Cooked Goose (33 page)

On nationwide tours, Sonja lectures to published and "pre-published" authors in her workshop, "The Novel Approach," a seminar which covers such topics as: story structure, characterization, plotting, pacing, and marketing manuscripts.

Having lived in Los Angeles, Toronto, and County Kerry, Ireland, she now resides in New York.

BOOKS BY G.A. McKEVETT

Just Desserts

Bitter Sweets

Killer Calories

Cooked Goose

Sugar and Spite

Sour Grapes

Peaches and Screams

Death by Chocolate

Cereal Killer

Murder a la Mode

Corpse Suzette

Fat Free and Fatal

Poisoned Tarts

A Body to Die For

Wicked Cravings

A Decadent Way to Die

Buried in Buttercream

Killer Honeymoon

Killer Physique

BOOKS BY SONJA MASSIE

Dream Carver

Carousel

Far and Away

Daughter of Ireland

Moon Song

Betrayal

The Dark Mirror

The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Irish History and Culture

Irish Pride: 101 Reasons to Be Proud You’re Irish

The Janet Dailey Companion

A Friend in Need

PRAISE FOR G.A. McKEVETT’S SAVANNAH REID

CORPSE SUZETTE

“Savannah’s as feisty as ever, managing emotional insecurities and homicidal tendencies with equanimity.” – Kirkus Reviews

“Ms. McKevett creates a flock of interesting characters . . . a Hitchcock'esque' ending . . .” – Mohave Valley Daily News
 

A DECADENT WAY TO DIE

“. . . a delightfully surprising happy ending . . .” – Publishers Weekly (starred review)

MURDER A LA MODE

“Added to a well-plotted mystery, the very funny depiction of a different side of reality television makes Murder a la Mode a delight.” – Mystery Scene

CEREAL KILLER

“Food lore, a good puzzle, an exciting climax and cats with their therapeutic purring all add to the fun." – Publishers Weekly

PEACHES AND SCREAMS

“A luscious heroine, humor, and down-home characters.” – Library Journal

SOUR GRAPES

“A delicious addition to the series . . . this cozy is as crisp and sparkling as Villa Rosa’s best white zinfandel.” – Publishers Weekly

SUGAR AND SPITE

“Romping good fun.” – Booklist
 

COOKED GOOSE

“An engrossing mystery that hits all the right notes.” – Mystery Lovers Bookshop News

KILLER CALORIES

“A delicious treat.” – Tulsa World

BITTER SWEETS

“Savannah Reid has a wicked humor, an intrusive appetite, and quintessential Southern sensibilities.” – Library Journal

Turn the page for a

SNEAK PREVIEW

G.A. McKevett’s next Savannah Reid mystery.

SUGAR AND SPITE

Now on sale at your favorite e-book seller!

SUGAR AND SPITE

Not for the first time, it occurred to Savannah Reid that she led a less than conventional existence. Not every Southern Californian spent their morning lying on a park bench, dressed in bag-lady garb, staring up at the rustling palm fronds overhead, waiting to be attacked. And, also not for the first time, it occurred to her that if it weren’t for the guy lying on a bench a hundred feet away from her—similarly outfitted, equally bored—she might have a real life.

Naw.

As much as she would have liked to blame her eccentricities on Detective Sergeant Dirk Coulter, Savannah had to admit she loved lying there, hoping the s.o.b. who was going around spraying homeless people with red paint swastikas would mark her as his next target. He would be in for a little surprise. His previous victims hadn’t been armed with a 9mm Beretta, a black belt in karate, and a wicked temper made worse by PMS.

Then there was Savannah’s vigilante mentality, a holdover from a childhood spent in rural Georgia among feisty nonconformists. A stint in law enforcement hadn’t mellowed her much. Although she was reluctant to admit it, her rebel attitudes were largely the reason why Savannah was no longer a member of the San Carmelita Police Force.

She might not be a cop anymore, like the guy stretched out on the bench opposite her, but as a private detective Savannah loved to get the bad guy and make him pay, pay, pay for his wicked ways. Nothing relieved the symptoms of PMS quite so effectively. Except maybe a bag of nacho-flavored Doritos, chased by a two-pound box of chocolate truffles.

“I’m bored,” growled the bum. She could hear him through the tiny earpiece hidden under the gray, thrift store wig she wore under her red thrift store stocking cap. “It ain’t gonna happen today. I can just tell.”

“We’ve only been here twenty minutes,” she whispered into the microphone tucked into the collar of her lumberjack’s plaid shirt. Also a thrift store acquisition. “Have a little patience.”

“Screw patience. I gotta take a leak.”

That was what she liked about Dirk: his delicacy, his genteel manner, his laid-back, “go with the flow” outlook on life, and, of course, the way he always addressed her as a lady.

He was hauling his body off the bench as though he were a ninety-five-year-old with lead-plated underwear. “Gonna go tap a kidney,” he grumbled. “Dangle the snake. Hang a rat.”

Oh, yes, and she adored his colorful vocabulary.

She watched him stumble across the park lawn to a small, cement-block building that served as a public rest room. Ladies to the right; gents to the left.

Dirk made a good drunk. He had the stagger down pat. And he looked the part, even when he wasn’t deliberately dressing for the role, in a baggy sweatshirt, faded jeans with ripped knees, and battered sneakers. To go “undercover” he just raided the laundry pile on the floor of his house-trailer bedroom for something dirty and rumpled. But the basic wardrobe remained the same.

Except for a little beer roll around his middle, Dirk had a pretty good body for his forty-plus age. He wasn’t a bad-looking guy, in a street-tough sort of way. Dirk just didn’t know the words “vanity” or “fashion.”

“Adequate hygiene” was his only personal standard.

A moment later, the sound of his urinating tinkled in her earpiece.

“You wanna turn down the volume on your mic?” she said into her collar. “I don’t exactly need to hear you, uh, draining your dragon.”

“Like you haven’t heard it before,” she heard him mutter just before the sound went dead in her ear.

Of course she had heard it before. For years, Dirk had been her partner on the San Carmelita Police Force. Many times she had pulled over to the side of the road while he emptied his thimble-sized bladder behind a secluded bush. But that didn’t mean she was going to pass up a chance to complain about it now.

This stakeout was a freebie from her to Dirk, a favor for an old friend, because he didn’t like to work alone, and the department was too tight with the purse strings to give him a partner for this little detail. And if she was going to do the old boy a favor, he was going to pay in guilt—or maybe chocolate. Expensive Valentine chocolate. She hadn’t decided which.

When Dirk didn’t come out in thirty seconds, she knew it would be another five minutes at least. She had seen the newspaper tucked under his arm when he had disappeared inside the “library.”

Yes, she decided. She knew Dirk Coulter and his habits far too well. It was a simple case of familiarity breeding contempt.

She made her decision then and there on payment. A big box of candy. A red heart-shaped one. After all, Dirk was the closest thing she had these days to a Valentine.

Now there was a scary thought.

* * *

Corey McPherson stood at the edge of the city park, checking out his next victim. The excitement was building inside him, and his palms were wet as he clutched the can of spray paint he had hidden inside his camouflage jacket.

He had seen the old lady shuffle over to the bench and lie down about twenty minutes ago. She’d been there, stretched out, staring up into the big palm tree and mumbling to herself ever since. A nutcase if he’d ever seen one.

Corey was nineteen and more than a little pleased with himself. A few weeks ago he had been accepted into the White Warriors, a skinhead, white-supremacist group, which had further inflated his already bloated ego. He and his newfound compatriots met twice a week in the leader’s basement, beneath a six-foot swastika scrawled—along with some cool skulls and crossbones—in red chalk on the wall. They would have painted the symbols on, but the kid’s mom had complained about having “that ugly crap on my wall,” so they had to wipe everything off after each meeting.

At their biweekly gatherings the Warriors discussed what an awesome dude Hitler had been and how the Nazis had been right on, getting rid of the Jews, bums, fags, and retards. The Warriors weren’t in any position to actually get rid of anybody—yet—but they did their part for society by making life miserable for anyone they decided fit in one of the “undesirable” categories. And that was pretty much everyone outside their small group.

The old gal on the bench was obviously a society reject. The Nazis would have picked her up and shipped her off right away. It irked Corey that he couldn’t actually kill her, although he fantasized all the time about that sort of thing. But he could make a statement. That’s what the blood-red paint was all about. Making a statement.

Maybe someday it would be more than just paint. At the age of five, Corey had wanted to be a fireman or astronaut. But lately he had narrowed it down to anarchist or maybe serial killer. He figured he’d be good at either one, and neither career required a high-school diploma.

But, for now, he’d just settle for spray-painting bums.

He made his way quietly across the grass toward the old woman on the bench. His heavy combat boots with their white laces, symbolic of his white-supremacist affiliations, made no sound as he crept closer to her. His fatigues were baggy enough to be fashionable in his age group and didn’t come close to the standards of army neatness. His auburn hair was cut short and spiked with gel. Also pseudo-military. The can of spray paint inside his jacket was definitely not GI issue.

As he drew nearer to his intended victim, he could hear her still muttering something to herself, no doubt holding a conversation with some figment of her tortured imagination. Corey wished he could put her out of her misery, rather than just scare her silly.

Oh, well. If he frightened her badly enough she might pack up her one bag and get the hell out of his town. They certainly didn’t need her type stinking up the place.

For half a second, he saw her glance his way, focus on him, then stare up at the palm tree and mutter to herself again. That was good. Corey didn’t like it when they got a good look at him. He wanted to just spray them in the face, squirt a quick swastika on their chest, and then run away before anyone could get a good description of him. He had done this more than a dozen times and not been caught yet.

Yeah, he was good. And proud of it.

He took a few more steps and waited for the woman to notice him. She didn’t seem to. In fact, she looked the other way. Toward the rest rooms. His pulse rate doubled and throbbed in his ears.

Now was the time.

He rushed her, paint can in front of him, pointed at her head. “Hey, you! You old bitch!” he shouted at her.

He waited for her to turn around and face him. He tensed, finger on the trigger, ready to depress the button and give it to her full force.

But when she turned to look at him, she raised her own hand. And Corey saw a gun that was roughly the size of a cannon. Or it seemed that large, because it was aimed directly at him.

“You talkin’ to me?” she asked as she sat up, pistol still trained on him. Her voice didn’t sound shaky or quavery like an old lady’s. It was soft and sweet, with a heavy Southern accent. But the cold, hard glitter in her blue eyes wasn’t that of a gentle Dixie belle. Or that of a feebleminded street person either.