Counselor Undone (21 page)

He rolled on his last condom. Jordis pulled a small white
remote from under her pillow, clicked a button, and sighed as he slid into her
to the sound of John Legend crooning
Tonight
(Best You Ever Had)
. She set the song to loop repeatedly. She lost track of
how many times it played as he made slow, passionate love to her. When they
finally exhausted themselves, she set the music to time itself off, and they
fell asleep still linked intimately, their arms and legs tangled together.

Snow fell all through the night. Jordis rolled over when she
felt Michael rise from the bed at dawn. He strolled from the room naked with
the same confident swagger he possessed when fully clothed. When he returned
with his cell phone, she listened while he activated the firm’s inclement
weather notice, shutting the office for the day.

They lounged around her apartment all morning, alternating between
eating, watching movies, and making love. They spent a lot of time talking in
front of her blazing fireplace. In the afternoon, Michael made a store run to
get sparkling wine, strawberries, S’more fixings and ingredients for a fabulous
pasta dish he made her for dinner. For the first time in a long time, neither
of them thought about the office or work for a full day.

After they’d stuffed themselves and worn themselves out
making love in a long hot shower, they laid in front of the fire again. Michael
lounged shirtless and sockless in baggy sweatpants he had stashed in the gym
bag he kept in the trunk of his car. Jordis lay in a gold negligee.

Michael fingered her damp ponytail, which had sprouted
frizzy waves. “Do you ever wear your hair natural like this?”

She gave him a languid smile, still feeling the effects of
his lovemaking. “Sometimes. Of course, sometimes it happens whether I want it
to or not. It automatically frizzes up when it’s humid or I get it wet. If I
don’t tame it with moisturizer or a flat iron, I end up with a frizzy bush.”

“Hmm.”

Jordis watched a contemplative look flicker across his face
before he refocused on her. She remembered her hair had been wavy on New Year’s
Eve. Although she’d been wearing a wig, it had slipped during their encounter.
Some of her hair had fallen out. Had he been observant enough to notice?

He’d questioned her off and on about that night earlier, but
she’d deflected his comments. She’d hedged and diverted her gaze when she did
so, not able to look him in the eyes as she prevaricated. He eventually let it
go, but now he seemed back to putting two and two together.

It crossed her mind she should go ahead and admit the truth,
but she hesitated. After his comment the other day about her never having told
him no, she wondered if the added knowledge of her loose behavior on New Year’s
Eve would make him doubt her story about her prior senior partner. He’d told
her he believed her, but part of her still expected him to reveal he had his
doubts.

She ran her hand lightly against his chest. She’d originally
thought it bare, but in the firelight, she saw the dusting of fine straight
hairs. Their brown color so closely matched his skin tone that they were almost
invisible. “I owe you an apology.”

“Oh, yeah? For what?”

“You were right. I let what happened to me in LA affect my
interpretation of why you appointed me to the Metra Pharmaceuticals case. You
didn’t deserve that.”

His expression turned guarded. “It’s okay. I understand.”

She considered the wary expression on his face and wondered
what was on his mind. She became uncomfortable. She must be right about his
doubts. He just didn’t want to say anything. She couldn’t live with that. She
needed him to speak his mind. “What are you thinking?”

“Nothing.”

She pushed herself up on his chest. “Michael, you’re
thinking so loud, I can practically hear the words formulating in your head.”

His hands tightened against her back and he stared at her.
His brow creased. “I’m just wondering why you accepted a payout instead of
suing for harassment.”

She stiffened. “How did you know about the payout?”

He didn’t answer.

“Law firms don’t put that kind of information in attorney
personnel files, too litigation adverse. The partners at my prior firm,
particularly, were afraid I’d sue them if they disseminated any information
that might prevent me from getting another job. So, you had to have gone the
extra mile to uncover my settlement agreement.” She struggled against him. “Did
you find out before or after I told you what happened?”

He swallowed. “Before.”

She tried to jerk away from him. “You knew this whole time?”

“No.” He held her tight, refusing to let her up.

“When did you find out?”

“Two days ago.”

“Two days ago!” Frustrated with her inability to break his
grasp, she growled, “Let go of me!” He released her, and she rolled away from
him, propping herself against the couch. “How did you find out?”

He pushed out a deep sigh and sat up. “I had someone ask a
few questions.”

“You mean you had me investigated.” An angry glare accompanied
the clipped words.

He nodded.

“If you didn’t trust me, then what has this all been about?”
She moved to get up, but he grabbed her wrist.

“Jordis, I do trust you.” She gave him a doubtful look. His
voice quavered when he repeated himself. “I
do
trust you. And that’s not
an easy thing for me. Don’t walk away.”

Something in his voice made her pause. She struggled with
indecision, but ultimately settled back into a sitting position. “If you wanted
to know about me, why didn’t you just ask?”

“I’d been trying to get through to you for over a week, but
you kept blowing me off.” He reached up to touch her cheek.

She jerked her face away.

He dropped his hand, propping his wrist on a raised knee. He
placed his other hand on the floor behind his hip. “Don’t be mad. I thought if
I could understand what happened in your past, it might give me a clue as to
how to resolve the distance between us.”

“Why didn’t you say anything when you first found out?”

“I intended to. I sort of got distracted.”

“Distracted?”

He gave her a look that made her all tingly inside. It frustrated
her. She was angry with him. It wasn’t fair he could do that to her with just a
look.

“Do you have any idea how much watching you play ball turns
me on?”

Her mouth dropped open, and she blinked a few times.
“I—” She didn’t know what to say to that. Then, an imaginary light bulb
flickered on above her head. “That’s why you came looking for me in the gym the
other day.”

He nodded. “I know I should have said something then, but
I’d been desperate to get through to you. So, once you actually started talking
to me, I was afraid you’d shut down if you knew I’d checked up on you.”

She shook her head. His name slipped from her lips in an
exasperated whisper. After a minute, a slow grin eased onto her face.
“Desperate, huh?”

He frowned. “You don’t have to look so happy about it, but
yes.” He shifted closer to her. “When I found you shooting hoops in the gym,
all I could think about was how much I wanted—
needed
—to kiss
you again. If you’d’ve shut down on me, I’d have never gotten the chance.”

“You should have just asked me.” She crossed her arms tight
against her chest, her defensive posture at odds with her amusement over his desperation.

“You’re right. I’m sorry.”

He must have sensed the conflict in her because he watched
her intently, but didn’t move closer.

She watched him back, struggling with whether to take his
apology at face value. Eventually, her arms dropped and her shoulders relaxed.
“Okay. I’ll accept your apology.” She angled her body towards him. “But I need
to understand something. What did you mean trusting women is not easy for you?”
She propped her left arm on the couch and tucked her feet beneath her.

He blew out a slow, shallow breath. “It’s a long story.”

She glanced towards the darkened windows. “Last I checked,
it was still snowing. You going somewhere?”

* * *

“I . . .” Michael tilted his head. A little slow on the uptake,
it took him a moment to process she wasn’t kicking him out. “No.”

He adjusted to a more comfortable position, but didn’t say
anything else. He’d never explained himself to a woman before. That required a
degree of trust and caring he’d not yet experienced. It also required revealing
how much of an idiot he’d been on several occasions. Admitting to this woman
he’d been played a few times held absolutely no appeal. Exposing the cynicism
he carried around as a result felt even more uncomfortable.

She sat patiently, watching him with a look that said
I’m
waiting
. After dodging a bullet for his investigation
faux pas
, he didn’t think blowing off her question would be a wise
move. As uncomfortable as he felt, he needed to be open with her. She’d told
him about the baggage from her past that made their attraction to each other
even more problematic for her than the ethical conflict they still needed to
resolve. What were a few ex-girlfriend dramas compared to a sex scandal and
fear of career suicide?

He ran a hand down his face. “When I was a junior in high
school, I started working at the firm doing various jobs—mail room, file
clerk, you name it. My father cautioned me to be careful about whom I got
involved with. He warned me that I would get a lot of attention, but not all of
it would be genuine attraction to me. As the son of a named partner, I was a
good catch and catching me any way they could would be the main goal of some
women.”

Her eyebrows rose. “Is that so?”

He chuckled at the sarcasm in her voice. “I was tall for my
age and very athletic. Female attention always came easy to me. In fact, he’d
given me a similar speech before I started high school. This was simply a
reminder the situation hadn’t changed although the women might be a little more
persistent and a lot more sophisticated than the girls at school.”

Her eyes roamed over his body. “Yeah, I could see that. I
never understood what a grown woman would want with a teenager, but in your
case, I could see a woman with those proclivities being tempted.”

“I took his advice to heart during my early years. I was
extremely careful with whom I spent time and even more careful no surprises
resulted from how I spent that time. If you know what I mean.”

She nodded. “Surprises that took appropriately nine months
to materialize?”

“Exactly.” He looked up at her. “Unfortunately, when I
turned nineteen, I slipped up. It was the summer after my freshman year of
college. I was cocky and used to attention from older women.” He shrugged
nonchalantly. “Big man on campus and all with my basketball scholarship.
Upperclass women propositioned me all the time. So I wasn’t surprised or wary
when a young associate at my dad’s firm took an interest in me . . . Monica.”

“How old was she?”

“Twenty-five. We had a summer fling. I was careful, except
for one time. We’d been together all night. The next morning, we got hot and
heavy before I realized I was out of condoms. I started to slow it down, but
she pressed to continue, assuring me she was on the pill. Even as I allowed myself
to be persuaded, part of me knew I was probably making a mistake.”

He could tell she knew what was coming before he said it.

“Sure enough, right before I headed back to school, Monica
told me she was pregnant. Her plan was for us to rush off and get married
before we told anyone the news.”

She slid her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around
them. “You didn’t? Did you?”

“No.” He sat up. “I was scared and embarrassed, but I went
to my father and admitted I’d screwed up.” His eyes lost focus for a minute,
and he slid fingers through his hair. “My parents were old-fashioned. I had
visions of being married and struggling to keep my basketball scholarship while
I worked to support a wife and kid. I realize that sounds shallow, but remember
I was only nineteen.”

She dropped her chin to her knees. “What happened?”

“Lucky for me, my parents were smart enough not to rush into
anything. They stood by me and approached the situation with calm.” He winched.
“Well, that is after my father gave me an upbraiding I’ve never forgotten. They
absolutely expected me to take care of the child if the baby were mine, but
they insisted I go back to school and keep in touch with the girl. My father
made it clear he would cover her expenses, and once the baby was born, we’d do
a paternity test simply as a means to make sure my legal rights to the child
were protected since he or she would be born out of wedlock.”

“So they didn’t insist you marry the girl.”

“No. That surprised me. I found out later they’d suspected
the girl was lying. Turns out they were right. A few months after I returned to
school, she unexpectedly had a miscarriage. At least, that’s what she told us.
We later found out from another associate at the firm, who’d roomed with her
for a while, she’d let it slip that she’d never been pregnant. Had I married
her, she would have waited until a few months after the ceremony for the miscarriage
to occur.”

Her expression remained neutral.

When she didn’t say anything, he continued. “The experience
taught me that my father wasn’t being paranoid or simply dramatic about taking
care with my sexual activity. I learned my lesson about protection at all
times, no excuses.”