Cowboy Cool: Book 5 (Cowboy Justice Association) (7 page)

“I’m sorry, that must have been tough for you. What about your dad?” His research hadn’t told him much about Kaylee’s childhood but he’d been able to trace her father’s whereabouts after her parents’ divorce. “Do you ever visit Atlanta to see him?”

Kaylee froze and her eyes looked suspiciously bright but her chin lifted as if to repudiate her own reaction. “I didn’t even know he lived in Atlanta. After he lost his job when I was nine and we were about to get thrown out of our rented home, he left one morning to go to the store and never came back. We moved into my grandmother’s house because my mother had no job and no place else to go. She never really recovered from what he did. For all I care he can burn in hell.”

Her voice was shaking by the time she finished, turning back to sprinkle shredded cheese all over the pizza. He felt like ten kinds of shit for even bringing her dad up. It was a reminder that any information he found needed to be placed in context. If anyone researched his past they might get the wrong idea as well.

“I’m really sorry, honey,” he said softly, capturing one of her hands in his. “I fucked up and never should have said anything.”

Kaylee brushed at her damp cheek and smiled. She really was a very attractive woman, even when she cried. “You apologize really well. I’m sorry that it can still get to me. Every time I think I’m past this it finds me again.”

“I’m sorry that happened to you.”

“I’m not.” Kaylee shook her head and picked up the pizza pan, sliding it in the oven. “Some lessons are hard to learn in life, but the sooner you learn them the better. It took my dad and David, but I did learn.”

Reed frowned as she cleaned up the counter top. “What did you learn?”

Kaylee wiped up spots of sauce from the marble. “Men don’t hang around when the chips are down. When things get difficult, men get gone. I’ve seen it twice up close and personal. They get you to depend on them and then when everything isn’t rosy? They leave you to deal with things. Better to know up front that you’re on your own.”

From her unemotional tone it was clear she believed this with all her heart. It explained her almost militant independence.

“Kaylee some men do stay and stick it out. Look at Ava and Logan or my parents. Men don’t always cut and run.”

Although he’d seen plenty in his years of law enforcement. But a sweet young woman such as Kaylee didn’t need to be as jaded and cynical as he was.

She shrugged and wiped her hands on a dish towel. “There are always exceptions. But what are the chances? Let’s say I go all in with some guy, like I did with David. We set up house and I really think we’re a team. We pool our money, we dream about the future. The whole nine yards. And then something bad or unexpected happens. Something that wasn’t in the plan. Will he be there to see it through with me? Maybe yes, maybe no. Personally I don’t like my odds.”

Her father had a lot to answer for and so did this David guy. If he was around, Reed would cheerfully kick the man’s ass for whatever he’d done. It probably hadn’t seemed like a big deal to David but it had done terrible damage to Kaylee’s psyche.

But then who was he to talk? He had his own issues, and he wasn’t planning to change either. In fact, he’d better change the damn subject before she started asking him personal questions.

“So do you make everything from scratch? That pizza is starting to smell really good. I could eat a horse.”

Kaylee giggled and pulled the fixings for a salad from the refrigerator. “We just had lunch six hours ago. I don’t usually eat two big meals in a day.”

“Logan said you’re a great cook.”

She turned a pretty pink and began chopping up greens. “Logan’s only had a few things I’ve made but he was an appreciative audience. I swear those two live off pizza and cheesecake.”

“I promise I’ll be just as grateful. I don’t cook much for myself. This is a real treat.”

Her face glowed with happiness and he felt something lurch in his chest. She was a nice woman, pretty and smart. The kind his mother would have told him was “a keeper.”

But he didn’t keep anyone anymore.

*   *   *   *

“Do you want any coffee?” Kaylee asked. They’d had dinner, talked about books, movies, and music, and generally got to know each other without getting too personal. She’d learned that Reed was indeed an introvert who enjoyed quiet evenings reading a variety of books. In fact, she’d given him one of hers and he said he was going to start it right away.

“No, thank you.” Reed shook his head. “What do you normally do in the evenings? I don’t want to get in your way. You know, just pretend I’m not here.”

There was no way that was going to happen. Effortlessly and as if he didn’t care one way or the other, he took over every room he was in. He’d be the perfect Dominant in her next book.

“If it’s nice, I sit out on the back patio and read or write. It’s covered and screened in, plus there’s a heater for when it’s chilly.”

“That sounds great. As I said, if you need to work just ignore me.”

She with her laptop and he with his book settled on the glider sofa with its overstuffed, bright red cushions. Snapping on the small lamp next to him, Reed stretched out his long legs to read while she turned on the propane heater. It glowed in the dim light and she instantly felt the heat begin to warm the chill that had descended quickly after sundown. It was late in October and winter was just around the corner.

Opening her laptop, she tried to concentrate on her work in progress but the presence of the man next to her made it almost impossible. She could feel his body heat and smell the clean scent of his skin. Her fingers itched to reach out and touch him, running her hands along the dips and planes of his muscles. She’d only had a glimpse of them yesterday but it had been enough to fire up her imagination for the last twenty-four hours.

“You’re really good,” Reed murmured, still intent on the pages of the paperback. “I mean really good, Kaylee.”

She felt a flood of warmth invade her from head to toe. She was hard on herself at the best of times, and hearing praise from someone she liked and respected meant more than he could imagine.

“Thank you. I’m glad you like it. I was kind of afraid to give it to you if you want the truth.”

They were speaking softly although there wasn’t another living soul around, her neighbors inside to escape the dropping temperature. But wrapped in the gray darkness it seemed right and proper to keep their voices down.

“You have a gift of revealing a human’s strengths and weaknesses with love and humor while at the same time keeping the tension between them high.”

Tears pricked the back of her eyes. He got it. He really got what she was trying to do in her stories and her chest tightened at the overwhelming feeling of being understood. She had regular friends and writer friends and only a few ever really comprehended what she was trying to convey. Ava was one of them and now this man.

“Thank you,” she said again, her voice thick. “You know, I didn’t expect you to be a book kind of guy.”

Luckily he didn’t take offense at her awkwardly worded statement. Instead he tucked a piece of paper into the pages and placed the book on the side table.

“You thought I would be out shooting bears and playing rugby?”

His voice was tinged with amusement and she had to smile. That was exactly what she’d thought.

“Ava said you were an alpha, a man’s man so I guess I pictured you differently.” She hesitated, not sure how to put it into words. “More aggressive, I guess.”

“More violent?” he queried. “A gun-toting cowboy cop with more brawn than brains?”

Scrunching up her face, she nodded. “It sounds really bad when you say it out loud, but yes, I think that’s what I thought.”

His warm chuckle made her want to move closer but she stayed pinned to her spot on the glider.

“I can be aggressive, Kaylee. When I need to be that way. I like to think things through before I do them. But I do carry a gun, go hunting, and drink beer in bars on occasion. I don’t think any of those things make me an alpha male.”

“They don’t,” she agreed. “You’re very self-confident, assured, and calm. You’re a born leader I would guess that people naturally follow.”

“I’m also possessive and territorial. Just ask any of my deputies. It’s hard for me to delegate which is one of the reasons I haven’t taken any vacation time.”

“What are the other reasons?”

He shrugged and stared at the sky visible through the screen. “Mostly I love what I do. It isn’t what I planned when I was younger but it’s what I was meant to do, even if it was by accident.”

She wanted to know more about him but Ava had warned her he was a closed book. “What did you want to be?”

Kaylee didn’t really expect him to answer but he didn’t ignore her question.

“I planned on being a veterinarian. They’re always needed on a ranch.”

What the heck, she’d push her luck and ask him more.

“You grew up on a ranch? Was it fun?”

“Yes.”

“Yes, you grew up on a ranch or yes it was fun?”

Reed turned so he was facing her. “Kaylee, I don’t talk about myself much, especially the past. It’s over and nothing can be done to change it, so I leave it back there. It’s nothing personal.”

She thought about his words for a moment. “Do you want to change it?”

Reed shook his head and leaned back on the cushion. “Nice try but I’m not biting. If you want to talk about the past we can discuss yours. Mine is off-limits.”

She didn’t have any secrets. Maybe if she opened up about her life he might open up—just a little—about his.

“Ask me anything you want. I’ve got nothing to hide.”

His eyebrow lifted and a smile turned up the corners of his mouth. “Good to know. Why don’t you tell me about this David? He seems like a good place to start.”

Okay, maybe she had a few secrets. Or at least a couple of topics she didn’t like to revisit. But not being honest with him wasn’t going to give him the confidence to be honest with her. Time to pull up her big girl panties and face the past.

“I already told you most of it. David was a big mistake in my life. I dated him my senior year in college and when he got a job at a newspaper in Portland I moved with him. Things went downhill from there.”

She paused thinking Reed might remark but he stayed silent, waiting for her to continue.

“I guess that once we were living together he decided that he needed to whip me into shape or something. He didn’t like that I’m a night person and that I slept late in the morning. He didn’t like that I didn’t want to socialize every night of the week and preferred to stay at home. He especially didn’t like that I was carrying what he considered to be excess weight. He was constantly harping at me about it. He once told me that I didn’t ‘present well’ to his friends.”

She congratulated herself at keeping the bitterness out of her voice. It was a long time ago and she’d moved beyond it, understanding that it had to do more with David than it did with her or anything she’d done.

“He sounds like a real asshole.”

Kaylee giggled at Reed’s caustic tone. “He was. But I was young and in love. I didn’t see then that a man needs to love me for myself.”

“So you dumped his ass,” Reed stated.

If only she could say that.

“Actually, no. Not right away.” She wrestled with how much to reveal but it couldn’t hurt her anymore if she didn’t let it. “It all sort of fell apart when I had trouble finding a job in journalism. I was waiting tables and pretty miserable about things. David was less than supportive. The only time I was happy was when I was writing.”

She could feel Reed’s body tense. “This guy doesn’t sound like he has too many redeeming qualities. I can’t imagine how you got mixed up with him.”

She’d had time to look back on that. “He wasn’t bad at the beginning. It was only when we moved in together that he changed. Believe me, I’ve been over and over this a million times. He started out a pretty nice guy. Anyway, I published my first book and the sales really tanked. I mean, I released it to crickets. David didn’t have much patience for the entire endeavor and basically told me I’d wasted my time. I released my second book a few months later and that’s when sales started to happen. But David resented that too. I really couldn’t do anything right. I found him in bed with a friend not long after. As I told you before, I later learned they’d been sleeping together for months. That’s when I dumped him.”

“And you’ve never trusted a man since.”

“I’m not sure I trusted them before. I think I was waiting for David to screw up. I always knew it was coming.”

Reed sat up and looked down at her, his expression solemn. “Perhaps—and I’m just going out on a limb here—but maybe you’ve chosen men that you knew would let you down. Subconsciously you sought out males that would reaffirm your opinion.”

He could see way too deeply inside her psyche. That same thought had been niggling at the back of her mind for a while now but she’d never given in to the actual words. Now they were out there and there was no taking them back.

“It’s cold out here. We should go inside.”

She moved to stand but Reed’s hand gently wrapped around her arm, staying her on the couch. “I’m sorry, Kaylee. It’s none of my business. Just forget I said anything. This David guy sounds like a jerk.”

Reed’s mere touch set off fireworks in her stomach and electrified her nerves. “You don’t have anything to be sorry for. I told you a story and you were simply remarking on it.”

Their gazes locked and she looked into his eyes for a long time. There was no sound but the rustle of the leaves and the thud of her heart. It roared in her ears but she knew he couldn’t hear it. She didn’t dream that he was as affected by this moment as she was. It had been so long since she’d been close to someone—physically or emotionally. It was crazy but she wanted to be close to Reed. She wanted to feel the electricity between them, the heat that they created simply by being close.

At some point she’d swayed closer to him, their lips close to one another. His pupils had dilated in the dim light and she reached and ran her hand up his chest and around his neck, his body hard and hot under her palm. She couldn’t be certain but she thought she heard him swear under his breath before his lips took hers, not rough or harsh but gently and reverently.