Courts of Idleness (14 page)

On the hotel steps a juggler was appealing against the decision of an under-porter who had been high with him and ruled against his admission. Three or four guides, soberly clad, regarded him with a sneaking sympathy which they were too wise to express. Every now and then a grave-faced urchin would thrust a bare arm under the balustrade and plead shrilly for
baksheesh
with the visitors of the hotel. His failure in no way discouraged his fellows – all well aware of the value of importunity.

“My brother – Miss Revel,” said Daphne, by way of introduction.

I put out my hand.

“But we’re old friends,” said I. “Berry introduced us at the Club the day before yesterday.”

Miss Revel shook hands with a quick smile.

“Did he?” she said innocently.

“I regret,” I said coldly, “that I should have made so light an impression that—”

“Oh, I kn – remember. Of course, you’re the camel man.”

I sat down beside her wearily.

“I thought I’d exploded that theory.”

“But Major Pleydell—”

“Told you I was one of the greatest living authorities on camels,” I said. “So you said on Tuesday. If you remember, I told you that my brother-in-law is not exactly famous for his veracity. I added that I knew rather less about camels than I do about Ahasuerus’ private life. Since I saw you I’ve been approached by three different people in the Turf Club, all of them anxious to consult me about camels, They won’t believe me when I say I know nothing about the beastly animals, and I’m getting so unpopular that I’m almost afraid to go inside the place. And now you start in again, just as if—”

I stopped. Miss Revel was shaking with laughter.

“I’m so sorry,” she said. “I’ve got such a dreadful memory.”

“Memory!” I said. “You wicked child, you did it on purpose. I can see it in your left eye – the brown one.”

“Whatever do you mean?” said Miss Revel in a startled voice, turning two large soft eyes in my direction.

“Why, they’re both brown,” said I. “How silly – I mean, how beautiful!”

For a moment dignity disputed with laughter the mastery of her lips. Then, before I could see which had won, she turned resolutely away, chin in air. I watched her amusedly. Hers was that exquisite colouring that will be found only with auburn hair – that delicate dainty bloom which the sun will always freckle, lest you should think it unnatural and not of this world. Masses of coppery hair she had, lit with a random lustre that leapt from tress to tress with her every movement; well-arched eyebrows rose to a smooth forehead and met above a small straight nose, and below, a short upper lip gave a proud touch to a face of more than ordinary beauty. She had very long eyelashes.

“I didn’t see you at the Continental last night,” she said suddenly. “There was a dance, you know.”

“That was because I didn’t know you were going,” said I. “Besides, you wouldn’t have known me, if you had, would you?”

“I expect I shall know you next time.”

“I don’t know,” said I. “I’m a very ordinary type.”

“Perhaps you won’t know me.”

“Nonsense,” said I. “Even if you wore a
yashmak
and hid your hair, your lashes would give you away. Placed end to end, they would reach from Grafton Street to the Carlton Grill. I’ve just been working it out.”

“Can you be serious?”

“Of course I can. Do you believe in zoology, or are you Church of England?”

After some hesitation Miss Revel decided not to reply.

“If I were a man,” she said irrelevantly, “do you know what I should do?”

“You’d probably save a lot of money,” said I. “For one thing, you’d wear socks instead of those beautiful stockings. But it would be a great pity. I hate to think of you in half-hose.”

She eyed me severely. Then:

“I should go in for afforestation,” she said.

I put up my right hand.

“I know, teacher,” I said eagerly. “I know. Growing oaks and things.”

“I should have nurseries for the little ones, and—”

“Bound to do that,” said I. “You can’t have them running all over the house. Besides—”

“I shan’t talk to you any more,” said Miss Revel indignantly.

I sighed.

“I’m very anxious to see your arms,” I said.

“My what?”

“Arms, my dear. You know, sort of legs, only higher up.”

Miss Revel choked. Then:

“What on earth for?” she said.

“Vaccination marks,” said I simply. “I collect them. Stamps never appealed to me, and brasses are too big. But vaccination marks… I shall see yours at the masked ball. And now what about dances? I should like numbers three to seven and eight to twelve, please, inclusive. And supper.”

“You can have four and five and nine and ten.”

I groaned.

“Well, well, half the sofa’s better than no bed,” I said resignedly. “And supper.”

“I don’t know about supper,” said Miss Revel. “And now I must be getting back.” She rose and looked at me. “I should laugh if you didn’t recognize me,” she added.

“Now is it likely?”

She flung me a dazzling smile.

“I think,” she said, “that it is more than probable.”

“That animal,” said Berry, serving himself with a second helping of buttered eggs, “makes my gorge rise.”

Moloch (alias Baal) was perched upon the mantelpiece and engaged in a searching examination of the sole of his left foot. Every now and then he gibbered, as with excitement.

Jill made haste to swallow the coffee she was drinking. Then:

“He’s a dear,” she said indignantly. “You know he is. He’s only bitten you once,” she added reproachfully, “and then you asked for it.”

“If trying to intimate to the brute that I was quite capable of conveying the quarters of a mandarin from my plate to my mouth without his assistance is asking for it, I must plead guilty.”

“Perhaps he didn’t like the way you eat,” said I.

“Possibly,” said Berry. “He has queer tastes. I trust, brother, that your peculiar method of imbibing has found favour in his eyes. If not–” He shook his head mournfully.

“Do you mean that he’s likely to try to help me to drink?” said I, glancing apprehensively, cup in hand, over my shoulder.

“It wouldn’t be the first time,” said Berry, “that he has engaged in a work of supererogation. Only a week ago he scoured Daphne for fleas for about ten minutes, and he must have known quite well that she’d had a bath that morning.”

A roll sang past his ear. Berry reached for the marmalade.

“For devotion to duty,” he said, “during a meal. This very gallant officer continued to attack his food with entire disregard for his own safety. He set a very high standard to those under him.”

“Pig,” said his wife.

“That’s right,” said Berry. “Liken your lawful husband to the lower animals. Compare him with swine.” He raised his eyes to heaven. “And this is what I have fought for.” He paused to gaze at a large piece of toast, which he had coated with butter. “D’you think that will go in, or shall I cut it in two?” he added miserably.

“Oh, easy,” said Jonah. “Of course it’s not everyone’s mouthful, hut for you… Hadn’t you better have some more butter, though? I can see the toast showing through in one place.”

Berry pushed away his plate.

“Now, I shan’t eat it at all,” he said. “Just to punish you. Is there any more coffee?”

“Tonight’s the night,” said Daphne suddenly. “We may as well dine here, don’t you think?”

For a moment I glanced at her questioningly. Then I remembered the masked ball.

“Much nicer,” said Jill. “And we can just push off quietly at a quarter to ten.”

“I shall go as a parade state,” announced my brother-in-law. “I shall sit on a buff slip and be erroneous. Those who ask me the way to the bar I shall direct to the cloak-room. At times I shall be quite unintelligible.”

“When you’ve quite finished,” said Daphne, “I’ll say that it’s not a fancy-dress ball, but a
bal masqué
.”

“French!” said her husband rapturously. “The tongue of diplomats. Delivered with the famous Lyons accent. Who would think it, to look at her?”

“Fool,” said his wife. “Are you playing polo this afternoon?” she added, turning to Jonah.

“I am. You and Jill coming?”

My sister shook her head.

“Our afternoon at the canteen,” she said. “It’s great fun, but I like the hospitals best.”

“They cheer when they see her coming,” said Jill. “That’ll do, Jill,” said Daphne, “or I’ll tell them about the letters you get.”

Jill blushed furiously.

“They’re a popular pair,” said Berry. “Get more salutes in the street than the C-in-C. I was with Daphne once outside the Turf Club, and an Australian happened to pass. I returned his salute, when the fellow stopped and came back. ‘Excuse me,’ he said, ‘but I was saluting the lady.’”

I looked to my sister for confirmation.

“Quite true,” she said, laughing.

“What on earth did you say?” said I.

“Apologized, of course, and said I hoped he’d overlook it this time. The only way was to take the wind out of his sails.” Rising to his feet, he consulted his wrist-watch. “A short ten minutes and I must be gone. Jonah, I’ll trouble you for the paper.”

Jonah passed him the
Gazette
, and he sauntered out of the room. I pushed my chair back, and Moloch alighted on my shoulder. For a moment I regarded him uneasily. Then he placed two small firm hands on my cheek and deliberately pushed my head round till he was out of my sight.

“He doesn’t like being stared at,” explained Jill, rippling with mirth.

“Have some more coffee,” said Jonah eagerly.

“Wait till he’s on your neck,” said I. “Seriously, what should A do?”

“A should humour B,” said Jonah. “It’s as plain as a pikestaff.”

“You fool,” said I. “How do I know—”

“Keep perfectly still. I’ll tell you when he bites you.”

I was afraid to throw anything at him, lest Moloch should misinterpret my movement. So I swallowed and sat very still. A disconcerting shriek of laughter from my companions increased my apprehension.

“I’m afraid he doesn’t like your hairwash,” said Jonah unsteadily.

This was more than I could bear, so I rose as quietly as I could and turned to look in the mirror behind me. I was just in time to witness the assault. With a squeal of rage Moloch braced his feet against my head, and, seizing my ear with both hands, strove to detach it from the scalp. With a yell I grabbed him by the body, when he bit me twice with the rapidity of a serpent, and took a flying leap on to the breakfast-table. A moment later he was turning over the dates with all the deliberation of a seasoned gourmand.

I said a most appropriate word under my breath. The others were all speechless with laughter.

Berry put his head round the door and watched me licking my finger.

“I suppose you asked for it,” he said.

At a quarter to three that afternoon Miss Revel was driving a two-seater out of the Club gates. She missed me by six inches, and pulled up to apologize. I took off my hat.

“Now I shall want six and seven as well,” said I.

She gave me a puzzled smile.

“Six and seven,” she said. “What a funny sum! I’ve heard of six and eight. Isn’t that the lawyer’s fee?”

“I’m talking of dances,” said I. “I was to have four and five and nine and ten, wasn’t I? And supper.”

Suddenly she seemed to understand.

“O-oh,” she said. “How funny – I mean – All right, six and seven as well.”

“Upon my soul,” I said, “I believe you’d forgotten.”

Miss Revel threw back her head and laughed. Then she gave me a mischievous glance.

“I swear I hadn’t,” she said. “So long.”

“And supper.”

“Perhaps.” Then, instead of letting in the clutch, she pointed over my shoulder. “That a friend of yours?”

I turned to see the marmoset regarding me wistfully about a horse’s length away.

“Moloch!” I said stupidly. “Moloch!”

The animal whimpered a greeting. I turned to Miss Revel.

“He must have followed me,” I said. “I don’t like the look of it.”

Hurriedly I told her the details of the morning’s assault. When I had finished:

“I believe he’s sorry,” she said. “He’s probably followed you to apologize.”

“He might have chosen a better time,” I said. “Now I shall have to take the little blighter home again.”

Miss Revel opened the door of the car.

“Get in,” she said, “both of you.”

As we swung round the second corner, the door of one of the head-lights flew open. Miss Revel slowed up, and I got out to fasten it.

“You’ll want two hands,” said she; “it’s awfully stiff. I’ll hold Moloch.”

I handed him over. The next moment there was a shriek, and I whipped round to see the marmoset scudding up the drive which led to a private house.

If I had not slipped at the foot of the steps, I should have had him. As it was, I rose painfully to my feet to see the animal leering at me from the comparative safety of a tastefully furnished hall. Although the front door was wide open, there was no one in sight. I glanced at the windows, but all the shutters were drawn to, It was the hour of siesta.

Wondering what to do, I began to wipe the perspiration from my face. Should you wish to keep cool in Egypt, it is inadvisable to run, even in wintertime, until after sundown.

A step on the gravel, and there was Miss Revel beside me.

“Where’s he gone?” she whispered.

I indicated the marmoset with a shaking forefinger.

“There’s the swine,” I said bitterly.

Putting a small hand on my shoulder for support, Miss Revel bowed her head to a tempest of laughter.

“Hush,” she sobbed. “I suppose it was my fault. Oh, I’m so dreadfully sorry.”

“I beg your pardon,” I said stiffly.

Miss Revel only covered her eyes and continued to shake with merriment. I glanced uneasily at the shuttered windows and began to rehearse a suitable explanation against the coming of the occupant of the house.

“Madam, I am extremely sorry, but… Yes, that behind the clock is our little marmoset… I think the vase must have been riveted. He only just… If I could have a pair of steps and some dates… I’m afraid my sister is a little overwrought…”