Convicted (57 page)

Meredith stared, trying to comprehend Valerie’s speech. When Dr. Fairfield’s assistant turned to walk away, Meredith suddenly realized the only possible reason for everyone to miss this meeting. It had something to do with Claire. Meredith asked, “Excuse me, Valerie?”

The assistant turned around. “Yes, Mrs. Russel?”

“Is Claire—I mean, Ms. Nichols, all right?”

“Yes, Mrs. Russel. May I speak with you privately?”

Meredith couldn’t resist. Although she’d just received a pardon, she needed to know what kept everyone away and that Claire was well. Meredith followed Valerie into an empty elevator. Valerie pushed the button for the floor of Dr. Fairfield’s office and whispered, “Dr. Fairfield said if you asked that I was to bring you up.”

“Are you sure she’s all right?”

Valerie didn’t answer verbally, but her expression morphed from stoic business assistant to a school girl with a secret—one she was dying to share. Meredith decided not to push any further. If she were being included in this gathering, then it was something big.

The relief Meredith felt at the conclusion of the non-existent meeting dissipated as she neared Dr. Fairfield’s office. She suddenly realized she was seconds away from facing the Vandersols. “Are you sure I’m welcome?” she asked as they entered the quiet hallway.

“You are, but first, let me show you what’s happening. Come with me.”

Meredith’s anxiety grew with each step. Valerie took her to a room. The name plate beside the door read:
Observation
. Inside, there were four chairs all facing a large mirror. Valerie pointed toward the mirror and pushed a switch. The dark glass transformed into a window, giving them visual entry to a well lit room. On the other side of the glass, Meredith saw a surreal scene. Claire was sitting in a chair, maintaining eye contact with her sister. Emily was also sitting, bent at the waist, holding Claire’s hands with their knees touching. Claire looked uncomfortable, but it was Emily who appeared visibly shaken. Her eyes were puffy with dark streaks of mascara coating her cheeks.

There was no sound; nevertheless, Emily’s lips were moving, Claire was nodding and shaking her head—answering questions that Meredith couldn’t hear. John’s blotchy face caught Meredith’s attention as he knelt next to Emily with his hand on Claire’s knee. Dr. Fairfield and Dr. Brown were observing and conversing near the far corner.

“What happened?” Meredith finally asked, choking back the emotion which bubbled in her chest.

“When the staff arrived to Ms. Nichols’ room to help her shower, she was already showered and dressed; then
she
told them she didn’t want eggs for breakfast—she wanted fruit.” As Valerie recounted the scene that sent every member of Claire’s care team into overdrive, Valerie couldn’t contain her smile.

Meredith, however, was having difficulty holding back her tears. “Do they think this is real? I mean, will it last?”

“Oh, Dr. Fairfield is beside himself. Mrs. Russel, he’s invited you to join them. Your care has helped in getting Ms. Nichols to this point.”

Meredith knew that was true, but she also knew Claire’s public declaration was done for one reason—to save her. If she entered that room, then she’d defeat Claire’s efforts. Unable to keep the emotion from her voice, Meredith replied, “I want to, but seeing her with her sister and brother-in-law...I don’t want to interrupt this family moment. Besides, I don’t want her to see me crying. I don’t want to upset her.”

Valerie placed her hand comfortingly on Meredith’s shoulder. “I understand. This has been very emotional for everyone.”

“May I see her later this afternoon? I’m not scheduled to work, but I’d like to bring her dinner to her, if I may?”

“I don’t see why not. Does Ms. Bali have your number?”

“Yes, she does.”

“If there are any concerns, we’ll call you; otherwise, please come back.” Valerie patted her shoulder. “Ms. Nichols mentioned you by name. She does appreciate all that you’ve been doing for her.”

Meredith couldn’t answer; the soft tears now flowed too freely. She took one last look at the scene through the window, nodded to Valerie, and left the observation room. After retrieving a tissue from her purse, Meredith walked to the kitchen offices. Ms. Bali would want to know what happened and transformed their meeting.

As soon as Meredith reached her car, she called her husband. In retrospect, she understood how he misconstrued her tears. Of course, he thought she’d been arrested. When she explained what Claire did, he promised a celebratory dinner. Meredith agreed, with one stipulation—it needed to be a late one. First, she wanted to come back and see Claire—after the Vandersols left.

Six steps—that’s the length of Claire’s trek near her bed. Her mind swirled with the onslaught of new information—it was all she could do to slow thoughts. The repetitive counting, as she methodically paced back and forth, helped to calm her—
One, two, three, four, five, six—turn—one, two...

She told herself this technique was normal—not crazy.

No matter how much she tried to focus on other issues, Meredith kept coming to Claire’s thoughts.
What if she stayed away or didn’t know what Claire had done? What if she didn’t come back?

Unfortunately, Claire knew the answer to her own questions—that knowledge propelled her steps—
if
Meredith didn’t return—there’d be
no one
to help Claire remember the man she loved—no one to help her remember the man who would
never
return. Meredith was the only person willing to break the rules—
four, five, six—turn—one
—Oh, Claire knew
rules—
but this rule couldn’t be maintained—as much as she wanted to show everyone that she could behave, obeying this rule wasn’t an option.

Claire knew her memories weren’t right.
There were gaps the size of craters!
When Claire tried to remember Tony—real memories mixed with illusions. Meredith’s stories helped her remember—they helped to bring color back to the dimming scenes from her past. As Claire tried to recall specific times from her past, panic bubbled up from her chest—
three
,
four, five, six—turn—one, two—
Sometimes she’d be able to picture a place, but not the faces. Other times she’d imagine the faces, but the scents were gone. Her pacing quickened as she feared her sacrifice—telling everyone she was getting better—was all for not.

Concentrating on
his
face, the color of
his
eyes, and the scent of
his
cologne, the sound of the opening door or moving cart didn’t register. Perhaps ignoring the worker was a conscious decision. Claire was tired of talking—
turn—one, two, three—
The day had been so full! There’d been so many different people asking so many questions. She wanted time to process—time to sort things out—time to spend alone with Tony. Yes, she knew that wouldn’t truly happen; nevertheless, memories were better than nothing.

Claire didn’t notice the woman beside her until she felt the hand on her arm. Turning toward the touch, her friend’s voice quieted the numbers and slowed the torrent of thoughts. Although she hadn’t heard what Meredith was saying, Claire bowed her head and whispered, “Oh, thank God.”—“I was worried about you.”

“About me?” Meredith lifted Claire’s chin. “What about you? Are you all right?” Hugging her friend, she added, “Thank you!”

Walking toward the table where Meredith had placed Claire’s food, Claire replied, “I’m tired”—“That’s normal though”—“isn’t it?”

Smiling, Meredith nodded. “Yes, Claire, it is, but what you did, oh my God, it was beyond normal. It was amazing!”

“I can’t lose you”—“Please don’t follow the rules”—Claire spoke in quiet short bursts—“I need you to help me remember”—“You’re my only connection to him.”

“What you did was a big risk. You told me you weren’t ready. Thank you.” Reaching for Claire’s hand, Meredith squeezed and said, “I’m not your
only
connection. Did you talk to Emily about Nichol?”

Claire’s relieved smile disappeared. “I did”—“She doesn’t want me to see her”—“Not yet”—“Until they’re sure”—“I’m better.”

Meredith’s heart broke. “What do
you
want?”

“She showed me pictures”—Claire’s voice lightened—“She’s beautiful!” Lifting her moist green eyes toward Meredith, Claire added, “I want to hold her”—“in my arms.” When she closed her eyes, a renegade tear slid down her cheek. “I’ve missed so much.”

“But there’s so much more to experience. We’ll get you better. You’ll be holding Nichol in your arms soon.” Meredith questioned, “How did your family reunion go?”

Claire sighed and shrugged her shoulders. She lifted her fork and began to eat. After a few bites, she offered, “There were a lot of questions.” “I’m tired of talking.”

“It’s all right. You don’t need to tell me anything.”

Hurriedly, Claire offered, “I didn’t tell them your last name.” “I just said”—“
Meredith
”—“That won’t get you in trouble?”—“Will it?”

“No, I’m using Jerry’s last name—Russel.”

Claire exhaled. “Good”—“can you keep visiting?”—“Will you?”—“Please?”

“Oh, yes!”

Though most of her sentences were incomplete and her words slowed with each sentence, Claire told Meredith she didn’t know what to do when Emily and John walked in. The last memories she could recall of her sister, Emily was mad at her. Thankfully, Emily wasn’t mad; instead, she was relieved! During most of the meeting, they talked about Nichol.

It was a much busier day than Claire had experienced in a long time. Although it wasn’t late, after Claire stopped eating, Meredith asked if she wanted help getting ready for bed. Claire didn’t want to accept Meredith’s help, she’d already accepted too much; nevertheless, fatigue prevailed.

Soon, Claire was in her nightgown and ready for sleep. As Meredith was about to leave, she remembered something else she’d brought Claire. “I almost forgot. I have a present for you.”

Meredith went to the food cart and removed a large package, wrapped in pink paper with a brighter pink bow, from the bottom shelf. The colorful box was a stark contrast to the bland room. When she turned back toward Claire, she saw a spark in Claire’s eyes she hadn’t seen in years.

“Do you want to open it now?” Meredith asked as she set the box next to Claire on the bed.

Claire nodded and whispered, “Yes.” Yet, instead of moving, Claire stared at the box.

“Is there a problem?”

“The paper”—“It’s so pretty.”

Meredith eased the bow off and carefully ran her finger under the tape. With the paper loosely covering the gift, she left it beside Claire on the bed. Apprehensively, Claire removed the paper and took off the lid. Pushing the tissue paper aside, she revealed three bright pink throw pillows. Two were circular and one was a square with ruffles. Hugging one of the pillows close to her chest, Claire smiled and asked, “Can they stay here?” “It would be great to have color.”

“Yes, and I’ll bring more color! We’ll get this room to reflect how much better you’re doing!”

“Oh”—“I’d like that.” Closing her eyes, Claire added, “I wish...”

Meredith waited for Claire’s voice to regain strength. When it didn’t, she asked, “What do you wish?”

“You’ve done too much”—“I can’t”—“ask for more.”

Meredith lifted Claire’s chin until their eyes met. “You saved me from jail today; what do you wish?”

“For the gray”—“to go away.”

“It will. Each day, we’ll make everything more colorful.”

Claire shook her head. “No”—“the gray in my hair”—“I’m not that old”—“What will Nichol think?”

Meredith smiled. “Oh, honey, I’ll be back tomorrow, and we’ll bring color back to your hair. What color do you want to be?” With a grin, she added, “More pink?”

With her head settled on her pillows, a faint smile came to Claire’s lips. “No, I like brown”—“I like brown”—“a lot.” Her eyes closed.

Meredith set the box on the floor, placed the pillows next to Claire and covered her with a blanket. Gathering Claire’s dinner dishes, she thought about Claire’s words. Yes, Meredith remembered the stories of Claire’s hair. She also knew the color of Tony’s eyes. It went without saying—Claire definitely liked brown.