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Authors: William Goldman

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Depends what you mean. He

s not all that tall, how tall are you?


Under six two.


That

s all he is, if that.


Is he wide? Are his hands wide?


That

s a funny question—


—just answer it please.


Well, yeah. What he looks like, he

s white and all, but what he looks like is one of those oriental guys, the sumo guys—shoulders out to here, broad in the beam—Billy Boy must weigh two eighty—one man can

t bring him down.


I think he

s here,

Eric said.


Well you

re wrong,

the Illinois guy said.

Because first, like I said, we got a report he was spotted in Milwaukee, and B, he would never go to New York, never went near it yet—


—his name, please.


William Winslow. But like I told you, Billy Boy

s what he

s called.

William Winslow, Eric wrote down. William

Billy Boy

Wins-low.


I

ll tell you something—be glad he ain

t there—count your blessings, from what I read you got enough troubles.


Tell me.


You know the expression that goes something like that if you can

t say something good about somebody don

t say anything at all? Well, you
can
V say anything good about Billy Boy. He

s a shit sadist with a brain like a pea. Also he

s fucking eerie.

Eric waited.


He claims he

s special—he

senses

things, he

knows

things, the past and the future and all that—lots of people are interested in that; hell, everybody

s interested in it, my wife reads her horoscope every day in the papers—only Billy Boy
believes
it. I

m telling you, count your blessings he

s not there.


I will,

Eric said, and he got off the phone as gracefully as he could, because if Billy Boy could

sense

things, well why should he have the monopoly on that ability.

He was here. No question in Eric

s mind, he was here. An eerie shit sadist had come to town. An eerie shit sadist killer with the brain of a pea. Eric rubbed his eyes.

Good news for Rupert Murdoch and the tabloids, bad for the rest of the world

 

 

 

2
Henry the K

 

 

Immaculate, fastidious, and desperately uncomfortable, Leo
Trude
made his way through Times Square. His custom-made Meledandri suit and tailored topcoat could not have been more out of place anywhere than here, in the midst of the porn parlors, derelicts, and drifters who somehow thrived on 42nd Street.

He resented having to walk, did Leo, but it was snowing lightly, traffic was totally snarled, and he was late for his meeting with the Duchess. Rarely did she ever contact him and on those occasions, it had been more than worth his while. Leo picked up his pace, contenting himself with the thought that he would not be with her long—he disliked the Duchess—he disliked all cripples and the Duchess certainly qualified. Blind with her head forever tilted left and old with black glasses and parchment skin and that giant killer dog she adored and—

—someone had recognized him. A drunk, leaning against the glass window of the fast food emporium. The drunk raised an arm as if to wave.

Trude
turned his head and hurried even fester.

Up ahead now was the Port Authority building and just behind it, on Ninth, was the Duchess

s tiny parlor.
Trude
crossed Eighth and continued walking quickly on the far side of the street from the bus terminal.


God bless you,

an old lady said to him.

Trude
ignored her, or tried to ignore her, but he was aware that he was blushing just a bit. Not enough so anyone would notice.

Anyone except himself. Angry,
Trude
stormed on. Ahead he noticed a
group of moronic Spanish youths in a doorway, probably wondering whom to mug next, whose lives to alter.
Trude
touched
his inside coat pocket without really meaning to, but he didn

t normally carry a thousand dollars in new bills in this part of town. The Duchess was expensive.

Value for money was always expensive.

He got to Ninth and crossed again, then moved down toward his destination. The snow was falling more heavily now, and he cursed himself for not wearing his homburg. His brown curly hair was wet and his glasses needed cleaning.


Please, sir,

a well-dressed woman said—a Jersey commuter most likely. She held out a piece of paper and a pencil stub.

Trude
kept on walking.

She walked with him.

I know you must think I

m intruding—


—you are intruding,

he assured her.

But she would not be denied.

It would just mean so much to my children.

She was pleading now.

My son … you

re a hero to my son. I mean that.

She hurried in front of him now, blocking his way.

Trude sighed.


Here. And bless you.

Trude scribbled quickly, handed it back to her. Then she excitedly ran across the street against traffic and entered the terminal. Trude watched, half hoping a cab might clip her. He was genuinely upset now, and he needed a moment before dealing with the Duchess, so he stepped under an awning, got out his Sulka kerchief, cleaned his glasses, mopped his hair, all the while contemplating his curse.

Was it his fault he looked like Henry Kissinger?

Ever since Nixon made the fat Jew (the Nixontan terminology) head of state,
Trude

s life had been intermittently annoying. Yesterday someone had confided to him on Fifth Avenue—a Wall Street type it was—that he had it on unimpeachable authority that Haig was on his way out and he, Henry the K, would soon be reannointed. When he had dined once at The Palace he had been asked three times where were his secret service men.

The outrage of course was that Trude didn

t really resemble the other man that much. Trude was thinner, taller, younger, had no Strangelovian accent. In fact, when he and Kissinger both taught at Harvard, Trude disliked the other man intensely, thought him a second-rate thinker with no real talent save self-aggrandizement.

But to much of the general populace, they might as well have been Chang and Eng.

Composed finally, Trude took the last few steps, walked into the Duchess

s parlor.


You

re late,

she said.

Trude looked at the thick black glasses and wondered again if she was, in fact, blind.

I could have been anybody,

he said,

I hadn

t spoken.


Your walk betrays you. You walk like an arrogant man.

Trude decided not to pursue that line of inquiry any further.

It

s snowing, I had to walk.


You don

t have to tell
me
that it snows—I know such things, I hear the snow fall.

Her voice had gotten louder.

Trude decided he didn

t much want to pursue that one either. She sat alone on the couch, her head tilted. Behind her was a beaded curtain. From back there now: a growl.


Come or stay as you wish,

she said.


I

m not sure I understand,

Trude began.


I was not speaking to you. He heard me raise my voice and he worried.

Trude watched the beaded curtains part and then the giant dog came toward him.


Stand still, there

ll be no harm.

Trude made very sure he stood very very still.

The animal sniffed him, then turned, curled up at her feet. But its eyes remained on Trude.


To business,

the Duchess said.


You contacted me. I came.


Did you bring money?


Some.


Did you bring a thousand?


A thousand means an ultra,

Trude said. No point in giving it to her without some prodding.

Are you sure? Have you proof?


Yes I am sure. But proof is your province.


True.

She held out her hand for the money.


What

s his name?

Trude asked before paying.

She dropped her hand. The Beast began to make its sound. Trude gave her the envelope. She took out the bills, counted them, running her fingers over and over the green paper.

 

How does she know they

re not singles, he wondered.

Evidently, she did.

Winslow,

she answered finally.


And where is he?


He comes here many times, but irregularly.


Where does he stay?


Different places. He does not wish to be
found
. I can tell you with assurance he is not a member of the College of Cardinals.

Trude sat in a chair across from her, took out his pen and note pad.

Tell me everything you know.


I will. But you must be careful this time.


I

m always careful,

Trude said.

The Duchess shook her head.

Remember the Mazursky business.


Ah yes, well, that


 

 

 

 

3
Water

 

 

Once the ambulance got Edith to the emergency room at New York Hospital, it became very soon apparent that She wasn

t going to die. There was so much blood that the work was at first feverish but that phase passed and the interns functioned as they usually did, with quick and telling adroitness. By the time she was finally wheeled to a private room, there was no doubt in any attending physician

s mind about her survival.

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