Confessions of a Heartbreaker (11 page)

Chapter Nine

We sit huddled together on the cold hard packed sand staring out over the dark choppy water as it pummels the shoreline.  Not that we can see much, because already night has started to fall.  It's late October and the air is frigid but still, I didn't know where else to take her. I'll be honest, I've never been in a situation like this before. It's a little unnerving. Kind of like walking on thin ice. It could break at any given moment and I could end up drowning. Okay, so maybe I'm being a little melodramatic here. My eyes slide to her. But then again, maybe not. Jordan seems oddly...
fragile
. And I can't say I like it one damn bit.  Like I said before... this whole thing is just plain unnerving.

We've been here for a while now. Just sitting and staring silently out over the water as it pitches and rolls before washing up onto the shoreline. Silently I watch her out of the corner of my eye. I wish there were something I could say.  Or do.

Something that would erase the broken look from her big green eyes because that expression tugs at a place deep inside me I'm not totally comfortable with.  Hell, up until this point, I didn't know that place even existed.  If I could crack a joke and make everything better, I would but I know that's not going to happen. There's absolutely nothing I can say to lighten the heavy mood after what I just witnessed. So, I don't even try.  And somehow, that feels like the right thing to do.

Ms. Fisk is with Jordan's mother right now, taking care of her. Without a word spoken between us, I swept up the glass while Jordan helped her mother upstairs. There are obviously some issues (clearly a major understatement if ever there was one) but I don't know what they are and Jordan has remained rather close mouthed about the whole situation.

My arm is slung across her shoulders and she’s nestled close to my body. Every once in a while I feel the heat of her eyes on me, almost as if she's quietly assessing me. I can only imagine what she sees when she looks at me.
Really looks at me
. Because when her gaze is on me, that's exactly how it feels. Somehow Jordan seems able to cut through all my superfluous bullshit and see the guy I really am. I'm not so sure that's a good thing.

As much as it pains me to say this- I actually care about what she thinks of me. Yep, hell has officially froze over.

"You haven't asked me any questions yet."   Turning away, her eyes once again focus on Lake Michigan as if it's the most interesting thing she's ever seen. Trust me, it's not. Especially at this time of the year. And it's freaking cold out here.  I'm just hoping the weather holds and doesn't dump icy cold wetness down on us.

"Nope."  And I wasn't going to either.  For some reason I want this girl to trust me.  I want her to see more than what everyone else sees.

She twists in my arms and eyes me again for a long speculative moment. Have I mentioned just how uncomfortable the intensity of her gaze makes me? It's like she has ex-ray vision or very possibly a Parker Montgomery BS detector. Which could be incredibly dangerous if it were to ever end up in the wrong hands.

"You're not curious at all, huh?" She says the words as if they're a challenge and I realize that she's testing me.

"Oh, I'm curious as hell but I'm still not going to ask you about it."

One corner of her mouth tugs up fractionally. "I think I was right about you, Parker Montgomery. I think we're going to end up being good friends."

Sighing she leans her head against my chest and I close my eyes because it feels so damn good to have her there. I'm sure you're expecting me to make some kind of schwinging boner comment but I'm not going to. I don't even want to.

Can you believe that?

Yeah, I know.  Me neither.

I don't know what this girl has done to me, but it's obviously monumental if I can't even crack a good hard-on joke. I’m sure when I think about all this later on, it'll probably end up freaking the living crap out of me.  But for now, I'm content to sit here in the damp coldness with her huddled up against me.  I think I could sit here forever with her in my arms.

"Yep," I finally mutter, "
best friends
. We can braid each other's hair and have pillow fights and eat big bowls of chocolate Haagen Dazs as we bitch and moan about our boyfriends.  And I'll ask you questions like- 'do these jeans make my ass look big?'. Yep, friends.
Besties
. Sounds super-duper-fantastic. Can't wait."

She chuckles. It's low and gravelly and plucks at some chord buried deep inside me. I squeeze her to me even as I realize that at some point, I'm going to have to let her go. Because the truth of the matter is that she doesn't really belong to me.  She's with some other dude.  And normally, I'd be just fine with that.  Hell, I've never wanted a permanent situation before.  Not even a semi-permanent one.  But she makes me feel things I've never felt before.  Honestly, I’m not quite sure what to think about that.

All I know is that she feels amazing all pressed up against me like she is.  Damn but she's tiny.  I just want to swing her up into my arms and cuddle her close to my incredibly manly chest.  Well... I actually want to do a whole lot more than that.

And, yes, I have an incredibly manly chest.... And huge bulging pipes as well.

"Well, now that you've mentioned it, there is something I've been meaning to tell you- don't take this the wrong way but... your ass looks totally huge in those jeans. And you really need to stop stuffing you're face with all that chocolate ice cream. Just dump your jerk of a boyfriend. He never really deserved you anyway."

I snort, because
one
- my ass is not huge. It's totally freaking amazing. And
two
... my ass is not huge! I can't help but pipe up, "My ass is not huge! You've obviously never taken a really good look at it before. Should I stand up and you can check it out?"  I make like I'm going to get up.

She tugs on my arm as she giggles. Just a bit. Just a tiny bit. I've never actually heard Jordan giggle before.  It makes her sound young and carefree.  Not exactly the persona she usually portrays. It makes me wonder why she doesn't sound like that more often. There's something about this girl that just gets to me. I don't know what it is but the more I'm around her, the more I want to be around her.  And I want to make her laugh again. I think I really am in deep shit with this chick. It's totally unchartered territory for me.  What I should be doing is planning my escape strategy... but I'm not.  Escaping is the last thing on my mind.

"No, please, I really don't want to look your ass."

"Are you sure- because it's the most amazing ass you'll ever see. Trust me on this."

A small smile lights up her face.  "Oh, I do. Hands down, you've got the best ass ever."

I can't help but mutter, "My ass is so
not
huge."

This only makes her laugh harder. "Can we please stop talking about your ass?"

I arch a brow. "Well, you're the one who brought it up."

Closing her eyes, she shakes her head.  "Yes, and clearly I'm sorry that I did."

Speaking of asses... "So, what does Hartley think about all this?"

She stills in my arms.  All the laughter from moments ago drying up.  Instantly I regret mentioning the guy.  "He has no idea."

Well alright then. That actually makes me feel a little bit better about this whole situation. Honestly I've never given a crap about Chris Hartley before. Now he feels like stiff competition. But don't worry, I'm stiffer (see, I snuck a boner joke in there anyway). And I've never considered anyone competition before. I'm not trying to be a conceited jerk, I'm just saying...

I can't help but wonder how serious things can be between them if she hasn't shared this part of her life with him. "So what's up with you two?" Because, I'll be honest, it bothers me that they're even together. She really needs to cut that guy loose.

Jordan shrugs her slender shoulders. "We've been seeing each other for about a month or so.  It's nothing serious.  Not yet anyway."

Not ever, if I have my way.  "But you haven't told him about your family?"  Yep, I am totally digging here. 

She turns those big green-gold eyes on me again. "No, I really don't like to talk about my family." Not saying anything more, she sets her chin on her knees which are now tucked up against her body. It makes her look even smaller than she actually is.  And it kind of makes me want to protect her.  Against everything and everyone.

"You don't talk much...
at all
."

She sighs, "Yeah." Her eyes slide back to mine.

"See? There you go again, running off at the mouth. Half the time I can't even get a word in edge wise. It's
so
annoying."

One side of her mouth quirks up and I would be lying if I didn't say how much I want to close the distance separating us and kiss her.  But I won't.  She's like a skittish deer and I'm doing my best not to spook her.

She continues to eye me in that quiet way of hers. The one that tells me she's sifting through her thoughts.  "My mom has depression."

It's on the tip of my tongue to tell her sorry but I bite it back because it feels like nothing more than a knee jerk reaction, an empty platitude.  Instead I squeeze her to me, continuing to hold her close.  Wanting to somehow offer comfort.  I don't think I need to tell you that I usually use a different method when comforting the opposite sex...

"When she has an...
episode
, she usually ends up drinking.  A lot."  She suddenly scrubs a hand down her face.  "Too much.  I think it dulls the pain or something."

What I can't understand is why she's dealing with all this on her own. "Where's your dad?" Because Jordan called Ms. Fisk right away to come over. As far as I know, she didn't even tell her dad what was going on which I guess seems kind of weird now that I think about it.

She's quiet for a long moment before saying softly, "He's not home much anymore."

My brows draw together. "He travels a lot?"

She laughs mirthlessly. "Yeah. Pretty much all the time."

"Does he even know what's going on?"

Because I can't imagine any parent leaving their seventeen year old kid alone to deal with a depressed parent.  And from what I saw, Jordan's mom needs a lot of help. More than what Jordan's capable of giving her. More than what any seventeen year old is capable of giving.

She continues looking out over the water. "That's why he stays away. He doesn't want to deal with it anymore."

My mind swirls with everything she's telling me. I wish there was something I could do to fix this for her. But I can't. And it makes me feel strangely useless. Up until this point, I've never really given a crap about anyone else's problems but my own. This is exactly what I meant when I said unchartered territory. I don't think I'm even on the grid anymore. That's how far gone I am.

"That's why we moved here." Pulling away from me she picks up a small stone before hurtling it with all her might into the rolling waves. It sinks with a plop. "So my aunt could help us."

I want to pull her back into my arms where she belongs but I can feel the heaviness of her words settling between us.  Almost as if they’re pulling her away from me.  Not just physically but emotionally as well.

"He's a selfish prick who doesn't think about anyone but himself."

That has to seriously be one of the biggest under statements I've ever heard in my life. Her dad makes my dad look like an amateur asshole.  Which I honestly didn't think was possible.  But clearly it is.

I blow out a long slow breath. "Well, Ms. Fi- ah, your aunt, seemed like she had everything under control when we left."

"I don't know what I would do without Aunt Sara."

Sara. Normal enough sounding first name. I had always imagined something more along the lines of Medusa or maybe something evil or sinister. Like Cruella or Maleficent. Yet the woman who'd barreled through Jordan's front door had seemed oddly caring. Nurturing even. And definitely in control.  Contrary to what I'd always believed, she did
not
look like she was about to eat her young.

I'm not going to lie, I was pretty damn happy to see her too. Which trust me, is a first. Because I have never been happy to see that old bat.  Like ever.  I may have to actually stop mentally referring to her as such in my head. But I don't want to make any hasty decisions right now, so I'll just continue to mull that one over for the time being.  This girl is completely turning my world upside down and inside out.

"I know you're not happy about moving here, but at least you're not alone anymore.  That has to be worth something, right?"

And I don't just mean Ms. Fisk either. Jordan may not realize it yet but she has me too.  I take a deep breath as that thought settles within me.  Yeah, she has me too.

For a long moment, she’s silent.  It’s as if she’s mulling over my words before saying quietly, "I think I should probably head home now."

"Are you sure?"  Because honestly, I just want to keep her here with me. Even if I am freezing my ass off. I've never felt this way before. Not the ass freezing part, the other. Usually there's only so much time I want to spend with a chick. After a while, I start feeling claustrophobic- like I'd rather chew my own arm off to get away rather than hang around with them any longer.  I can't ever imagine feeling that way about Jordan. In fact, I feel the complete opposite when I'm around her.  Like I just can't get enough of her.  And we're not even fooling around... we're like,
talking
.