Consumed (Keeping her in the Dark) (5 page)

“Thank you so much. But you didn’t have to do this,” she
said.

“Well I just used my name to get you the audition, I’m
afraid you have to sell yourself,” I paused looked in her eyes and took her
hand.

“Ha-ha, very funny. Sell myself?”

“I’m sorry, that’s not what I meant, bad joke.” I kissed her
hand.

“You’re forgiven.”

I sat in the lobby of “Dean
Modeling” and waited for the receptionist to let me know Mr. Dean was ready for
me. I flipped through a few magazines and crossed and re-crossed my legs. I
wasn’t sure if I wanted this to work or not, but since Liam went to the trouble
of using his name I called and made the appointment.

“Miss Chandler?” I stood up. “Phillip can see you now.” She
motioned me back to where a young man was standing. I walked to him.

“Please follow me, Miss Chandler,” he said and we walked
down a long hallway. He stopped at the end of the hall and opened a glass door
for me to go through. I saw a man standing near a window looking out, a group
of three people sitting at a small round table going over pictures, a large
desk, a white leather couch, and a small bar in the corner. I stood there not
knowing which man in the room was Mr. Dean. I cleared my throat to get their
attention and clutched my make shift portfolio in my hands. The man at the
window turned to face me.

“Miss Chandler, Please come in,” he walked to me and
motioned to his desk. I stopped in front of it and waited for him to walk
around.

He held out his hand and we shook. “I’m Phillip Dean. My
father did some business with Liam a few years ago. I remember what an appetite
he had for beautiful women. I see he still has an eye for beauty.” He gestured
for me to sit down.

“Thank you. It’s nice to meet you.”

“How long have you and Liam been together?”

“Ahh, well…..nine months, I guess.” I wasn’t sure how to
answer him. I wouldn’t consider Liam and me a couple when I first came to his
home, and we had been apart for the last four months. But I figured it was just
safer to count it all.

“Really? Interesting.” I didn’t know how interesting that
really was, but just kept smiling. He held out his hand for my portfolio and I
handed it to him. “He told me modeling was something you were interested in,
but had never done before, is that right?” I didn’t know how interested I was
in modeling, but if it made him happy I would try it.

“Yes that’s right.” He flipped through my book and looked at
me.

“Stand up,” he commanded. I stood and he came around the
desk. He held my hands to the sides and turned me around.

 I was wearing a short black dress, light make up, and high
black heels. I knew I wasn’t tall enough for runway work, but I wanted to look
as tall as possible. He touched my arms and then put his hands at my waist. I
stepped back a little. “You seem well proportioned. Do you mind changing into a
bathing suit so I can see your body?” I knew Liam wouldn’t like this, but I was
sure this was part of the business.

“Ahh, sure.” He snapped his fingers and the young girl
sitting at the round table walked over to us.

“She’ll take you to the dressing room.”

After twenty more minutes and having Phillip, his partner
Liza and two other men look at me, I was told I had the job. Three days later I
was on the set having makeup applied to my face. Liam said he would be there to
watch the shoot, but he was running late as usual.

I modeled several spring dresses, capri pants and tank tops,
and a few skirts. They played music, gave me direction and I posed over and
over. I kept looking around the room hoping to see Liam but all I saw was lots
of pairs of eyes on me. They made me sit in chairs, pretend to ride bikes and
even lean up against props that looked like street lights.

They fluffed my hair, touched up my makeup, and played loud
music, all while telling me to act natural and relax.

I went to the changing room and saw Liam walking in the
door.

“Liam!” I yelled. He walked over and kissed my cheek.

“I’m so sorry I’m late, little one. Have you been having
fun?” he asked. I felt weird having people pick at me, paw over me and move my
body in certain ways, but I didn’t want to seem ungrateful.

“I’m having a blast! I have to go change, I’ll be right
back.” I walked in the dressing room and saw the next outfit, a nightgown. I
instantly started chewing on my nails. Liam was not going to like this. Candy,
my assistant, helped me get it on, touched up my makeup and teased my hair. I
walked back out and saw Liam talking to Phillip. I went to the stage and waited
with my head lowered and hands grasped in front of me.

“Okay, Norah, this is Matt, Matt this is Norah. You two get
to know each other for the next three minutes while we bring in the bed!” I was
told to move out of the way, and saw a big bed being pushed on set.

I looked over at Matt and he was a young, good looking guy,
wearing a plaid pair of silk pajamas. I touched my neck and tried to look
through the lights to see if I saw Liam. Before I could find him we were pushed
back to the bed and told how to pose. For the next hour Matt and I posed on,
around and laying in this bed, wearing various nightgowns, robes, and even just
underwear and bras. I kept smiling, but I hated it. I didn’t even know this guy
but was sitting close to him, wrapping my arms around him, and letting him
touch me in places only Liam had touched. They moved us around and gave us
directions like ‘look in love’ or ‘try to have the sex afterglow’. I kept
looking for Liam but the lights were so bright I couldn’t even see where
Phillip was barking his orders from.

When it was over I quickly dressed and cleaned all the
makeup off my face. I grabbed my purse and walked out of the dressing room just
in time to hear Phillip tell Liam that he would like to use me for a swim suit
shoot in four days. Liam shook his hand. I just knew he was going to be pissed.
I just knew he was going to hate this and stop us in the middle of the shoot.
But watching him talk with Phillip so calmly made me think he liked it.

 Maybe watching me model reminded him of watching his women
with other men. Maybe this reminded him of how much he liked it. I cringed
thinking this kind of thing could lead to other things too, but I walked over
with a smile anyway.

“Norah, darling you were perfect! We’ll see you in few
days!” Phillip kissed me on my cheek and Liam wrapped his arm around my waist.
He gripped me tight and pulled me out. We walked fast to the car. We climbed in
the back and I was about to tell him how sorry I was when his phone rang. He
took the call and we didn’t talk the whole car ride home. I just sat there
listening to him talk and looked out the window. We reached the house and he
grabbed my hand and practically yanked me in the house. He was still on the
phone when he walked us both in the study, made himself a drink and then hung
up. He didn’t say anything just drank down his drink very fast. He made
another, drank it then turned to me.

“There is absolutely no chance in hell you’re ever doing
that again, so the bathing suit shoot is out!” he sounded pissed. He turned and
made himself another drink. I wanted to say something, but thought it best I
didn’t. “Do you have any idea how I felt watching them touch you, make you sit
with that boy, and all while wearing a tiny silk nightgown? I seriously have no
fucking clue what you were thinking! How could you do that to me?”
Do that
to him? What?

“Excuse me? Do what to you? I was modeling, Liam, that’s
what models do. What did you think I was going to be doing?”
I didn’t like
the modeling, but he had some nerve.

“I didn’t think you would look like you were fucking another
man that’s for damn sure! Why didn’t you stop it? Why didn’t you tell them you
couldn’t model underwear or nightgowns?”

“I’m sorry, what? I can’t model them? Says who? My Daddy?
You’re not my father, Liam! You can’t treat me like a child!”

“No, I am not your father, but I am the man, dammit! I am
your man! I make the rules or haven’t we been through enough shit together for you
to learn that by now?”

“You make the rules? So we’re back to your game of the
bastard slave driver, are we?”

“Oh this is no game, sweetheart. Not. At. All. I set this up
and now I am taking it away. Your modeling career is over, I hope it was fun!”

“So what now? I’m just to sit in this house and be the
little woman? See you off to work, have dinner ready when you get home and be
ready and available in your bed at night? When do I start popping out kids?”

“Watch your tone, little one!”

“I can’t have a life? Or my life is whatever you want it to
be, I guess, huh?” I didn’t want to continue modeling. But the idea that he
started this and was now ending it without even asking me if it was something I
wanted to do was infuriating. “I thought you wanted me to make this my home?”

“I do. But you still have to do what I say!”
Oh, that’s
it!

“Fuck you, asshole! You started this! I didn’t even want to
do it, and I only went through with it for you!” He stepped closer to me and started
to say something. I held up my hand to stop him from talking, and surprisingly
he did. “But instead of telling me how beautiful I looked, or what a great job
I did, you have to degrade me and make me feel bad! You can’t even ask me if
this is something I even want to continue, instead you just bark orders and
tell me I can’t do it anymore no matter what!” He looked down at the floor and
then back up at me. “You didn’t even ask me if this is something I wanted to
do. Because if you had I would have told you I didn’t like it. I didn’t like
him touching me. I wanted to stop it but I didn’t know how. And I didn’t think
it would be very professional.” He gave me a sexy little smirk.

“Norah, you looked beautiful up there. You were such a
natural. You did a wonderful job.” He was talking through his teeth. “How did
you feel about it?”
Cocky smartass.

“I hated it!”

“Good.” He grabbed my waist and pulled me to him and our
mouths crashed together. We kissed each other hard and fast. We shed our
clothes and were on the floor in thirty seconds. We barely touched each other
before he was inside me thrusting hard.

“Why do you make everything so hard?” He pumped harder. “You
like to provoke me even when we are on the same side,” he panted.

“Stop talking.”

“Who’s barking orders now, little one?” I rolled on top of
him and took over.

“I said, stop talking!” I closed my eyes and rode him to my
orgasm.

It had been a week since the photo
shoot and our relationship was starting to resemble a somewhat normal couple.
We worked out in the gym together, we ate breakfast together, she kissed me
goodbye and I went to work. While I was at work she shopped, rode my horses,
visited spas, and even took care of little Josefina sometimes. She met me at
the door every evening, we always had a lovely dinner together and at night she
was always in my bed….or in my basement. My mood usually determined where we
would end up. If I had a difficult day, she would end up tied up or tied down
to something. With a lot of coercion she had finally started to enjoy being
restrained and even blindfolded by me. It took an immense amount of trust on her
part, but her need to make me happy won out over all things. If I had a calm
day of negotiations then we would end up in our bed making sweet love all night.

I was undoubtedly the happiest I had ever been in my life.
But I could sense my little one was restless.

“Jane called me today,” she said over dinner.

“She did? What did she want?” I asked.

“She said Will had told her I had returned to London, and
she said she wants to see me.” She wasn’t making eye contact with me.

“Is that something you want?” I asked.

“What do you mean?” I took her hand, silently asking her to
look at me. She slowly lowered her head and turned in my direction.

“I mean, I thought Jane was a reminder of a bad time for
you….for both of us. Do you really want to see her?” She still wouldn’t look at
me. “Please look at me Norah,” I huffed impatiently. She looked up.

“I don’t have any friends here. I spend more time with Rosa
than anyone else, and I can never understand her.” I chuckled. “Jane is the closest
thing to a friend I have here. And you still work with Will. If you were able
to forgive him, then why can’t I see Jane?”

“Well I didn’t say you couldn’t see Jane, I asked you if you
wanted to see her.”

“And Will and I work together, we don’t see each other
socially. I have not completely forgiven him.” I could see the sadness in her
eyes. “What is this about Norah? If you want to see Jane, I certainly am not
going to stop you, but I sense there is something else going on here?” She
shifted in her seat, lowered her eyes and started to say something in a low
whisper. “While I love the submission, little one, I can’t hear you. We’re
having a conversation Norah, please look at me and speak in a reasonable tone.”
She looked up and cleared her throat. I couldn’t imagine what in the world had her
so uneasy. Norah submitted to me naturally, but she still had a confidence
about her, she never coward like this.

“Well I’ve been doing a lot of thinking since I got
here….about things.”

“You’re going to have to be more specific.”

“I don’t know what you want me to do here. We both agreed
modeling wasn’t for me, but I would like to do something. All I do is workout,
shop, eat, and sleep in your bed.”

“There has to be some way I can contribute other than taking
up space, eating your food and spending your money.”

“I have a lot of money, I don’t mind if you spend it, Norah.
You know that.”

“Yes, you’re very generous. But I would like to pull my own
weight, make my own money, and do something with my time.”

“So my money isn’t good enough for you?” I took a sip of my
drink.

“That isn’t what I said, Liam. And I have no illusions of
making enough money to pay for even close to half the expenses around here,”
she paused.

“So now not only is my money not good enough for you, but
you want to help me pay the bills too? I see. You’re really hitting below the
belt now, little one. Are you saying you don’t like me taking care of you?” I
got up and made myself a stronger drink. I kept my back to her.

“That isn’t what I said, stop putting words in my mouth. I
just want to contribute. I have a college degree, ya know.” I could hear her
timid voice had changed to something more assertive. I could also tell she had
stood up too. I turned to look at her.

“I always thought that I would have a career, establish
myself financially before I became involved in a serious relationship.”

“The hits just keep on coming, don’t they little one? Now
you not only want something else to do with your time, but you want a career?
So I assume that means you will want a high level job at some fortune 500
company, which I can get for you, that isn’t a problem. But you will be working
late and become tired and moody. That means less fun for me, little one. You
will have less time for me, less time for us, and I don’t like that.” She crossed
her arms over her chest.

“First of all, I would never ask you to use your name to get
me a job! You did the modeling thing on your own! If you had asked me, I would
have told you I didn’t want to do it. Second of all, I no longer have
aspirations of being a corporate tycoon such as yourself. I am quite aware that
my caveman boyfriend would never allow me to take a job that would prevent me
from standing at the door we he comes home from work! I just want something to
do with my time, dammit! I can volunteer somewhere even, work with kids, wait
tables or walk dogs! I just need something else!”

“So I’m not enough for you now? This assault of yours knows
no limits! And if you honestly think that Liam Hastings’ girlfriend is going to
be walking dogs, well you don’t know me very well!” She walked closer.

“Stop this! Stop it right now! Why does everything have to
be an argument? Yes, you’re enough for me, you stupid egotistical jackass!
Can’t you just give me this! Let me have something besides you? I have made my
whole world about you, you know you are everything to me! I love you, dammit!
Just let me have this too!” I could see how important this was to her. Norah
had given up her entire world for me. I wanted her by my side at any cost. I
didn’t want to think of my life without her. We had been apart long enough. But
I could see she needed this.

“Fine, little one. But I have the final say on where it is
that you work, and how much you work. And if I see it affecting our
relationship, then it’s over!” She wrapped her arms around my neck.

“I didn’t think it would be any other way, sir.” She kissed
me lightly on my lips. “See that wasn’t so hard, was it?” She had no idea how
hard it really was going to be for me to share her with the outside world.

Deep down I still had this horrible and unshakeable feeling
that one day she was going to wake up and realize she was so much better than
me. That everything she had to give up and become accustomed to by being with
me wasn’t worth it.

The next day I couldn’t get our heated discussion out of my
mind. While I loved having Norah at my complete disposal, I wanted her to be
happy. I didn’t like her being scared to tell me things.

“Hello?” she answered her phone.

“Hello, this is your stupid, egotistical, jackass of a
boyfriend calling to apologize…..again,” I whispered in the phone. I could hear
her breathing. “Norah, I can’t stop thinking about our argument at dinner last
night.”

“Really? That is a shame, because I can’t stop thinking
about what we did after dinner in the basement last night,” she laughed.

“Yes, that was fun. I told you the swing would be
entertaining,” I smiled briefly. “Look, it was wrong of me to insinuate that
being at my beck and call all the time would be enough for you.”

“And I am truly sorry for making your need to find something
for yourself about me and my money not being enough for you.”

“Liam, it has never been about your money, you have to know
that.”

“I do know that. I love that the smallest things make you
happy and that you cringe when I tell you to go shopping for a gown to attend
one of my events. It is just not the behavior I have been use to in my life.
Usually everyone wants something from me, or for me to do something for them.
And I guess I am still struggling with you loving me after all I have done to
you.”

“Well stop struggling, I love you, you big caveman!”

“The reason I called is because…..” I paused and took a deep
breath. “If having a career is something you really want then it is something I
want for you. I won’t use my influence but I will give you a list of contacts
in your field if you will allow me.” I paused again and shuffled some papers on
my desk as a nervous reaction. “I am not making any promises about my behavior while
I adjust to you having a corporate schedule, but I promise that I won’t
interfere.”“I just want you to be happy.” I waited for her to say something.
The silence was deafening. “Please say something,” I begged.

“Do you even know what my field is?” she asked.

“Yes. Marketing and finance.”

“Hmm, I didn’t know you actually listened to me during our
late night talks.” I could hear her talking with someone in the background.

“Where are you?” I asked.

“I’m having lunch with Jane.”

“Has she been a witness to this entire humiliating
conversation for me?”

“No. She was in the bathroom for most of it.” Then I heard
her excuse herself from the table. “While I appreciate this what I assume is a
very temporary moment of treating me as your equal, having a career in
marketing or finance is not something that interests me anymore. I have done
some thinking today and decided that since I don’t have to take care of myself
financially at the moment, I should do something I really care about.”

“I found something that does interest me, but I would rather
talk about this tonight, in person. Can you wait until then?” I laughed a
little.

“As long as you are not leaving me or becoming a traveling
salesman, yes I can wait.” We ended our call but I couldn’t stop thinking about
her words, ‘at the moment’. Did she think our relationship was temporary? Did
she want to do something she cared about now because she assumed in the future
we would not be together and she would have to make a career in her field? I
had asked her to marry me in the past out of fear of losing her, and she always
called me on it. But did she truly think I didn’t want to be with her forever?
I tried to put it out of my mind and decided I would address the topic later.

I went back to work and was actually able to get work done.
I was relieved to have this disagreement behind us. Norah rarely asked me for
anything, but when she did I always took it the wrong way and jumped to
conclusions about her feelings for me. I had to stop relating every emotion she
had as a reflection of her feelings for me.

She smiled while she helped Rosa put dinner on the table
that night. She smiled while she ate and commented on how delicious dinner was
and that she hoped I liked it. I nodded and tried my best to hold my tongue.
She grinned while she asked Gerald for seconds on the Spanish casserole she helped
make. When she still hadn’t said anything by dessert, I couldn’t take it
anymore.

“Norah, if you don’t start talking soon, I think I’m going
to blow a gasket.” She smiled and touched my hand. She took a deep breath and
started talking.

“Well I have decided I want to be a bartender at the sports
pub across the street from your office,” she paused and I was waiting for her
to tell me she was joking. The girls in that pub barley wore shorts and their
t-shirts were so tight you could see their nipples. And it was always chilly in
there. When she didn’t immediately recant, I closed my eyes and started to
breathe harder.

“Oh calm your gaskets, Tarzan. I’m not about to flaunt my
lady parts for anyone except you. I was kidding.” I opened my eyes and she was
smiling.

“It’s the library on Porchester Road.”

“The Paddington Library?” I asked. “What will you be doing
there?”

“Whatever they need help with. I’ll be restocking books,
helping at the information counter, ya know, whatever they need me to do.” She
shrugged her shoulders.

“And this is what you want to do? This is your big career?
An assistant at the library?” I chuckled a little.

“I didn’t say it was a dynamic, mind blowing, career move. I
said I wanted to do something with my time. I love books, you know that. This
is something I can do that will make me happy.” She took my hand again. “I can
work there a few days a week, and still see you off to work every day, be home
for you in the evening, and be in your bed at night.”

“Well, I do like the sound of that.” I put my elbows on the
table and leaned my chin on my knuckles. “Will you get paid to do this kind of
work?”

“Yes. Not very much, but a little.”

“Well I’m not going to ask exactly how much, but is it
enough for you? I mean, is it what you want?”

“Liam, this isn’t about the money, you know that. I just
want to feel like I’m doing something. While I’m living this all expenses paid
life, I can save this money for the future.” I wasn’t sure what she meant by
that, but I intended to ask her.

“Well I have plenty of things you can do, and I pay very
well.” I laughed and smirked at her.

“Well sir, if you play your cards right, I’ll be able to work
at the library and still do my best work for you when I get home.” I leaned
closer to her and kissed her lightly on her lips.

My first day at the library was very
busy, but so rewarding. I was given a tour by Margaret Harris, my supervisor. I
filled out paperwork for about an hour and had to call Liam to answer questions
about 401ks and insurance. I was given a short orientation on how to use the
computer and handle questions at the front desk. Then I was paired with Tim,
who showed me how to re-shelve the books.

As I was rolling the cart around replacing the books on the
shelves I noticed a very long, winding staircase.

“What’s up there?” I asked Tim.