Confidential (33 page)

His eyes were captivating, like Camdon's, but different. Camdon's were inquisitive, and searching, full of kindness. I never understood how his eyes could hold so much emotion to me. Tom's were different. They were pretty, but suspicious, and you could tell by his body position he was a little aggravated.

"Look, I'm sorry I ran into you, but I really have to go," He stood up to walk away but I sprang up and grabbed his arm.

I honestly don't know what had come over me, but my whole body was fired at up as I stared at the man in front of me. "Do you have any idea who I am?" I asked him, in a very demanding tone.

"What?" He stared at me. "No... Why, should I?"

"Yes." I said, my voice filled with malice. "You should know exactly who I am." I wasn't exactly sure where I was going with this, but I couldn't let this man walk away. I was furious, this man tortured the love of my life, left Jill empty with a son to raise. "But you don't, because you're a selfish prick who doesn't know the first thing about anything."

"I think you have me confused with someone else."

"No I don't, you're the bastard that walked out on his kid, and left Jill to raise him all on her own." My words were like ice through his veins. At the mention of Jill his body went completely rigid and he clenched his jaw, as if waiting would make this moment go away.

"What?" He hissed. "Who are you?"

"You have the same colored eyes as him you know. Your son." I folded my arms across my chest, shaking my head. "I knew you looked familiar."

"You're crazy." His voice was not convincing, and he started to walk away. "I've never met you before."

"So you didn't grow up in Franklin, Iowa? You didn't bolt out on your girlfriend, leaving her there to give up all of her dreams, just so you could chase your own? Did you ever think of calling? Huh?" I practically yelled. A part of me realized that if I was wrong, I would be locked away in a psych ward because of my crazy behavior, but I knew the color of Camdon's eyes better than I knew my own. I had been dreaming of them every night since I left.

Tom angrily stalked towards me and started yelling in my face, "You don't have any idea what you're talking about. You don't know anything about why I did what I did."

"I don't need to know. In fact, I don't want too. Because there is no justifiable reason to leave
a
child without a father."

"I was seventeen! How was I supposed to be a father to him?" His face was heated and flushed, and I stared at him in disbelief.

"He would have loved you either way, you idiot."

His face contorted into several different emotions I couldn't read before his shoulders slumped. "It was a boy?" His voice cracked.

I stayed silent, before my anger slightly subsided and reality started to sink in. Maybe this was a mistake. Maybe Jill wanted to keep him in the dark after he left. I didn't know too much about the history there.

"What's his name?" He asked again, pitifully.

I still didn't respond, I was suddenly very aware that this was an extremely personal situation between people. Camdon would kill me if he saw me doing this. I stared at the man and assessed him one more time. I always thought it was the color of Camdon's eyes that had me so transfixed, but maybe it was just Camdon himself. As I stared into Tom's eyes, I admired them, sure, their color was so different, but it wasn't nearly as captivating as I found Camdon's. He was tan, and healthy. He obviously had a nice life here, living out and acting so youthful. Jill's life in comparison was so different. She acted middle-aged, never had
a
chance to have these experiences. This was a mistake. I didn't want him trying to contact them; that would only disrupt the serenity their little family unit now had.

"I'm sorry to bother you-" I got out slowly, walking backwards, back to the Condo, "You're right, I don't know anything about this, it isn't my business." I turned and began hurrying down the boardwalk.

"Wait! Don't leave!" He came after me and I started to run back to the condo, not wanting to deal with this any longer. Tom followed me all the way back to the condo, and I refused to answer any of his questions. I got to the front door and hesitated, deciding to pass it, not wanting him to know where I live, but it was too late, he had caught on. "This is where you're staying?" He gestured towards my door.

"No." I said curtly. I knew he was harmless, I didn't feel threatened by him at all, but that didn't mean I wanted him to know where I lived.

"Please." He begged, for the hundredth time. "I just want to find out about my son, and about Jill."

"No!" I shouted at him, "You screwed up! You left! You chose not to find out about him. I'm sorry I did this to you, you just surprised me." I looked at him guiltily, "I should have controlled my temper better. It wasn't my place…"

He gave me the stare of a man filled with pain; torturous, horrible pain. After several moments of silence, he finally turned and left, walking back towards the beach, his head down, as if in mourning.

Chapter 18

I went back into the condo and restlessly moved around, until I broke and called Anna.

"Heidi! How's San Diego? I miss you already." Anna's sweet voice was at one end, and I heard a distinct male murmur on the other line.

"Is that dear Patrick?" I asked teasingly, my moment of distress slightly forgotten, "Damn Anna! Get it girl!" I laughed at the thought of her hushing the man beside her.

I could practically see her blush; there was a rustling movement, then I could no longer hear the detectives voice. "Don't be silly," She said to me, "What's up?"

"I did something bad," I blurted out, nervously picking at my nail polish. Guilt over confronting Camdon's father beginning to eat at me.

Anna was silent for several moments "Like…"

"Like, found Camdon's dad in San Diego on accident and bitched him out on the beach."

"Heidi you didn't!" She gasped.

"I know! I was caught off guard! You know how Camdon looks like Jill? Yeah well, I kind of changed my mind. He looks like him. He's like, exact same height, build, eyes… and his name! I remember you telling me his name, that one time, when those people in your office were gossiping."

"You shouldn't have done that!" She sighed, "His dad? Really? How does that even happen?"

"I know! I feel like the universe just shrunk a little bit." I banged my head lightly on the wall in front of me repeatedly, as if it would make the whole situation go away. "That's not even the worse part," I groaned, "I realized what I was getting into a little too late, and stopped talking, but now he's obsessed. He wants to know all about Camdon, but I don't know if Jill or Camdon wants him to know…" I looked up to the ceiling, "Ughh, Anna, what do I do?"

"You can't deny that man information about his family... He obviously cares now, and regrets his decision. He has to be miserable, imagine how shocked he was. Its up to Camdon if he wants to forgive him, but his father has
a
right to know." Anna sighed, "He has a son, he should at least have a chance to know who he his."

"Does it have to come from me?" I asked meekly.

"You're the one that started this, you have to finish it." Anna always knew what to say. Even if I didn't want to hear it, I knew she had
a
point. No one should be able to deny someone access to their child, if they wanted it.

I sighed, knowing Anna was right, and for the next two hours I waited anxiously, because I knew there was no way he would be able to stay away. I eventually heard a knock on the door. I got up and yanked it open.

"Before you say anything, can I just say, I will do anything, and I mean anything, if you just tell me about my son." Tom stood before me, his eyes red and face drawn; he looked like the last couple hours were complete hell.

"You look like shit." I told him.

"I feel like shit." He responded.

"Good." I opened the door a little bit wider and let him in. "The only reason I am doing this is because I fucked up, and started all of this."

He didn't say anything, I assume because he didn't want to push his luck. "I'm not going to tell you anything super personal." I told him.

He gave me a torturous look, "Anything you tell me about him will be personal. He's my son. And I don't know anything about him." He paused, "I literally think about them ever day. I
ache
to know what they are like now, to know what it would be like to have a family, I wish I would have brought them out here with me."

Curiosity started to stir in me, and I was interested as to why someone who claimed to have wanted to know his kid so badly, never tried to get a hold of him before. "I'll answer one of your questions, if you answer a question of mine."

"Okay." The look of happiness that washed over his face was clear. His whole body lit up, and when he smiled, my heart hurt a little, it reminded me so much of Camdon. "Can I go first?" He asked, after my confirmation, he spoke, "What's his name?"

"Camdon. Camdon Holland."

"Camdon," He smiled, "Good name, I bet he's a looker huh?"

I just raised my eyebrows at him, "He looks
a
lot like Jill, but he has your eyes."

"Jill, she still as beautiful and brainy as ever?" Tom chuckled to himself, a far away look in his eyes, lost in his own memories.

"Course. She knows everything. Anyway: my turn. What do you do now?"

"Do? Like, as in work?" I nodded, "I'm a lawyer for a company based out of San Diego. That's why I live here."

"You went to law school?" I frowned.

"I played football at UCSB, got my undergrad there, and went to UCLA for law school. I've been working ever since." He hesitantly sat down on a chair. "Who are you? Are you from Franklin?"

I slumped into a chair myself. "It's a horribly long story. But I'm not from Franklin. I lived there for a little while. Camdon and I sort of… dated. I guess." He raised his eyebrows at me and I shrugged. "I really love him, a lot." I blushed, "It's hard to explain, he feels like I lied to him, so he's not talking to me right now. And, after all this, he'll probably never talk to me again."

"Why?"

"Because he hates your guts." I told him bluntly, and the man visibly flinched. "You walked out on him. You didn't want him. You never bothered to contact them, at all. And in Camdon's eyes, you ruined Jill's life. You know how smart she is, who knows what she can accomplish in life."

Tom put his head in his hands and shook his head, "I regret that everyday." He started shaking and I realized he was crying. I was a little freaked, because he was still a grown guy and everything, so I just watched him. "Jill was so great, she was the whole reason I could even get into UCSB, they weren't going to let me in because of my test scores." He stared at the ground for a couple moments, swallowing back tears and I'm sure a lifetime of guilt, before wiping his face. "I did ruin her life."