

“If we lived in an apartment in the city no one would have to know what the three of us did. And even if they did, they wouldn’t care. But it’s different here. Adam and Bryan enjoy our playing but they don’t love me enough to put up with what will happen if I stay.

They need to find nice local girls to marry. Make lots of babies and fill this home with love. Then everyone will be happy.”

Doc stepped back a moment to pull his linen handkerchief from his breast pocket. Candy waved it away. She escaped his arms and pulled tissues from a box, keeping her back to him.

“Everyone except the three people involved,” he said quietly.

“It doesn’t matter.” She shook her head, refusing to believe.

“Do you love them? You seem very fond of Adam.”

“Yes, I love them! If Adam asked me to marry him as an equal I’d put up with everything and stay.” She took a deep breath, her hands
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wrapped around her middle. “But that’s not going to happen and the longer I stay the harder it will be to leave.”

“By ‘everything’ do you mean sharing Adam and Bryan’s bed?”

She nodded. Doc eased back into a chair. The calico grabbed its opportunity and stomped his lap into submission.

“You think that people out here will make your life miserable because of it? That, if you ever had children, they’d be hurt as you were?”

He knew he’d hit pay dirt when Candy bent over as if she had a stomach cramp and her sobs increased. She held up her hand to keep him away so he stayed in the chair while she eased herself to the floor, back against the cupboard, head on her knees.

He didn’t have to be a doctor to know someone had hurt Candy as a child. May never have hit her but, even worse, had tried to destroy her soul. She suited the boys so well and, given time, they might heal each other. But would they have time?

He knew why Adam and Bryan would never settle for ordinary wives. Both men had lost parents when young and Adam’s abusive father only compounded the problem. They insisted that, even if two of the four of them died or left, their children would still have two loving parents to care for them.

But that was not his story to tell. Adam had to love Candy enough to let her into his heart. The oven timer buzzed and Candy hauled herself to her feet. He watched her will herself into shape. He could tell she’d pulled herself together like this before, many times. She blew her nose, slipped on oven mitts and basted the turkey. By the time she shut the oven door on the browning bird, she had a bit of a smile back.

“You pretty much massacred the carrots.” Doc pointed to the heap of peelings. Cores from a dozen carrots lay on the wooden board.

Candy snorted a laugh, eyes sparkling with tears. “The horses will love them, I’m sure.”

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“Will you go back East?” He spoke quietly, as he would to an injured child.

“No.” She shook her head. “These mountains fill my soul. I don’t want to ever be too far away from their permanence. But you’re right about art college. Bozeman has a great fine arts program, and maybe I’ll go to teacher’s college after. Find a small place of my own and fill my days teaching children and painting.”

She took a deep breath and let it out. “I’d better go wash my face.

Put on some makeup to hide all this crying. You’re fine by yourself?”

“I’ve got cats to keep me company.”

When she left he sagged, the past catching up with him. He’d made his own mistakes. Settled for less than he wanted because he was afraid to go against society and marry the woman he loved. He couldn’t let it happen to this generation.

* * * *

“Doc’s here and you didn’t tell me?” Adam’s pitchfork almost flew out of his hands at Bryan’s words. “Don’t tell me you left him alone with Candy.”

Bryan’s insolent shrug answered the question.

“Something’s up with her and she might ask questions. Do you have any idea what the man is likely to tell her about us?”

“Yes, I do. So what?”

“So, she’ll freak out. Worse, she’ll give us pity. Are you sure you weren’t adopted? I don’t remember either of your parents being idiots.”

Bryan leaned back, rested his shoulder on a beam and watched Adam work.

“Isn’t it better she find out the worst now? If she’s gonna bolt, let her do it before we invest even more in her.”

Adam stabbed the pitchfork into the bale set there for the purpose.

Horses rustled their feet, one whinnying uneasily. He took a deep
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breath, held it a long time, then exhaled. He’d forgotten where he was and made a ruckus near a mare swelling with a foal. Already Candy messed with his mind.

“Better she talk to Doc and get it over than bang pots around and say she’s ‘fine’ for days. You know I’m right.”

“Yeah.” He kept his voice low and easy. “Doc won’t let her freak out. He’s so smooth he could convince God to let a crooked senator into heaven.”

“If he was that good he’d have married Madge by now.”

“Nah, he’s too chicken. Thinks she needs time to recover from the fists of her first husband.”

Adam forced himself to relax at the change of subject while he put the tools away. The barn was in great shape, thanks to Candy, since they had more time to work. What a difference it made when someone else made the food, cleaned up, did the laundry. And then there were the perks. Massage for sore muscles, for instance, and once they were relaxed, bed sport revved them up again.

The clang of the dinner bell set his stomach growling. They had fifteen minutes to shower, change and sit at the table. Candy had made it clear she waited dinner for no one. He raced Bryan to the house, taking the front stairs as a more direct route and to avoid the kitchen. He’d rather face Candy and Doc when he didn’t smell of horse manure.

* * * *

“No, Doc,” said Adam. “You’re the guest of honor and you’re the one who wanted roasted turkey and all the trimmings. You carve.”

Bryan raised an eyebrow but kept his mouth shut. Something was up with Adam since he never gave up the head of the table. Bryan passed the mashed potatoes, green beans and candied sweet potatoes around the table. Orange, white and green. You’d think they were in Ireland or something. Wasn’t Boston full of the Irish?

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Candy seemed a bit quiet, but maybe it was due to exhaustion from all the work, and they had kept her awake a fair bit the last few nights. She should be proud of the food, the work she’d done preparing for it, everything. He kicked himself for not thinking of ordering flowers for her. Every time she saw those yellow roses she smiled like the sun after a thunderstorm.

Had her husband never brought flowers home?

“I’d like to propose a toast.” Bryan didn’t know where it came from, but he found himself standing, glass of beer in hand, with everyone looking up at him. “This evening is a very special one.

Candy put together the best damn dinner that has graced this table since my mother died.”

“Hear, hear,” said Doc.

“But there’s more,” continued Bryan. “I swear this room has never, ever heard so much laughter. Even when that bastard was away, his fist hovered over our heads.”

Adam winced at Bryan’s comment. Candy looked confused.

Maybe Doc hadn’t told her about the abuse or why they wanted to share her.

“But no more! Tonight is the Double R’s first dinner party, and it is a success. No matter what happens in our future, I had a great time.

And for that, I must thank a pixie from Boston. To Candy!”

“To Candy!”

Chairs scraped back as Adam and Doc jumped to their feet. The room roared with their voices, then silence.

Candy looked up at the three men holding their glasses to her. She bit her lip and dropped her eyes.

“Um, does anyone want pie?”

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Candy rode her buckskin mare up the mountain trail for the last time. Usually one of the men accompanied her, but they’d rushed out early, giving her the perfect opportunity to enjoy her ride with Bess in peace. Nine times out of ten she rode up the same trail to the line cabin. Bess knew the way, following the path they’d made after the last snowfall.

The cabin snuggled in the trees but she had a wonderful view most of the way. Joe had taught her how to take care of her horse and to light a fire in the wood stove. None of the men were around when she went to the barn, so she saddled Bess herself and set out. Today she’d prove she could take care of herself. Even if no one else knew she’d gone on her own, she’d always have this memory to treasure.

Tomorrow she’d grab a ride into Missoula with one of the new men, going home to visit his mother for the weekend. Her bags were all packed and ready to go. Everything done except her goodbyes.

She loved both men, but she’d never love anyone as much as she did Adam. Too bad he didn’t feel the same. She couldn’t stay any longer craving what she’d never have. If Adam realized she loved him and then ridiculed her like Dan had…

Bess sidestepped, picking up her tension. She wouldn’t think of anything negative on her last day.

The wind had picked up, low clouds flying in like wraiths. She sighed in relief when the trees closed over her head. It cut off her view but also the bite of the snow and wind. She hadn’t checked the weather but Joe had said a bit of wind and snow wasn’t unusual for
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late March. She relaxed in the saddle, letting the buckskin find her way up the familiar trail.