Cowboy Gangster 02 - Gunnin' for Love (CMS) (MM) (13 page)

Ryder’s stare jerked back to Clint. “What?” His eyes darted between the men.

“My guy saw you fondle the kid’s cock,” Clint pushed out between clamped teeth, his blood burning as it surged through his veins. “What fucking hand did you use?”

An attempt by Ryder to see behind Clint’s back failed. “Wh-why?”

Clint’s hand came around, clutching the metal tool, and hit Ryder in the face. Blood sprayed from his lips and the chair rocked to the side. Clint caught it with his boot and knocked it back down solid, jolting Ryder. “You don’t get to ask the fucking questions,” Clint hissed. “What hand? Or should I just assume
both?
”

His face crumpling, Ryder ducked his head. “The right.”

Clint freed his right wrist and pulled his hand onto his thigh, grinding his wrist bones in a fierce grip. Cochise moved around behind Ryder and held his shoulders back against the chair as Clint showed him the tool. “Clippers.” His thumb flicked loose the safety latch and the clippers snapped open. “They can cut through small branches…and small bones.”

“
No…
” Ryder strained against Cochise’s hold, struggling to pull his hand away from Clint. “No…don’t…”

“Tell me…” Clint’s face twitched as he secured the center knuckle of Ryder’s index finger between the clipper blades. “What did the kid say to you when you had him pinned against the wall?”

Ryder gasped erratically, eyes bulging.

“
What?
” Clint squeezed the handles enough for the blades to cut through Ryder’s skin and compress the knuckle.

“He…” Ryder cried out. “He…he said…
stop…please…”

“And what did you say?” Clint squeezed a fraction harder, wrenching a near scream from the man.

“I said no!”

“
What else?
”

“I-I…I…” Ryder shook his head, sobbing. “I’m sorry…I’m sorry.”

“
What
did you fucking
say
to him?”

Ryder broke down completely. “I-I said I wasn’t going to stop, that…that I was…I was…going to fuck him hard.”

Clint stared at him with eyes of ice. “That’s what I thought.” He wrenched down on the clippers and felt the snapping crack of bone –and Ryder screamed shrilly, saliva foaming in his throat as he writhed and jerked on the chair. Clint’s face was stone as he clamped onto the center knuckle of Ryder’s middle finger. “One down,” he murmured with the chill of a vengeful ghost. “Four to go.” He glanced up at Cochise. “And since he’s so eager to fuck…maybe there’s something in the toy bag that’ll really turn him on.”

A shadow of a smile twitched the Egyptian’s lips as he held Ryder around the throat with one powerful arm, and with his other hand –gripped the bloody sheers tighter.

Oh, Ryder would meet Tucker’s same fate…all in good time.

♦

“Do you like onions?” Dane looked up from the stove where he was seasoning ground hamburger in a frying pan. “If not, I can leave them out. I can go either way.”

Axel shrugged. “Uh, sure…I like them.” He opened the fridge and grabbed a beer.

“I’m no chef,” Dane chuckled. “Spaghetti is my main specialty.”

“Works for me.” Axel smiled and opened the bottle.

Dane glanced at him. “You have any special dishes you’re especially talented at?” He grinned.

“No,” Axel shook his head. “I’m not really much of a cook. Angel always did the cooking-” His words died abruptly and he looked away. Wade had made Angel cook for them, and then usually bitched about it not being done enough when he refused to give Angel the proper time to cook it right.

He wasn’t the only one who bitched.

“Hey,” Dane said gently, drawing Axel’s damp gaze. “It’s okay to let the past go. Who we were isn’t important…but who we become in the end. You’re a respectable man, Axel.” Anguish seeped into his eyes and turned his stare to the frying pan. “The pain we’ve caused in the past will always hurt us to some degree.” He cleared his throat and looked at Axel again. “But we can rise above, use it to our advantage…a reminder of the progress we’ve made, the obstacles we’ve overcome. It doesn’t have to ruin our lives.”

Axel nodded and stared down at the bottle in his hands.

“Moving on and allowing ourselves to be happy,” Dane told him. “It doesn’t mean we no longer care about the mistakes we made or the bad things we did. But life is about moving forward, growing from our mistakes, and making better choices the next time around.”

Smiling softly, Axel murmured, “Thanks.”

Dane nodded and returned his smile.

“You’re pretty philosophical for a stripper,” Axel mused.

“Hey,” Dane grinned. “Taking off my clothes in a sexy, sensual manner is just
one
of my many talents.”

Axel chuckled. “I believe you.” He tipped the bottle to his lips and glanced at the wall clock. Clint hadn’t given him a specific time frame for when he would be home, but Axel was already feeling his absence.

Home. The way it sounded slipping off Clint’s lips still had his heart rate up and racing. He thought about the necklace he had stowed away in the nightstand drawer as soon as he’d arrived at the apartment. His natural anxieties kicked in as he began to second guess himself on buying Clint a necklace. Would he wear it? Some men wouldn’t wear any form of jewelry. Like a child who had scrimped and saved every cent he could get and bought the best Christmas or birthday gift he could afford –Axel desperately wanted Clint to love it, and love it enough to wear it proudly…as proudly as Axel wore the buckle.

His hand dropped absently as his fingertips traced over the metal surface. He remained stunned that Clint had given it to him. And by the look on Dane’s face, and the others, they had been equally shocked –if not more so. Without anyone out and out saying so…Axel knew it was a huge thing, Clint handing over his buckle.

“You okay?”

Axel raised his head. “Yeah, just…” he glanced at the clock again. “Spacing off, I guess.”

Draining the hamburger meat, Dane smiled. “He’ll be along soon.”

“What?”

“Clint.” He turned the burner down and replaced the pan, then stirred the boiling spaghetti noodles. “Something tells me he won’t take any longer than necessary to high tail it back here.”

Warmth crept into Axel’s cheeks and he ducked his head.

“Sorry.” Dane chuckled. “Didn’t mean to embarrass you. I think it’s great. Clint could use a little domesticating, don’t you think?” He winked.

Axel smiled and shrugged.

“Or do you prefer Mr. Badass?” Dane grinned.

“I…kind of like it,” Axel admitted with a soft laugh. “But he isn’t always…”

Dane smiled. “He isn’t Mr. Badass when he’s alone with you?”

“Yeah,” Axel murmured and twisted the bottle in his fingers. “But…” he shrugged again. “But I like knowing he can be…when necessary.” He looked at Dane. “It makes me feel safe. No one has ever made me feel safe before, or…protected.”

Sighing softly, Dane said, “Going on the way he was looking at you back at the club…and that goodbye kiss…” he nodded slowly. “I’d be willing to bet there’s no lengths he wouldn’t go to, to protect you.”

Warmth wrapped Axel’s heart at the thought.

“Can I ask you about something?” Dane stepped past him and glanced into the living room then back to Axel. “Before Angel gets back from taking the pup out?” He smiled sheepishly. “He’d smack me and tell me to mind my own business, which he would be right. But I’m much too inquisitive for my own good. So please feel free to tell me to mind my own business as well. And smack me –according to Angel, I need it quite regularly.”

Axel laughed. “What did you want to ask?”

Clearing his throat, Dane sobered a little. “Well, it’s like this…Angel seemed pretty shocked that you were with Clint…with a
man
, I mean. He said that you weren’t gay.” He gazed at Axel. “I’m guessing…this is a new revelation to you, too?”

Axel fidgeted and looked away. “Yeah,” he mumbled.

“Again,” Dane said. “If this is none of my business, just say so and I’ll zip it. You don’t have to talk about it.”

It still felt strange…even unnerving, in a way…to use the word “gay” in reference to himself. Alone with Clint…they were who they were, it didn’t require discussion. And he’d talked about it some with Jimmy, but Clint and Jimmy felt like the inner circle of his new existence. His safe zone. And stepping out of it a bit, talking about this with someone new…his age old defenses tried to kick in and resist what was. Fear crept in, but he fought it. Dane was safe, and Angel, too. He didn’t want to go back to being afraid of who he was.

“It’s okay,” Axel whispered, his pulse quickening.
There’s nothing to be afraid of. He’s a part of Angel…and Angel is family. Your “real” family.

Dane squeezed his shoulder with affection. “Through Angel I understand the kind of situation you were in, why this is something you would have suppressed, without even realizing it. But you’re among friends now.”

Axel nodded and lowered his gaze to the floor. “Thanks.”

Withdrawing his hand, Dane leaned against the counter. “Is…Clint the first man you’ve ever been with?” he asked quietly. “The first man you’ve ever had any kind of intimate feelings for?”

Axel swallowed thickly and nodded again without looking up.

“Until Clint…” Dane murmured. “You had no idea that you liked men?”

“No,” Axel admitted.

“Are you confused about it? These new feelings?”

Axel shifted and shrugged. “A little. Sometimes.” He looked up. “But not when I’m with Clint. Just…” he shook his head and looked away again. “Just…about
me
. Everything with Clint happened so fast. I didn’t have a chance to really think about it.” He didn’t like this avenue of conversation and had pushed these thoughts down deep, locked them away, because he didn’t want to consider what they might mean. “But being with Clint makes me feel good. He…” Axel faltered and took a slow drink of beer.

“He makes you feel safe,” Dane said quietly, affirming Axel’s earlier words.

“Yeah.”

Dane cleared his throat and adjusted his stance. “Axel,” he ventured cautiously. “Are you concerned that maybe you’re so attached to Clint simply because he makes you feel safe, when no one else ever has?”

“I don’t know,” Axel whispered, his throat hurting as it began to close. “What if…what if I just
think
I have feelings for him, when…I just like feeling safe?” Tears burned his eyes as he met Dane’s stare. “I’ve never been in…in love before. What if I’m mistaking some sense of
security
…for love? How do I know if it’s really love?” He ducked his head, chin trembling. “I
want
to be in love with Clint,” he whispered thickly. “Even if…even if he isn’t in love with me right now.” He sniffed and rubbed his eyes. “What if I wake up one day and…it’s gone? All the feelings and emotions. And I find out I’m not…not really gay?” The words felt foreign –
alien
–after all that had passed between him and Clint; verbally, emotionally, physically. Yet that tiny sliver of fear remained. “I told him that…that I wanted him to be mine. All mine. And I said I would never break his heart. I think…” Axel trembled. “That’s what I’m afraid of the most…hurting him.”

Dane smiled softly and squeezed his shoulder again. “That sounds like love to me,” he said. “Love is a crazy thing, and sometimes –oftentimes –it makes us crazy too. It’s like the one thing in this life that makes no sense, and yet equally makes all the sense in the world. It’s an enigmatic emotional force, and it’s natural to feel confused and uncertain at times. Just follow your heart, Axel. It might take you on a wild, crazy journey…but it’ll get you to where you’re supposed to be.” He stepped closer and slid his arm around Axel’s shoulders, squeezing gently. “It’ll take you home.”

Home.
Axel’s throat tightened.

“By the way,” Dane murmured with a smile. “I don’t think you have to worry about waking up one day and finding you’re
un
-gay.” He chuckled softly, squeezed his shoulders again then released him. “That’s a very rare phenomenon.” He winked.

“That’s comforting,” Axel mumbled, laughing softly. It really was.

“Just try to take it all in stride,” Dane said. “You’re going to have your doubts, some confusion even. But it’ll all work itself out and you’ll be okay. The key is not let yourself stress about it. One day at a time, that’s all anyone can manage.” He smiled. “Live for the moment. Otherwise, you end up wasting the good times worrying about what may never even come to pass.”

“You kind of sound like Jimmy,” Axel mused.

“Jimmy?” Dane looked at him. “Oh, your neighbor friend? The one who…”

“Yeah,” Axel nodded.

Dane checked the spaghetti noodles. “So, you and him talk? You’re
friend
friends?”

“Yeah,” Axel murmured. “Jimmy’s a good guy.”

“That’s great,” Dane smiled. “I’m glad you have a friend so close by. So…what’s he like?”

Axel sighed and pursed his lips thoughtfully, then smiled wryly, “Intrusive. Nosey. Kind of a mooch.”

“Ahh I see,” Dane chuckled. “So, your typical best friend.”

“Yeah,” Axel nodded and laughed quietly. “Exactly.”

The front door opened and Axel glanced quickly into the living room, his pulse quickening momentarily, then calming as Angel stepped in with Jonah tucked under his arm. He closed the door and set Jonah on the floor.

“Hey,” Angel piped up with a grin. “Just so you know, the pooper scooper works great.”

Axel cocked an eyebrow and looked at Dane. The two men burst out laughing.

♦

Freshly showered, Clint entered the room and approached the small bar. His guts had formed a permanent knot and now sat heavily in the bottom of his stomach. Axel’s assault had been
set up?
He couldn’t help but deduce that the amount of money involved ruled out Wade Anders, or anyone he might be associated with on the outside. He wasn’t the type to run with a financially fluent crowd. It was someone else.

Clint poured himself a drink and downed the first serving in one shot then poured another and sipped it more slowly, his nerves frayed. Had the whole thing been about Axel…or Clint himself? Who the fuck even knew he and Axel were acquainted except for Cory and Cochise? Even the guys at the club hadn’t known until today. And if it was directed at Axel personally…who the fuck would it be? Did Axel even have enemies other than his brother and the other fuckers sitting in jail with him? Who would pay a fucking twenty thousand large to have someone like Axel –
a threat to no one
–taken out?

“You wanted to see us?” Anthony entered through the doorway with Angelo.

Clint set down his glass and cleared his throat. “Yes.”

The two men took a seat across the bar from him. “Did you take out the garbage?” Anthony asked and picked up the bottle of scotch as Clint slid two glasses over to him and Angelo.

“Cochise is taking it to the dump as we speak.”

“Good.” Anthony handed the bottle to Angelo after pouring himself a third of a glass. “So what did you want to talk about?”

Clint rubbed his mouth thoughtfully. “Something has come to my attention that needs to be addressed.”

The two older men exchanged a puzzled glance. “What is it?” Angelo asked.

“First off,” Clint sighed. “I need to tell you everything. What I’ve been having Cory do for me, and why.”

Anthony frowned. “It’s about Cory? Is he in some kind of trouble? You said he wasn’t at risk.”

“No,” Clint shook his head. “This isn’t about Cory, not directly anyway.”

It proved to be a difficult task exposing his and Axel’s relationship to the two men. Cory thought it was all very good for Clint, but Cory was young and his thought process worked differently than seasoned men. Cochise hadn’t hesitated to let Clint know what he thought about it. Would Anthony and Angelo take the same dim view as the Egyptian?