Cowboy Gangster 03 - Outlaws of Love (29 page)

“A few.”

Kane shook his head. “They will likely be put down,” he said. “In truth, they’re as much victims as the bait animals. Forced to fight and kill until it’s all they know. Too dangerous to try and assimilate into family homes. Successful rehabilitation is rare.” He rubbed his fingertips down the kitten’s side, his eyes resting on Cochise’s hands which lingered at the edge of the table. “Trained to be killers…then punished for it.” He raised his eyes to the Egyptian’s face. “These animals aren’t given a choice. At least human beings get to choose whether or not to become killers.”

The man’s brow pinched ever so slightly. “Not always.”

Something behind the man’s eyes cautioned that now wasn’t the time to press for clarification. Kane lowered his gaze. “I suppose not,” he offered quietly. He picked up the kitten and held it against his chest. Its tiny claws kneaded his shirt, its heartbeat much calmer now. “I think she’ll be all right,” he said. “Now that she’s in a non-threatening environment. It shouldn’t take her long to learn to trust others.” He stroked her head as she began to fall asleep. “In a cold, cruel world,” Kane murmured. “A little love goes a long way.”

He waited, half expecting Cochise to counter his words as he’d done during his first visit. Maybe tell him that love makes a man weak, or that in “his” world it can get a man killed. But the Egyptian remained silent, his eyes weighing heavily on Kane. Without meeting his stare, Kane spoke low, “I’m sorry for what I said last night.” A nervous flutter churned his stomach and his chest tightened with an unexpected and disturbing ache. “I was out of line.”

The exact purpose for apologizing was lost on him. Was he trying to undo any possible implications that he actually…
liked
the man?

‘It’s the perfect opportunity to…feel him out. See if you just like him…or if you
like
like him.’

Did
he like him?
Like
like him?

The question had hovered only a moment in his mind when Cochise walked around the table and headed for the doorway.

“Is that how you deal with everything?” Kane spoke up. He placed the kitten on the table and turned around slowly.

Cochise halted stiffly at the door.

“If something makes you uncomfortable…you just walk away?”

The Egyptian didn’t speak, didn’t move, his hands tense at his sides. When his feet finally shifted, Kane expected him to continue his retreat from the exam room and was caught off guard when he spun around and strode over to Kane instead. He cupped his head with strong hands and kissed him firm on the mouth, then withdrew before Kane could react. “Yes,” he said tightly and walked out.

♦

Clint stared at the side of the vet building, assaulted with the memory of his last visit to this place; the day he had picked up the pup and taken it to Axel. One memory was tied to another…and another…braiding together to recreate that entire night. Axel’s hands on him…the boy’s fears that he might disappoint him…

“You’re still wanting to please me?”

“Very much.”

“It isn’t possible to disappoint me.”

“I will never break your heart, Clint…I just wanted you to know that.”

The side of the building blurred without warning, tears rising too suddenly to stop them. Clint gripped the steering wheel, his throat working, battling the onset of emotion. But it was a losing battle. Tears trickled down his face and he hurriedly wiped them away.

I will never break your heart, Clint.

His chin trembled and he buried his face in his arms, sucking in deep breaths. He had made his own promises…to never hurt Axel.

Images from last night crashed in on him and he squeezed the steering wheel, arms aching as he clutched tighter and tighter. How could he think that anyone could replace-

Footsteps on the concrete walk in front of the car jerked his head up. Cochise was passing in front of the hood.
Fuck.
Clint wiped his face in a hurry and cleared his throat, turning his face away when the passenger door opened and the Egyptian dropped into the seat. Without looking at him, Clint felt his tension. And his stare.

Clint didn’t trust himself to speak. He started the car.

“I’m not going to see him anymore,” Cochise muttered.

Clint frowned and chanced a look at the man.

“I
was
with him last night.” Cochise shook his head. “But that’s over.”

“Why?” Clint asked, his voice thick, raspy. “If you like the man…”

“I busted your nuts about the kid,” he said tightly, his tone strained. “I won’t play the hypocrite.”

A glimmer of remorse flickered through the man’s eyes when he spoke of not seeing the veterinarian again. That single
flicker
was more emotion than Clint had seen in the Egyptian than in the last two decades.

Clint backed the car out of the parking lot. “Do what you want,” Clint mumbled. The car came to a stop at the edge of the street as Clint waited for the traffic to break. He looked at Cochise. “But don’t use me as your excuse to run from the man.”

Glancing out the side window, Cochise murmured, “Just following your bad example.”

“What?” Clint looked at him hard.

Cochise turned his head and met Clint’s cool glare. “Why are you letting me or anyone else tell you what to do?”

Confusion knit Clint’s brow. “What the fuck are you talking about? So, what –now you think I
shouldn’t
have left the kid?”

“That’s just it,” Cochise snapped, startling Clint. “Who the
fuck
cares what I think? I’m not your fucking
daddy.
”

Clint stared at him. Maybe fucking the vet had scrambled the man’s brains. What other explanation was there for his sudden
about-face?

“You’re fucking losing it,” Clint mumbled and gassed the car, surging out onto the street.

Cochise turned his eyes back to the side window. “Tell me something I don’t know,” he whispered.

♦

“I’ll only be a minute.” Axel opened the apartment door and entered with Dane and Angel.

“No rush,” Dane said.

Being away from the apartment for a few days didn’t make it any easier coming back. Clint’s memory clung strong and it hit Axel with unexpected force the moment he came through the door. He wasn’t here to stay, simply to grab a few extra clothes and the items he’d bought for Jonah that he’d left behind.

His legs didn’t want to work right as he walked down the hall to the bedroom. He conjured up Zoe’s face in an attempt to combat Clint’s strengthening memory, which was most powerful in the bedroom. He forced his thoughts to focus on his and Zoe’s impending date tomorrow, and how good it felt to be with her. She was sweet, funny, compassionate –and high on life. Axel was hoping he might get a
contact high
just from being close to her.

Right now, though…her effect on him waned as he entered the bedroom and was assaulted with a barrage of images.

The first time he’d asked Clint to stay.

The nervousness he’d felt the night Clint gave him the pup.

The soft kisses…sensual caresses…intense passion.

The teasing and laughter as Clint searched for his ticklish spots.

Axel bit his lower lip to steady the tremor in his chin, his vision blurring. Would it ever go away? Ever stop hurting? Every time Zoe touched him…or kissed him…would he only feel Clint?

No,
he insisted.
It’ll fade. It will. You’re just going through withdrawals. It’ll pass and you’ll be fine without him.

Without him. How could the thought hurt so much? In all reality, he hadn’t even known the man that long. He’d told Jimmy that he didn’t think there had been any real love between him and Clint. How could there be in such a short time? Surely it was just some powerful infatuation and nothing more. Infatuation was commonly mistaken for love, wasn’t it?

Axel swallowed thickly and tried to take comfort in his reasoning –and refused to look at the bed as he went to his bureau and opened one of the drawers. His hands trembled, gripping the small wooden knobs. A sudden flood of emotion threatened to submerge him, drown him. He squeezed his eyes shut, his throat working as tears forced out, saturating his lashes.

Please, God…help me. Please…

A shaky breath escaped him and he opened his eyes, releasing the pent-up tears. He plucked a few shirts from the drawer and set them on top of the bureau. He gripped the next drawer but couldn’t move, his stare blank against the wall as warm rivers coursed down his cheeks and dripped off his chin.

It isn’t fair that you get to walk away and not care anymore…and leave me like this.

His elbows rested against the bureau and he buried his face in his hands. “Do you miss me at all?” he whispered on a quiet sob. His breath broke in his throat, shuddering off his lips. Axel raised his head and turned around slowly and looked at the bed, his vision swimming as his memories placed Clint there before, his strong body stretched out on his side of the bed…the passion and emotion in his jade green eyes beckoning to Axel.

Axel was standing beside the bed without realizing he’d moved at all. But Clint wasn’t there waiting for him. Not anymore.
Not ever again
.

He sank down on the edge of the mattress as his legs weakened. Maybe it wouldn’t hurt so bad if he knew Clint missed him…even just a little. Even if he didn’t come back…if he just cared enough to miss him.

His chin trembled. “Why can’t you give me that much…” His words faded off his lips as he stared at the spot where Clint had lain beside him on days past. Axel rose up on shaky legs, his heartbeat shuddering against his ribs –unable to pull his eyes from the slight depression in the pillow…the crumpled blankets...as if someone had recently slept here…

Shakes seized him. His hands trembling, he picked up the pillow, buried his face in its softness –and breathed in the lingering scent of his cowboy that whispered to his heart…
I miss you, baby.

♦

Clint stood at the foot of the bed and watched the young man sleep. Cory’s eyes shifted now and again beneath his closed lids. His face was relaxed, showing no evidence of the strain of bad dreams. But they would show up, from time to time. He had lost a huge portion of his heart when Shay died, there was no escaping the nightmares.

But for now, he slept in peace and for that Clint was thankful. When a man’s heart was damaged, he learned to cherish each and every peaceful moment he was blessed with. Clint wished that he himself was experiencing one of those moments, but there was no peace in sight.

“Take a picture,” Cory mumbled with a quirk of his lips, eyes still closed. “It’ll last longer.”

Clint smiled and shook his head. “Always the smart ass.”

“Always.” Cory opened his eyes with effort, no doubt coming off a recent dose of pain medication.

“I thought you were asleep.”

“I know,” Cory smirked tiredly. “I wanted you to think that, so you’d say something heartfelt and sentimental.”

Clint chuckled softly. “That’ll be the day.”

Sighing, Cory sagged into his pillow. “You don’t fool me, Uncle Clint. I know you’re capable.”

“If you say so,” Clint mused. “How’re you feeling?”

“No.” Cory shook his head. “No. No. No. Don’t try to change the subject.”

Clint raised an eyebrow. “We were on a subject?” Of course he knew what Cory was talking about, but wasn’t sure if
he
was ready to
talk
about it yet.

“Don’t play dumb,” Cory smiled. “You always try to get out of talking about your feelings.”

Clint ran his fingertips along the polished wood of the footboard. “Nothing to talk about.”

“So you didn’t come in here for a reason?” Cory inquired. “You were just here to stare at my pretty face while I slept?”

“Maybe so,” Clint nodded.

Cory’s face softened and a seriousness filled his eyes. “Come on, Uncle Clint…the truth, now.” He patted the bed. “Sit down and talk to me.”

The kid was a treasure –cockiness and all. He reminded Clint of Angel. Both of them possessing a heart of gold the size of heaven. He walked around to the side of the bed and sat down, his arms resting on his knees as he kept his eyes on the floor.

“Why did you really come in here?”

Clint swallowed thickly and rubbed a slow hand over his mouth. “Why do you push me so hard…to be with Axel?” he whispered.

“Because he’s your soulmate,” Cory answered without hesitation. “And you’ll never feel complete without him. And he’ll never feel complete without you, either.”

His throat knotting, Clint shook his head. “I can’t think straight when I’m around him. Sometimes…I can’t think at all. It’s like we’re just…
there
. And there’s no reason to think about it…about anything.”