Consumed by Wrath: An FBI/Romance Thriller (An FBI/Romance Thriller ~ Book 8) (3 page)

As time passed, that seemed less and less likely.

At some point, they may have to mourn the strong, independent leader who once was their backbone, and come to the realization that it wasn’t going to be the same ever again.

This whole experience had been the biggest struggle the family had ever had to overcome. When Timothy Blackhawk, the family patriarch
, died, they stumbled. When Ethan came home battered, bruised and in pieces, they fell into a deep hole.

There was no doubt that this took them to their knees
, and as of yet, they still couldn’t find their bearings.

Callen was a relatively laid back kind of person. He truly believed that he was gentle and a mediator
to his soul. As of late, he had found himself worried about the outbursts that kept catching him off guard. The anger was the most frightening part of the entire ordeal.

Not his.

Not Elizabeth’s.

But
Ethan’s.

There would be these flashes of temper and the eruption. They were never directed at anyone, but when they happened, everything
and everyone froze. In the past, if any of the men lost their tempers or even snapped at Elizabeth, she would hand them their asses.

No, she would try to skin them alive
and get her giggle on.

But now, even she wasn’t herself.

Instead of controlling the situation, she was more meek and timid. Callen could see the fear in her eyes as one of the men she loved slipped from her grasp. The helplessness was eating her alive and killing her soul.

It was breaking his heart to watch her suffer, and yet
Callen couldn’t blame her for feeling those emotions. She was trying to hold her family together, and failing miserably.

Someone once said that love heal
ed all. Callen had faith that it would do just that, but in its own time. As of yet, it didn't seem to be ready.

If there was a lesson to be learned,
and he prayed it would happen sooner rather than later.

When they were home
from the office, there was a sense of peace. Ethan would be calmer and less agitated around the kids. Once in the workplace, that veneer would come up, and he would try to hide his distress.

They saw it.

Anyone who knew and loved him would.

It was almost as if he never wanted to face the world again as director of FBI West,
and that wasn’t a possibility.

It was getting so bad that even Gabriel Rothschild was trying to cut Ethan some slack. There had been a couple of cases that came up
, and he willingly offered them to Elizabeth and Ethan. The man must have sensed the fear in his director’s voice, because he promptly eased up and let Ethan make some excuses to get out of them.

Even Elizabeth didn't call him on it. It was surely a sign of impending doom
, or the apocalypse, when either of the two would take no for an answer. That was something Gabe certainly would never do. It showed how worried the man was about his friend. If there was one thing that their boss took serious, it was the belief that if you had a job to do, you sucked it up, put on your big boy briefs, and got it done.

If you were bleeding, get a Band-Aid.

If you lost a limb, get a prosthetic.

If y
our wife left you, then you got an attorney to handle it.

There was no room for excuses in their jobs
, only solutions.

That was u
ntil now…

Yeah, even Gabe was catering to Ethan. Callen couldn’t imagine that was going to last very long. The big boss only had so much patience when it came to certain things. This well of ambivalence was bound to dry up fast
, and then the shit was bound to hit the fan.

Everyone was off balance and scattered
, and as of now, Callen didn't know what to do for their loved one.

In fact, Callen didn't know what to do for
Elizabeth.

What was eating away at him
most was that he had to watch the woman he loved as she was destroyed by this. Deep down, she carried the guilt that she had allowed Ethan to be taken. After all, the nutjob called her out, and she didn't act as a shield to keep ‘her’ men safe.

In her mind, she had failed and this was her burden to carry. Quite a few times, Callen had found the
mother of their children locked away in a bathroom, closet, or car weeping. If Ethan believed that he was the only one being held prisoner by what happened, he was wrong.

Elizabeth was doing penance in hell.

Their wife was suffering immensely, and it was slowly killing her. Only, Callen didn't think Ethan saw it. Surely, if he did, then he would step up and try to save her.

Wouldn’t he?

When Callen would find Elizabeth falling apart, he did what any good partner or mate would do. He held her, let her get it all out, and just listened. Many times they would go for a walk, head to his cabin on the Rez, or just hide, trying to buy her some time to regain her bearings.

When he left his cabin behind, he had sworn that he wouldn’t ever return there, but now he was grateful that he
had kept it. The small homestead had become their place to vent frustrations or just mourn together.

All of this
was killing Callen that he couldn’t fix her too.

What he wanted more than anything in life was to save his woman from the pain that was swallowing her whole. The overwhelming sadness was
eating away at her little by little. Maybe Ethan didn't see it, but he certainly did.

When she would come home from work,
it was apparent that the desire to see her kids wasn’t the same as it had once been. Yeah, she was still a great mom, but there was no joy there. It was more like obligation to carry on. As she played with them, gave them baths, or read to her kids, she seemed empty. It was as if every ounce of will and energy had been devoted to saving Ethan Blackhawk. None was left for anything else that mattered, including herself.

This whole thing was still holding their hearts ransom, and Callen was desperate to figure out how to get them back. At this point, he would do anything. Part of him wanted to be supportive and caring while Ethan was wounded, but the rest of him wanted to drag him out back and kick the shit out of him to make him see what was happening.

GOD!

Had he been this needy at one time?

If he had, he owed everyone an apology for being the weakest of the unit. Now that he saw it clearly, there was no going back.

Then
, he pictured himself a battered mess, and knew that his brother had never once been hard or cruel. Eventually, Callen found his way back around, and maybe Ethan would too. That meant that he simply needed to hold them together and pray that with some divine intervention, a little love, and time, it would all work out.

He hoped he was right.

Everything was riding on this. Their entire family was on the line, as was the state of their relationship. At that point, no one knew if they would remain a couple or detonate apart.

Closing his eyes, he sent off a silent prayer
to someone who might be able to help. If Timothy was watching them, he really could use his help. Callen could only hope that the powers that be would hear him and offer them some mercy. Callen implored Fate to find some good in all of them and let them have a second chance in love and life.

Didn't they deserve it?

Callen’s biggest fear was on the horizon. Soon, he was going to have to go back out in the field and leave his family behind. He was the liaison to the Native community, and that meant that he needed to travel. For the time being, he managed to work from the office and on video conference calls, but that couldn’t happen forever.

Soon, he would need to move on with life, and he prayed Elizabeth and Ethan could handle it while he was gone.

Scratch that.

He hoped that Elizabeth could hold the family up in his absence. If not, they were all doomed.

When he opened his eyes, Callen slipped his reading glasses back on and stared down at the bills. With a sigh, he went back to work. Until Ethan was back on his game, he would just have to suck it up, carry the family, and do what needed to be done.

Even if it meant doing it on very little sleep
, or none at all.

                                *   *   *

It was as if she knew something was wrong.

Pulling from sleep, Elizabeth slowly listened to the sounds around her. There was the slow even breathing of Ethan and nothing more.
Over time, she had memorized it. Elizabeth couldn’t recall how many times, over the last four months, that she had spent time staring at the ceiling or a sleeping man.

Let’s just say that
shuteye wasn’t her friend anymore. In fact, it had become her worst enemy. At first, she would be pulled from sleep by Ethan’s shouts or cries, and when he had finally become less volatile while sleeping, it was her dreams that plagued her.

H
er nightmares had become the issue, and now Elizabeth was her own worst enemy.

In her dreams, she would see herself being too late to get to him. When they pulled him from the ground, there was a vastly different outcome, and it haunted her.
His lips would be blue, his eyes would be dead, and her existence would be irrevocably changed forever.

Never in her life had she been so haunted by dreams. Yeah, when she lost her partner in the FBI, she was chased by the nightmares and his dead eyes, but never like this. What Elizabeth was feeling was a whole new terror. It was holding her in its cold, icy claws and refused to relinquish its grasp.

It was slowly stealing her sanity and life.

God, what wouldn’t
she do to have peace and Ethan back?

Cautiously rolling to her side, she watched her husband in the light that cascaded from their bathroom. When they returned, Ethan couldn’t handle the dark, so they began catering to his needs. Now, it allowed her the opportunity to watch over him whenever she was wide awake.

Which was practically every night.

Staring at him, she desperately longed to fix him. There wasn’t anything that she wouldn’t give to have him back and repaired. Yes,
it was true that he was far better, but he wasn’t the same man. It was like he was a giant jigsaw puzzle and the only piece missing was the one that held his heart.

For some reason, she couldn’t find that last piece to make him whole.

It frightened her.

What if Ethan never came back to her as the man
who she fell in love with?

What if this was it?

What if he didn't love her anymore?

The tears filled her eyes
, and she valiantly fought to push them deep down. Where she would let Callen see her weep, she wouldn’t allow Ethan to suffer more.

Why add
additional stress to his already heavy load? After all, she was to blame for all this. This mess was her burden to carry.

It was the least
that she could do for him.

Gently,
she ran her fingertips across his tan cheek as if lovingly memorizing his features. In sleep, he was peaceful, and these were the times which she cherished. Now, he wasn’t hurting and that meant everything.

“I love you, Ethan. I wish I knew how to fix us,” she whispered, her voice choked with emotion.
“I miss you so much and wish my best friend was back.”

Her eyes flickered to his hair. When the killer lopped it off, she and Callen had done the same. If one of them was starting
anew, they both were. Now, his raven black mane was slowly beginning to grow in, and she was glad. Maybe when it grew back, he would return too. The thing that he once never loved was his focus point all the time. No matter how much she told him it was just hair, he didn't seem to hear her. It became such a wound to him that she was terrified to run her fingers through it, even when they made love.

And lately, that was even sparsely spread out.

Every night, Elizabeth made the same silly wish. It was that his hair would magically appear and heal him.

It was all
that she had to hold onto for now.

Watching him more, it killed her that he was all the way on his side of the bed. At one point, the threesome would end up twisted together, spent from a night of lovemaking. Now
, when there was sex, there was separate corners. Where Callen would stay against her body, Ethan would retreat.

It crushed her.

It destroyed her.

Then again, if he blamed her for all
of this, could she blame him? Her mistake nearly cost him his life. She was the one who should have seen it coming and protected her team, specifically her profiler. While he was lost in the madness and distracted, she should have been his eyes.