Courted by Karma (The Adventures of Anabel Axelrod) (22 page)

“Okay, Anna. How much time do we have right now?”

“Umm…I have until ten. Trent’s opening, but I’m catering a lunch at 11:30. Then I have my tutoring student at 12:30 today.” She gave me a dirty look. “Have I thanked you lately for signing me up to do this tutoring?”

I waved her off
. “You love tutoring, so you don’t fool me for a minute with that look.”

Anna argued hotly, “Sure, I love tutoring, but why do I have to spend
my time doing volunteer work when you don’t?”

I grinned
. “You were born to teach, Anna. Whether it’s English or cooking, bossing people around until they get something through their heads or their mouths is your special talent.”

Anna rolled her eyes, but
I could tell she’s secretly pleased. Her eyes narrowed. “You didn’t answer my question. What about you volunteering?”

“Could you really picture me trying to teach English as a second language? I don’t think parents would appreciate their kids learning how to
kick and curse.” Mournfully, I shook my head. “Nope, my special charitable talent is with my pen and checkbook.”

Anna
was laughing and shaking her head even before I stopped speaking, “No, no, you sell yourself short. You help people all the time and I swear more than you!” She grumbled, “You just don’t ever want to be tied down to a specific time, and don’t think I don’t know
that
.”

Turning sideways, I sat cross-legged, too.
“Well, Miss Volunteer of the Year, could I tie you down to listen about what’s been going down in my life for say the last...oh, I don’t know…two months?”

Anna’s head whipped up and she grinned broadly
. “Well, it’s about damn time, June! I’m all ears.”

“First of all, you have…”

Anna motioned impatiently and interrupted, “Yeah, yeah, you paranoid woman, I swear to God not one of your secrets will ever pass my lips…”

We spoke in unison, “
…not even to Reggie!?”

Smiling at each other, Anna grabbed both my hands and scooted closer. “Fire away.”

So I did.

Once I started, I couldn’t decide what to filter and have it all make sense.

So I didn’t filter.

I told Anna
almost everything that has been going on in my life since I first met Luke in my store last April. I left out only the explicit details of our sex life since that was private between Luke and I. Speaking concisely; I don’t think I even stopped for a breath. Knowing our time was limited; Anna didn’t say one word or ask one question during my entire recital. That was impressive, although her eyes did get bigger, huge grins split her face, and her mouth dropped open once or twice.

When I told Anna about last night at Luke’s farm, I omitted Svettie’s legal troubles and Luke’s job confidences. I did tell Anna about Svettie staying on the farm, but left it as a casual co-worker and friend of the family coming for the holiday.

I finished at 9:45, just in time for Jack’s clean-up crew to finish up and come tromping downstairs. I thanked them all profusely, and when they refused a tip, promised I’d give a good report to Chief Jack.

Hurrying back to Anna in the living room, I could see my friend had been thinking hard about everything
going on in my life while I spoke with Jack’s crew. Her face wore a frown and her lips were a tight line.

“
Not that you aren’t always cuter than the proverbial button, but why the scary look?”

Anna threw aside the pillow and hopped up.
She held up a finger and said, “Hold that thought. I need a drink.”

I was about to
follow her to the kitchen when my phone buzzed. It was another text plea from the grocery grabbing gourmand.

Cow’s milk cheese or goat?

Crookie was an extremely strange man. I shrugged. Goat cheese tastes gamey to me, so I texted back:
Cow and I’m not kidding…

I f
ollowed Anna and grabbed a juice from the fridge for my parched throat. Talking was thirsty business. I didn’t know how some women could do it for hours on end, day after day. Already physically exhausted, I was now mentally exhausted.

She gulped down some water and said, “I don’t like that Svetlana one bit, Junior, and I don’t like that she’s at Luke’s farm. That shit with the neon underwear? That’s just wrong.”

I was excited at Anna’s response about Svettie. “That’s what I thought, too! Is she after Luke? Does she think he would like fluorescent bras and panties?”

Anna eyed me over her glass of water. After she drank, she wiped her mouth and said, “Guys don’t care what color bras
or underwear women wear. They care about boobs and butt, Junior, and who’s going to give it up. Wearing that crazy colored crap under a white shirt only draws attention to the boobs and butt, but in a way that the girl can act all innocent about. You see what I’m saying? ”

I nodded,
musing. “Yes, I do. Hmm, that’s pretty smart of her, actually.”

Anna snorted
. “This is cage fighting extreme, my friend, not a time to admire the brains of the opponent. Svetlana needs a bare knuckle takedown.”

“Well, geez Anna, do I really want
to fight over a man that would fall to the tactics of a woman like Svettie?”

Anna stated
unequivocally, “There isn’t a man out there invincible to an attractive woman staying at his house 24/7 and intent on fucking him, Junior. That includes Luke Drake.”

She took another drink
while I stewed all over again at the idea of Svettie staying at Luke’s when I’ve never been invited to step one, tiny foot inside the damn house. Saying you’ve spent the night in a man’s barn somehow didn’t have the same
élan.

Anna
then smiled at me and added the coup de grâce, “Plus, she’s foreign and that means sneaky.” Her eyes were sparkling and the grin kept growing. “And yes, I think you should fight for a man like Luke.”

“You do?” I repeated, a little nervous at the look on her face.

“I do. Guess what, Junior?”

“What, Anna?” I responded cautiously.

“Reggie is sooo in love with me.”

“
No way!” I teased.

“
Yes way. Guess what else, Junior?”

“What
else, Anna?” Now I was getting scared at the wild look in her eyes.

“Reg and I are getting married in Vegas on New Year’s Eve.”

“Holy Jumping Jehoshaphat! No way…” I responded faintly, leaning against the stainless steel fridge.

“
Yes way. Guess what else, Junior?”

“What
, Anna?” I’m not too proud to admit I felt terror at what this crazed woman may reveal next.

“Luke is so
oo in love with you!”

I ran over to the kitchen sink and threw up.

Chapter IX

“
Knights of Cydonia” by Muse

Wednesday 11/21/12

10:00 AM

It was more like the dry heaves. Blaming my barf attack on Anna’s quiche wasn’t very nice, but neither was ambushing me with foul suppositions about Luke. After spewing the bilious anxiety her words caused, and after assuring her my upheaval was in no way tied to her wedding announcement, I tried to use logic on her. My friend was starry-eyed. It’s a sad fact, but she was now forever deaf, dumb, and blind to the voice of reason. The poor woman’s lost her senses to love.

I
quickly explained to the openly skeptical Anna what Luke had assured me of only two hours before. When she saw how relieved it made me that my dark prince charming wouldn’t be expecting me to stupidly fall into a happily-ever-after relationship with him because he’s never faithful to a woman, Anna looked at me weird. Eventually, she slowly smiled and nodded. I didn’t wholly trust her smile because it seemed a little evil to me, but I let it go.

Anna
tried to ask a million questions about everything she’d heard, especially more details on the sexy stuff and the comeuppance of the Candy Coater.

Instead
of going there, I begged her for all the details about her proposal from my brother. Inside, I sighed dejectedly at losing my new confidant of only thirty minutes, but I fully comprehended that the love-struck Anna would have no logical advice to offer me. I desolately saw a near future where Anna and Mac became best friends. They’ll talk smugly about dinner plans and their newest pair of flat shoes while they rock Stella’s baby on the front porch.

S
hrugging good-naturedly at being put off, Anna followed me into the bathroom and happily talked nonstop. I gargled and brushed my teeth, put on my new lip stain, and fluffed my hair while nodding where appropriate at her ecstatic excitement. This excitement I could understand. It’s a shock they were marrying so quickly, but if I could be happy about anybody’s nuptials, it’s Anna and Reggie’s. They’ve known each other for over twenty years and were perfectly suited. I’m more surprised at my own calm response than I was at the actual news of their imminent wedding. Well, maybe this was another tie, too.

On our way to go downstairs to the store,
I impulsively hugged Anna on the landing.

Grinning, she hugged me back. “What was that for, Junior?”

“Oh, for being you and because,” I smiled broadly, squeezing her again, “we’re gonna be sisters for real, Anna. How awesome is that?’

Anna grinned back
. “Way freakin’ awesome. Don’t ever tell Reggie, but it was one of the reasons I said yes.”

“He
ck, Anna, my brother’s not that dumb. He has to know it was the biggest reason!”

Cracking up
so hard we needed to hold onto each other, we tripped down the rest of the stairs two at a time. Anna started calling out our version of a childhood battle cry and I joined in. It was the cry all of us girls used to give Reggie in fair warning before we’d tackle him to the ground en masse. Generally, the tackling takedown was for no other reason than sharpening our pack hunting skills, and Reg happened to be our lucky little brother.

“
Fee-Fi-Fo-Fum, we smell the blood of an Axelrod bum!” Anna and I sang out into the echoing stairwell.

Now that I think back on it, I should have suspected destiny was
hard at work between these two. Anna was my brother’s first choice when copping his first feel at age nine to Anna’s developing twelve. She went slap happy on him in blushing outrage at his questing little paws. We all laughed and rooted her on while Reg never lost the stunned, dazed grin on his face the whole time he held her off.

I made sure my apartment door
was secured behind us, and then opened the lobby doors. Outside was a rare beauty of a November day. Lifting my face and taking a deep breath, I felt the sun’s warming rays energizing me with my seventh or eighth wind since I woke up over thirty hours ago. My aches were fading and I was feeling almost human. The sky was a dazzling robin’s egg blue that made me long to snatch up a paintbrush, but I paint worse than I whistle. In steady rivulets, the snow piles were continuing to melt off the side of the streets now bustling with activity. After a moment of watching the traffic and waving greetings to a few people, I turned back to help Anna. We each grabbed one of the beveled glass doors leading into Bel’s Bookstore and opened it wide, locking them into the open position.

Anna
put her finger to her lips and confided, “We’re going to announce our wedding at dinner tomorrow.” Crossing her arms to contain all her excitement, she squealed, “Then we’ll pass out all the info on the Vegas trip for everyone! Wait until you see where we plan to have the wedding dinner! ” She shimmied and danced around a few steps.

Smiling
softly at my childhood friend, her unrestrained joy to be marrying Reggie was contagious. I was very pleased for my brother. He’s getting a woman that will shower him with love and affection, can cook like nobody’s business, and has not one living relative. Its true Anna’s bloodline was questionable, but for this once I was actually recalling Aunt Lily with an emotion other than repulsion. No doubt she’s caning somebody in Hell over this development aboveground here in Northfield, but the Behemoth couldn’t have timed her death any better if she had tried.

Grinning over this thought, I responded quickly,
“Don’t tell me anything more because I want to be surprised tomorrow, too.”

Not that
I couldn’t already recite every detail down to the last teal blue monogrammed napkin. Anna’s dream plan has always been a destination wedding in Las Vegas, and a wedding dinner catered by one of her favorite chefs.

Like most
women I know, Anna has talked for years about her future wedding plans. I know I’m a crushing disappointment as a traditional best friend. However, not even my staring at her and yawning openly in a combination of excruciating boredom and blank horror fazed her once she got going with the wedding talk. It seemed the groom was often considered a minor detail, but not one other detail was ever considered too minor to deliberate over for hours. This obsessive female pursuit of perfecting the Dream Plan for that one single day in their life has always seemed counterproductive to me.