Covet Not (29 page)

XLVI

As soon as she walked in, and
Jude gave her a lingering kiss, Clara had to keep calm and smile, so he
wouldn't feel obliged to stay. He had an important task. “I'll be back,” he
whispered. He looked at Raphe. “You're allowed to shoot my father if he comes.”

“
I've never even touched a gun. I'll need
to learn.” Raphe looked uncomfortable for a moment. “Though I could probably
hit him with it.”

“
That would work. I don't think he would be
expecting it.” Jude gave him a quick smile and bent to kiss Clara again. “I
won't be gone long.”

“
Did you want dinner?” She hadn't cooked in
months and felt the urge to cook for the men in her life. Both of them.

“
I'm fine with sandwiches
‒
”

“
I'm not,” Clara said, and her voice shook
a bit.

Jude kissed
her forehead. “You might have to pull something from the freezer. But I'd be
fine with anything. You know me, right?”

Clara nodded
and tears filled her eyes. “Go. You need to find her. Be careful, though. It
looks like it's going to rain.”

She watched
from the screen door as Jude ran towards Jared. The lightning in the sky
illuminated them both. She wasn't optimistic that they'd find her, but if there
was one thing Clara knew, if Shula was alive right now, she would be doing
anything in her power to stay that way. She would not want to leave Jared
alone.

They watched
him run across the yard. “Shooting him would not be satisfying,” Raphe said
wistfully.

Clara knew
the story of Daniel, but she didn't know how Raphe dreamed of redeeming him. He
wasn't keen to die in such a way, and he'd try not to, but up until now, he'd
had nothing but himself to live for.

She felt
hands on her hips and a chin on her shoulder. She could feel the rain through
the screen door, but she left it open. She shivered.

“
Told you.”

“
You did. You were right.”

“
Did you see the way he was looking at my
mouth?”

Clara smiled.
“Trouble, you are.”

“
I hope they find that girl.”

“
Shula. She's the wild one. The one who cut
her hair.”

“
Oh. She's totally a fighter, then. If they
don't find her tonight, we'll find her tomorrow.” He took a step back. “I'm
starving. Let's cook something up real fast
‒
”

“
You can cook?”

“
So sexist, Clara. I expected better.”
Raphe smiled at her and walked to their tiny kitchen, and opened the
refrigerator. “What does he like? What did you cook for him?”

“
Normal stuff. You know, like meat.”

“
Ah, good. I can serve him some meat.” He
turned and winked at Clara.

“
You're exhausting.”

He smiled
back at her. “Thanks for earlier by the way. I know we didn't talk about it,
but I want to be here with you.”

“
As long as you're in Texas, that's where
you'll be.”

“
Do you think Jude will tolerate
our...codependency for very long? I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm surprised
he's not bloodied my gorgeous face, yet.”

Clara exhaled
and walked to the refrigerator. “I don't know. I probably have ways of
convincing him.”

“
Can I watch?”

Clara
laughed. “Like you could just be happy with that. You'd worm your way onto the
bed.”

“
Of course, I would. While your husband is
fucking you, I would bury my face
‒
”

“
Raphe! You'll wind up stealing him from
me.” Clara thought her face would catch fire.

“
Never. We would always want you. You'd be
the one good thing we had.”

Clara
sniffled. “You make it sound like something like that could be normal.”

“
Something like what, Sweets?”

“
Like the three of us. Instead of two.” It
was absurd.

“
It may not be exactly common, but it's not
unheard of. Really.” Raphe wanted to reassure her that he wasn't going anywhere
and he didn't require sex. He might have to politely ask Jude where one goes
for that sort of thing. He hadn't been sure about Jude until James made it
sound like he was going to tell. “Clara, look. I don't want you to feel guilty
about having someone. He's going to want you tonight. And my ear is going to be
on the door, so make it good.”

The mud was
warm. It was soft. It gave way when pressed. But she couldn't escape the water
and it washed all the mud away. She burrowed deeper, just to rest. Just for a
moment. They wouldn't find her here, so it could only be for a little while.

She looked
upwards at the sky to the north. She hoped the storm was quick. She hoped the
water didn't rise.

XLVII

“
Can I watch?”

Clara
laughed. “Like you could just be happy with that. You'd worm your way onto the
bed.”

“
Of course, I would. While your husband is
fucking you, I would bury my face
‒
”

“
Raphe! You'll wind up stealing him from
me.”

“
Never. We would always want you. You'd be
the one good thing we had.”

“
You make it sound like something like that
could be normal.”

“
Something like what, Sweets?”

“
Like the three of us. Instead of two.”

“
It may not be exactly common, but it's not
unheard of. Really. Clara, look. I don't want you to feel guilty about having
someone. He's going to want you tonight. And my ear is going to be on the door,
so make it good.”

Jude clutched
the flashlight to his chest. Jared had sent him back and he wanted to watch
Clara and Raphe, to see the way she looked at him. To see how different she was
with him.

He and Jared
had heard the electricity in the air, but Jude wasn't inclined to leave Jared
alone.

“
Go make love to your wife, Jude.”

He hugged his
brother then. “Bright and early.”

“
Yes.” Jared had said. “Now go!”

Jude went.

Jude took a
deep breath and opened the screen door. Raphe was over the stove, while Clara
buttered toast. She looked up when she heard the door close.

He came to
her quickly and pressed his cheek to her head. He closed his eyes.

“
Do you think we'll find her?”

“
I don't know.”

“
What was she doing out by herself?”

“
I don't know that either. Jared said they
fought over that very thing. He thought Shula left, or went for a walk, but ran
into Father while she was out.” He grabbed a stool and stole a piece of toast.

“
There would be nowhere for her to go if
she intended to leave him. But it also doesn't sound likely that she'd just be
randomly walking in the woods. What did your father see her doing?”

“
He didn't say. Just that he saw her. Sofia
said
‒
”

“
Who is that?”

“
Oh right. Father's new live-in. A couple
of days ago, I pinned him to the wall and reminded him of all his crimes and
that he'd better go get you, or I would kill him. Sofia overheard. Anyway, she
said she watched him out of the kitchen window, and he was only gone for ten
minutes. And since the woods were being scoured by people familiar with them,
it only left one place.”

“
The river.”

“
Right. And I don't know how one can
survive that. It's fast and unforgiving for a good part of it, but it also
breaks off into stagnant pools. We'll all go in the morning, so we need to eat
and get some rest.”

Raphe put a
plate in front of Jude. “Clara told me how you liked your eggs.”

“
Oh. Thanks, then.”

It was
unbearably awkward as they all sat and ate, and Jude finished his quickly. “I'm
going to jump in the shower, then bed.” He looked at Clara. “Will you be coming
to bed soon?” Casual turned into desperation.

“
I'll be there by the time you get out.”

“
Thank you,” he whispered, but it echoed
through her.

She and Raphe
cleaned the kitchen in silence. She felt so guilty. After the kitchen was done,
she brought out some bedding from the linen closet and set it on the couch
along with some of Jude's clothes that were pushed to the back of his drawers
because he'd grown out of them.

“
These should do fine for the time being,
and I'm sure there's a toothbrush to spare. I'll go get it. There's a small
bathroom off the laundry room. It's through the kitchen. There's a shower in
there. Jude uses it on days when he's particularly filthy,” Clara said without
drawing a breath.

“
Relax, Clara. Go to bed. You can get me a
toothbrush tomorrow.” Raphe put his hand on her back and pushed her to the
room. She turned and hugged him. “I'm going to miss you tonight.”

Raphe smiled.
“You'll forget all about me once Jude shows you how much he's missed you.”

“
After that, I'll miss you.” She kissed him
close to his mouth, but broke off hesitantly. “I don't know how to...behave
now.”

“
We'll figure it out. It'll be difficult
for me, too.” Raphe bent and kissed her nose. “And it's difficult for him. You
being in your bed when he gets out will help him adjust, though. So, go. But
don't scream my name.”

Clara shook
her head and went to wait for Jude. But she hated closing the door between
them.

Raphe was a
little jealous, but only because he would miss her. He also knew that
eventually, he would be lonely, and he never wanted to make things difficult for
Clara.

If he were
patient, he might get lucky. He could have her and that gorgeous fucker if he
played it just right.

Clara removed
all her clothes and she was immediately illuminated when Jude opened the door.
She didn't have time to be shy. He had her on her back with his fingers inside
her within a few seconds.

“
I'm sorry. This is going to be quick,” he
said against her mouth.

“
Then you'd better make it good,” she
whispered.

She'd never
spoken to him like that, and it disarmed him. He was reminded that she'd been
fucking someone else on a constant basis for the last few months, and it
suddenly became unbearable.

Jude moved
down her body quickly, and Clara panicked. She hadn't bathed since the morning
of the previous day, and Raphe had finished inside her. “No Jude.”

He looked up
at her. “Why not?”

“
I'd rather bathe first.”

“
I've never required you to bathe first. In
fact, sometimes I'd prefer it if you didn't.” He moved his face down and opened
her up with his tongue.

“
Please, Jude!” She pleaded and pushed his
head away. He stopped. He inhaled harshly when he realized. “He's had you
recently. After you found out about the baby.” He sat up and she closed her
knees.

Clara was
silent for a minute and she stared at the ceiling. “There was a note from your
father. Congratulating us about the baby.” She glanced at him. “I'm not trying
to make excuses because I'm not trying to apologize, but you deserve the truth
about why. The note said he might be able to come get us, and possibly before
the baby was born. It said he would have you clear out anyone you've brought
home. That you were pathetically attached to any warm body.”

“
I didn't
‒
”

“
I know. But it was too much just then, not
coming home, and you moving on. And I didn't know what he'd told you.”

“
He didn't tell me anything important. Just
a note saying not to do anything foolish. And that he'd bring you back if I'd
still have you. I'd worked out that he meant to make you infertile, but Shula
said he was probably trying to get you pregnant. That's why we didn't know when
you were returning.”

“
It took us a little while. We...didn't...I
don't know if you'll believe me, but we've only been together once. Last night.
For the first month, he'd bring out a cup and I would try to put it where it
needed to go. The second month was the same. The third month, he used his
fingers, and that's what did it.” She looked at his face again, and he looked
less troubled. “Jude, Raphe is precious to me. We bonded in a way I didn't know
people could bond. And that was before...last night. His words are often vulgar
and highly sexual, and he's very experienced, but if he was going to spend his
life with someone, it would have to be with a man.” Clara licked her lips and
averted her eyes. “But last night was for me. And I needed to attach myself to
the only thing I trusted at that moment.” Clara smiled. “Honestly, he's going
to be a handful. With my constant talk of you, he developed quite an
infatuation. He's going to steal you from me.”

Jude was
silent for a while. Clara didn't force him to speak.

But he did
eventually. “So, you knew what Father meant, when he said
‒
”

“
I didn't at first, but Raphe is disgusting
and talks about sex every waking hour. He was surprised when I was so familiar
with it. Then you became his imaginary boyfriend.”

“
I love you,” he whispered. Like he was
trying to convince himself. “So much.”

“
I know. I love you, too.”

“
None of
that
matters. With you,
it's never mattered. I'm more than just
that
. I want to be more than
just that.”

“
I'm so selfish right now, Jude. I want to
be the one to make you both happy and not want for anyone else. I want to
delude myself into thinking that if I'm not enough for one, I've got another on
standby. It's only fair that if I want to keep the both of you, I'll need to
share. But only us, no one else.”

“
Clara, what are you saying?” “
Like the
three of us. Instead of two.”

“
I don't mind if you...with him. But only
with him. And me.” She hadn't planned on saying it, and almost wanted to take
it back. She would take a page out of Raphe's book. “But only if I get to
watch.”

Jude shook
his head in disbelief. “I missed you. So much. But I need to think. And right
now I just want you.”

“
I want
you
.”

“
Good. Since we've got all that out of the
way, can I have you?” He bent and kissed her thigh.

She didn't
answer right away. “I can go jump in the shower
‒
”

“
Not a chance.” He spread her out and
licked his way deep, searching for any traces of Raphe. And once he was sure
he'd cleaned every trace, he moved up, and she spread even further for him.

It was quick,
but it was exactly what they needed.

Jude couldn't
sleep. He was torn about Raphe. He was the most beautiful man Jude had ever
seen, and he knew as soon as his father said he was employed that he was in
trouble.

His father
was creative in his cruelty, but it looked as if Clara had an answer for that.

God, he loved
her.

It confused
Jude, and he wasn't entirely sure what he should do, but if she was encouraging
him, and Raphe distracted him, Jude didn't think he'd last a day. He never
dreamed something like that could ever happen.

He wanted to
hate Raphe, but he kept Clara together when Jude couldn't. It made him feel
inadequate, but he knew they didn't see him that way. And having Raphe there
with them, with his own motives, protected them.

None of them
were safe, but there was strength in numbers.