Contemporary Romance: Passage of Arms - A Military Romance Novel (Romance, Contemporary Romance, Military Romance, Romance Novel Book 1) (23 page)

Something Else

“Paris is always a good idea,'' you said. You said I'd be happy here. You couldn't have meant without you…”
Sabrina
, starring Harrison Ford and Julia Ormond played on the TV screen. It was a favorite aged move that Sarah loved. Over the past several weeks, she had watched it too many times; but, on this Friday night, she was watching it again and Ruth was with her, head dipped into her lap.

Ruth had stopped asking about Dave, but Sarah told her the truth when Ruth asked.
“He’s a federal agent. He works for the government doing a dangerous job, and he saved my life.”

“Mom, you’re crying again,” Ruth said softly, turning her head in Sarah’s lap.

Sarah touched her cheek. They were wet. “The ending gets to me,” Sarah admitted, wiping at her eyes. “I just love it—the love, makes me feel warm inside, you know?”

Ruth laughed. “Yeah, I know. I like this movie too.” Sarah squeezed her daughter’s shoulder. “Do you think love like that really exists?” Ruth asked after a moment.

Sarah’s brows furrowed at the question. “Well, of course it does, sweetie. I had it with your father, Adam. We were very much in love,” she paused. “I mean, our love was different. Nothing like this movie, but he would have moved heaven and earth for me.”

“Really?” Ruth turned in Sarah’s lap and twisted her neck to peer into her mother’s eyes.

“Of course. We loved each other, Ruth. That’s why we married. Why we had a baby—so the two of us could always be together, in you,” she smiled. She had actually never really thought about it like that until just then. She touched Ruth’s cheek. “You have a piece of him, you know. Maybe when you have kids you’ll see him in your son.”

Ruth frowned. “Me? Kids? Geeze. Let me grow up first.”

“I thought you weren’t a little kid anymore?” Sarah teased.

Ruth wrinkled her nose. “I’m not,” they laughed together, but after a moment, Ruth’s face turned serious. “Will I ever see Dave again?” Ruth sat up quickly and faced Sarah completely. “I know you don’t want to talk to me about it, but please don’t tell me I’m too young.”

Sarah chewed on her bottom lip. While she hated the little woman her daughter was becoming, she hated the maturity that came with it even more.

“No,” Sarah replied truthfully. “You should never have seen him the first time.”

Ruth frowned. “Why not? I liked him. He was cool—.”

“He lied to me,” Sarah said quickly. Ruth’s frown deepened. It was the look that said her answer wasn’t enough. “You don’t understand,” Sarah began.

“Then tell me. Explain it to me, Mom.”

Sarah sucked in air. Her eyes were starting to water and it wasn’t because of the movie. “Ruth, please.”

“No, Mom. You please. Do you know why I liked him?” The question took Sarah by surprise and her curiosity took over. She shook her head.

“When you came to pick me up at school, I saw you two in the car. You were grinning. You never grinned. You were always,” Ruth paused and wiped at her cheek. “Tina’s parents told me it’s not easy for you, being single, and having lost Dad. That helped, but for a long time, I thought maybe you hated me. I thought maybe I was too much for you.”

“Oh, sweetie,” Sarah pulled her daughter into her chest. “You were never too much. Never. I love you,” Sarah searched her daughter’s eyes, pulling back momentarily. “How could you think that?”

Ruth shrugged. “It just seemed like maybe I was too much,” she paused. “I don’t know. I don’t move fast,” she shrugged. “I didn’t want to bother you.”

“I love being bothered by you,” Sarah said quickly. “That’s what being a mother is all about. I love you. I loved having you—I love that you’re my daughter. You’re mine.
Mine
,” Sarah stressed. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Ruth answered. “But I want you to be happy. And I saw you giggling with him. You never giggled before.”

Sarah rolled her eyes. “I giggled before, Ruth.”

“No, Mom,” Ruth said sternly. “You didn’t,” the sure tone in her voice took the sarcasm from Sarah. Her face fell as she watched her daughter. “You didn’t giggle. You rarely smiled. And every day seemed like,” she paused, groping for words, but she found none. After a period of silence, she sighed. “You don’t have to marry him. But I miss seeing you smile.”

Ruth’s eyes darted across Sarah’s face, and then she stood. “I’m going to go to bed, okay?” She didn’t wait for a response and left Sarah sitting on the couch with an open mouth.

The First Step

Several days had passed since Sarah’s heart to heart with her daughter in the den. The words continued to haunt her through her sleep, where she saw Dave’s face, and then during the day when she was at work.

The last time she had seen Dave was sitting on the back on the FBI van. That was the last time she had felt his touch too, when she was leaning over her knees, puking up the disgusting breakfast they had given her to eat in darkness.

She had tried to block those memories out. It didn’t seem too difficult for Ruth. They weren’t treated too badly, if at all, but the entire ordeal left Sarah feeling nothing but terror. Bruce had intimidated Sarah something fierce. It was odd to think that he was no longer living. She didn’t know what to feel about that. She just had an empty place in her heart that felt nothing, but perhaps a tinge of anger.

She attended his funeral and met with his sister. A wonderful woman who felt nothing but sadness for her brother. Sarah decided she would never understand what she experienced with Bruce. It was stranger than fiction, really. To think he was capable of orchestrating the deaths of so many innocent men. That thought had simply rocked her world. She tried not to think of it, and most days, she had no trouble succeeding.

It was Dave that gave her the most problem. When she had told him to never contact her again, he didn’t respond. Over time, she came to question his silence. Is that what he wanted? Did he want to ever see her again? A small part of her had hoped that maybe he would stop by her shop, but then he remember that he told her he rarely came to Rural Hill.

Sarah had deleted Dave’s number. It was long gone from her phone history, but she still had his email. She knew he would get any message she sent, and on Sunday following the talk Sarah had with her daughter, she wrote Dave an email. She just didn’t send it. Instead, she kept changing it over the following days.

The first message was long. It was more of a rant and a confession of her deepest fears. He didn’t need to know all of that, Sarah decided, so she deleted the message and started again, but it seemed too hostile, like an attack, so she deleted that message too.

Now, she stared at a blank message within the email app on her phone. She knew what she was going to do. She wanted to speak with him in person, if he was still in town. It had been over a month. He was a federal agent. What did that even mean? Sarah had an urge to Google the job description of an agent, but she forced herself to focus on the email. After a moment, Sarah began to type her message. It didn’t take long. It was simple. Two sentences.

Dave,

Are you still in Nashville? Would you like to meet me to talk?

Sarah

It was simple. Sweet even. Okay, maybe not sweet, but definitely simple. She hit send, and then panicked. Maybe she should have sent something else with the message. Sarah searched for her sent mail folder and opened the email up again, reading the sentences to herself.

“Everything okay?”

Sarah glanced to the voice. It wasn’t Becky, but another female employee. Sarah smiled and nodded.

“Peachy keen,” Sarah responded. The worker eased by Sarah and took a stand behind the register. It was a slow morning and only four people were needed. With Sarah’s presence, there were five. Sarah took a deep breath and motioned to the employee that she would be in the back, and then she took her leave.

In her office, she sat in the plump chair and sighed. It was then that she heard the notification on her phone. She rushed to see what the message was and grinned when she saw it was from Dave. She opened it readily.

Yes and yes. Where do you want to meet and when?

Dave

Sarah smiled. That was easy. Her smile fell and she read the message again. She still had no idea what she would say to him, but maybe she didn’t need to say anything. Maybe he had something he wanted to say to her. She didn’t know how her mind made the jump to that conclusion, but it was enough for her to send a reply that didn’t seem too needy or too hasty.

After a several short emails, they agreed to meet at Dairy Queen. It seemed oddly fitting for them. She didn’t know if it was rushing things, but seeing as to how they both had the time, they agreed to meet with the next two hours.

Sarah was at Dairy Queen within an hour and a half though. Once she made the plans, she couldn’t really think of anything else. She thought of stopping by her home to change, but that just seemed absurd. It wasn’t a date she had to keep reminding herself. She was meeting someone—Dave. Not a boyfriend, not even a friend, right? They weren’t really friends. They were acquaintances, or something, and they were going to talk, and then they would leave and the world would keep spinning.

Sarah took a deep breath and left her car. She locked the doors and waited by her taillights. She hadn’t been standing more than a minute when she spotted Dave’s truck, still big and massive, pull into the lot.

Dave didn’t park near her. Instead, he chose a space near the entrance of the parking lot. The first glimpse Sarah got of him took her breath away, just like when she first laid eyes on him. Tall, beautiful, and the kindest eyes she ever remembered seeing….perhaps second to Adam, if he still counted.

Sarah knew she was smiling by the way her face began to hurt. She touched the corners of her lips and remembered what her daughter had told her. As Dave approached her, he was grinning too. It was beautiful and made Sarah’s heart sigh. She remembered how he felt so close to her body and how his lips against skin had made her weak.

“Hey,” Dave stopped several feet from her and slipped a hand into his pocket. He wore a pair of jeans and a collared shirt. He was so handsome.

“Hey, yourself,” Sarah responded at length. Dave grinned. “You look amazing,” Sarah wet her lips. “I mean, your face—the last time I saw you…”

Dave laughed. “Yeah, I,” he rolled his eyes and took a deep breath. He opened his mouth to say something, but no sound came out. After waiting for a few seconds, Sarah laughed.

“Your arm is better?”

“Yep,” Dave nodded. “I’m fully healed and rested. I feel great.”

Sarah smiled. “That’s awesome.”

“Yeah. The human body is an amazing, self-healing piece of work. Absolutely incredible,” Dave’s tongue ran across his bottom lip, and Sarah watched it intensely. “Sssooo….” Dave shrugged, “can I buy you a shake or sundae or both?” He gestured to the building behind him.

“Sure,” Sarah nodded, her mind still blank. “That sounds great.”

“Which one?”

“All of it,” Sarah laughed. “I mean, maybe both. A shake and a sundae sounds great.”

Dave smiled and led the way to the Dairy Queen lobby. They placed their order and received it shortly afterwards. They found a booth and slid in across from each other. They both had an Orange Julius and sipped on it liberally.

After a while, Sarah’s eyes found Dave’s and they stared at each other. A smile touched her lips and she could no longer drink the shake. Sarah moved her mouth from the straw and swallowed a bit of shake. It was good, cold and refreshing. Dave discarded his shake seconds later.

Silence fell around them, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. As Sarah held Dave’s gaze, the only thing she could remember is how she told him she never wanted to see him again. Sarah looked down.

“I’m sorry for what I said—.”

“Don’t be,” Dave said quickly. Sarah’s eyes snapped back to his. “I mean that,” he said solemnly. “I did lie to you and,” he paused, “you were in harm’s way because of me,” Dave took a deep breath. “I’m just happy that you sent me that email.” Dave smiled weakly, but Sarah saw pain behind his mask.

“I thought you didn’t
want
to see me,” Sarah said softly.

Dave frowned and shook his head firmly. “I’m sorry for giving you that impression,” he said softly, “but it couldn’t be further from the truth.”

A chill creeped along Sarah’s skin. She thought of Bruce’s words of warning about Dave, how she needed to be careful. She had never been able to shake the accusation that Dave had only used her. Were those the words of some psychotic, controlling drug dealer or a man that in some twisted way really cared for her?

“You know,” Sarah pulled her sundae in front of her and took a stab at a forkful of melting ice cream and brownie, “I’ve ran so much of what you’ve said back to me, and all the things I thought were odd about you suddenly make sense. A law degree?”

Dave laughed weakly. “I didn’t mean to meet you,” he said, almost apologetically, “but I did.”

Sarah’s face fell. “Do you have any idea what losing Adam did to me?” Tears were suddenly just behind her eyes and her voice wavered. “I lost a piece of me that I’ll never get back.”

Dave searched her face, but then shook his head. “I don’t agree with that,” he said calmly. “You’re a whole woman. You’re not missing anything.”

Sarah suppressed her tears and smiled, but it crumbled within seconds. “I can’t go through that again.”

“I know,” Dave didn’t miss a beat. His response stopped the racing thoughts in Sarah’s mind. She nodded with certainty.

“Okay,” Sarah lowered her eyes, “I guess it’s settled then,” she said as she released a breath. It was long and deep. With it, all her anxiety and worried seemed to flow away too. “I’ll be seeing you around, Dave,” Sarah prepared to stand, but Dave reached for her hand and took it securely into his own.

“I knew that about you,” Dave’s voice was a terse whisper, “from the moment you told me about your husband,” he was breathless. “I knew then that the only way this would ever work is if I stopped field work. I could get a desk job,” Dave’s voice was needle thin.

Sarah looked him over closely. “You would do that?”

“I requested a transfer to a financial analyst. There’s a position open,” Dave watched Sarah closely. She relaxed into the booth, and looked at Dave’s grip on her hand with newness.

“What does that mean?” She asked him finally. Dave smiled.

“Well, I put the request in immediately, over a month ago. Some opened up less than a week ago and,” Dave shrugged. “I can have it if I want. It’s been offered to me,” he paused, “officially.”

Sarah’s chest tightened. She didn’t know how to address the information, so she changed the topic. “Ruth misses you,” Sarah said, lowering her gaze.

Dave moved his second hand to Sarah’s and gripped her firmly. “I miss her too. I
missed
you, Sarah,” he seemed to gulp down a breath of air. His vulnerability cause Sarah to meet his gaze again.

The table between them suddenly seemed so pointless. She wanted it gone, but she didn’t move. She just stared. With her free hand, Sarah slowly moved it to cover Dave’s hand. As soon as her skin touched his, he turned his palm over and intertwined his fingers with her, cupping her hand with both of his. A second later, and he pulled it to his mouth and kissed the back of her hand, his eyes searching her face.

Still, it wasn’t enough. He stood and pulled Sarah to her feet. She didn’t resist and fell into his chest, welcoming his strong arms around her waist. Sarah let her head fall back just enough for her lips to find his; and, in an instant, the air in her lungs seemed to have disappeared. She struggled to find another breath, but she couldn’t bring herself to pull her lips away from Dave.

Reconnecting with him felt like coming home, so right and just what she needed. Dave kissed her forehead fervently, still holding her tightly around her waist. With difficulty, Sarah pulled back to catch her breath.

“I can’t tell you,” he breathed heavily, “I can’t tell you how many times I’ve kicked myself at the danger I put you two in.”

Sarah jerked her head back at his comment. “How could that be your fault?”

“Oh, it is, trust me,” Dave held her close, and pushed his lips into her temple. “I don’t date when I’m in the field. I stay focused—so I can stay sharp,” Dave pulled back and met Sarah’s eyes. “That’s why I never took Becky up on her offer to meet you before.”

“She tried so hard,” Dave continued, “she even showed me pictures of you and you were beautiful and,” Dave shrugged, with defeat, “I thought I would meet you, we’d have a good time, and then I’d walk away having met someone wonderful,” he shook his head.

“But that didn’t happen at all,” Dave pressed his lips together. “I was greedy,” he shook his head. “I never should have asked for that second date.”

Sarah touched his face, cupping his cheek in her palm. She wanted to feel his lips again, but somehow, she restrained herself.

“I’m glad you did,” she admitted, holding him tightly. Dave’s eyes crossed her face, and a second later, his lips were on hers.

“Oh my goodness,” Dave sighed in a breath, his lips trailing to Sarah’s cheek, temple, and forehead again. “I’m so glad you contacted me. I was starting to think you meant what you said,” Dave pulled back. “You know, when you were in the van.”

Sarah bit her lip. “I did mean it…” she glanced down, “in the moment, I guess,” she paused. “You never said anything so I thought you didn’t care.”

Dave laughed. “I couldn’t say anything, not then,” he smiled a bit stronger. “You would have seen a grown man cry.”