Courted by Karma (The Adventures of Anabel Axelrod) (6 page)

I seem
ed to be at a slight disadvantage here.

From my perspective,
I was on a mission. It was bitter cold and late. More importantly, I only have until sixish this morning to sexually torment Torquemada before I have to start my busy pre-Thanksgiving day schedule of chores, work, and hostess duties. Wasting time dueling banjoes with this bristling, tiny-toothed Natasha was definitely not part of the program tonight, appealing as it sounded.

My eldest sister
is the bossiest, pickiest sister on the planet, my second sister is scary crazy and self-medicates, and my youngest sister can beat up a full-size horse. Yet, they all love me. Even my name, Anabel, originates from the Latin “easy to love”. If I put my mind to it, surely there’s no way one scrawny Russian woman that speaks with a baby lisp and wearing sidewalk chalk-colored undies can resist loving me like the sister-mother that she so desperately needs?

Well, you’d be wrong
for agreeing with me on this one.

Four
minutes later, I was trudging and slipping down Luke’s rutted drive in the complete dark with my brother’s house as my new destination. I just found out the painful way that there’s one stupid woman who can resist me.

I
have not been as pissed as I was right now since…well, since last Saturday night when I thought Luke was nailing my hated cousin Candy. In fact, nailing her right in that living room behind me on that sofa I have never seen. I was now totally convinced Great Uncle Bennie built this cursed, mid-century rambler smack on the top of an ancient Indian burial ground. For some reason, these disturbed and angry poltergeist spirits were blaming me for this travesty when I wasn’t even born yet!

Wondering where I misjudged,
I was holding my stinging cheek where that Soviet Psycho had slapped me before slamming the door shut in my face. I was carrying my backpack with the other hand. I thought things were settling down and progressing nicely, so she caught me off guard when she went ape-shit. She told me her name was Svetlana and that Luke was not in the house. But then for some Godforsaken reason, she did that barking seal thing again and asked me a second time if I was named after a cow.

‘
Even in her world, how was it fair to call me Anabel the Cow while she laughed like a freakin’ seal, but when I gently retaliated to make her understand the American lesson of sticks and stones, she went ape-shit?’

“
It makes no sense!” I said out loud in answer to myself, shaking my head angrily.

I
impatiently pushed back Crookie’s leather hat that keeps slipping down over one eye every time I moved too quickly. It was sized for his gigantic head, but those flaps were doing a good job keeping my ears and neck warm. I appreciated his insistence that I wear it. The steam pouring out of both my ears was probably helping, too.

I didn’t think
telling her that I’d bow to her greater knowledge of cow’s names since she was obviously a closer relation as a “Svet Hog” was that harsh.

“Good
god, it was pre-school banter!” I shouted to the dark heavens. “I didn’t even say a single word about her fucked-up lingerie choices!”

I couldn’t believe she got me with
her little girl slap. Then she ran inside crying like a communist coward and locked the door before I could get this stupid, fat boot stuck in the jam to stop her.“

She was such a chickenshit!
” I muttered, as I tried to kick down an ice-crusted snowdrift on the side of Luke’s lane with the same uncooperative, heavy boot. The big boot slipped around on my foot so much it was worthless. I suddenly stopped when a memory surfaced.

“
Holy F’ing…!” I whispered. These really weren’t my boots, but belonged to Jazy. They had been left forgotten in my closet since last winter. It was no wonder I couldn’t kick fast or could hardly lift my feet when I walked; these boots have to be three sizes too big!

“
Arrrrghhhh!”

The wind had gone silent.
In the crystalline stillness of the cold night, my screaming wail carried over the plowed fields and pastures around me like a Minnesotan version of “The Hound of the Baskervilles”. It felt incredibly good to let out my frustration.

So I
threw down my pack, threw back my head, and howled again—this time louder and longer.

The howl
echoed around me and lingered. I could hear a faint, answering sound of a dog barking far off in the distance. This made me laugh and I was over my fury. I could really get why Luke loves living in the country. It was true I could scream like that in town, but never outdoors and never so wildly. I was done being ridiculous and fighting with some baby-talking refugee over barnyard animal name-calling.

C
oncentrating now on not killing myself in the deep ruts and potholes, I picked up the backpack and starting trudging forward again in my sister’s monster boots, long trench coat, and Crookie’s steam punk hat. Once I got down this hundred mile long lane and escaped this accursed farmstead, I’d be toasty at my brother’s in no time. I ignored my cold hands and colder buttocks from the wind creeping up unchecked along my bare legs under my coat. Luke’s lane was a straightaway completely out in the open, until the stand of trees at the main road entrance. On this long stretch, there were no barriers or tree breaks to shield me from the wind’s frigid furor once it started blowing again.

I
mulled over my decision to come here tonight. I concluded that I’ve been doing some uncharacteristically nutty things since meeting Luke Drake and becoming sexually obsessed. Yes, I was trashed tonight, but that’s no excuse. I had no proof he was even in town when I received his text an hour earlier, just a feeling in my gut that I didn’t question. Until that text, I hadn’t heard from Luke since Sunday night in my apartment. He could be in Outer Mongolia for all I knew. My gut obviously can’t be trusted anymore where Luke was concerned because my pelvis has taken over.

My shoulders slumped
. I picked my way slowly over the frozen ground. Maybe he’s back in the house with Comrade Crazy and wearing a matching phosphorescent green cock sock. He could be chasing her around in the dark even now, while I trudged on the side of the road towards my possibly peaceful death from exposure to the elements.

Curling my hands up into the sleeves of the
trench coat for warmth, I said out loud, “He did say he’d expect me in a week. He probably has the Russian babe slotted for tonight and their fantasy is named “Svetting to the Oldies.”

Snickering at my own joke,
it soon turned into a big sigh of disappointment that tonight’s plan has gone so awry.

‘
Great, now I am talking and laughing out loud to myself, instead of just talking in my head to assorted voices like normal. What’s next? Sending myself emails or texts?’

Stumbling
over a rut because I wasn’t paying attention, I slid around but caught my balance before I fell.

‘
There’s a reason you’ve stayed single for ten years, Anabel. If you were at home in your warm bed getting the rest you need in preparation for your busy day tomorrow, you wouldn’t be cold and miserable right now.’

I threw
down my backpack and shouted
,
“Screw you, Mean Mommy! I don’t need your brand of advice right now. I didn’t even get to see the inside of his house!”

Kneeling
down on the lane, I opened the pack and started rifling through the contents. I wasn’t able to see much with no moon, although my eyes have adjusted more to the darkness and I could make out shapes in my immediate vicinity. My hands were getting too cold to continue being exposed to this wind. My thighs were stinging and tingling, and my nose was frozen. Despite the firewater running through my bloodstream, I was not going to safely make it all the way to Reg’s without dressing warmer.

Suddenly, I
was enveloped in a spotlight of brilliance. The blazingly bright light outlined my backpack sitting open before me and a circle of the road surrounding my kneeling body.

I
stood up quickly, but froze when I heard a deep voice order in a menacing growl, “Don’t move another muscle. I have a gun pointed at your back. Identify yourself.”

It
was hard to pinpoint the direction the threatening voice was coming from, and I should be frightened out of my wits. Maybe it’s the vodka, but I wasn’t scared for a second. Instead, my blood was singing, and the cold wind on my face was forgotten like it was a summer breeze.

“
Luke!” I cried out his name with spontaneous delight into the dark, even while it seared across my mind that a certain conniving Rusky and me would be meeting again. “Please don’t shoot me or you will always regret it! I am a pygmy soldier sent here to deliver you a message.”

“
Christ!” I heard Luke’s shouted response somewhere behind me. “ANABEL? What are you doing here?” His deep voice rose, “Was that you howling and screaming a minute ago?”

“
So what if it was?” I called back. “Is there some kind of Drakanian law out here against a girl doing a little howling at the moon?”

Smiling,
I turned around slowly with my arms outspread to show I wasn’t an armed threat. My face ached on the slapped side when the smile stretched that cheek.

He didn’t answer
my question, but started laughing. The sound was louder than any laughter I have ever heard coming from him. I couldn’t see him in the dark, but I pictured his head thrown back to the night sky above. I felt my own grin growing wider and ignored the pain.

U
nconcerned with the miserable state of disrepair of the lane, I could hear his crunching steps as he sure-footedly jogged towards me. I scooped up the bag and zipped it closed while I watched the bobbing beam from the flashlight fast approaching.

In a second, h
e was standing right in front of me. I could feel the heat radiating from his body to surround me like the warmth from an open fire. I stepped closer to him, shivering as a blast of cold air blew swirls of loose, icy pellets of snow around us.

Luke
’s wearing a ski jacket over sweat pants and running shoes. His head was bare and his hair was spiky. The flashlight was now directing its powerful beam of light down towards our feet, so I only got a brief flash of gleaming eyes and white teeth. Hearing the questioning humor rich in his voice over the blowing wind was no problem
.

“
So why is this pygmy foot soldier hoofing down my lane the wrong way, and howling like a wild animal calling its pack?”

H
is head moved and I heard a snort. He was taking in Crookie’s steam punk head gear, the long coat, clodhopping boots, and the backpack in my hand
.

P
oking him in the chest to get his eyes back on my face, I challenged, “Hey Dog, try and guess why I am here!”

It
was an effort to speak clearly. I think I was developing lockjaw from a combination of the face slap and frozen muscle hinges in my mouth. Another violent shiver wracked my freezing body uncontrollably.

Luke swore
under his breath and said, “Here, hold this.”

Without another word, h
e deposited the flashlight onto my bent arm. Bending slightly, he picked me up with an arm under my knees and the other around my shoulders. Surprised, I still didn’t make a protest when he held me high against his chest and moved swiftly back down the drive towards his house. I wrapped my free arm around his neck and leaned in close, grateful for his warmth.

Our
faces were only an inch apart. His full lips twitched as I met his eyes. I smiled back and then laid my head down in the crook of his neck. I smelled the faint tang of salt and soap on his warm skin near my lips and knew his hair was spiky from a recent workout. It was a good smell, clean and very masculine. Relaxing in his arms, I was getting aroused by his nearness.

‘
Heaven help me, but those pheromones are a deadly chemical weapon. No one man should be allowed to have them in such abundance.’

Luke interrupted my thoughts by prompting
, “I give, Anabel. Tell me why you’re here.”

Before
answering, I couldn’t resist pressing an open kiss softly against his neck and licking a little to get a taste of his skin. Luke’s arms tightened around me at my touch. I moved my hand up to his ear. My hand didn’t cut off his ability to hear, he wouldn’t like that, but I covered his exposed ear enough to protect it from the cold.

I shivered a third time
. This was more of a wiggle-shimmy of anticipation and not a quivering from the cold. “Why, I’m here for Your Turn with a Cherry on the Top, Luke.”

Luke’s response to my words was a slight hesitation in his step. Then he picked up speed and
silently carried me faster through the night.

T
he sex kitten voice stretched and purred in my head,
‘Oh goodie, now it’s finally time to rock his world!’

The
frigid wind was whistling “Dixie” up my bare legs and numbing my ass. I’d also been slapped in the face by a half-naked, Russian woman staying at Luke’s house, which I’ve never seen the inside of yet. However, nobody promised me the road to fulfilling sexual fantasies would be easy. Being humped along like a wounded civilian in the warmth of my Army Hero’s strong arms, this pygmy soldier knew she’d made the right decision to come to Luke’s haunted farmstead tonight. Curling my toes to prevent the heavy boots from slipping off my bouncing feet, I nuzzled my face in Luke’s neck. I grinned at the mean mommy’s begrudging salute of respect.