Conspiring (12 page)

“I will,” she cries.

Well, that’s a relief
. I deserve this. After all the hurt I’ve caused the both of them, I deserve to have my heart handed to me on a platter with a dagger through it. “All right, well get out of here. I’ll keep an eye out for Gabby and figure out what I’m going to do.” I pull her forehead to my lips. “I love you. It’s the only reason I’m going to do this.” I turn and run back to my car as fast as I can. I have to be away from her. I have to let go of all of
this
.

Epilogue

Ian

It hasn’t been long since I composed myself in my car when I see Gabby come running out and get into her car. I have no clue what Veronica did or said, but it clearly has hurt her. I am torn between my two loves. Part of me wishes I’d never suggested this. The other part of me just wants to save Gabby. To make up to her the hurt I’ve caused her in the past.

It only takes a second before she’s slamming the door in my face. Again, I don’t know what I expected. I could have never predicted my day would have ended up like this. I push my hand to stop the door. “Gabs. C’mon. I need to talk to you.”

She closes her eyes for a moment before she speaks. I can tell she’s on the verge of crying. I am not sure if it’s about me or him. She closes her eyes once more before she says, “I can’t…no, I don’t want hear what you have to say right now.”

I deserve that. “Gabs,” I plead.

“No. You are the absolute last person I want to see or talk to right now. Move your hand, or I’ll scream.”

Gabby’s always had a dramatic flair.
Good grief
. “It’s just me. I’m the same Ian. I would never do anything to physically hurt you. There’s no need to scream.” I furrow my brows. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

She narrows her eyes at me, pushing the door a little more. It’s like she’s testing to see if I am going to let her close it. “I’ve had a really bad day, and you just made it the day from hell. That’s what’s wrong,” she hisses at me. I laugh to myself at the irony of that statement. This has most definitely turned into my day from hell. I thought I was going to fix my life. Then she showed up and complicated everything. They complicated everything, she and Bradley. “Goodbye, Ian.”

“Wait, Gabs. Please. I am here to ask you to forgive me.” I hadn’t really planned what I would say. I am just going with the flow. That’s not really a lie. That’s the truth. I would love for her to forgive me. I have dealt with the guilt for long enough.

“Forgive you for what, Ian? For sleeping with my very best friend? For telling me that what we had was enough? For telling me that you loved me?” Oh she’s feisty. I’m not sure I’ve seen this side of her before. I like that she’s able to stand up for herself. I just hate that everything she’s saying is true about all the horrible things I did to her. It makes me cringe. “Forgive you for ruining my friendship with Lindsey? Or, for shoving your cuddly relationship down my throat my entire freakin’ senior year? The year that was supposed to be one of the happiest of my life, but instead was an absolutely blazing hell?”

My eyes widen, and I gulp as I quietly reply, “All of it, Gabs.”

“All of it?” she hisses.

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Look, can I please come in? I don’t particularly care to have this conversation outside in the cold.”

Gabby looks up and around, shaking her head. It’s obvious she’s grappling with the situation. She takes a deep breath. “Fine. Come in if you must.”

She extends her arm, opening the door the rest of the way for me to come into her apartment. She closes it and stands with her back to it. This is incredibly awkward.
How do I keep getting myself into these situations?

“So…” she says as she walks over to her refrigerator and grabs a bottle of Yellow Tail Shiraz. She turns and grabs a glass from the cabinet. Looking back to me, she holds up the bottle. “Can I get you a drink?”

I have never been more excited to see wine in all my life. I hope it will help me through this. I am trying to be so careful. I don’t want to hurt her again. “I’ll have whatever you’re having.” Since when did she start drinking? I really liked the good girl Gabby. But I’m thankful for the wine tonight. “I didn’t think you drank?”

She turns back to the cabinet to get what I assume is another glass. She shrugs her shoulders and nonchalantly murmurs, “Things change, Ian.”

Yeah, I’m very well aware of that. “Not all things, Gabs.”

She quickly snaps her head around. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You know.”

“Um. No, I don’t”

I put my hands in my pockets, my legs are slightly spread. I tilt my head to the side. She’s a smart girl, but if I must spell it out for her, I will. “Gabs, I still love you. I don’t think I ever stopped. I was a high school boy, and all my friends were having sex. What did you expect?”

She shakes her head, never looking at me, while pulling the cork from the bottle. “What did I expect?” After pouring the wine into the glasses, she starts walking towards me. “I expected my boyfriend to be loyal to me. Tell me Ian, was that asking too much?”

“I know, Gabs. I don’t mean to make excuses. I just was stupid. I didn’t know what I was doing.”

“So, what about Lindsey? Are you still with her?”

“No, why would I be here with you if I was still with her?” I’m beyond over Lindsey.

“Oh I dunno. Being with me in the same damn house didn’t stop you from being with her.”

I can’t decide if I like bold Gabby better or not. “You cuss now, too, huh?”

“I know you’re not seriously here to judge me?”

I narrow my eyes a little bit and smile my most charming smile while putting my hands up in a surrender gesture. I swiftly close the gap between us. I have got to lighten this mood. It’s choking me. “No. Just an observation, that’s all.”

She motions for me to sit on the sofa. Gabby gets this look on her face and starts rambling. “Shoot, I totally forgot I was supposed to call Sam. I thought you were her, actually.” She puts her glass of wine down and grabs her phone. “Do you mind if I call her real quick? It’s pretty important.”

After I sit down, I lean back putting my arm across the back of the couch almost reaching her shoulder. “No, take your time. I’ll wait.” Now it feels like old times. Maybe this won’t be so hard, after all. I sense her freeze. I try to act like I don’t know she’s done it.

“Great, I’m gonna go to my room for a minute. I’ll be right back.” She shrugs. “I guess make yourself at home.”

I watch her walk away into her bedroom and close the door. Of course she wants privacy. She thinks I have no clue, but I do have a pretty good idea. I’m almost positive that Veronica told Bradley that the baby,
my
baby, was his. I’m just not sure how much Gabby heard or knows. Clearly, she knows enough or she wouldn’t be here. She wouldn’t be upset.

I know this is why she needs to talk to Sam. Part of me wishes I knew exactly what had gone on inside, but the other part of me doesn’t. I don’t think I can take anymore drama or hurt today. I am getting a heaping dose of my own medicine. It hurts like hell. All I want to do is get drunk and forget this mess of a life I have created for myself.

I feel so alone. It’s not like I have anyone to talk to about it all. Hell would have to freeze over before I discussed any of this with my idiot roommates. I love them, but they have less maturity than I do. There’s no way they could handle this shit.

I have no clue how to tell my parents that I not only had unprotected sex with Veronica, got her pregnant, but also abandoned her. How I become an ass when I feel commitment suffocating me. How, in quite possibly the most ridiculous, impulsive move ever, I decided that I’d sabotage Gabby’s relationship to save both Gabby and Veronica from anymore heartache. It’s the most selfless thing I’ve ever done. I would have loved to have had Gabby back but not like this. Not now. But here I am.

She can’t end up with Bradley, I know that much. If Veronica thinks he can provide a good life for my child, which I know he can because of who his family is, then I guess I can make peace with that. I can’t blame Veronica for trying to make sure the kid has a decent father and upbringing. I just hate that Gabby got stuck in the middle of this atrocity.

I’ve pulled my phone out to check to see Veronica has texted me, not that she should. And of course, she hasn’t. I feel the hole that she left in my heart today rip a little more. Gabby opens the door and come’s back in. I’m thankful she’s polite. “Sorry to make you wait like that.”

“No, no problem. It’s not like I gave you any warning I’d be here or anything.”
Which would have been the polite thing to do rather than ambush you when I know you’re already down. Heartbroken
.

Thankfully, I kept a decent amount of space between us on the way home. I was able to see her pull over. So I pulled over, too, but farther back. I couldn’t see what she was doing, but my guess was that she was crying. I know her. Besides, she had already had to stop to cry when she got gas. I wanted to jump out of the car and kick the shit out of the insensitive punk that beeped his horn at her while she was crying at the pump.

Gabby chuckled. “No, that you didn’t.” She sits back down on the couch and takes a long swig of wine.

I turn sideways to face her. I know I said I didn’t want to know what happened earlier, but I do. I want her to tell me so I can comfort her. I can’t if I don’t know. She can’t know that I already know. So I have to ask. “So, you said you had a bad day. What happened?”

“Don’t wanna talk about it.” I watch her take another drink, and it’s just strange. I don’t know why it bothers me so much. “You better slow down, Gabs,” I playfully warn her trying to lighten the mood, trying to retrieve a glimpse of the old us.

She raises one eyebrow at me. “You don’t get to tell me what I better do or better not do.” She’s really cute like this. I feel bad for thinking that, but I make a mental note that when she raises that eyebrow she’s going to say something out of her newly found smart mouth.

I get up from the couch and head towards the kitchen counter. If she insists on drinking her worries away, fine with me. I honestly can’t blame her. I want to do the same thing. But I need a clear head so I don’t screw this up. “Fair enough.” I raise my eyebrow, mirroring her. “Would you like more, then?”

Gabby beams that beautiful smile that I’ve been longing to see since the moment she opened the door. “Now you’re talkin’.”

I walk back over and pour more wine in both of our glasses. “So, do you have a fake ID or something? How did you get this wine?”

“Well, last year Sam always had the fridge full. This year, my…” I watch as her bottom lip quivers, and I feel even more like a dick. I should have known that he would stock her fridge for her. He makes my blood boil.

Maybe now she’ll tell me, though. “What is it, Gabs? You can tell me.”

Gabby snickers, “No, I’m not discussing him with you.”

“Do you have a boyfriend?” Even though I’m pretty sure she had a boyfriend earlier today, I’m not sure she still does.
This is an honest question, right
?

“Did.”

“Well, I’d say I’m sorry, but I’m not.” I’m sorry she’s hurt, but I’m not sorry he’s no longer her boyfriend. He’s the last person she needs to be with. His father has the worst reputation in Atlanta, the typical congressman with all the affairs. Bradley has done a nice job of following suit. I’m still trying to wrap my head around what it is that he wants with a girl so pure and innocent like Gabby. She’s too good for him. “I was hoping that you didn’t. You know, more of a chance for me.” If I can’t have Veronica and I’m going to ensure this promise to her, to our baby, then I need to make this work with Gabby.

She narrows her eyes and huffs, “You’re an ass, Ian.”

Half laughing, I reply, “Is that supposed to be a compliment?”

“NO!” She swats me and nudges me at the same time. We both pause. This is old Gabby playfulness. She can say what she wants. Act like she doesn’t feel it. But we both feel the chemistry that’s still here. Her hesitation speaks volumes. In the past, this is how our flirty banter started. I loved being playful with her.