Cover Me: A Rock Star Romance (17 page)

The more he yelled, the more one of the paps yelled back. Dad got closer to the guy, his face red and pinched in rage. I’d seen that look several times before when he got pissed at me. The pap handed his camera to a guy behind him and stepped up to my dad. These guys weren’t known for backing down. Both of them were screaming and then Dad shoved him.

It was like a street fight scene from a low budget movie. My brain couldn’t process that it was happening fast enough. Then it did. “Fuck!”

The doorknob slipped in my grip and I fumbled getting the door open, but it only took me a couple seconds to dart out onto the porch and down the front steps. I was halfway across the yard with cameras flashing everywhere when I heard the warning bleeps from a police cruiser coming down the street.

The crowd dispersed. Most of the paps retreated into their vans. I grabbed my dad who was locked in a head-to-head battle with the pap he shoved. Another guy was pulling the pap away. “Dad, the cops are here.” He let go and stumbled back into me.

Bess came rushing up to us. The police cruiser came to a stop and two officers got out. “What’s the problem here?” the taller one asked.

“No problem, officer,” Dad said, eyeing the pap.

“This man assaulted me,” the pap said, not willing to let it go. “I have a right to be here on this street. He came out of his house and threatened me and when I refused to leave, he shoved me.”

“Is that true?” the officer asked.

“Wait,” I said, holding a hand out. “This is my fault. I’m the reason they’re here. This is my dad. He was only trying to defend my privacy.”

“Your dad’s a hot head,” the pap said. “I see where you get it.”

Bess put a hand on my back, like she thought I was going to haul off and pound on him. I wanted to, but wasn’t stupid enough to do it in front of cops and cameras.

The second officer was radioing for backup. I knew what that meant before the tall one said it.

“I’ll need the two of you to come with me. You’re under arrest for disturbing the peace.”

“Oh no,” Bess whispered behind me.

They cuffed my dad and the pap and when a second cruiser arrived, escorted them into the back of the cars. “I’ll get Mom and come to the station,” I told Dad.

“Don’t worry about it,” he said. “I’ll call.”

The officer shut the car door and walked around the front of his car. “Hope I don’t have to come back out here,” he said, looking from the paparazzi vans to me like this was my fault for simply existing.

I nodded, not sure how to respond. I’d gotten into my share of fights with the paps and knew it was pointless. I wasn’t about to start another one minutes after my dad was arrested.

They drove off and I turned toward my parents’ house to see my mom standing on the porch watching the cop car disappear down the street. Bess hooked her arm through mine and tugged me forward, toward my house. “Don’t worry,” she called to my mom. “He’ll be fined and let go.”

“I’ll pay the fine,” I said, “and pick him up.”

Bess and I climbed my front porch steps. Mom stood statue still, her fingers pressed to her lips. Her eyes shifted to the vans on the street. “After all that and they’re still here. Why the hell are they still here?” Her arm bolted into the air and she gave them the finger. “Go away you pariahs! Go away!”

I grabbed her arm and pulled it down. “It’s not worth it.”

Bess opened the door and put her arm around Mom’s shoulders. “Come inside. It’s over now.”

My heart was beating out of my chest. My dad was on his way to jail and my mom was giving the finger to paparazzi. I could only imagine what the fallout was going to be like.

Inside, the phone was ringing off the hook. Bess answered it while I made sure Mom was steady enough on her feet to get to the couch. She wandered into the family room shaking her head, but not uttering a word. It was like she was in shock. “Mom? You okay?”

She sat and looked up at me. “We just don’t know how to handle it. I know you deal with this every day of your life, but for us…” she lifted her hands and shrugged.

I lowered onto the cushion beside her, feeling sick to my stomach for putting them in this position. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come home.”

“That’s the thing,” Mom said, putting a hand on my cheek. “We want you here whenever you can get a break to visit us, but your life is foreign to us. We see you on T.V. and you’re mobbed by photographers and fans. I can’t imagine how you live that way.” A tear broke free from her eye and dripped on the couch between us.

For all my fame and fortune, for making my dream come true, my mom felt sorry for me. And she was right. “I don’t live for me,” I said. “I live for them. For my fans.”

Bess came in and stood behind the couch. Mom reached back and took her hand, looking between the two of us. “Well, maybe it’s time that you didn’t.”

My eyes found Bess’s and I knew Mom was right.

It was time I started living for myself.

Derek was strangely
calm about the paparazzi and his dad being arrested. It was almost like he’d given in, admitted defeat. After years and years of being hounded, it happened. Celebrities gave up trying to fight it and lived with the cameras and the crowds wherever they went. I saw it happen in L.A. all the time and heard it confirmed in interviews I conducted for The Scene.

Fighting for privacy was a losing battle.

Mr. Bast called to report he was spending the night in jail and would need to appear in court and would most likely be fined. The paparazzi decided not to press assault charges.

“We’ll stay here tonight.” I wrapped my arms around Derek and he leaned against the kitchen counter. His mom was relaxing in front of the T.V. with a stiff drink. “The paps will be gone by morning, I bet.”

“I don’t know about that.” His big, warm hand ran up and down my back. “They’ll want a shot of my dad coming home from jail.”

I looked up at him and rested my chin on his chest. “I’m sorry this happened. You seem pretty calm about the whole thing, though.”

“I’m numb to it. I let it get to me for so long and then this morning when I saw my dad yelling out there—something just turned off inside me. I don’t have an ounce of give-a-shit left.” He gazed down at me. “Guess I don’t need a poker face.”

I ran my hands up his chest and around his neck, scratched the back of his head with my nails through his thick hair. “You couldn’t stop giving a shit even if you wanted to. Maybe this time seeing your dad in that situation zapped you, but this is your life and unless you’re telling me you’re ready to let it go, there’s no way you’re done giving a shit.”

He lowered his head closer to mine. “Maybe I’m ready to let it go.”

I rose onto my toes, nudging his nose with mine. “You’re nowhere near ready to let it go. You’re obsessed with even the thought of your career ending.”

“I’m not.”

“Plagued with fear,” I said, nuzzling his nose with mine.

“My only fear is losing you. That’s officially the only thing I give a shit about.” He turned us around and lifted me up so I was sitting on the counter. “I’ve been a bad friend to you, Bess. The summer we wrote Cover Me was one of the best times of my life.”

I didn’t want him to talk about that summer. It was the beginning of the end.

“That song was us on paper. Two people who always had each other’s backs. Two people who knew each other better than anyone else.” He settled between my legs with his hands resting on my hips and his forehead pressed against mine. “Two people who would always be there for each other.” He took my chin and rubbed his thumb across my bottom lip. “Bess, I wasn’t there for you. I let you down.”

“I didn’t want you there,” I said. “After what you did.”

“What did I do?” he whispered, anguished. “You’re the only thing left in this world that I care about. Tell me what I did to hurt you.”

He almost broke me. It was the way his voice wavered with emotion. I knew he was desperate to get past the barrier between us, keeping me from trusting him fully. “You have to figure that out,” I said, taking his face between my hands. “If you think back and realize what you did, then I know you won’t do it again. If you don’t recognize that you did anything wrong, I can’t be certain you won’t do it again.”

He pounded his fists on the counter beside my legs and closed his eyes. “What if I fail this test? When will you leave me? I’m constantly thinking my time’s coming to an end and we’ll be over and there’s nothing I can do to stop it.”

“It’s not a test,” I said, suddenly not so sure.

His eyes opened and he studied my face. “It is a test, and you can’t be with someone you don’t trust.” He stepped away from me and crossed the kitchen. “I’m losing everything. My music career, my home life, you.”

“You’re not losing me.” I slid off the counter and tried to put my arms around him, but he held out a hand and wouldn’t let me.

For a moment, we stared at each other. His eyes were wild, his chest heaving. “Bess, every day we get closer together and farther apart. There’s a ticking time bomb hanging over my head. I’m in love with you and I can’t be. You won’t let me love you. You don’t trust me to love you. How am I supposed to deal with that?”

There was nothing in the world I wanted more than his love. “What do you mean I won’t let you? What do you think this has all been about?”

He threw a hand in the air. “I don’t know! I can’t crack your riddle. With everything else that’s going on…” he turned and leaned his hands on the counter, not looking at me. “I can’t do this anymore. I can’t invest in someone who can walk away.”

My stomach bottomed out. “What are you saying?”

He looked over his shoulder and stabbed me with the hurt and desperation radiating from his eyes. “I’m going back to L.A. Maybe you’ll miss me and want to let me in to your heart. Maybe you won’t. I don’t know how to prove to you that all I want to do is love you and take care of you. Maybe someday the answer will come to me.”

I grabbed his arm and held tight. “You’re already in my heart! You always have been! It’s not a question of love or caring. It’s knowing you won’t overlook me again!”

“Overlook you? How?” He waved the thought away. “Never mind. You won’t tell me.” He stalked around the breakfast bar and past the table. “I’m getting my things and heading back. I can’t keep hitting this brick wall with you.”

“You’re going back now? What about your dad?” And he accused me of being hot and cold and running away. Derek Bast had a hair trigger. When things started getting out of his control, he did something drastic.

“If I leave, hopefully the paparazzi follow and this nightmare can be over for my parents.” He tapped his palm on top of a kitchen chair watching me. Waiting for me to respond? To beg him not to leave? I knew him too well. Once his mind was made, he didn’t back down.

His eyes rose to the ceiling and his hands hit his hips before he pivoted and strode out of the room and down the hall.

I paced after him. He couldn’t think he was the only one taking a risk with our relationship. “Hey,” I said, pushing his bedroom door open before it closed in my face. “Don’t you think I hear the time bomb ticking over my head too? Why the hell would a guy like you want to be with me? I’m nobody. You can have any woman in the world. Someday you’re going to wake up and realize that. Then what? Where does that leave me?”

“I’m not Jack Fucking Stewart! You’re not just another pussy to me. What is it going to take to get you to believe that? Jesus, I won’t even have sex with you because I don’t want you to think that, but it doesn’t matter. You still think the worst of me.” He grabbed a suitcase, tossed it on the bed and flung the lid open.

I stood there, helplessly watching him toss in t-shirts and socks, jeans and underwear. “I want us to work.” I stepped forward and put a hand on his back. He paused for a second, then kept packing. “I’m sorry I’m not as secure in this relationship as you are.”

“I know,” he said, tossing in a hooded sweatshirt. “It’s my fault. Whatever I did that I have yet to figure out.”

I dropped my hand. “You make me sound neurotic.”

He shrugged, but didn’t deny it.

“Fine. Maybe when it comes to men, I’ve played it safe since Jack. Lonny isn’t exactly Mr. Excitement.” I sat on the bed beside his suitcase, looking up at him, but he wouldn’t meet my eyes. “You’re everything dangerous, Derek. You’re someone I’ve loved my entire life. You’ve got the world by the ass and you left me behind last time.”

He glanced down at me. “One kiss was all I got,” I said, “and you moved on without me.” A hot trickle of tears made me close my eyes. I felt him sit beside me.

“That’s what it was? The kiss? But we agreed—”

“I know what we agreed,” I said, wiping the tears away. “That wasn’t the issue, but I lied when I said it shouldn’t have happened. I’d been waiting for it to happen for years.
Years
. While you went out with the popular girls and talked to your friends right in front of me about kissing them and having sex with them. I was dying inside.
Dying
.”

He took my hand. “I didn’t know. I’m sorry. I wouldn’t have said anything to hurt you.”

“But, you wouldn’t have gone out with Bess Halprin. You wouldn’t kiss me again.” I inhaled, shakily, trying to calm down.

He traced circles on the back of my hand with his thumb. “I can’t pretend to know how hard it was being you growing up. I know you didn’t have a lot of friends—”

“Any friends.”

He kissed my hand. “You had me and I should’ve included you. I shouldn’t have cared what anyone thought or said. I was a stupid kid, Bess. I fell for all the social class bullshit that makes some people popular and others outsiders. I wasn’t intentionally mean to you. I hope you know that.”

I turned to look at him, blinking to clear the wetness from my eyes. “You were never mean to me.”

He brushed my hair back and stroked my cheek. “I know we can’t leave the past behind. It made us who we are today, but I can’t keep apologizing for the person I was back then. I’m not him anymore.”

“I loved the boy you were back then.” I turned my head and kissed his palm. “But he’s even more capable of destroying me now. I need to be certain he won’t. If you think I’m neurotic, crush me and see what happens.”