Cowboy Gangster 03 - Outlaws of Love (17 page)

They
had been
healing each other. Now they were breaking apart again.

“Are you doing okay?” his dad asked with concern from the driver seat. “If you start feeling too uncomfortable, just let me know.”

Angelo had taken the backseat and Cory sat in the front passenger side, the seat slid back and reclined a fraction to take strain off his hip. A small pillow was tucked under his head as he stared out the side window at the passing scenery.

“I’m good,” he whispered.

“We’re almost home,” Anthony told him. “Then you can rest in your own bed.”

“I’m sick of lying in bed,” Cory mumbled.

“You won’t be there much longer,” his dad said. “You’ll start your therapy in a couple days, moving around. So no more giving your old man grief, got it?”

Cory turned his head on the small pillow and looked at the man. The corner of Cory’s mouth tugged weakly upward. “Yes, papa.” He looked out the window again as the two older men chuckled. He wasn’t looking forward to being home. Shay’s memory haunted the hallways, the ghostly echoes of his laughter drifting throughout the large house. With just one squeeze of a trigger –Cory had been propelled into an alternate dimension where everything looked the same but retained no sense of familiarity. He didn’t like this new world where Shay didn’t exist and Axel was crushing beneath the weight of his broken heart.

I want to go back.
Cory closed his eyes as they began to burn with tears.
Please, God, just rewind these last few days and let us start all over again…knowing what we know now. Just one more do-over and I’ll never ask for another.

His dark lashes saturated with his tears and he turned his face against the pillow. “I promised Uncle Clint we would come home safe,” he whispered brokenly. “I told him not worry…we would be okay.”

His dad took his hand and squeezed gently, comforting him as quiet tremors shook him. Angelo gripped his shoulder affectionately from the backseat.

“I loved him,” he cried softly. “I didn’t care that he wasn’t gay…I didn’t care about anything that stood between us…I loved him anyway.” He swallowed past a sob. “And I never told him. Not really. Not like I wanted to. And now…” His breath shuddered. “…It’s too late.” His lips trembled as he whispered, “Why do people wait till it’s too late, dad?” He broke, sobbing. “Why is everyone so…fucking afraid of how they feel?”

♦

“We’re going to head out early.” Zoe placed the guitar case by the front door, along with a large sports bag. Kane stood at the edge of the living room, sipping a cup of coffee. He nodded, watching his niece check the bag for the umpteenth time to make sure she wasn’t forgetting anything. She looked at him as she slipped on her black leather jacket. “We have a show tomorrow night as well. So I’ll be gone most of the weekend.”

She cast him a knowing look that made his stomach tighten a bit. He nodded again. “Okay.” He smiled. “I think I can make it on my own for a day or two.”

Zoe adjusted her jacket and walked over to him. “You don’t necessarily have to spend the weekend
alone.
” She reached up quick and tickled his neck with her fingertip. The Egyptian’s
marking
had since faded, but the implication was clear.

“Just…go to your show,” he scowled.

She pouted. “Ah, come on, Uncle Kane. It’s the perfect opportunity to…feel him out.” Her lips curved into a mischievous grin. “See if you just like him…or if you
like
like him.”

“
Like
like him?” Kane snorted. “What is this –kindergarten?”

“Well…” Zoe shrugged and smiled. “You know what I mean.”

Kane sighed and took another drink of coffee. “Unfortunately, I do. Which makes it all the more disturbing since it’s coming from my 18 year old
niece
.”

“Why?”

“Because you shouldn’t be giving me
sex
advice,” he said emphatically. “Hell, you shouldn’t be giving
yourself
sex advice.”

Zoe gazed at him, eyes narrowed, studying him. “You think I lost my virginity, don’t you?” A glimmer of amusement sparkled in her eyes.

“I…” Kane cleared his throat and averted his stare. “I try not
think
about it at all, if you want the truth.”

Taking a step back, Zoe smiled. “Just because I’m a band chick doesn’t make me a slut.” Her light voice was laced with seriousness.

Kane looked at her. “No…Zoe, sweetheart, I wasn’t trying to imply that at all. It’s just…” He sighed. “Most of the time I never know if you say the things you say because you find amusement in freaking me out…or if you’re serious.” He tapped his fingertips nervously against the cup. “It isn’t that you shouldn’t have…” He cleared his throat and looked at her knowingly.

She smiled and nodded. “Okay.”

“But,” he went on. “I just don’t want you getting hurt. It’s easy to mistake…sex for love. Especially when you’re young. Emotions rage out of control and it all feels so…real. Maybe for both involved. But too often, it isn’t. So yes, I strongly advise sorting out your feelings first, before taking that next step.” He stared at her as she met his eyes without wavering. It frightened him a little as all of the sudden she seemed quite grown up. It wasn’t nearly as fun being grown up as the fantasy one forged as a child. He had to accept that she was an adult now, and surely engaged in
adult
activities. “Listen,” he murmured and stepped forward. He drew her against him with one arm. “Even if you’ve already…taken that step, I don’t want you to think I’m disappointed in you.” He shook his head and smiled regrettably. “As if I’m in any position to judge you –or anyone.”

Zoe smiled and hugged him tight. “First of all, Uncle Kane,” she said softly against his shoulder. “I haven’t taken that step.” She withdrew and looked up at him. “Whether you think so or not, you’re a great role model. You taught me to respect myself, and expect boys to respect me as well.” She shrugged and smiled wider. “And if they don’t, I kick their butts to the curb. I don’t want to be with a guy who just wants to get in my jeans.”

Kane cringed but smiled and hugged her again. “God is good,” he moaned and kissed the top of her head.

“Now I can’t have any fun with you, though,” Zoe pouted.

“Oh trust me,” Kane chuckled. “I’m still not comfortable with your
joking.
”

“Good,” Zoe grinned darkly. “How boring would my life be if I couldn’t make you squirm?”

Kane shook his head. “Mine would be great.”

“You would miss it,” Zoe insisted. She smoothed the front of his shirt with her palms. “Now…about you not spending this weekend alone…”

“No. We’re done talking,” Kane said. “People are waiting for you.”

“So let them wait,” she smiled. “Now we get to talk about you.”

Kane shook his head. “There’s nothing to talk about.
Nothing
.”

Zoe ignored him. “Just because you tell me to wait and sort out my feelings before having sex, doesn’t mean you can’t have some fun of your own,” she said. “It isn’t going to nullify your advice. I get it that our situations are different. Just because you do some romping in the sheets for the sheer fun of it, doesn’t mean I’m going to start jumping every boy I encounter.”

Kane whimpered and rubbed his eyes. “Please, I don’t need that imagery.” He sighed. “And just maybe…I regret my recent choices and wish I could go back and undo them.”

A tiny smirk played back and forth across her lips.

“What?” Kane asked warily.

“I think you’re fibbing,” she said. “Or trying hard to convince yourself it’s the truth. But I don’t think you want to undo it at all. I think you had a great time with your bad boy.”

“He isn’t
my
bad boy,” Kane muttered. “And I didn’t have…” He exhaled hard. “Never mind.” He gripped her shoulders and turned her around facing the door and shoved her forward gently. “Go.”

She laughed. “Okay, okay.” At the door, she paused and looked at him. “Do you think he’ll show up?”

“Who?” Kane groaned, cringing a bit.

“Axel,” she said. “The guy with the puppy. I invited him to the gig.”

“You really liked him?”

“He seemed sweet,” she smiled. “Very cute. But…I don’t know. There was just something about him. I think he would be a nice guy to get to know.”

Dragging his hand over his mouth, Kane murmured, “Just be careful, okay?”

“What do you mean?” Zoe frowned.

“That look in his eyes…” Kane said quietly. “I’ve seen it before. Something or…someone…is causing that boy pain. You have a big heart, Zoe, and that’s one of your best qualities. But this time, open it slowly and cautiously.” Emotion strained his throat unexpectedly. “Don’t fall for someone who isn’t capable of…falling back.”

♦

The emptiness of the apartment enveloped him, burrowing into his chest and weaving around his heart. He slipped the key deep into the front pocket of his Wranglers and closed the door quietly behind him. His boots touched against the carpet without sound, his steps deathly silent.

It’s just an empty shell.
When love was taken out of a home…it wasn’t
home
anymore.

He walked down the hall and stopped outside the closed bedroom door, his palm flattened tentatively against the wood. He closed his eyes and for one brief moment, let the memories flow free; the kisses…caresses…passion…
promises
.

His fingertips trailed slowly down the door to the small round brass knob.

Stay.

The knob twisted in his unsteady hand and he opened the door. His eyes locked on the bed and the memories exploded through his head like the night sky on the Fourth of July. His boots rooted to the floor and tremors raced through his legs.

You should have left that day. Never looked back. Why did you stay?

Forcing his feet forward, Clint walked to the bed and sat down. His hand rubbed over the pillow.
My pillow. My side of the bed.
He swallowed thickly and lay down, facing away from the edge. He stared at the empty bed beside him until the image of Axel formed before him.

“This wasn’t just a dream,” he whispered. “This was never the illusion.” His throat tightened and he drew Axel’s pillow against his face.

What you see out there…that’s the illusion.

♦

“Was she really flirting with him?” Dane buttoned his shirt as he watched Angel change his clothes. Gavin, Tommy, Ricky and Levi would be showing up within fifteen minutes to follow them out to the gig.

“Yeah,” Angel nodded. “At least I think so. She sure looked at him like she was interested.”

Tucking the hem of his blue striped shirt into his black jeans, Dane shrugged as he zipped and fastened his pants. “Maybe this is actually good for him right now,” he said. “He needs a distraction. And it isn’t as if it will go anywhere serious. Axel is clearly gay.”

Angel sighed and gave a low
mm-hm
reply.

“What?” Dane asked.

Angel looked at him then glanced toward the stairs. His voice lowered a fraction as he stepped closer to Dane. “I think all this stuff with Clint is hurting him so bad that he’s…”

“He’s what?” Dane pressed gently when Angel hesitated.

“I think he’s trying to find…probable cause to convince himself he isn’t really gay.” He shook his head. “I mean, I understand. We both know what that kind of pain feels like, and…and you’d do just about anything to make it stop. When you and I fell apart, it hurt so much I that I actually thought about…” He cut himself off abruptly and looked away.

Dane frowned, his heart thumping faster. “Thought about what?”

“Nothing,” Angel whispered.

“Thought about
what
, Angel?” Dane gripped his arm and pulled the boy to him.

“Nothing,” Angel insisted with a mild tremor to his voice. “It’s in the past. It has no bearing on us anymore.” He fussed with Dane’s shirt and cleared his throat. “I’m just saying, when the pain becomes unbearable…people will sometimes take drastic measures to make it go away. And if Axel is trying to convince himself he isn’t gay, and then a girl shows interest in him…that might fuel the illusion.”

Dane stared at him, troubled deeply by his previous implications. “Well, like I said…maybe it’s what he needs right now. We won’t let him lose himself. But if he needs to pretend for a while to cope with Clint’s leaving, then maybe we shouldn’t try to discourage him.”

“Maybe I understand that logic,” Angel said quietly. “Sort of. But…” He looked at Dane. “What about the girl? Zoe. I mean, what if Axel inadvertently gives her the impression that there could be something between them? She could end up getting hurt. And she seems like a really cool girl. She doesn’t deserve to get her heart broken either.”